Connect with us


What Happens to Your Life When You Stop Blocking Pain




“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” Thank you, Mr. Stephen King. We know that. We all have to struggle with those monsters from time to time. Doing that, I got one and the same piece of advice from my family and friends: forget and let it go.

What? To forget those black holes of pain and despair swallowing the palladium of happiness and destroying the last vestiges of joy in my life? To forget those black holes growing bigger regardless of my painful attempts to let them go?

They must be joking. When it seemed a no-win situation, people sincerely tried to help me. “Everything is gonna be okay,” they said. “Take a break and have some rest,” they said. And I did what they said. More than that, it worked! For a day or week.

I tried to avoid being alone, I met with friends, I worked far into the night, I read, I listened to music, I wrote articles on generating ideas to boost motivation and productivity. And I didn’t allow myself to think about my inner pain and despair.

But sooner or later the moment came when even happy-ending movies could make me cry and lie on the path to destruction again. This teeterboard had been taking place for years until I decided to sink to the bottom of that darkness and emptiness.

The problem is, we aren’t able to suffer today

In our fast-moving world, we have no time and skills to do that. The traditions of fighting depression come down to one simple phrase: “You need to move on.”

We can’t experience grief and feel sad. Breaking up with loved ones, facing death, or losing a job, we all do the same: we move on and keep on living, ignoring the damage all those losses cause to our minds. We block the problem. Instead, we would rather stop and get rid of the pain source. Instead, we would rather get into a shell and live the pain slowly.

The first time I met this problem was when I had lost my best friend. I remember everyone trying to support me: they went to college with me, they took me to cafes, and they discussed numerous topics with me. Except for the most painful one.

And when I voiced her name (she was the only topic I wanted to discuss), everyone suddenly froze in awkward silence. They didn’t know how to comfort a friend in crisis. In order not to mar conversations and discomfort others, I had to switch topics.

That was the lesson learned. It’s embarrassing and awkward to discuss your problems, and it’s improper to suffer and feel pain. Moreover, it’s dreadful. Pain always equaled something negative, frightful, and all-absorbing. If there were mechanisms that allowed avoiding pain, I grasped for any change to use them. And that was my biggest mistake.

“It’s okay if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.” – Colette Werden

Pain and fear don’t disappear

The more we try to ignore and forget them, the stronger they become and come back again. More than that, they make us emotional cripples. Not allowing ourselves to feel inner pain, we let it stay inside and settle down there forever. Then, it becomes the source of different insecurities, neurotic disorders, and phobic reactions determining our deeds and behavior in future.

That pain and fear will overstrain our nerves and plague others’ life out. Come face to face with your pain. Blocking it will not let you know the enemy by sight. There is a psychotherapeutic methodology called a method of paradoxical intention when clients are asked to meet their fears. Once they stopped struggling with the problem and allowed it to EXIST, the symptoms weakened.

Live your pain.It’s significant for pain to materialize, scar, and, eventually, leave us wiser. Facing pain and fears, we get the chance to bear real us, allowing ourselves to be weaker than public attitudes define.

Once we face pain and fears, they will fall from power

Accept it. Accepting your fears, you’ll be able to manage them. You’ll leave them no ways to win, making them your weapon. Just admit that it’s painful, frightful, and bitter.

Admit there was a reason for your pain. As a rule, we feel this reason deep inside our gut. If you don’t, keep on looking everywhere until you have a hunch somewhere in a traffic jam, a shower, or wherever. And then it’s time to come out of your shell.

Name the reason aloud or write it down. Ask yourself why it’s so hard to think and talk about it. Examine its every split and corner. And give it a chance to feel ill a bit. It’s like a vaccine: you’ll be hardened to a virus only after you get a dose of it.

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” – John Lennon

Make it a friend

Your inner pain is not your enemy but old friend signaling about the danger. You can’t make all your problems disappear forever. Still, coming to terms with them and accepting your inner monsters, you get powers to control them and beat the stuffing out of them.

You know who you are. You know your chink in the armor. You know you can love and fight despite all defeats. And this knowledge makes you wiser.

Accept your pain as if it’s your old friend who comes to warn you about dangers. Feel it, diving into its deepest bottoms to push off, discover yourself, and continue swimming at your ease.

How have you used pain to excel to a better life? Please leave your thoughts below!

Image courtesy of

Lesley Vos is a private educator for college students. She writes a lot, mentoring Hugh Beaulac and blogging for many publications on education, career, success, motivation, and self-development. Don't hesitate to say hi and check more works of hers on Twitter.

1 Comment

1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


The Happiness Model That’ll Change Any Entrepreneurs Life

People often think that they will be happy at a later stage if they work hard today.  However, there is no guarantee of happiness at a later stage.



ben shahar happiness model

Due to the rapid growth in technology, people are often in the rat race to compete with others little realizing that they are losing so much or so little. People often search for stones by leaving gems at home. (more…)

Continue Reading


Fake It and You’ll Make It: 10 Tips to Build Self-Confidence

When you lack self-confidence, you can fall into traps that can hold you back



how to build self confidence

Self-confidence is an essential inner quality in any career, but in many areas (for example, in tech where I work) just because you are a woman, your abilities might be questioned before you even start your job. (more…)

Continue Reading


Revolutionize Your Growth: Lessons from Japanese Philosophy That Stand the Test of Time

Bushido, the “Way of the Warrior,” emerges as a profound guide to shaping one’s character with honor, integrity, and discipline



Bushido philosophy

Ancient philosophies and codes of conduct often stand the test of time, offering invaluable insights into the essence of human character. Among these, Bushido, the “Way of the Warrior,” emerges as a profound guide to shaping one’s character with honor, integrity, and discipline. Originating in feudal Japan, Bushido transcends its historical roots, leaving an indelible mark on society and providing timeless principles for personal growth and development. (more…)

Continue Reading


How to Expand Human Potential to Find More Meaning in Your Life

When we expand our potential, we cultivate the meaning and purpose we’ve always longed for.



how to expand your potential
Image Credit: Midjourney

Human potential, what we’re emotionally capable of, is infinite. (more…)

Continue Reading