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What Happens to Your Life When You Stop Blocking Pain

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“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” Thank you, Mr. Stephen King. We know that. We all have to struggle with those monsters from time to time. Doing that, I got one and the same piece of advice from my family and friends: forget and let it go.

What? To forget those black holes of pain and despair swallowing the palladium of happiness and destroying the last vestiges of joy in my life? To forget those black holes growing bigger regardless of my painful attempts to let them go?

They must be joking. When it seemed a no-win situation, people sincerely tried to help me. “Everything is gonna be okay,” they said. “Take a break and have some rest,” they said. And I did what they said. More than that, it worked! For a day or week.

I tried to avoid being alone, I met with friends, I worked far into the night, I read, I listened to music, I wrote articles on generating ideas to boost motivation and productivity. And I didn’t allow myself to think about my inner pain and despair.

But sooner or later the moment came when even happy-ending movies could make me cry and lie on the path to destruction again. This teeterboard had been taking place for years until I decided to sink to the bottom of that darkness and emptiness.

The problem is, we aren’t able to suffer today

In our fast-moving world, we have no time and skills to do that. The traditions of fighting depression come down to one simple phrase: “You need to move on.”

We can’t experience grief and feel sad. Breaking up with loved ones, facing death, or losing a job, we all do the same: we move on and keep on living, ignoring the damage all those losses cause to our minds. We block the problem. Instead, we would rather stop and get rid of the pain source. Instead, we would rather get into a shell and live the pain slowly.

The first time I met this problem was when I had lost my best friend. I remember everyone trying to support me: they went to college with me, they took me to cafes, and they discussed numerous topics with me. Except for the most painful one.

And when I voiced her name (she was the only topic I wanted to discuss), everyone suddenly froze in awkward silence. They didn’t know how to comfort a friend in crisis. In order not to mar conversations and discomfort others, I had to switch topics.

That was the lesson learned. It’s embarrassing and awkward to discuss your problems, and it’s improper to suffer and feel pain. Moreover, it’s dreadful. Pain always equaled something negative, frightful, and all-absorbing. If there were mechanisms that allowed avoiding pain, I grasped for any change to use them. And that was my biggest mistake.

“It’s okay if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.” – Colette Werden

Pain and fear don’t disappear

The more we try to ignore and forget them, the stronger they become and come back again. More than that, they make us emotional cripples. Not allowing ourselves to feel inner pain, we let it stay inside and settle down there forever. Then, it becomes the source of different insecurities, neurotic disorders, and phobic reactions determining our deeds and behavior in future.

That pain and fear will overstrain our nerves and plague others’ life out. Come face to face with your pain. Blocking it will not let you know the enemy by sight. There is a psychotherapeutic methodology called a method of paradoxical intention when clients are asked to meet their fears. Once they stopped struggling with the problem and allowed it to EXIST, the symptoms weakened.

Live your pain.It’s significant for pain to materialize, scar, and, eventually, leave us wiser. Facing pain and fears, we get the chance to bear real us, allowing ourselves to be weaker than public attitudes define.

Once we face pain and fears, they will fall from power

Accept it. Accepting your fears, you’ll be able to manage them. You’ll leave them no ways to win, making them your weapon. Just admit that it’s painful, frightful, and bitter.

Admit there was a reason for your pain. As a rule, we feel this reason deep inside our gut. If you don’t, keep on looking everywhere until you have a hunch somewhere in a traffic jam, a shower, or wherever. And then it’s time to come out of your shell.

Name the reason aloud or write it down. Ask yourself why it’s so hard to think and talk about it. Examine its every split and corner. And give it a chance to feel ill a bit. It’s like a vaccine: you’ll be hardened to a virus only after you get a dose of it.

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” – John Lennon

Make it a friend

Your inner pain is not your enemy but old friend signaling about the danger. You can’t make all your problems disappear forever. Still, coming to terms with them and accepting your inner monsters, you get powers to control them and beat the stuffing out of them.

You know who you are. You know your chink in the armor. You know you can love and fight despite all defeats. And this knowledge makes you wiser.

Accept your pain as if it’s your old friend who comes to warn you about dangers. Feel it, diving into its deepest bottoms to push off, discover yourself, and continue swimming at your ease.

How have you used pain to excel to a better life? Please leave your thoughts below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Lesley Vos is a private educator for college students. She writes a lot, mentoring Hugh Beaulac and blogging for many publications on education, career, success, motivation, and self-development. Don't hesitate to say hi and check more works of hers on Twitter.

Life

4 Lies You Keep Telling Yourself When You’re Afraid to Do Something

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When’s the last time you let fear get the better of you? Whether we want to admit it or not, fear keeps us from doing a lot of the things we know we really should do to achieve our goals. Fear is especially detrimental to entrepreneurs (read ‘wantrepreneurs’) that want to launch their first big project. (more…)

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Tips, Tools, and Techniques to Create Your Curiosity

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Curiosity is a great characteristic that people rarely sustain in their lifetimes. Some people struggle to sustain curiosity because of their internal and external challenges. They cannot encourage curiosity to come to the fore as they condition their mindsets with their learning, experience, and environment. However, there are very few individuals who sustain their curiosity levels throughout their lives to excel as extraordinary achievers.  (more…)

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Life

5 Life Tips You Didn’t Know You Needed to Hear

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Life is a battleground, we need to keep fighting until our appointed time on earth comes. So, in this post, you will see the best of the best life tips you have never heard before. These tips are life-changing and can change you immediately. Let’s go!

1. Be independent 

Hundreds of millions of people make this mistake. We depend on people like us. “he will get it done for me, she will get it done for me”. You rely heavily on people and guess what, you are making a big mistake. 

There are a lot of people that have helped others and perhaps time changes for them, they become poor and rely on the people they have helped, guess what comes out at the end of this reliance? Disappointment, promises backed by failures, etc. 

Who are you depending on? Who is that person you can’t do without when getting things in your life done? If there is anyone, you are making a big mistake. And starting today, all you have to do is add a prefix – what if!

What if my friend stops helping me, what if I get disappointed by people I trust with my life, what if they neglect me and turn me down”.

A man or woman that depends on people like him is equal to a feeble pillar holding the four corners of a house. What happens when the feeble pillar falls? The man’s house falls down super-flat. Your trust should only be in Jesus. Man can fail us at any time but God is always faithful till his Kingdom comes. 

2. Love your neighbor as yourself 

The gravity of this word is enough to shatter the whole earth into pieces. 

Only if the whole world just kept this simple commandment Christ Jesus gave then, there will be no murders, poverty, greediness, anger, envy, betrayal, disappointment, etc. 

Why are there such things in the world? Because we hate ourselves. As long as you are fine all is well. You care about yourself only, selfish, you have and yet you cannot give. 

Those are the characteristics of over 90% of the 7.6 billion humans on earth. Why can’t you do to others what you would have them do to you? Why can’t you help that suffering neighbor who needs food? Then, a lot of people will say 

“Go away from here beggar, what did you do with your youth, I can’t give you a dime, beggar”. Why are we so cruel? This is the best tip you must dear to your heart. 

No matter what you have, no matter how little or in whatever way you can help. Help people, show them love, love them as you love yourself. Don’t forget this, today’s beggar, uneducated, debtor, poor person, etc can later become the greatest person in the world tomorrow. 

“Don’t settle for what life gives you; make life better and build something.” — Ashton Kutcher

3. Have a growth mindset

A growth mindset is what makes one successful and go far in life. However, a fixed and stagnated mindset throws one into jeopardy of life.

A lot of people have a fixed mindset, what they believe is what they believe, nothing you say on earth can change their mindset, they are the most educated in the world so they don’t need to learn any further. Did you have a fixed or growth mindset?

A growth mindset leads to success, achievements, happiness, learning more, and becoming better. On the other hand, a fixed mindset leads to complacency, pride, lack of achievement, ignorance, the stagnancy of the mind, etc. 

Let’s see an example of someone with a fixed mindset:

Cait tells Alice: Alice stop being so proud it’s annoying. 

And Alice responds:

“How dare you say I am proud, I am not. I am the most humble woman on earth”. In the example, Alice with a fixed mindset has a fixed mindset. However, what she does not know is that she is in the darkness of her ignorance. She is ignorant of the fact that she is a proud person thus, she can’t see it. 

People with a fixed mindset are ignorant. You must never have a fixed mindset. Always be willing to learn and to grow with humility. Pride can take you nowhere. 

4. Forgive everyone and give as many second chances as you can  

A lot of people have done all they could to be happy and have peace. But, they find out that happiness is not just there and that peace of mind is absent. 

Why is that? It is because you have a lot of grudge against people that have offended you. Yes, we know, it pained you to your heart, and what next? Keep malice? But, do you know what that unforgiveness does to you?

I call it the seed of unforgiveness because it plants a seed in your heart and this seed further grows to become hatred, depression, lack of freedom, zero peace, etc. 

If in only one person’s heart are all these things, then a person like that can never know peace and happiness. For example, if you were to go to a party with your friends and you hear that perhaps the other friend that you keep malice with is coming to the same party. 

Naturally, the only thing you would think of is not going to the party anymore because you want to avoid the person at all costs. And what does that add to you? It doesn’t add instead, it subtracts from your life because you could have gone to the party, had fun, and even have new friends or even new opportunities.

If not for anything will you forgive people, forgive them for the sake of God, for the sake of Christ Jesus. Because if you cannot forget the trespass of people, don’t expect God to forgive you. Forgive everyone, give them as many second chances as possible. 

Mind you, they can still mess up and make terrible mistakes all you have to do is keep forgiving them. This may not be so easy to the flesh. However, it is only The Spirit of God that can make you forgive the trespass of people. Without The Holy Spirit, it is impossible to do so. 

5. Love God

Do you love God? Are you a child of God? Do you believe in Christ Jesus? Even if the rest of the tips on these lists do not resonate with you, I want you to hold this very important to your heart which is to Love God with all your heart, soul, and strength.

And you can do that only by being a child of God. This life is too short. It is like a vapor, it is nothing. Life is more like an empty barrel that makes noise. You will grow old, your strength will leave you and you will die but, what happens after that? Where are you going to spend the rest of your eternity? 

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Life

Explore Stoicism to Lead Your Life With Purpose and Meaning

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With the advent of technology and the Fourth Industrial Revolution (FIR), there is increased volatility, uncertainty, complexity, and ambiguity globally. People find it challenging to predict where the technology will take them to the next level. They are excited with the innumerable advantages arising from automation and artificial intelligence but they are equally concerned about the threats arising out of them. Precisely, humans are caught between peace and prosperity. (more…)

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