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Self Sabotage is Your Biggest Hurdle to an Extraordinary Life

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the mechanics of self sabotage
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Self-sabotage. It’s the timeless tale of potential gone wrong and opportunities missed. It’s the hidden enemy that launches an attack when we least expect it. And it causes us to engage in all sorts of behaviours and habits that we never would logically conduct. 

From procrastination to jumping into the wrong opportunity without due diligence, from skipping the gym to not paying our taxes, from staying in a relationship laden with red flags to turning to alcohol, drugs or any other numbing activity…there is no behaviour so low that self-sabotage won’t stoop to. All these behaviours are designed with one goal in mind – to stop us from following through or reaching our full potential.

There is a misconception that our unconscious mind works against us. Despite Freud’s belief that the unconscious mind is this big, bad, dark thing that wants to see you fail, that couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, our unconscious mind exists to serve us. It wants us to succeed. 

The trouble is, most people communicate ineffectively with themselves, leaving their unconscious mind to create a reality out of limiting beliefs and negative experiences. When we’re creating a reality from a negative and disempowering foundation, we can’t help but find ways to be let down, miss opportunities and sabotage ourselves.

To further add fuel to the fire, we are also wired to always be right. So even when the opportunity does arise to make more money, find more fulfilling and loving relationships, advance in our careers or grow our business – our unconscious mind pulls the proverbial handbrake before we move into unchartered (and therefore the potentially unsafe) territory of our reality not aligning with our beliefs, thereby proving them wrong. And so, like a fish out of water, we find a way to flop.

So despite our best efforts to show up as our best selves and achieve our full potential, how does self-sabotage still sneak in to derail us? Let’s take a look inside the mind:

Step 1: You experience a situation that threatens to challenge one of your belief systems

It could be finding a relationship where you feel loved and supported (when you believe that you’re not good enough). In business, it could be where you have opportunities to increase your income through high paying clients, high profile opportunities or company growth (when you believe you’re unworthy of success).

Step 2: There is an incongruency between your conscious and unconscious mind as the fear of the unknown kicks in

Consciously, we enjoy the opportunities that come our way, however, our conscious mind is only 4% of our minds capacity. Our unconscious mind is 96% of the minds capacity, and it goes into panic mode because the beliefs it has long held to be true are being challenged. The amygdala, the fear center of the brain, goes on high alert from the perceived threat of this new reality that is unfolding.

“You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.” – Dale Carnegie

Step 3: Course correction begins

The unconscious mind will kick into action to bring you back to the reality you’ve always known and begin taking action to undermine the new relationship or extinguish the opportunities in your business.

In the relationship, you will start misinterpreting their communication or their tone. You’ll go back into your old patterns of not being able to trust the person or not believing what they say to you. You’ll start questioning everything they say and do, and find reasons to discredit them by any means necessary. Over time, this will lead to a complete and total breakdown of a relationship that once held so much promise.

In business, you find logical reasons to justify buying unneeded items, or you overpromise and underdeliver for a client so they decline to continue working with you. You make business decisions or take risks that are unnecessary or costly. Or you procrastinate on getting important tasks done until your cash flow is scarce and the business is financially stressed. Slowly, but surely, any business success you were finding disappears – further validating that you aren’t good enough.

Step 4: Nothing changes

The reality that we’ve created for ourselves is one that never changes, because we’ve never taken the time to work on the belief systems that reside in the dark recesses of our minds. Our relationships progressively get worse and worse. In business, we experience crushing blows after any amount of success. We may even get drawn into the victim mentality cycle of “why me” and “poor me.”

The good news is, we can change! We can stop self-sabotage in its tracks and create a reality that has everything we’ve ever wanted…and more! How? It starts with recognizing that our behaviours and habits are nothing more than symptoms of our belief systems. 

When we have enough self-awareness to recognize the patterns that we continually engage in that derail our forward progression, we can begin the process of questioning them and digging deeper to find out the belief that is at play.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” – Victor Frankl

Once we know the root of the problem (the belief) we can do the work needed to revisit the circumstances in our life that created the belief in the first place. We can reframe our perceptions of these events to recreate the old belief. 

The truth is – the bulk of the belief systems we carry around in our adult years were created between the ages of 0 and 7. These beliefs are then further cemented in place in our unconscious mind by how we choose to view other events that occurred in our life.

For example, what if that significant other who cheated on you, leading to the belief that you can’t trust anyone, didn’t cheat because you weren’t good enough, rather they were demonstrating their own lack of confidence or self-worth. Or maybe they were just a jerk with no self-control. Either way, none of those realities have anything to do with your personal self-worth.

In business, what if those challenges and obstacles that popped up were designed to help you tap into the internal resources you needed to cultivate (like strength, resilience, tenacity, compassion or grit) to help you become more effective in reaching your potential? What if failure was an event and you had made the unconscious choice in the past to take it on as your identity?

Being able to see the failures of others that are considered successful by society helps reframe these beliefs quickly as well. Afterall, it’s hard to feel like a failure when one or two ventures didn’t go your way, when Thomas Edison “failed” thousands of times at creating the lightbulb!

Take the time to reflect on the habits that you continually engage in that seem to derail your progress or success. Be willing to dig in and ask the question “what is the purpose of doing this?” so that you can, like so many other successful entrepreneurs and business people have before you, say goodbye to self-sabotage and fully embrace your potential!

How do you make sure you don’t self-sabotage your potential success? Share your thoughts with us below!

Tiffany Toombs is a mindset coach, trainer, and presenter that specializes in helping people rewire their brains to overcome self-sabotage and limiting beliefs that stop them from finding success. Tiffany runs courses and workshops all over the world to empower people to take control of their lives and their minds so they can achieve their true potential in life. She believes that everyone has a message to share and helps her clients reconnect with themselves to find their passion and purpose. Tiffany has a range of valuable resources for people to understand their minds and how to access the power of their unconscious minds on YouTube or in her eBook “Unlocking The Secrets To The Unconscious Mind”.

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Don’t Want To Feel Like A Failure Anymore? Stop Doing These 6 Things

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It’s pretty annoying isn’t it? All those great and accomplished people telling you that FAILURE is a necessity on your way to success. Yeah, that’s easy for them to say; they’re already ‘on the other side’! You on the other hand, are still struggling all day everyday to get your business lifted off the ground and are really not that sure if you’re indeed going to make it.

There’s that little voice in your head that keeps telling you that you don’t have the stuff to make it all happen. Not now and not ever. You feel like a failure…it’s holding you back and you don’t know how to deal with it. Well you could do yourself a favor and start dealing with it by doing the following things:

1. Stop Denying You Feel Like A Failure

Telling yourself things are going great when they’re not is one of the biggest, though most useless, coping mechanisms human beings deploy in rough times. Common denial signals among entrepreneurs: trying to regain more control by working even more hours and on the other side compensating this by letting go of all this control by partying and drinking way too hard.

What you’re doing is denying yourself the opportunity to actually feel what’s going on and acknowledge the problem; that both you and your business are in a bad place. Without acknowledging it, it’ll be pretty difficult to actually STOP feeling it. And remember, just because you feel like a failure, this does not mean that you indeed ARE a failure!

2. Stop Making It Bigger Than it Really Is

This is one of those other ‘fun’ things human beings do; we blow things way out of proportion in our heads! In business, when you lose that big client you’ve been working on for weeks, it feels like it’s the end of the world. You start doubting yourself, your strategy, your entire business model right up to the point where you barely sleep because you’re working on pivoting the whole thing.

But what if that customer simply didn’t have the money to go for your service anyway? Or what if they just decided to go for someone who is cheaper but who offers less quality? Does that mean there’s something wrong with YOU? Or that this was the ONLY customer out there and that you’re now doomed forever?

Of course not, it simply means that THIS CUSTOMER wasn’t a match. It’s a bit like dating actually…So if you take this into consideration, could it be that you just feel like a failure instead of really not succeeding in that what you want to at this point in time?

3. Stop Thinking You’re The Only One Who Feels Like This

You’re not! With the possible exception of the true sociopaths, that feeling you’re feeling is very normal to EVERYONE. It might not seem like it on the outside – because people don’t like to acknowledge this remember – but I can guarantee you that it’s true. But unlike 99% of the world’s population, YOU’RE not going to let this feeling stop you in your tracks. Are you?

4. Stop Thinking You’re Supposed To Be Superhuman

In fact, it’s very likely that you’re already doing, learning and succeeding at WAY more than most other people are. But for entrepreneurs, somehow, that never seems to be enough. You don’t just want to be successful after a few years of hard work (which is normal). You want to be successful after only a few months. Because you’re special…or at least you think you are…

Well, here’s the truth: you ARE special! But…it’s just not very likely that you’re one of those – very very rare – entrepreneurial superstars that – seemingly – just added some hot water and got instant business success as a result.

5. Stop Being So Incredibly Stubborn

Entrepreneurs are stubborn…almost by default. It’s what makes them push forward in the hardest of times. But…if you’re not doing the right things right you might just be hammering a square peg through a round hole. Which will only add to that frustrated feeling you’re already having. So why not stop being so stubborn for a moment, stop hammering away on that what obviously is not working and ask for help?

No matter who you ask – a business mentor or coach, a befriended entrepreneur – someone with a neutral perspective on you and our business will be very likely to see what’s going on with a lot more clarity than you can and can guide you to a place that will feel a whole lot more comfortable.

6. Stop Being Afraid Of Failure

I know, I know, you’ve heard this a million times before and you wouldn’t be in this pickle if you could do this. Right? I’m right there with ya!

But, if you get really rational about it, what’s the worst that could happen?

  • You might have to get a ‘real’ job for a while and start over on the side;
  • You might not be able to afford your rent anymore…but with Airbnb on the 1 hand and couchsurfing on the other, you should be able to work it out somehow;
  • You’ll have all the more experience to start over a whole lot faster;
  • You’ll be no less respected by anyone because it’s clear you gave it your all;
  • In a few years, when you’re an established and supersuccessful entrepreneur you’ll also have a cool failure story to tell;
  • None of your limbs will fall off;

Now that’s not too bad for a plan B is it? Failure is such a negative word. And the associated feeling is terrible and numbing. But really…how is giving it your all and not succeeding really the same as failing? Shouldn’t the definition of failure not be along the lines of ‘not even trying’ or ‘giving up when it gets hard’?

In other words: stop beating yourself up over this!

There’s really no need to feel like a failure at all because you’re sticking your neck out, you’re trying to make a difference and you’re still moving upward on that treacherous entrepreneurial mountain.

And that…is what success REALLY is.

Those Who Failed Their Way To Success

Quotes To Live By:

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy

“If you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want” – Richard Yates

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison

“We are all failures – at least the best of us are.” – J.M. Barrie

“Success is stumbling form failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm” – Winston Churchill

“Don’t let success go to your head and failure to your heart” – Will Smith

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Why You Never Have Enough Time and What You Need to Do About It

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Has this ever happened to you? You had an assignment, and the deadline was far away. You didn’t work on it much, but in the back of your mind, that insistent little voice was always whispering, “I gotta get this assignment done.” (more…)

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6 Unusual Exercises to Effectively Increase Your Creativity Faster Than Ever

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how to increase your creativity faster
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Although a vast majority of people think that creativity is something you are born with, the truth is a bit different. While we cannot deny that you need natural talent to a certain extent, stimulating creative thinking is indeed a matter of practice. If you give this thought a bit of thinking, you can realize pretty quickly that even the most fascinating and creative minds have faced the lack of creativity at some point in their lives. (more…)

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3 Psychological Facts That Can Unleash Your Inner Power

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how to unleash your inner power
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Some people will achieve great things. Others won’t. But why is that? We’re all just “talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe,” as Joe Rogan puts it. So why do some “talking monkeys” build 7 or 8 figure businesses, travel the world, and live the life of their dreams while the rest of us… well, wish we were living the life of our dreams. (more…)

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