We’re all chasing one thing boys and girls: love. Many of us haven’t found it, and some of us have. For those that haven’t there’s a reason.
This message today is brought to you by “Bro’s Anonymous Incorporated” (The company I’m going to start, to teach all you guys how to be a man so you can get what you’re looking for). Women will also find this guide very insightful when it comes to the male species.
There’s probably one clear reason us single guys are still yet to find an amazing, successful woman. Here it is:
You haven’t given enough of yourself, and you’re still in love with you.
No woman gives a rats a$$ about how in love you are with yourself. The more you love how good you think you are, the less chance you have of being in a position to give something beyond your own selfish needs.
Attracting a woman is about taking the focus off your needs, and putting the focus onto someone else. You’re never going to attract a beautiful woman unless you learn to treat one like royalty and give everything you have.
Giving the metaphorical five bucks change you have in your back pocket from last nights piss up with the boys down at the local pub is not going to cut the mustard young Skywalker. Become metaphorically naked, and be vulnerable.
Drop all your thoughts about what you have to try and be to attract a woman. If I was to sum up this advice it would be, “BECOME OPEN MINDED!!!”
So let’s define the ultimate guide you are going to need to attract a woman:
A) Share your brains not your assets
Assets such as houses, cars, shares, cash in the bank, etc are like trophies. They’re exciting for about two weeks, and then they become boring and seemingly unimportant. Don’t lead a conversation with a woman around these objects.
Let me give you an example. It’s like asking who won the 1965 200-metre high jump. 0.01% of people can remember, and most of us will just Google it because we can’t be stuffed caring.
The achievement and gold medal was significant in 1965, but decades on, it’s about the person that athlete has become in their life, not the medal. It’s about how much that athlete gives back and uses his or her triumphs to inspire others. Now that’s memorable.
Back to the guide for a minute. Your brain is your real asset, and that is what the long-term value proposition is for a woman. There are lots of ways to show a woman your brains and here are a few:
– Have an intelligent conversation with her
– Show your emotional intelligence by analysing a romantic situation of someone you know
– Ask her intelligent questions about her life
– Share your greatest fears and how you overcame them
– Tell a great story that has a happy ending
– Tell a tragic story and what you learned
Bottom line, talk about things with her and bring her into your world. Steer away from assets and towards engaging, addictive, inspiring conversation.
B) Practice honesty not bullsh”t
Don’t over exaggerate! Women are very smart creatures, and they know if you lie or bend the truth. Tell it how it is; it’s much sexier that way. I’ve seen women literally throw themselves at men who can be insanely honest.
Honesty would have to almost be at the top of a woman’s list of things she’s looking for in a man. If you’re not honest by nature, then it’s time to practice.
Have an accountability partner to keep you honest if that’s what it takes. Lying is like throwing mud at a woman’s face and then asking “What’s wrong baby why don’t you like me?” Come on guys this stuff is not rocket science and I’m no Einstein.
C) Try harder
I see so many guys put a half-baked effort into the pursuit of a successful and attractive woman. Remember this quest for a woman is one of the only things you were put on this planet to do. It’s bloody important so give it the attention it needs.
Put some effort in, and you’ll get to see what it’s like to be indestructible with a strong woman by your side. Now I know us guys need things spelled out for us sometimes so let me do that for you right now! This is what I mean by trying harder:
– Plan the date in advance
– Learn her friend’s names (and her name if you’ve forgotten that)
– Open the god damn door of the car, hotel, house, club (insert door name here)
– Tell her how she looks. If she looks stunning then tell her so
– Show her you care by sending good morning and good night messages
– Come over to her when she’s in a crowd of people and give her your undivided attention
– Look her in the eyes when you talk to her
– Tell her what you’re thinking and feeling
– Spoil her with fantastic food
– Surprise her with flowers when you take her out
– Hold her hand. Hug her. Kiss her (you get the message?)
Now the list above may sound obvious but common sense when it comes to attracting a woman seems not so common. Let me put all of this in simple terms again: instead of treating her like your doormat, treat her like the dream Ferrari that you want to own (or maybe you have one already and are richer than me).
D) Have some guts
Okay, this point is brutal. Text messaging is not going to cut it forever. It opens the door about 5cm to a women’s heart, and then you have to grow some balls and make a move. Hiding behind the screen of your phone is about as attractive as the freshly laid pooh from a horse’s anus.
Before I go on, I need to spell out something to do with text messages. Learn to spell and use grammar. If you type in English that is full of abbreviations, acronyms, and spelling errors, women will think you are totally dumb. Dumb is not going to work (see point A).
Now that’s off my hairy chest let’s move on. Women are looking for their version of a superhero. Let’s think about Batman for a second. Does Batman sit on his ass, eat potato chips, drink beer, and never leave the house.
No! The guy is out there saving lives, saying impressive sh*t, picking up smoking hot women, and most of all, having the guts to take action. This is what women secretly all want. They’re looking for their superhero who can swoop in and lift them off their feet.
They want their version of Batman who has the balls and the guts to do one of the following:
– Talk to them
– Ask them on a date
– Formalise a few successful dates into a relationship
– Ask them one day to marry them
If the best you can do is stand on the other side of the room with “The Boys” and not even have the guts to come over and talk, you’re never going to attract a woman. You may attract an unhealthy dose of sitting at home watching porn and masturbating though!
E) Make a move
Think about business for a second. A large part of entrepreneurship is selling. If we break down selling it comes down to this beautiful, mysterious concept called a sales funnel. Basically, you take someone from a lead, to an opportunity, to a raving fan (customer).
Attracting a woman is the same concept. To be successful, you have to constantly be taking the next step and driving the action. There’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who’s in charge. So to break it down even further, you will not win the attraction game unless you keep “MAKING A MOVE!”
Don’t wait for time and space to align. Tell her you like her. Ask her on a date. Make a move son and quit avoiding the truth.
F) Don’t be a dick
It’s a shame I have to mention this one, but in a world full of madness it applies more than ever. Don’t be a dick. Here’s what that looks like translated: “Be the best version of yourself and remember that it’s not all about you.”
Secondly, quit the games. I see my male friends all the time playing games.
“Maybe I’ll call her. Maybe I won’t and keep her hanging.”
“What will she think if I do that? Maybe I look too desperate.”
Bottom-line is forget about how you might look and act with intention. Playing games will get you nowhere fast. There’s loads of competition trying to find an amazing woman so act swiftly and cut to the chase. The more games you play, the further you will get from your goal.
Games are for amateurs with no balls.
G) Leave your ego in the closet
That big ugly thing you bring out of the closet to the club on a Saturday night is scaring all the girls away. This illusive thing is called your ego.
“Divorce your ego and marry the truth”
Egos are a sign of ugliness. When you bring out all the stories of how awesome everything is about yourself, no woman believes it. On the other hand, your vulnerable self that has failed, broken girls hearts, shattered dreams, and suffers from fear like the rest of us, is much more real.
Providing you are not some muppet with zero confidence that stays at home in the dark, too afraid to fart in case the sound bursts your precious little ear drums, I think being the real you will be fine. What do you reckon? Are you with me?
H) Get out there and get amongst it
***Insert dating app name here**** will be unlikely to help you attract a woman. Women are living creatures that breathe and roam the planet like us males. I know it’s utterly shocking when you think about this little-known fact.
The best way to attract them is to create serendipitous, spontaneous moments and get out there and find one for yourself. How do you do that?
Go to stuff. Festivals, bars, meetups, balls, charity events, freaking bake off’s if that’s your thing. The key message is start doing and get off your lazy butt. Things will move much faster than any dating app where you are texting for twelve months wondering what each other really look like.
Real attraction begins with human connection, and it’s impossible to get that from an app. There’s nothing better than seeing each other in the flesh and looking into each other’s eyes over a genuine conversation. That’s where the attraction happens gentlemen.
By the way, I sometimes think I sound like a muppet myself with some of this advice, but I’m all for spelling it out.
I) Iron your shirt (trust me on this)
Geez I can’t believe I included this one. Don’t roll up with your shirt all creased, bad breath, and a sign on your head that says “I am too lazy to iron my shirt because I don’t care about you that much.” Part of attraction comes down to looks, so make an effort to dress well.
How would you feel if she rolled up in pumpkin costume with a bag over her head? Probably not too good, although there may be some weirdo’s reading this who get turned on by this and have some crazy fetish. I’ll assume that’s not you for the sake of this guide.
Let me finish by saying that chivalry is not dead; there is just a major shortage of it. Guys, if we don’t follow this ultimate guide, we could become extinct. Let me remind you that masturbation cannot allow you to reproduce and without reproduction, none of us exist.
Again, obvious but worth stating at this late stage in the game. Best of luck with your newfound wisdom. Now go use this guide!
If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
How to Harness the Power of Your Personal Narrative
Are you “living up” or “living down” to your personal narrative? When you set out to achieve an important goal, you’ll come face-to-face with many obstacles, such as starting a new business and not having your prospects reply to your prospecting emails. Perhaps you’ve had an interview for a new job and learned you didn’t make the final round of applicants.
In those difficult moments, you have to have an internal conversation with yourself, known as self-talk. What do you say? How do you feel? You may find yourself succumbing to negativity or failing to believe in your own self-worth. If so, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all easily overwhelmed by our doubts and fears, because it’s what makes us human.
However, these feelings can not only shape a sense of identity, but also allow our doubt and fear to determine the outcome. When this happens, it’s vital to understand how to have the courage and conviction to move forward despite the obstacles. This includes moving forward in the midst of struggling, even when success seems lightyears away. This may seem daunting, but the answer is right in front of us. It lies in our personal narrative.
“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” – Walt Disney
What is a personal narrative?
A personal narrative is a life-script that is often followed without question or protest. The conversations you have internally, known as self-talk, make up the core component to our personal narrative. Your self talk represents a powerful belief system that’s baked into our day-to-day existence.
Each of us possess a personal narrative that encompasses a belief system that shapes us and what we see as possible in our lives. As a result, we either live up or live down to that personal narrative.
While a personal narrative is the starting place, it’s a powerful one. On one hand, when a negative narrative becomes suffocating, it can be hard to escape. This will lead you to foster the belief that you’re incapable of accomplishing something, ensuring that you’ll be less likely to continue to take the necessary steps in the direction of a dream.
Your narrative may be so powerful that you may just assume the worst, ending any possibility for you to put in the necessary time, effort and perseverance required to achieve a different outcome.
“The inner speech, your thoughts, can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak.” – Ralph Charell
Cultivating positive narratives
On the other hand, what if we possessed personal narratives that were more positive? This is not just positive thinking, because it is the practice of consciously cultivating a narrative that you could live up to instead. Imagine how a more positive narrative could support more preferable outcomes.
In life, this may sound like, “I plan to do well in this interview, so I am going to take every action to support that expectation – like working with a career coach.” Or it may sound like, “Because I am someone who tries hard even when I am overwhelmed or uncomfortable, I am going to ask for help if I feel stuck.” That way, when a challenge arises – as they always do, you will grow to trust in your ability to navigate it.
The more you practice this, the more you will come to realize that your personal narrative really represents the essence of who you are. Your self-talk will evolve into someone who plans to do well during an interview, a business meeting, or a workout class because you become someone who invests in their personal well-being as an extension of your self-concept.
Cultivating positive narratives is not a what-if situation. It is an intentional practice that everyone can benefit from. It provides the framework for who you can become. Most importantly, it’s the key to help us transform into the best version of ourselves, while defending our dreams against a spiral of fear or self-doubt.
So, what does your personal narrative sound like? And how can you live up to it? Share with us below!
5 Reasons It’s Important to Understand What You Want to Do With Your Life
No matter your age or your place in life, it is perfectly normal to not know exactly what your next steps should be. There are many factors that can contribute to this situation but it is always important to remember that everything happens for a reason and that this will help you build a much happier you.
There are many ways for you to understand what you should be doing with your life and there are just as many reasons why you should work towards getting a better understanding of those reasons.
If you wish to turn any situation around and start working towards finding your purpose, here are some of the most important reasons why:
1. You will be able to set long term goals for the future
Setting long term goals is one of the things that will help you feel more secure and certain about your future. Instead of relying on living day by day and trying to figure out what your next steps will be without having a future ultimate goal, you will now be able to plan accordingly so that your every step will bring you a step closer to making that dream come true.
One of the things many people forget though is that every plan, no matter how well-organized and planned out it is, will need to be adapted to every situation the person is experiencing. Knowing what your ultimate goal is will help you handle every change of plans with more confidence and will allow you to manoeuvre every situation and turn your problems into positive outcomes.
2. You will get rid of a lot of anxiety
One of the best things about finally getting a better understanding of what you wish to do with your life is that you will finally start feeling less anxious and unsure about the future. Having a certain plan you can follow and looking forward to making a big goal come true will help rid yourself of negative thoughts and allow you to be able to focus on achieving your dreams.
Anxiety is a very common problem in the time we live in and it can make a lot of people feel less productive and scared to take risks, especially in a professional manner. As a result, they tend to hold themselves back and do fewer things than they are capable of, simply because they are too scared to dare.
Realizing what you wish to do in your life and working towards achieving your goals will help you feel less stressed and even if you do, this type of anxiety could actually help you be much more productive and eager to do your best in order to make your dreams manifest into reality.
3. You will be much happier
Understanding what you wish to do in your life will truly help you finally figure out what you are meant to do in your life. For some people, it can help them find their purpose and give them a new perspective on everything they do in their everyday life.
This will help you feel a lot happier and will put your mind at ease, as you won’t have to continue wondering if the path you have chosen to follow is the right one for you or not. Feeling more certain of your decisions will help you feel a lot more confident and happier since you will feel strong enough to overcome anything that might come your way from now and on.
4. You won’t lose time or energy on smaller goals
Setting shorter goals without knowing what you are meant to do in the long run will cost you a lot of energy and time. This will happen as you will spend a lot of time planning out your every move and it will cause you to feel stressed and worried about every little thing going wrong.
Smaller goals will still be important but you won’t spend much time planning them as you would if you didn’t know what your end goal would be. Saving energy and preparing both mentally and physically for reaching your goal will help you achieve a much healthier outlook on dealing with everyday situations and it will make you more excited to complete your ambitions.
5. You will become an expert in one field
Last but not least, another important reason why you should try and understand exactly what you are meant to do in your life is that you will be able to focus all of your time and energy on learning as much as possible and growing only in one certain field.
The uncertainty of having a set goal for your future can make you feel like you need to know many different things in different fields in order to be able to succeed in life and make a living. While having knowledge in various fields is something that will prove to be useful, you will never fully be able to become an expert in one field and make a name for yourself in that sector.
A long term goal will allow you to either study or work full time on one subject you truly enjoy and are good at. This will help you build your reputation, make connections and allow yourself to enjoy and love the path you have chosen even more. As a result, you will be much happier and content with the end goal you have chosen and you will be able to work even harder to achieve all of your dreams.
Working towards a happier you
You might be at a point in your life where you feel like not a lot of things are truly worth your time but the truth is that every little thing you do will help you find what you are meant to do. This will help you feel happy and content and allow you to tackle every issue you come across with much less anxiety and fear.
You will find a lot of stability and comfort in setting a big and important goal for your future and this will allow you to start being more productive and happy to tackle every problem that might come your way. Your life will always be full of surprises and unplanned events but hard work and dedication on your goals will allow you to become the best version of you and enjoy every step of the way.
3 Ways to Stay Strong and Push Through When Hardships Arise
We all have trials and tribulations, and most times they are out of our control. I believe that’s why it can be so frustrating when trouble arises, because we feel powerless. But this isn’t true! How we perceive these times gives us power, and will ultimately dictate the quality of our lives.
Each event can have many interpretations. You can ask two people about a situation they both went through, and sometimes you’ll get two completely different answers! Most times this isn’t because one was being truthful and the other wasn’t, but because of how they perceived the events that took place.
That’s how powerful perceptions are, so why not use this power to our benefit? Instead of thinking on what was lost, think of what there is to gain. When you think positively, it helps you from not feeling stuck, and helps you look towards the future.
Below are three things to consider whenever a hardship comes your way:
1. This is an opportunity for me to grow
Viewing troubling times as an opportunity to improve and grow will give you a sense of freedom and happiness because you’ve decided to lead your life, as opposed to just accepting your life. Some people just accept the things that happen to them/around them. When you have this mindset, you are telling yourself there is nothing you can do in that situation, and you are giving away your power.
This will affect not only your mood, but also the people around you, especially if you’re a leader. They feed off your energy and body language. When you focus on growth, you can think more clearly on solutions, which is what you want. It’s ok to feel sad, frustrated, or confused. If you want to be successful, you will feel all of these, and quite often. When you do, recognize what your feeling, but don’t feed it. If you do, it will grow.
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn
2. Don’t focus on the problem, find the solution
This sounds pretty simple but how many of us focus more energy on the problem and why it happened or who did it, instead of trying to focus immediately on the solution? I learned this in the military. If something goes wrong, my superiors were less concerned with who did it and more concerned with finding a solution to the problem, and as quickly as possible.
But I was once guilty of this thinking, and sometimes I slip back into that mode of thinking when my emotions are strong. Changing your mindset to focus on solutions will give you a sense of power, which will calm you, because you feel in control. This in turn, will help you think clearly and rationally, as opposed to emotionally. Furthermore, being in a more relaxed state of mind will allow you to absorb information more clearly so you can learn from the incident and become a better you.
3. Determine how the hardship improves your character
What was being tested during your hardship? Patience? Empathy? Communication? Understanding? Endurance? I remember working for a boss I did not like. He seemed to pick on me, and I couldn’t understand it. I went above and beyond what was asked of me, but people were still being promoted quicker than I was.
To give a little depth on my perception at the time, I was born and raised in Brooklyn NY. Not poor, but close to it. So respect is something that is valued greatly in neighborhoods I come from, because we don’t have much else. Respect was your money, and could get you things money couldn’t buy.
Now everyone wants respect, but me, I need it that much more. So when I felt he wasn’t giving me respect, I almost convinced myself to handle these matters. Imagine the people you train, passing you by and you know their work ethic doesn’t match yours. It sucked.
I talked to my dad, who always gives great council, and he told me it wouldn’t be wise. He told me to look for ways to grow, and I did. And let me tell you, during that time I learned things that cannot be taught in classrooms because you can only be learned through experience. My endurance was really challenged, but made me wiser and stronger, which made me better equipped to deal with future troubles I’d have. Because of those lessons, I was able to teach others about my experience and give wise counsel.
“Lead a life of your own design, on your own terms. Not one that others or the environment have scripted for you.” – Tony Robbins
When those times come, ask yourself where you’re weak and what you can you do to improve on that weakness. Finding something you’re not good at should make you happy, because it gives you a chance to improve! If you suck at something, do something about it! Don’t wallow in self-pity. It’s not a fruitful exercise.
When hardships come your way, your perception is a powerful weapon that you must manipulate, don’t let it manipulate you. Ask yourself how can this help you grow, what positive opportunity is hidden in the hardship and focus on the solution, not the problem. Doing these things will put the power back in your court. Give it a shot, it changed my life!
How do you keep your head up high when hardships arise? Share your thoughts and advice down below!
7 Essential Mindset Shifts From Gary Vaynerchuk That’ll Help You Have an Amazing Life
Gary Vaynerchuk is full of little gems to success if you listen with an open mind. His unfiltered way of sharing old school values mixed with modern day approaches is remarkably simple and highly contagious. In this world of instant gratification, everyone is focused on doing things faster in order to produce exponential results.
When our visions don’t become an instant reality, we play the comparison game and judge ourselves. This ultimately leads to a decline in our health and crushes our visions. Many of us want to be an overnight success but need a better psychological framework to endure the ride.
Here are 7 perspectives that Gary Vaynerchuk is currently popularising that can help your mindset game be stronger:
1. Aim for happiness
Gary Vaynerchuk’s definition of happiness is “being able to do what you want at all times.” This does not mean quit because your work doesn’t make you happy right now, especially if it is the stepping stone for your ideal lifestyle.
For a period of time you will need to grind and do tasks that are unenjoyable. If happiness is not within your metrics of success, you will eventually suffer from an irregularity in your mental or physical health, which in turn has a downward ripple effect on your valued relationships.
2. Enjoy paying your dues
Every industry has its own set of rules to work up the chain of command. You need to learn to love each role and responsibility that comes with that. Going in with a curious and enthusiastic energy is bound to shine through and show those around you how serious you are.
Be present and learn from every experience you encounter. This is a journey for bigger and better things but you need to put in the time, work and sacrifice to be rewarded. Life is all about what you put into it. You don’t know how these earlier stages will serve you in years to come, so take pride in the journey and appreciation for the lessons and people you meet along the way.
3. Obsessively love what you do
You should always be doing what you want, especially if you have a clearly defined purpose. Purpose is such an energizing force, regardless of whether you are earning $40,000 or $4,000,000. If you really love what you’re doing and it’s where you want to be then you’re already winning.
Always start with what you love because the only way you’re going to hustle hard enough is if you love it. It’s hard to get going around something you’re not passionate about. When you learn to love the game more than the trophy, the game gives you, and you’re on your way up.
“You have to understand your own personal DNA. Don’t do things because I do them or Steve Jobs or Mark Cuban tried it. You need to know your personal brand and stay true to it.”- Gary Vaynerchuk
4. Don’t be driven by the money
To do extremely well in the game of business without disrupting other pillars in your life, you must wake up each morning pondering what solutions need to be found today. You need to be wildly curious and driven by the game of business on a micro level while seeing the macro outcomes.
When you’re excited to play the game, you become absorbed in mastery over playing with your phone, gossiping with friends and watching mindless content. You relentlessly invest in yourself and your growth, which in turn is remunerated with wealth.
5. Have gratitude
Have you ever thought about the fact that the odds of being a human being are 400 trillion to one? You must create an unbelievably clear perspective of how lucky we are to be human. This in turn makes it a struggle to dwell on things that don’t matter.
Focus your attention on the things that you value and appreciate. Appreciate your good health and family, because you’ll value it more. Appreciate your gifts, friends, work and life. By doing this, your perception begins to shift. You see the blessings of your life, versus the broken parts.
6. Adversity is your superpower
Adversity and humble beginnings is an incredible framework to happiness, especially when you layer positivity and optimism around your difficulty. We all have hardships and various scenarios that throw us off balance along the way.
Our super power is when we use that as fuel to drive us to be less audacious and experience more, instead of being held back. What you think and focus on grows. Shift the perspective in your mind so your adversity doesn’t define you, but instead drives you.
“It’s insane to me to ask anybody to be what they’re not. Know what you know the best, love the most. That’s always going to be the answer to the thing that you have the best shot at winning at.” – Gary Vaynerchuk
7. Be excited everyday because you get to play
Learn how to start your morning well and continue that energy throughout the day. That vigour builds momentum that will allow you to actually make your mark. Be fired up that you have given yourself a clear vision and your making moves to play a strong game. This type of mindset gives you an intrinsic pull to do and be better daily rather than external motivation, which over time dies out.
Mindset is everything and it all falls down to your perspective of things. Don’t judge yourself by what you accomplish daily, instead, judge it yearly. It takes years of great creative work to be recognized. Be patient. In the meantime, look at your daily habits and ask yourself if they are causing you to evolve or revolve. Are you moving forward, or just moving in circles? Take constant action to move forward and be grateful you have the opportunity to play in the game of life.
What’s your favorite Gary Vaynerchuk mindset from the article? Share your thoughts below!
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