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The 7 Hidden Signs You’re Self-Sabotaging Your Progress

Self-sabotaging behaviors affect our personal and professional success

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I’m about to confess here: I hate goal trackers.

Do I really want to be reminded that I didn’t achieve any -or not even 80%- of the monthly goals I’ve set? And why would I want to see my indecisiveness reflected in a planner, journal, or vision board when my goals change as fast as my clothes because I’m either unable or unwilling to finish what I start?

ADHD is a challenging condition. No matter the times I decide to trick it, I end up being played by it. However, despite my psychological state, my mood, laziness, and silliness sometimes make me unable to take action. Even when everything works in my favor, and I know I have to start, continue, or finish now, I don’t.

It took me nearly three years to finish my website and four years since the moment I decided to start writing every day to actually write every day. Whenever I stopped for whatever reason, I unconsciously punished myself by deciding to start over or work on something completely new.

It wasn’t a long time ago that I learned about the concept of self-sabotaging. And then, I figured, that was precisely what I was doing. But it was so crafty; I didn’t even realize it. I had to dig deep to uncover the signs and shift my mindset.

So, if you’re also wondering why you never make progress despite your commitment and willingness to achieve whatever it is that you want, you might be unconsciously sabotaging your own success.

Here are the 7 signs you’re self-sabotaging your progress:

1. You are setting self-fulfilling prophecies. 

“I want to start my own business, but I’m not disciplined enough.”

“I want to have a family, but no one can love me.”

“I want to start working out, but I don’t have time.”

By acknowledging the habits that stand as obstacles to the outcomes we want to deliver, we‘re setting ourselves up for failure. The way that works is simple: we expect a negative behavior from ourselves that affects the result of our desire, and then we lead that expectation to become a reality.

How to overcome it:

Use the law of attraction to manifest positivity towards your desired outcome. My favorite technique is manifestation scripting, where I envision and write down my future self as I‘ve already achieved the desired progress.

Ensure the self-fulfilling prophecies are working for you and not against you. Believe you are worthy of whatever it is that you want to achieve and accumulate positive energy ad high-vibration thoughts around your success.

2. You are procrastinating.

“I’ll finish tomorrow.”

“I’ll do it later.”

“I’ll start on the 23rd of March.”

“I’ll do it when I have some free time.”

Postponing action is the enemy of making things happen. The more you delay, the more time works against you and your goal.

How to overcome it:

Avoid being paralyzed into inactivity by creating smaller, more straightforward goals and fulfilling them. Commit to one small action a day. Start and keep going gradually, but make sure you start.

Small goals can still be ambitious cause when you have a clear vision of where you are going, the rest falls into place.

3. You are overthinking it.

“What if…”

“And if that, how will I…”

“And what can we….”

“And how can I….”

Overloading your mind with hypothetical scenarios only drives action further away.

How to overcome it:

Nothing wrong with visualizing or daydreaming, but ensure like self-fulfilling prophecies, it works for you and not against you. When you are trapped in a cycle of weighing decisions and expecting outcomes, to a certain degree that you reach an “analysis-paralysis” state, make sure you take a break in thinking and clear your mind with a relaxing activity, like mindfulness or meditation.

“Our beliefs are like unquestioned commands, telling us how things are, what’s possible and impossible and what we can and cannot do. They shape every action, every thought, and every feeling that we experience. As a result, changing our belief systems is central to making any real and lasting change in our lives.” – Tony Robbins

4. You embrace negative self-talk.

“You know you aren’t good enough to achieve this.”

“Oh, c’mon, you ‘re not that beautiful; he won’t even notice you.”

“You aren’t that smart to succeed.”

Negative self-talk usually stems from our inability to love and accept ourselves exactly as we are. Criticizing and judging ourselves for our imperfections creates a negative self-image that only alienates our confidence from everything we do.

How to overcome it:

It sounds cliche, but the key is to start embracing and prioritizing self-care and self-love. It’s impossible not to get trapped in negativity once in a while, but we can work on implementing a habit that replaces a negative self-thought with a positive one.

5. You fuel an unconscious desire to validate your limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs are tough to break. Coming from our childhood experiences or even from our parent’s opinions, we carry those perceptions of ourselves throughout our lives without even questioning their roots or reputation. It must be that way because that’s the only thing we have heard, known, and experienced. And then we are trapped in a vicious cycle of reproducing them through repeating negative statements and bad habits.

“I will never be good at singing.”

“I can’t stretch.”

“I can’t quit drinking.”

“I can’t stop scrolling social media.”

We don’t actually do anything that causes us to think otherwise. We implement and validate those negative statements, and then we affirm ourselves with an “I told you so.”

How to overcome it:

Identifying our limiting beliefs is the first step towards eliminating them. Usually, our limiting beliefs are the reasons that we are being held back from thriving. By knowing our negative impressions about ourselves and taking necessary actions to kill them, we can become different, better people and unlock an abundant and thriving mindset.

6. You are overdoing it.

Working passionately and actively towards your goal is healthy. Overindulging and immersing in a long series of to-do lists only to find yourself expecting a specific outcome or beating a challenge is obsessive.

I used to take wellness challenges so literally that I punished myself with negative self-talk or by starting from scratch if I missed my veggies or my 8 hours of sleep one day. Like everything in life, balance is vital. Allowing yourself to take a step back, relax and forget about the outcomes for a second is healthy.

How to overcome it:

Combine productivity and hard work with breaks and playtime. Allowing ourselves to get one day away from whatever it is that we‘re working towards and indulge in recharging activities, such as spending quality time with friends or doing something pleasurable, will give us space to introspect and rest.

7. You are protecting yourself too much.

Failure can’t hurt us if we don’t take any risks that expose us to it in the first place. But, limiting our identity to the person who is afraid to take risks means that we are afraid to live. To experience success or progress, we must actively work towards making our vision a reality, which means we must make decisions. We can’t experience the thrill of succeeding without dealing with the hurt of failure.

How to overcome it:

Allow yourself to feel comfortable with failing or losing. Everything is part of the process – a journey with ups and downs that teaches us things. Every pitfall makes us wiser.

Final thoughts:

Self-sabotaging behaviors affect our personal and professional success; everyone deserves to know the tips, tricks, and mechanisms to stop it. Mindset hacking is essential to achieve growth and thrive inside and out. It’s incredible what every one of us can accomplish when we can reprogram our subconscious minds to work with us instead of against us.

Maria is a Greek girl passionate about self-improvement and everything related to digital marketing. She has been moving around the world for the last five years and shares her thoughts on personal growth, relationships, and manifestation at: https://triggeryourtrip.com. You can find her coaching guide here: https://triggeryourtrip.com/spiritual-guide/.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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