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Change Your Mindset

The 7 Hidden Signs You’re Self-Sabotaging Your Progress

Self-sabotaging behaviors affect our personal and professional success

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I’m about to confess here: I hate goal trackers.

Do I really want to be reminded that I didn’t achieve any -or not even 80%- of the monthly goals I’ve set? And why would I want to see my indecisiveness reflected in a planner, journal, or vision board when my goals change as fast as my clothes because I’m either unable or unwilling to finish what I start?

ADHD is a challenging condition. No matter the times I decide to trick it, I end up being played by it. However, despite my psychological state, my mood, laziness, and silliness sometimes make me unable to take action. Even when everything works in my favor, and I know I have to start, continue, or finish now, I don’t.

It took me nearly three years to finish my website and four years since the moment I decided to start writing every day to actually write every day. Whenever I stopped for whatever reason, I unconsciously punished myself by deciding to start over or work on something completely new.

It wasn’t a long time ago that I learned about the concept of self-sabotaging. And then, I figured, that was precisely what I was doing. But it was so crafty; I didn’t even realize it. I had to dig deep to uncover the signs and shift my mindset.

So, if you’re also wondering why you never make progress despite your commitment and willingness to achieve whatever it is that you want, you might be unconsciously sabotaging your own success.

Here are the 7 signs you’re self-sabotaging your progress:

1. You are setting self-fulfilling prophecies. 

“I want to start my own business, but I’m not disciplined enough.”

“I want to have a family, but no one can love me.”

“I want to start working out, but I don’t have time.”

By acknowledging the habits that stand as obstacles to the outcomes we want to deliver, we‘re setting ourselves up for failure. The way that works is simple: we expect a negative behavior from ourselves that affects the result of our desire, and then we lead that expectation to become a reality.

How to overcome it:

Use the law of attraction to manifest positivity towards your desired outcome. My favorite technique is manifestation scripting, where I envision and write down my future self as I‘ve already achieved the desired progress.

Ensure the self-fulfilling prophecies are working for you and not against you. Believe you are worthy of whatever it is that you want to achieve and accumulate positive energy ad high-vibration thoughts around your success.

2. You are procrastinating.

“I’ll finish tomorrow.”

“I’ll do it later.”

“I’ll start on the 23rd of March.”

“I’ll do it when I have some free time.”

Postponing action is the enemy of making things happen. The more you delay, the more time works against you and your goal.

How to overcome it:

Avoid being paralyzed into inactivity by creating smaller, more straightforward goals and fulfilling them. Commit to one small action a day. Start and keep going gradually, but make sure you start.

Small goals can still be ambitious cause when you have a clear vision of where you are going, the rest falls into place.

3. You are overthinking it.

“What if…”

“And if that, how will I…”

“And what can we….”

“And how can I….”

Overloading your mind with hypothetical scenarios only drives action further away.

How to overcome it:

Nothing wrong with visualizing or daydreaming, but ensure like self-fulfilling prophecies, it works for you and not against you. When you are trapped in a cycle of weighing decisions and expecting outcomes, to a certain degree that you reach an “analysis-paralysis” state, make sure you take a break in thinking and clear your mind with a relaxing activity, like mindfulness or meditation.

“Our beliefs are like unquestioned commands, telling us how things are, what’s possible and impossible and what we can and cannot do. They shape every action, every thought, and every feeling that we experience. As a result, changing our belief systems is central to making any real and lasting change in our lives.” – Tony Robbins

4. You embrace negative self-talk.

“You know you aren’t good enough to achieve this.”

“Oh, c’mon, you ‘re not that beautiful; he won’t even notice you.”

“You aren’t that smart to succeed.”

Negative self-talk usually stems from our inability to love and accept ourselves exactly as we are. Criticizing and judging ourselves for our imperfections creates a negative self-image that only alienates our confidence from everything we do.

How to overcome it:

It sounds cliche, but the key is to start embracing and prioritizing self-care and self-love. It’s impossible not to get trapped in negativity once in a while, but we can work on implementing a habit that replaces a negative self-thought with a positive one.

5. You fuel an unconscious desire to validate your limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs are tough to break. Coming from our childhood experiences or even from our parent’s opinions, we carry those perceptions of ourselves throughout our lives without even questioning their roots or reputation. It must be that way because that’s the only thing we have heard, known, and experienced. And then we are trapped in a vicious cycle of reproducing them through repeating negative statements and bad habits.

“I will never be good at singing.”

“I can’t stretch.”

“I can’t quit drinking.”

“I can’t stop scrolling social media.”

We don’t actually do anything that causes us to think otherwise. We implement and validate those negative statements, and then we affirm ourselves with an “I told you so.”

How to overcome it:

Identifying our limiting beliefs is the first step towards eliminating them. Usually, our limiting beliefs are the reasons that we are being held back from thriving. By knowing our negative impressions about ourselves and taking necessary actions to kill them, we can become different, better people and unlock an abundant and thriving mindset.

6. You are overdoing it.

Working passionately and actively towards your goal is healthy. Overindulging and immersing in a long series of to-do lists only to find yourself expecting a specific outcome or beating a challenge is obsessive.

I used to take wellness challenges so literally that I punished myself with negative self-talk or by starting from scratch if I missed my veggies or my 8 hours of sleep one day. Like everything in life, balance is vital. Allowing yourself to take a step back, relax and forget about the outcomes for a second is healthy.

How to overcome it:

Combine productivity and hard work with breaks and playtime. Allowing ourselves to get one day away from whatever it is that we‘re working towards and indulge in recharging activities, such as spending quality time with friends or doing something pleasurable, will give us space to introspect and rest.

7. You are protecting yourself too much.

Failure can’t hurt us if we don’t take any risks that expose us to it in the first place. But, limiting our identity to the person who is afraid to take risks means that we are afraid to live. To experience success or progress, we must actively work towards making our vision a reality, which means we must make decisions. We can’t experience the thrill of succeeding without dealing with the hurt of failure.

How to overcome it:

Allow yourself to feel comfortable with failing or losing. Everything is part of the process – a journey with ups and downs that teaches us things. Every pitfall makes us wiser.

Final thoughts:

Self-sabotaging behaviors affect our personal and professional success; everyone deserves to know the tips, tricks, and mechanisms to stop it. Mindset hacking is essential to achieve growth and thrive inside and out. It’s incredible what every one of us can accomplish when we can reprogram our subconscious minds to work with us instead of against us.

Maria is a Greek girl passionate about self-improvement and everything related to digital marketing. She has been moving around the world for the last five years and shares her thoughts on personal growth, relationships, and manifestation at: https://triggeryourtrip.com. You can find her coaching guide here: https://triggeryourtrip.com/spiritual-guide/.

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Change Your Mindset

Stop Trying to “Think Positive”: The Cognitive Framework to Break Free From Resentment

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Image Credit: Addicted2success

For decades the personal development industry has sold high achievers a massive, toxic lie… and that is… If you just think positively enough, your life will be perfect. We are taught to suppress our negative thoughts, avoid uncomfortable emotions, and paste a smile over our deepest setbacks. But for entrepreneurs and practical operators, this forced positivity isn’t just exhausting—it is actually the source of our suffering.

You cannot out-affirm reality. Running your illusions until you burn out doesn’t work. The only thing that sets you free from the heavy emotional baggage of betrayal, failure, or resentment is the raw, unfiltered truth.

If you want to build a bulletproof mindset, you have to stop trying to force a one-sided, perfectly positive life. Here is the cognitive reframing framework you need to finally neutralize your emotional baggage and turn resentment into highly effective fuel.

The Futility of Forced Positive Thinking

Imagine dedicating two full years of your life to chanting the 2,000 most positive words and affirmations in the English language, 108 times a day. If you tracked your emotional state throughout that entire experiment, what do you think the net result would be?

Zero. Your emotional highs and lows would remain exactly the same. Why? Because of a biological and psychological principle called hedonic adaptation. Our brains are hardwired with a set point that automatically balances our positives and negatives.

When you get overly arrogant, you subconsciously do something to cause yourself shame to bring you back to equilibrium. When you try to force total positivity, your brain’s negativity steps in to ground you.

The second you experience a negative emotion, it is there to break your addiction to its opposite pole. Your brain wants a positive without a negative, a pleasure without a pain. It is trying to get a one-sided world that simply does not exist.

The Law of Contrast: Why You Need Your Negativity

To build true emotional resilience, you have to accept a difficult truth: There is no such thing as a one-sided person, and there is no such thing as a one-sided event.

You cannot have a magnet with only a positive pole. If you cut it in half, you just get two smaller magnets, each with their own positive and negative poles. Human beings and business dynamics are the exact same. We are all both kind and cruel, supportive and challenging, nice and mean.

When we become infatuated with a mentor, a partner, or a business deal, we put them on a pedestal and artificially blind ourselves to the downside. When we deeply resent a former friend, a toxic boss, or a bad client, we put them in a pit and artificially blind ourselves to the positive value they brought to our lives.

Both states are illusions that rob you of your focus.

The “Resentment Audit” in Action

Let’s look at a raw, real-world coaching scenario. A successful woman—let’s call her Sarah—harbored an intense, burning resentment toward a former friend. Out of jealousy, this friend had betrayed Sarah’s confidence and revealed a devastating secret to Sarah’s husband, which ultimately destroyed the marriage.

Most traditional self-help advice would validate Sarah’s anger, label the friend as toxic, and encourage Sarah to “cut her out and heal.” But that keeps you in a victim mindset.

To neutralize the trauma, Sarah had to be put through a rigorous “Resentment Audit.” Here is how you execute it.

Step 1: Accountability (The Mirror)

Whatever we aggressively judge in others, we have usually done ourselves. To break Sarah’s self-righteous anger, she was forced to identify specific moments in her own life where she had betrayed confidences, spoken behind people’s backs, and tried to bring others down.

By acknowledging her own capacity for the exact same behavior, her illusion of pure victimhood began to crack. You cannot be destroyed by something you also possess.

Step 2: Finding the Hidden ROI (The Benefits)

Next comes the hardest question in psychology. You look at the exact moment of your deepest betrayal or failure and ask: “How did this exact event benefit me?”

Initially resistant, Sarah began to uncover the brutal truth:

  • She had been deeply unfulfilled in her marriage for years but lacked the courage to end it herself.
  • The friend’s betrayal was the exact catalyst that forced the truth into the open.
  • Because the marriage ended, Sarah got a massive financial settlement, bought her own house, refocused intensely on her career without living in her husband’s shadow, and ultimately found the freedom to live authentically.

Step 3: Integrating the Opposites

Finally, you integrate the two sides. What would Sarah’s life look like if the friend had never betrayed her?

Sarah realized she would still be trapped in a miserable dynamic, playing small. By running this audit, Sarah’s deep-seated hatred evaporated. When asked what she would say to the friend who “ruined” her marriage if she were in the room right now, Sarah didn’t ask for an apology. She simply replied, “Thank you.”

You Are Not a Victim of History

The core philosophy of a high-performance mindset is absolute, uncompromising empowerment.

Anything you cannot say “thank you” for is your baggage. It weighs you down, clouds your judgment, and steals your energy. Anything you can say thank you for is your fuel.

You can decide to be a victim of history because you are comparing your current reality to a fantasy of how it “should” have been. Or, you can choose to be a master of your destiny by finding the hidden ROI in every disaster.

When you stop demanding that the world be perfectly positive, you stop being a victim when it isn’t. The quality of your life is determined entirely by the quality of the questions you ask yourself. Are you ready to stop running your illusions and finally ask for the truth?

Follow me Joel Brown on Instagram if you want to know about how I can coach and support you.

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Change Your Mindset

The Modern Samurai Mindset: 6 Rules for Unbreakable Discipline

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Image Credit: Addicted2success

There is a dark cycle that most high achievers in our fast paced society are quietly trapped in.

You spend your weekdays running on adrenaline, caffeine and pressure. Then, when the weekend hits, you turn to distractions to numb the exhaustion. You drink, you smoke, you eat heavy comfort foods, you scroll endlessly, or you get high just to escape your own head. But the escape comes with a heavy price tag: splitting hangovers, wasted Sundays, and a sickening feeling in your gut that you are leaving massive potential on the table.

For years, I lived that exact cycle. But over the last three years, I aggressively audited my life. I quit the alcohol, the weed, the nicotine, and the mindless consumption.

I didn’t do it to be self-righteous. I did it because I realized those vices were just clever cover-ups for the uncomfortable reality hiding beneath the surface: I lacked true emotional control. When you strip away the distractions, you are forced to confront who you actually are.

To bridge the gap between where I was and the elite level I wanted to operate at, I studied the psychological frameworks of ancient warrior… specifically the samurai and adapted them for the modern entrepreneur. I built a system designed to maintain peak focus, effortless balance, and ruthless execution.

If you are ready to stop being reactive to the world around you and build a bulletproof presence, here are the six pillars of the modern samurai mindset.

1. Master the Art of Stillness (Say)

In a traditional samurai duel, everything is decided in a fraction of a second. If a warrior’s focus flickers for even 0.1 seconds, they lose.

In Japanese culture, we call this absolute immobility Say (stillness). Western business culture is incredibly proficient in movement—the grit, the hustle, the loud display of force. But the ultimate threat to a warrior (and an entrepreneur) is Ski—a microscopic gap in your breathing or a sudden lapse in attention that gives an opponent an opening.

In modern business, your Ski is procrastination, panic, and digital distraction. A moment of reactive anger can destroy a negotiation or kill a brilliant strategy. To master stillness, you must train your mind to sit with its own emptiness. This requires 20 to 30 minutes of deep, device-free reflection or meditation every single day. When you can sit in a room alone with your thoughts without needing to reach for your phone, you develop an emotional shock absorber. The market can crash, but your core remains entirely unmoved.

2. Practice Radical Non-Resistance (Nagas)

Nagas means to flow. In physical martial arts, it is the act of never meeting force with force; instead, you absorb your opponent’s momentum and let it slip harmlessly past you.

Imagine standing deep in a rushing river. If you lock your legs and fight the current, the water slams into you with immense pressure. You exhaust yourself just trying to stay upright. But if you lift your feet and float, you become one with the current, moving effortlessly.

The river is your startup. The current represents criticism, toxic clients, economic stress, and unforeseen setbacks. The more you emotionally resist these realities, the more rational thinking you lose. When a negative event hits you, don’t fight it emotionally. Observe it like an outsider, analyze the data, and execute the logical next step.

3. Forge a Dual-Engine Discipline

Discipline is the ultimate architect of self-worth. But true discipline requires two distinct engines: one for the mind, and one for the body. If you only train your intellect, your weapon is incomplete.

  • For the Body: Push your physical boundaries daily. Lift heavy weights, run when you don’t want to, take freezing cold showers, or sit in an intense sauna. This teaches your physiological nervous system to remain calm under extreme stress.

  • For the Mind: Learn to control your deepest biological impulses, specifically your dopamine cravings. Stop opening social media the second you feel bored.

When you conquer your own internal temptations, your energetic presence shifts completely. People will literally feel your authority, your gravity, and your calmness before you even open your mouth to speak.

4. Achieve the Mind of No-Mind (Mushin)

In high-stakes environments, the greatest enemy to execution is overthinking. The samurai called the ideal psychological state Mushin—translated literally as “the mind without mind.”

When a master swordsman enters a battle, they are not consciously planning their next movement or worrying about failure. Their mind is a mirror: it simply reflects the reality of the moment and acts automatically.

Most entrepreneurs fail to accomplish their goals because they are paralyzed by internal dialogue. They analyze a business plan for months, rewrite an email ten times, or wait for the “perfect” moment to launch. This mental chatter is just fear disguised as preparation. Mushin is the practice of closing the gap between thought and execution. When you know what needs to be done, eliminate the debate. Act immediately and let your training take over.

5. Maintain Unbroken Awareness (Zanshin)

Zanshin is the state of continuous, relaxed alertness. Even after a samurai defeated an opponent, they never dropped their guard to celebrate; they remained completely present, balanced, and prepared for the next threat.

In our current world, society suffers from a massive crisis of fragmented attention. Founders hit a major revenue milestone, get comfortable, drop their guard, and immediately get outpaced by a hungrier competitor.

By practicing Zanshin, you consciously choose to live outside the post-success slump. Pay absolute attention to your environment. Notice the body language of the people in your meetings. Listen to the subtle shifts in tone when your partners speak. When you cultivate unbroken awareness, you anticipate risks before they destroy your progress.

6. Embrace Your Battle Scars (Kintsugi)

When you choose to quit your vices and live a highly disciplined life, you will inevitably look back at your past with a degree of pain. You might think about the money you burnt, the failed businesses, or the relationships you damaged while distracting yourself.

The Japanese art of Kintsugi involves repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted with powdered gold. Instead of hiding the fractures, the artisan illuminates them, making the repaired object significantly more valuable than it was before it broke.

Your past struggles, your bankruptcies, and the moments you fell into self-sabotage are not things to be ashamed of. They are your golden seams. A person who has never been broken cannot understand the depth of true strength. By owning your past shadows, you transform your old vulnerabilities into fierce, entrepreneurial wisdom.

The Ultimate Control

You cannot always control the battlefield of business. The economy will shift, competitors will attack, and plans will fall apart.

But you can always control the warrior. Strip away the numbing agents, master your stillness, stop resisting the natural flow of life, and ruthlessly commit to the discipline of your mind and body. The world is waiting for your presence.

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Shift Your Mindset

How You Furnish Your First Place Says More About Your Mindset Than You Think

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Image Credit: Addicted2success

There is a version of starting out that most young people know well. The hand-me-down couch that came from a friend’s parents. The mattress on a frame that wobbles. The spare air mattress rolled up in the closet for the occasional guest, slowly losing air through the night. The plan was always to upgrade later, once things were more settled, once money was less tight, once life felt less temporary.

For a lot of people, later never comes. The temporary setup becomes the permanent one by default. 

The decisions you make about how you set up your first real space, including what you buy, what you skip, and what you prioritize, are early signals about how you think about value, longevity, and yourself.

The Real Cost of the Cheap Approach

There is a number that gets ignored when young people furnish apartments on the cheap: replacement cost. A sofa bought for $300 that lasts 12 months before the frame collapses or the fabric pills and stains beyond recovery costs more over five years than a $900 piece that holds up through all of it. The cheap version also costs in ways that don’t show up on a receipt, including the low-grade frustration of living in a space that feels provisional, and the effort of sourcing, buying, and moving replacement furniture every year or two.

This pattern shows up clearly in the data. The top furniture buying category for both Millennials and Gen Z in 2024 was sofas, which makes sense: a sofa is the piece that anchors how a living space feels and functions. And yet the same generations are increasingly vocal about a shift in approach. Consumer research from 2024 found that the “less is more” mindset is growing, with younger buyers favoring durability over quantity and investing in pieces built to last rather than filling a space quickly with things that won’t.

That shift is worth applying deliberately, especially when it comes to the one piece that has the most functional range in a small space: the sleeper sofa.

Why a Small Space Demands Smarter Choices

Millennials and Gen Z together make up 57% of all renters in the U.S., with Gen Z alone adding 6.7 million households to the rental market between 2019 and 2024. Most of those households are in apartments, and apartments in cities, where most young people building careers tend to concentrate, are not getting larger. They are getting smaller and more expensive.

In that context, every piece of furniture has to work harder. A sofa that only functions as a sofa is a luxury in a studio or a one-bedroom. A sofa that also converts into a real sleeping surface for an overnight guest pulls double duty in a way that makes the square footage go further.

A quality sleeper sofa is not just a piece of furniture. In a small apartment, it is a guest room. It is the solution that lets you have a friend stay from out of town without either of you suffering through a night on an air mattress on the floor. 

What Intentional Looks Like in Practice

The standard version, a pull-out with a thin mattress folded over a metal bar, has a reputation for being uncomfortable to sleep on and awkward to open. That reputation is accurate for the low-end versions, which are built to hit a price point rather than to perform.

The distinction between that category and a quality sleeper sofa comes down to three things: the mattress, the mechanism, and the upholstery.

A quality pull-out mattress runs at least five inches thick and uses pocket coil or high-density foam construction rather than the thin batting that ships in budget versions. The difference is felt in about the first 30 minutes of a night’s sleep, which is when the bar running across the center of a cheap mattress makes itself known. The mechanism should extend flat and lock without requiring two people and some degree of force to operate. And the upholstery should be chosen for the reality of a piece that gets used daily, not for how it photographs.

Full-grain leather is the right call for a piece that will see this level of use. It does not trap odors or allergens the way fabric does, spills wipe clean from the surface rather than absorbing into the material, and it develops a patina over years of use that makes it look better rather than worn out. For someone in their first real apartment who is buying one sofa that needs to serve them for the next five to seven years through multiple moves and different living situations, leather’s durability advantage over fabric is the most important factor.

The Mindset Shift That Makes This Decision Easier

One of the quieter challenges of early adulthood is learning to make purchases based on long-term value rather than short-term cost. It is a muscle that takes time to develop, because every early financial constraint pushes in the opposite direction.

Spending more on fewer, better things is the more economical approach over any realistic time horizon. Nearly 24.7% of Millennials say they plan to rent indefinitely, and Gen Z is following a similar path as affordability barriers remain high. That means a quality sofa bought at 24 or 26 is not going to sit in one apartment for two years before being replaced by a house full of new furniture. It is going to move with you, through multiple apartments, through different cities, into whatever configuration your life takes for the next decade.

A piece that holds up through that is the economical choice wearing a higher price tag.

Setting the Standard Early

The decisions you make when setting up your first real space have a compounding effect on how you inhabit it. A space that is put together with intention, where the pieces were chosen because they serve a real purpose and are built to last, changes the experience of being in it every day. It signals to yourself that you are not waiting to arrive somewhere before you deserve to live well.

That is not a small thing. Motivation researchers have documented for years that environment shapes behavior, not just the other way around. The space you work in, rest in, and bring people into affects how you think and how you show up. Building that space well from the start, rather than patching it together with whatever is cheapest and closest, is itself a form of investing in the person you are becoming.

The sleeper sofa is one piece, but it represents the broader decision: to buy fewer things of real quality rather than more things that will need replacing. That choice, made early, is one most people look back on without regret.

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Change Your Mindset

The 5 Rules of an Infinite Mindset: How to Command Your Career and Life

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A profound philosophy often requires a simple metaphor. The following article distills the core teachings of leadership expert Simon Sinek into five actionable rules for developing an “infinite mindset”—a perspective that prioritizes long-term resilience, deep relationships, and meaningful work over short-term burnout.

There are two ways to see the world.

Some people see the thing that they want. Other people see the thing that prevents them from getting the thing that they want.

There is a great story of two lumberjacks. Every morning, they start chopping wood at the exact same time. Every evening, they stop at the exact same time. But every day, one of the lumberjacks disappears for an hour in the middle of the day. Yet, at the end of the day, the lumberjack who took a break always chops more wood than the one who worked straight through.

After months of this, the exhausted lumberjack finally asks, “I don’t understand. Every day you disappear for an hour, and every day you chop more wood than me. Where do you go?”

The other lumberjack smiles and says, “I go home and sharpen my axe.”

If you adopt an infinite mindset, you realize that success is not about how much you can blindly grind out each day. It is about how much you can achieve over the course of a career or a lifetime. You have to take vacations. You have to turn off your phone. You have to sharpen your axe.

Here are five rules to help you find your spark, sharpen your axe, and bring your infinite mindset to life.

Rule #1: See the Bagel, Not the Line

Years ago, a friend and I ran a race in Central Park. At the finish line, a sponsor was giving away free bagels. On one side, volunteers handed out the food; on the other, a massive, snaking line of exhausted runners waited.

I said to my friend, “Let’s get a bagel.” He looked at the crowd and said, “The line’s too long.” I said, “Free bagel?” He shook his head. “I don’t want to wait in line.”

That is when I realized the divide in how people view opportunities. He could only see the line. I could only see the bagels. I walked up to the line, leaned in between two people, reached into the box, and pulled out two bagels.

No one got mad. Why? Because you can go after whatever you want in life, as long as you do not deny anyone else the ability to go after what they want. You don’t have to wait in line. You can break the rules. You can do it your way, as long as you aren’t getting in the way of others.

Rule #2: Be the Last to Speak

Nelson Mandela is universally regarded as one of the greatest leaders in modern history. When asked how he learned to lead, he credited his father, a tribal chief. Mandela remembered two things about his father’s tribal meetings: they always sat in a circle, and his father was always the last to speak.

You will be told your whole life that you need to learn to listen. But the true master skill is learning to be the last to speak.

In boardrooms across the world, leaders walk in and say, “Here is the problem, here is what I think, but I’m interested in your opinion.” By then, it is too late. The room has been biased.

Holding your opinion until everyone else has spoken accomplishes two things:

  1. It gives everyone else the feeling that they have been heard and have contributed.

  2. You get the immense benefit of hearing all the data and perspectives before you render your final opinion.

Do not nod in agreement or shake your head in disagreement while others talk. Sit, take it all in, ask clarifying questions, and wait your turn.

Rule #3: The Ceramic Cup is Not for You

A former Under Secretary of Defense was invited to speak at a massive conference. He stood on stage holding a cheap styrofoam cup of coffee, went off script, and shared a story.

“Last year,” he said, “I was still the Under Secretary. They flew me here in business class. A car was waiting for me at the airport. They checked me into my hotel, and the next morning, a driver brought me to the backstage entrance where someone handed me a beautiful ceramic cup of coffee.”

He took a sip from his styrofoam cup. “I am no longer the Under Secretary. I flew coach, took a taxi, checked myself in, and walked through the front doors of this venue. When I asked for coffee, someone pointed to a machine in the corner, and I poured it myself into this styrofoam cup.”

His lesson was profound: “The ceramic cup was never meant for me. It was meant for the position I held. I deserve a styrofoam cup.”

As you gain fortune, seniority, and success, people will treat you better. They will open doors and give you free things. Enjoy the perks, but remain deeply humble. Know that they are not meant for you; they are meant for your title. You will always only deserve a styrofoam cup.

Rule #4: Take Accountability (Sometimes, You Are the Problem)

In the 18th century, “purple fever” ravaged Europe and America. Women were dying within 48 hours of childbirth in horrific numbers—in some hospitals, the mortality rate was as high as 70%.

Doctors and men of science were baffled. They would conduct autopsies on the victims in the morning, and then deliver babies in the afternoon. It wasn’t until the mid-1800s that Dr. Oliver Wendell Holmes suggested the unthinkable: the doctors were the ones killing the women because they weren’t washing their hands.

The medical community ignored and mocked him for 30 years. Finally, they realized he was right. When they started washing their hands, the black death of childbirth vanished.

The lesson is harsh but necessary: sometimes, you are the problem. You cannot take credit for everything that goes right in your life if you refuse to take accountability for what goes wrong. If your entire team is struggling, maybe it isn’t them. Maybe it is your leadership.

Rule #5: Learn to Ask for Help

When a former Navy SEAL was asked what kind of person makes it through the brutal BUD/S selection process, he couldn’t answer. But he knew exactly who didn’t make it.

He said the guys with bulging muscles covered in tattoos who wanted to prove how tough they were never made it. The star college athletes who had never been tested to their core never made it.

The ones who made it were often scrawny, sometimes shivering with fear. But when they were physically and emotionally spent, when they had absolutely nothing left in the tank, they somehow found the energy to help the guy next to them.

The world is too dangerous and difficult to conquer alone. Practice asking for help when you are stuck, and immediately accept it when it is offered. When you drop the facade that you have everything under control, you will discover an army of people ready to rush in and support you.

The Bottom Line

Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion.

If you want to build a career defined by passion, stop waiting in line. Practice empathy, be the last to speak, ask for help, and remember to always sharpen your axe.

Checkout this video with Simon Sinek about an Infinite Mindset

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