Connect with us

Life

Self-Sabotage: How to Stop Holding Yourself Hostage

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

It was easy to put the blame on “2020” but now we are here in a New Year…so how long are we going to use that line? While the turbulence of last year certainly shook things up, it’s not a license for us to no longer hold ourselves accountable. At the end of the day, choices and perspective can make a huge impact on the trajectory of our lives. So…is it time for you to assess whether or not your decisions are the ones actually holding you back? 

The first step begins with an honest look at behavior. After all, if you can identify self-sabotaging behaviors that are fighting to take up permanent residence in your life – you can also kick them to the curb. The key here is recognizing what is happening and taking action to change the pattern – which will lead you on a different path – and not keep you stuck in an endless cycle of delivering exactly what you don’t want.

The Self-Sabotage game is a vicious vortex that keeps pulling you away from the success you desire, moreover that you deserve, despite your dreams and goals because it’s habitual and in habits we find comfort. Why do we do this to ourselves?  Chalk it up to our subconscious desire for drama or the fact that change comes with a degree of discomfort which pushes us to retreat right back to the vortex. 

“Self- sabotage is the smartest thing you can do if you’re sabotaging a self that is not really you.” – Armand DiMele

We stay in the familiar – even if it isn’t what is best for us – to avoid the pain of change – which is almost always what we need to get to the next level. The wrong hard wiring can – without a doubt – steal your future. So the sooner you can understand what self-sabotage is, how to spot the behavior, and how to address it head on – the sooner you’ll step into living the life you desire.

Here are 8 ways in which you may be self-sabotaging yourself and your goals: 

  1. Do you make social media comparisons to your love life, business life, home life, and compare your real life to the highly unrealistic, overly photoshopped, and aggressively managed messaging on social media posts?
  2. Are you a perfectionist who often feels everything isn’t “perfect enough” to move forward towards your goals? 
  3. Are you triggered by past traumatic experiences in your childhood, that you subconsciously allow, which control your actions in your present adult life?
  4. Are you so busy managing day to day life and feel like you need an abundance of time to work towards your goals but don’t have it so you quit them completely?
  5. Do deadlines put you in a tailspin so much so that you wait until the very last minute to get started? 
  6. Do you allow one bad moment in the execution of your goals to change your total outlook on your plans and micro-goals for the day…ultimately causing the whole house of cards to crumble? 
  7. Do you take any constructive criticism as a failure, and “a sign” to stop trying to achieve your goal?
  8. Are you a master of the blame game? Do you blame everyone else for things you should actually be accountable for?

If this sounds like you – any part of it – this is your wake-up call. It’s time to take control back from your alter ego who has been calling the shots. Sustainable change begins with recognizing behavior – and is then followed with intentional choices that allow you to remain on a positive and productive path.

“Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” – Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby

If you are ready to create real change – here are three simple steps you can take to put an end to self-sabotage and leave it in the “2020” file – for good.

First, don’t run every choice you make or step you take by others. Learn to trust your gut. Don’t look for validation from others – they aren’t you and they don’t have the perfect playbook on how to get you where you want to go in your journey. You do. Trust that. Second, eliminate the dream killers and naysayers from your life. They will find a problem for any solution you have. Add in mentors that you look up to, positive friends that support your goals – and clap LOUDLY when you achieve them. 

Your circle is largely your success factor. Lastly, focus on progress, not perfection. You are striving for growth and as long as you continue to move forward, you will continue to grow. If you try to hold yourself to unrealistic ideals of perfection you will continually feel as though you have failed on one level or another. Take risks, make discerning choices and be excellent in how you execute them as the execution – not the perfection – is what will help you rise higher. 

Janene Verabian, CHt, CLC, CWK is Southern California’s Premier Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Relationship Expert. Specializing in past trauma healing through Clinical Hypnotherapy and Relationship coaching, Janene has earned a reputation for results through over twenty years of personalized guidance for men and women. Consistently strengthening her professional “toolbox” she regularly pursues advanced education and holds additional certifications as a Wholistic Kinesiology Practitioner, Certified Life Coach, and Gottman Institute Certified Level Two Couples Therapist. Janene can often be heard saying, “I don’t talk from the cheap seats.” She focuses on creating a safe space for her clients to speak openly without judgment while she listens – to extract the root issues and identify the core elements that the client is seeking to remedy. Her goal is to see each person make progress in an intentional way – creating sustainable change for the future they desire. Connect on LinkedIn or JaneneVerabian.com.

Life

How Your Psychological Blind Spots Keep You Stuck in Life

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

Sometimes, life doesn’t seem to make any sense. Albert Einstein once said “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Here’s the funny thing. We will say that line about someone else, have a good chuckle, and then DO THE SAME THING OURSELVES! This time, it’s not that funny, is it? I know. I’ve done it myself. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

3 Ways to Take Better Care of Yourself and Live an Optimized Life

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

The secret to happiness lies in the way you live your life. People think of happiness as some destination they’ll reach when they’ve accomplished the hundred things on their life to-do list. Happiness is often associated with money, material possessions, or even great relationships. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

These 7 Daily Resolutions Can Change Your Life

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

We all strive to be better every day. Most of us want a new day to bring something new, and we plan for it as well. Of course, the execution is debatable as procrastination is real and it becomes an overwhelming feeling at times. Also, not to forget the customary practice of making resolutions on new year’s eve!  All of us are fascinated by the thought of preparing long lists of resolves to mark the beginning of a new year. Not sure how many people are able to translate these resolutions into functional realities. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

4 Reasons Why Content Is Pivotal For Mental Health Healing

Avatar

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

One of the most important things for an entrepreneur’s mental health is expressing their feelings, thoughts, and emotions. This is where content creation and writing becomes pivotal. Whether you read something that resonates with you or you write a compelling blog post, the act of expressing yourself through content can help to put a smile on your face and make you feel better about things.

Most entrepreneurs don’t spend as much time taking care of their mental health as they should. Over the course of your career, you will experience a lot of ups and downs; these emotions have the potential to take a toll on your mind and body if you don’t learn to manage them properly.

Here are four reasons why expression through content is pivotal for healing, slowing yourself down, and giving yourself grace when the going gets tough.

1. Content can be a form of self-expression

When you are an entrepreneur, you frequently face feelings of insecurity, doubt, fear, apathy, and exhaustion, just to name a few. Some days it feels like no one is on your business’s side and everyone else has it all figured out. On those days some of us try to look at our website’s analytics to cheer up. 

But an even more freeing task is creating content. You create content to improve your business and reach more people’s lives. But, there is something special that happens when you write with the intention of expressing your thoughts and feelings — you open a door to yourself. 

Content is inherently personal, which means content creators open themselves up when they share their thoughts on a platform. Everything from the title of the post, the keywords they choose to include, and even the content itself helps you to understand who the author of that post truly is. And as an entrepreneur, this can be an important experience because it allows others to empathize with you.

2. Self-reflection will lift you up

As you think through what to write about and how to express yourself, the process of self reflection is a valuable step you need to go through. You’re able to reflect on the blessings you have, assess what you learned from the negative experiences, and create a plan on how to maintain the positive experiences you’ve had. 

There are a few ways that self reflection can help you with mental health healing. The act of reflecting on your experiences helps to create clarity in feelings, thoughts and emotions which will eventually lead into acceptance for what has happened or is happening currently without feeling overwhelmed by it all. This process also leads people towards finding new things they enjoy doing. Self reflection is therapeutic and can be implemented anytime you feel the need to overcome overwhelm.

“Writing in a journal each day allows you to direct your focus to what you accomplished, what you’re grateful for and what you’re committed to doing better tomorrow. Thus, you more deeply enjoy your journey each day.” – Hal Elrod

3. A sense of belonging and camaraderie

It is important to have a support network of people who will listen and understand what you are going through. When you post a blog or upload a video on YouTube, there are others who feel the same way and experience a sense of connection with you.

When you put time, attention and thoughtfulness into your writing, it is amazing when someone reads what you’ve written and comments on it thanking you or expressing how they resonate with what you’re going through. It’s hard to put into words how powerful it feels when someone who has gone through the same experience and reads your words then reaches out.  There is power in expression but miracles happen when people bond over a similar experience.

4. Library of content to share with more people

It can be very difficult to know what content to share with people as the symptoms of mental health disorders (anxiety, depression, etc.) vary from person to person. But as you accumulate more and more content, this will increase the number of articles or videos available for readers to choose from depending on their specific purpose. It also builds your personal library of resources you’re able to share to different people you encounter or engage directly with.

As chaotic and distracting social media can be, it can also be a beacon of hope with the right content. Many people share viral posts, or content that interest them. Since your content is valuable and personal, the more you share it, the more likely it is to be shared with the right audience.

You never know who is watching (reading)

Your content is speaking to someone and even though they may not be actively engaged, their experiences with your work are impacting them. Think about the last time you watched TV: did everyone in the room have something entertaining to say? 

You never know who’s watching because there’s always somebody reading your posts or viewing your videos-even if they just skim through it briefly. This is why creating content worth consuming is critical, not only to get you out of your funk, but also to serve your audience.  Be authentic and stay true to yourself; make every post count as an opportunity for connection with your best self and for potential readers to bond with you.

Continue Reading

Trending