We’re all chasing one thing boys and girls: love. Many of us haven’t found it, and some of us have. For those that haven’t there’s a reason.
This message today is brought to you by “Bro’s Anonymous Incorporated” (The company I’m going to start, to teach all you guys how to be a man so you can get what you’re looking for). Women will also find this guide very insightful when it comes to the male species.
There’s probably one clear reason us single guys are still yet to find an amazing, successful woman. Here it is:
You haven’t given enough of yourself, and you’re still in love with you.
No woman gives a rats a$$ about how in love you are with yourself. The more you love how good you think you are, the less chance you have of being in a position to give something beyond your own selfish needs.
Attracting a woman is about taking the focus off your needs, and putting the focus onto someone else. You’re never going to attract a beautiful woman unless you learn to treat one like royalty and give everything you have.
Giving the metaphorical five bucks change you have in your back pocket from last nights piss up with the boys down at the local pub is not going to cut the mustard young Skywalker. Become metaphorically naked, and be vulnerable.
Drop all your thoughts about what you have to try and be to attract a woman. If I was to sum up this advice it would be, “BECOME OPEN MINDED!!!”
So let’s define the ultimate guide you are going to need to attract a woman:
A) Share your brains not your assets
Assets such as houses, cars, shares, cash in the bank, etc are like trophies. They’re exciting for about two weeks, and then they become boring and seemingly unimportant. Don’t lead a conversation with a woman around these objects.
Let me give you an example. It’s like asking who won the 1965 200-metre high jump. 0.01% of people can remember, and most of us will just Google it because we can’t be stuffed caring.
The achievement and gold medal was significant in 1965, but decades on, it’s about the person that athlete has become in their life, not the medal. It’s about how much that athlete gives back and uses his or her triumphs to inspire others. Now that’s memorable.
Back to the guide for a minute. Your brain is your real asset, and that is what the long-term value proposition is for a woman. There are lots of ways to show a woman your brains and here are a few:
– Have an intelligent conversation with her
– Show your emotional intelligence by analysing a romantic situation of someone you know
– Ask her intelligent questions about her life
– Share your greatest fears and how you overcame them
– Tell a great story that has a happy ending
– Tell a tragic story and what you learned
Bottom line, talk about things with her and bring her into your world. Steer away from assets and towards engaging, addictive, inspiring conversation.
B) Practice honesty not bullsh”t
Don’t over exaggerate! Women are very smart creatures, and they know if you lie or bend the truth. Tell it how it is; it’s much sexier that way. I’ve seen women literally throw themselves at men who can be insanely honest.
Honesty would have to almost be at the top of a woman’s list of things she’s looking for in a man. If you’re not honest by nature, then it’s time to practice.
Have an accountability partner to keep you honest if that’s what it takes. Lying is like throwing mud at a woman’s face and then asking “What’s wrong baby why don’t you like me?” Come on guys this stuff is not rocket science and I’m no Einstein.
C) Try harder
I see so many guys put a half-baked effort into the pursuit of a successful and attractive woman. Remember this quest for a woman is one of the only things you were put on this planet to do. It’s bloody important so give it the attention it needs.
Put some effort in, and you’ll get to see what it’s like to be indestructible with a strong woman by your side. Now I know us guys need things spelled out for us sometimes so let me do that for you right now! This is what I mean by trying harder:
– Plan the date in advance
– Learn her friend’s names (and her name if you’ve forgotten that)
– Open the god damn door of the car, hotel, house, club (insert door name here)
– Tell her how she looks. If she looks stunning then tell her so
– Show her you care by sending good morning and good night messages
– Come over to her when she’s in a crowd of people and give her your undivided attention
– Look her in the eyes when you talk to her
– Tell her what you’re thinking and feeling
– Spoil her with fantastic food
– Surprise her with flowers when you take her out
– Hold her hand. Hug her. Kiss her (you get the message?)
Now the list above may sound obvious but common sense when it comes to attracting a woman seems not so common. Let me put all of this in simple terms again: instead of treating her like your doormat, treat her like the dream Ferrari that you want to own (or maybe you have one already and are richer than me).
D) Have some guts
Okay, this point is brutal. Text messaging is not going to cut it forever. It opens the door about 5cm to a women’s heart, and then you have to grow some balls and make a move. Hiding behind the screen of your phone is about as attractive as the freshly laid pooh from a horse’s anus.
Before I go on, I need to spell out something to do with text messages. Learn to spell and use grammar. If you type in English that is full of abbreviations, acronyms, and spelling errors, women will think you are totally dumb. Dumb is not going to work (see point A).
Now that’s off my hairy chest let’s move on. Women are looking for their version of a superhero. Let’s think about Batman for a second. Does Batman sit on his ass, eat potato chips, drink beer, and never leave the house.
No! The guy is out there saving lives, saying impressive sh*t, picking up smoking hot women, and most of all, having the guts to take action. This is what women secretly all want. They’re looking for their superhero who can swoop in and lift them off their feet.
They want their version of Batman who has the balls and the guts to do one of the following:
– Talk to them
– Ask them on a date
– Formalise a few successful dates into a relationship
– Ask them one day to marry them
If the best you can do is stand on the other side of the room with “The Boys” and not even have the guts to come over and talk, you’re never going to attract a woman. You may attract an unhealthy dose of sitting at home watching porn and masturbating though!
E) Make a move
Think about business for a second. A large part of entrepreneurship is selling. If we break down selling it comes down to this beautiful, mysterious concept called a sales funnel. Basically, you take someone from a lead, to an opportunity, to a raving fan (customer).
Attracting a woman is the same concept. To be successful, you have to constantly be taking the next step and driving the action. There’s nothing sexier to a woman than a man who’s in charge. So to break it down even further, you will not win the attraction game unless you keep “MAKING A MOVE!”
Don’t wait for time and space to align. Tell her you like her. Ask her on a date. Make a move son and quit avoiding the truth.
F) Don’t be a dick
It’s a shame I have to mention this one, but in a world full of madness it applies more than ever. Don’t be a dick. Here’s what that looks like translated: “Be the best version of yourself and remember that it’s not all about you.”
Secondly, quit the games. I see my male friends all the time playing games.
“Maybe I’ll call her. Maybe I won’t and keep her hanging.”
“What will she think if I do that? Maybe I look too desperate.”
Bottom-line is forget about how you might look and act with intention. Playing games will get you nowhere fast. There’s loads of competition trying to find an amazing woman so act swiftly and cut to the chase. The more games you play, the further you will get from your goal.
Games are for amateurs with no balls.
G) Leave your ego in the closet
That big ugly thing you bring out of the closet to the club on a Saturday night is scaring all the girls away. This illusive thing is called your ego.
“Divorce your ego and marry the truth”
Egos are a sign of ugliness. When you bring out all the stories of how awesome everything is about yourself, no woman believes it. On the other hand, your vulnerable self that has failed, broken girls hearts, shattered dreams, and suffers from fear like the rest of us, is much more real.
Providing you are not some muppet with zero confidence that stays at home in the dark, too afraid to fart in case the sound bursts your precious little ear drums, I think being the real you will be fine. What do you reckon? Are you with me?
H) Get out there and get amongst it
***Insert dating app name here**** will be unlikely to help you attract a woman. Women are living creatures that breathe and roam the planet like us males. I know it’s utterly shocking when you think about this little-known fact.
The best way to attract them is to create serendipitous, spontaneous moments and get out there and find one for yourself. How do you do that?
Go to stuff. Festivals, bars, meetups, balls, charity events, freaking bake off’s if that’s your thing. The key message is start doing and get off your lazy butt. Things will move much faster than any dating app where you are texting for twelve months wondering what each other really look like.
Real attraction begins with human connection, and it’s impossible to get that from an app. There’s nothing better than seeing each other in the flesh and looking into each other’s eyes over a genuine conversation. That’s where the attraction happens gentlemen.
By the way, I sometimes think I sound like a muppet myself with some of this advice, but I’m all for spelling it out.
I) Iron your shirt (trust me on this)
Geez I can’t believe I included this one. Don’t roll up with your shirt all creased, bad breath, and a sign on your head that says “I am too lazy to iron my shirt because I don’t care about you that much.” Part of attraction comes down to looks, so make an effort to dress well.
How would you feel if she rolled up in pumpkin costume with a bag over her head? Probably not too good, although there may be some weirdo’s reading this who get turned on by this and have some crazy fetish. I’ll assume that’s not you for the sake of this guide.
Let me finish by saying that chivalry is not dead; there is just a major shortage of it. Guys, if we don’t follow this ultimate guide, we could become extinct. Let me remind you that masturbation cannot allow you to reproduce and without reproduction, none of us exist.
Again, obvious but worth stating at this late stage in the game. Best of luck with your newfound wisdom. Now go use this guide!
If you want to increase your productivity and learn some more valuable life hacks, then join my private mailing list on timdenning.net
8 Things You Can Do to Rise Above Failure and Attain Success
Highly successful people have tasted failure more than success. Whether its Nikola Tesla or Michael Jordan, everyone had his/her fair share of failures before rising to the pinnacle of success. Yet, most people I know are averse to the idea of failure.
When ambition fuels your desires, you become so conscious about avoiding failure that you forget to learn how to cope with it when you actually experience it. So, when you come face-to-face with adversity, it often overwhelms you.
This brings us to the question, how can you train yourself to overcome these difficulties and use them to your advantage? Here’s how:
1. Acceptance is important to overcome failure
When the going gets tough, one of the most frustrating things you may get to hear is “stay positive.” The idea of positive thinking has been misconstrued, misused, and abused continuously. Contrary to popular belief, positive thinking has nothing to do with smiling and being happy with everything that happens to you all the time. Anyone who preaches that is either lying or crazy.
Use positive thinking to learn, grow, and evolve from the experiences we gather in life. Positive thinking simply means that if you are faced with a setback, you work hard to overcome the challenges. When you experience hardships, it is alright to feel upset and disappointed. Our objective, however, is not to stay down.
2. Be honest with yourself
The most crucial part of dealing with a failure involves pausing for a couple of minutes and pondering over what happened. You need to be completely honest with yourself on why it happened.
It is easy to pull out the Smartphone, turn on the laptop or find other forms of distraction. Most people would do anything to distract themselves and keep their eyes shut to the mistakes they have made.
However, if you don’t confront, you don’t learn. And if you don’t learn, then you are setting yourself up for failure again. Albert Einstein famously stated that it was insane to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome. If you don’t derive a lesson out of mistakes and failures in life, then you are doomed to keep repeating them, whether you realise it or not.
“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” – Henry Ford
3. Don’t beat yourself up over a temporary setback
When you have experienced a setback, many of you may succumb to the feeling that you’ll always keep failing. It is easy to convince yourself that you are indeed a failure. Don’t let such destructive ideas or thoughts creep into your head. Instead, keep reminding yourself that just because you failed today, it doesn’t mean you’d fail the next time as well.
It is also important that you treat your failure as a passing phase. When you keep moving forward, focus on the right things, and keep learning. Perceiving the setback as a temporary phase rather than something permanent is vital to developing an optimistic attitude in life.
4. Focus on nurturing and improving yourself
Failures don’t discriminate, and it comes to everyone at some point. The trick lies in learning to deal with it and what you do about it that makes all the difference. In many cases, failure happens because a person wasn’t prepared, didn’t invest time on planning or was ill-equipped. It can also be because Lady Luck decided not to shower her favours.
Except for the last one, the rest of the issues can be fixed. Prepare a list of all the things that you think resulted in your failure. Start working on them one at a time. Do everything in your capacity to rectify, improve, resolve, and develop.
5. Find inspiration and support in abundance
Interacting with someone close can be more helpful than you think. You can also learn from people who have been through similar situations and have achieved what you hope to. Gain insights on how they managed to sail through the setbacks or low-points before and during the moment of success.
Or you can gain the motivation or enthusiasm by listening to someone else from an audiobook or podcast for maybe 30-60 minutes. It doesn’t have to be focused on your current setbacks. Change your mood and mindset back towards optimism again.
6. Adopt a constructive approach and learn from the adverse situation
Consider it as valuable feedback and take home something you can implement in the process of overcoming your failure. The following are some of the questions you need to ask yourself:
- What is the lesson for me?
- How can I rectify myself to avoid making the same mistake and do better next time?
- What can I do to enjoy guaranteed success?
You don’t need to rush through the process. Some of the answers may be immediate, while others might take an hour, a day or even a week to pop up. The significant thing is to start thinking about the situation from this perspective. Also, you need to be constructive about things rather than getting stuck with denial, negativity and apathy.
7. Stop mulling over and move on
Processing the situation and accepting it is the ideal way to deal with failures. Any individual who has experienced failures will know that it is quite easy to stay stuck in the loop of similar thoughts. In fact, this may go around and around for weeks or even months.
Now, in order to be free from this trap, the one habit that might help you is the set of questions like the ones shared above. You can also create a rough plan for how you wish to move forward from here. So, take some time to sit down and write them down.
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
8. Purge out all the negativity
Another impactful way to handle the emotional meltdown and the thoughts that emerge from experiencing failure is to purge out all the negativity. In order to let everything out, you need to confide in someone close to you. There are two ways to go about it: Engaging in a conversation with someone will allow you to see it from a different perspective. The person you talk to can assist you in grounding yourself in reality again and motivate you to look for a way forward.
Or you can simply vent about it while the other person who is listening can sort things out for you. He/she can help you accept what happened and boost your spirit by instilling a sense of hope.
The significant thing to remember is that while you can’t stop obstacles from appearing in life, you can devise smart ways to handle them. If you persevere, you can easily discover opportunities that have been waiting for you on the other side. Now, as you become more efficient at dealing with the failures, you will allow yourself to see the positive side in even the toughest of scenarios.
How Stress Can Actually Improve the Quality of Your Life
Naturally, those of us who experience less stress in our lives are more likely to succeed. So, it’s important that you learn how to reduce your daily level of stress, right? Maybe not. Recent research has shown the common wisdom about stress might be dangerously inaccurate. Psychologists tracked the health of 30,000 adults in the United States over an 8-year period. Participants were asked two important questions:
1. “How much stress have you experienced in the last year?”
2. “Do you believe stress is harmful to your health?” (more…)
The Truth About the Law of Attraction
When we want something, we generally imagine the form it will take when it manifests. If we’re not careful, however, we can find ourselves attached more to the imagined form than the actual desired outcome. This is like placing an online order and expecting it to come in a blue box shipped by UPS. If we then receive a red box delivered by FedEx, we might not realize that it’s what we ordered, and never even open it!
For example, most of us say that we want money, but when money comes in the form of a free coffee or a gift or a discount, we don’t see it for what it is. We overlook it, and maybe we even say “No, thanks” and decline the gift which is, in one way or another, still money. In doing so, we fail to appreciate the value of the discount, the gift, or the freebie. If it isn’t cash being handed to us, we don’t see it as a manifestation of our desire.
The law of attraction is a funny thing.
It is much more complex and much more intricate than what it seems to be and yet, at the same time, it’s so very simple: We always get what we want. We always receive more of the energy at which we vibrate. Always.
However, if we’re acting from the energy of “I don’t deserve it” or “I don’t think I’m worthy,” then whatever it is that we receive will be negated and essentially unseen. On the other hand, if we are open, observant, and maintaining an abundance mindset, we will receive our request on numerous levels and from plentiful sources!
“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill
This is because we “place our order” not only through our words, but through our actions, our beliefs, and our thoughts.
Last month, I was open to receiving a new client. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I’d set my intention: I was going to get a new client. That night, out of nowhere, I got a message from an old student of mine. She was looking to hire me again as her coach for the upcoming college entrance exams in the U.S. But wait! I didn’t want an entrance exam client.
What I actually wanted was to get life and business coaching clients. This student was my “red box from Fed Ex.” I wanted to decline at first, but as I was about to reply, something made me stop. I asked myself, “Why am I rejecting this?”
This student is an amazing client. She pays on time. She’s not needy. She does her part. Best of all? She doesn’t short-change me. So I said yes, because I realized that the Universe was simply responding to the essence of my desire.
You see, my “Big Why” in everything I do has always been to facilitate an accelerated personal and business growth for my clients, and this student fit the bill in every way. She wanted the personal growth, she was ready to go all in and she reached out to me.
It didn’t look like the package I was expecting so I didn’t recognize it at first—and I nearly turned it away—but she was the perfect answer to my request.
Serving people like her has always been a driving force in my life.
The Universe knows that. It also knew that I wanted a client asap so that I could re-invest the money into my business, so it responded in the most ideal way… but in an unexpected form. And I came so close to missing it!
How many times have I missed other opportunities like this? How many times have I dismissed a “red box” because it wasn’t “blue?” I’ll never know. But I do know that, had I not stopped myself from sending a “No, thanks,” I would have felt as though the Universe wasn’t listening.
That’s the thing: the Universe is always listening.
The more open we are in receiving, the more we thrive. The more open our energy is, the greater the possibilities. Don’t just return that red box to the post office and keep waiting on a blue one. Ask yourself, first and foremost, if what you’re receiving at the moment matches up with your underlying desire.
See yourself living in abundance and you will attract it.” – Rhonda Byrne
The key is to be willing to receive anything and everything. How? Keep on reading1
1. Get clear on your “underlying desire.”
Identify exactly what it is that you really want—in my case, it was an ideal client (underlying) as opposed to a coaching client (surface)—and focus on that. Clear out all the mental noise and static that clouds your awareness.
2. Be flexible
Keep your eyes and mind open for anything that fits the description. When you ask for money, recognize that free coffee for what it is: $3 you were going to spend anyway, that can now remain in your pocket. Every penny on the ground, every coupon, it’s all money.
3. Keep an attitude of gratitude.
The more you appreciate what you have, the more that comes your way. Your grateful mindset opens the energetic door for more to flow your way, because “where attention goes, energy flows.” The more you focus on the things you want, the more you will draw them into your experience.
Remember, that the Universe responds to our requests in whatever way fits best within the big picture.
It’s a picture so big that we couldn’t possibly begin to see how it comes together. Trust it. Know that when you ask, you will receive. It may not come in the form you anticipate, but always in a form that responds to your underlying desire. You just have to be ready to see it.
7 Simple Ways to Master Your Emotions When Making Decisions
A lot of people have big regrets when lying on their deathbed. These regrets are often related to bad decisions or decisions not taken. Thus, as it turns out, decision-making is dependent on great self-confidence. A person who has confidence in their decisions has an easier time making them.
Emotions also play a big role in all of this. This is a debate that has confronted two great thinkers. According to Descartes, “decisions are the product of the rational mind.” In other words, decision-making is essentially based on facts and mathematics.
But this thesis was refuted and proven to be wrong by Antonio Damasio in one of his works called “The Error of Descartes”. This was partly based on the story of Elliott, a kid that was very smart, who had above average rational capabilities, but incapable of making a decision, after a surgery to remove a brain tumor on the surface of his frontal lobes. After all his work in that matter, he concludes that a person who is incapable of emotion is incapable of making the most rational decisions.
The management of emotions is therefore completely inherent to good decision making, especially when making the most important decisions. To this end, here are 7 tips to put into practice to really master your emotions thus making the best decisions possible and never regreting them.
1. Take a step back
You must learn to take the time to identify and understand your emotions. Since physical reactions are emotionally related, also take the time to detect the reactions you have to some of your emotions. To be able to take the distance necessary to make decisions, it’s important to refer to your prefrontal cortex. This is the area of the brain responsible for reasoning. To do so you need to put yourself in a stress-free environment for a few minutes.
The best way to do this is to learn to breathe deeply. This will allow activating your prefrontal cortex again, therefore, to have better control of your emotions so you do not react to them, let alone to the event that causes these emotions. Do this exercise for at least 15 minutes. It’s amazing how you can train yourself never to react, no matter what the situation. Ideally, let at least 24 hours go by before responding to a situation that would normally cause tension.
3. Pay attention
Once you are in the prefrontal cortex, put one hand on your abdomen, at the level of your intestines, and the other hand on your heart, and take the time to listen. These two parts of the body are the two major centers of vibrations and emotions. This is why it’s important to listen and pay attention to them.
The purpose of this exercise is to become aware of your gut and heart. What you need to remember is that the only person you need to trust is yourself. By practicing this exercise, one thing will become very clear: what the emotion you feel seeks to convey to you about the decision you have to make.
Since everything is energy, first make sure that the vibration of the decision you are about to make and that of your heart and gut are in sync. You will then know whether to go ahead with your decision or reject it based on whether you feel serenity or heaviness.
4. Discern untruths
It is important to know whether your nervousness is the result of an untruth you’ve told yourself. These can corrupt the vibrations that should help you make the right decision. You have to throw out all of these untruths and come to the decision-making without any filter. Stop thinking that you’re unlucky, that you’re in a bad situation, that your life is a failure, or that you are a victim.
5. Become aware of your emotions instead of avoiding them
To become aware of your emotions, you must learn to coach yourself. Ask yourself questions: How did you feel the last time you had to ask these types of questions? What did you get in return? Rename what you felt and the result you obtained from what you decided to do. You will thus be much better at assimilating, understanding, and welcoming your emotions.
6. Be as present as possible
There is no point in focusing on the big events surrounding the decision you want to make. Concentrate instead on the present moment, without analyzing the events. Judge based on emotions rather than the event. By being more present, you will be better able to listen to your emotions and feel them.
7. Make your emotions your allies
Each of your emotions speaks to you through the physical and physiological reactions that they generate in you. Look to the weight of their impact on you as an indicator. Only by listening to them, using them, and managing them can you manage your emotions.
Habit comes with practice. With time, these 7 points will become much more natural and will become automatic. You will make better decisions for yourself. This is one of the best ways to not end up with one of the big regrets.
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