Life
What Happens to Your Life When You Stop Blocking Pain
“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” Thank you, Mr. Stephen King. We know that. We all have to struggle with those monsters from time to time. Doing that, I got one and the same piece of advice from my family and friends: forget and let it go.
What? To forget those black holes of pain and despair swallowing the palladium of happiness and destroying the last vestiges of joy in my life? To forget those black holes growing bigger regardless of my painful attempts to let them go?
They must be joking. When it seemed a no-win situation, people sincerely tried to help me. “Everything is gonna be okay,” they said. “Take a break and have some rest,” they said. And I did what they said. More than that, it worked! For a day or week.
I tried to avoid being alone, I met with friends, I worked far into the night, I read, I listened to music, I wrote articles on generating ideas to boost motivation and productivity. And I didn’t allow myself to think about my inner pain and despair.
But sooner or later the moment came when even happy-ending movies could make me cry and lie on the path to destruction again. This teeterboard had been taking place for years until I decided to sink to the bottom of that darkness and emptiness.
The problem is, we aren’t able to suffer today
In our fast-moving world, we have no time and skills to do that. The traditions of fighting depression come down to one simple phrase: “You need to move on.”
We can’t experience grief and feel sad. Breaking up with loved ones, facing death, or losing a job, we all do the same: we move on and keep on living, ignoring the damage all those losses cause to our minds. We block the problem. Instead, we would rather stop and get rid of the pain source. Instead, we would rather get into a shell and live the pain slowly.
The first time I met this problem was when I had lost my best friend. I remember everyone trying to support me: they went to college with me, they took me to cafes, and they discussed numerous topics with me. Except for the most painful one.
And when I voiced her name (she was the only topic I wanted to discuss), everyone suddenly froze in awkward silence. They didn’t know how to comfort a friend in crisis. In order not to mar conversations and discomfort others, I had to switch topics.
That was the lesson learned. It’s embarrassing and awkward to discuss your problems, and it’s improper to suffer and feel pain. Moreover, it’s dreadful. Pain always equaled something negative, frightful, and all-absorbing. If there were mechanisms that allowed avoiding pain, I grasped for any change to use them. And that was my biggest mistake.
“It’s okay if you fall down and lose your spark. Just make sure that when you get back up, you rise as the whole damn fire.” – Colette Werden
Pain and fear don’t disappear
The more we try to ignore and forget them, the stronger they become and come back again. More than that, they make us emotional cripples. Not allowing ourselves to feel inner pain, we let it stay inside and settle down there forever. Then, it becomes the source of different insecurities, neurotic disorders, and phobic reactions determining our deeds and behavior in future.
That pain and fear will overstrain our nerves and plague others’ life out. Come face to face with your pain. Blocking it will not let you know the enemy by sight. There is a psychotherapeutic methodology called a method of paradoxical intention when clients are asked to meet their fears. Once they stopped struggling with the problem and allowed it to EXIST, the symptoms weakened.
Live your pain.It’s significant for pain to materialize, scar, and, eventually, leave us wiser. Facing pain and fears, we get the chance to bear real us, allowing ourselves to be weaker than public attitudes define.
Once we face pain and fears, they will fall from power
Accept it. Accepting your fears, you’ll be able to manage them. You’ll leave them no ways to win, making them your weapon. Just admit that it’s painful, frightful, and bitter.
Admit there was a reason for your pain. As a rule, we feel this reason deep inside our gut. If you don’t, keep on looking everywhere until you have a hunch somewhere in a traffic jam, a shower, or wherever. And then it’s time to come out of your shell.
Name the reason aloud or write it down. Ask yourself why it’s so hard to think and talk about it. Examine its every split and corner. And give it a chance to feel ill a bit. It’s like a vaccine: you’ll be hardened to a virus only after you get a dose of it.
“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” – John Lennon
Make it a friend
Your inner pain is not your enemy but old friend signaling about the danger. You can’t make all your problems disappear forever. Still, coming to terms with them and accepting your inner monsters, you get powers to control them and beat the stuffing out of them.
You know who you are. You know your chink in the armor. You know you can love and fight despite all defeats. And this knowledge makes you wiser.
Accept your pain as if it’s your old friend who comes to warn you about dangers. Feel it, diving into its deepest bottoms to push off, discover yourself, and continue swimming at your ease.
How have you used pain to excel to a better life? Please leave your thoughts below!
Image courtesy of Twenty20.com
Life
9 Harsh Truths Every Young Man Must Face to Succeed in the Modern World
Before chasing success, every young man needs to face these 9 brutal realities shaping masculinity in the modern world.
Many young men today quietly battle depression, loneliness, and a sense of confusion about who they’re meant to be.
Some blame the lack of deep friendships or romantic relationships. Others feel lost in a digital world that often labels traditional masculinity as “toxic.”
But the truth is this: becoming a man in the modern age takes more than just surviving. It takes resilience, direction, and a willingness to grow even when no one’s watching.
Success doesn’t arrive by accident or luck. It’s built on discipline, sacrifice, and consistency.
Here are 9 harsh truths every young man should know if he wants to thrive, not just survive, in the digital age.
1. Never Use Your Illness as an Excuse
As Dr. Jordan B. Peterson often says, successful people don’t complain; they act.
Your illness, hardship, or struggle shouldn’t define your limits; it should define your motivation. Rest when you must, but always get back up and keep building your dreams. Motivation doesn’t appear magically. It comes after you take action.
Here are five key lessons I’ve learned from Dr. Peterson:
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Learn to write clearly; clarity of thought makes you dangerous.
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Read quality literature in your free time.
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Nurture a strong relationship with your family.
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Share your ideas publicly; your voice matters.
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Become a “monster”, powerful, but disciplined enough to control it.
The best leaders and thinkers are grounded. They welcome criticism, adapt quickly, and keep moving forward no matter what.
2. You Can’t Please Everyone And That’s Okay
You don’t need a crowd of people to feel fulfilled. You need a few friends who genuinely accept you for who you are.
If your circle doesn’t bring out your best, it’s okay to walk away. Solitude can be a powerful teacher. It gives you space to understand what you truly want from life. Remember, successful men aren’t people-pleasers; they’re purpose-driven.
3. You Can Control the Process, Not the Outcome
Especially in creative work, writing, business, or content creation, you control effort, not results.
You might publish two articles a day, but you can’t dictate which one will go viral. Focus on mastery, not metrics. Many great writers toiled for years in obscurity before anyone noticed them. Rejection, criticism, and indifference are all part of the path.
The best creators focus on storytelling, not applause.
4. Rejection Is Never Personal
Rejection doesn’t mean you’re unworthy. It simply means your offer, idea, or timing didn’t align.
Every successful person has faced rejection repeatedly. What separates them is persistence and perspective. They see rejection as feedback, not failure. The faster you learn that truth, the faster you’ll grow.
5. Women Value Comfort and Security
Understanding women requires maturity and empathy.
Through books, lectures, and personal growth, I’ve learned that most women desire a man who is grounded, intelligent, confident, emotionally stable, and consistent. Some want humor, others intellect, but nearly all want to feel safe and supported.
Instead of chasing attention, work on self-improvement. Build competence and confidence, and the rest will follow naturally.
6. There’s No Such Thing as Failure, Only Lessons
A powerful lesson from Neuro-Linguistic Programming: failure only exists when you stop trying.
Every mistake brings data. Every setback builds wisdom. The most successful men aren’t fearless. They’ve simply learned to act despite fear.
Be proud of your scars. They’re proof you were brave enough to try.
7. Public Speaking Is an Art Form
Public speaking is one of the most valuable and underrated skills a man can master.
It’s not about perfection; it’s about connection. The best speakers tell stories, inspire confidence, and make people feel seen. They research deeply, speak honestly, and practice relentlessly.
If you can speak well, you can lead, sell, teach, and inspire. Start small, practice at work, in class, or even in front of a mirror, and watch your confidence skyrocket.
8. Teaching Is Leadership in Disguise
Great teachers are not just knowledgeable. They’re brave, compassionate, and disciplined.
Teaching forces you to articulate what you know, and in doing so, you master it at a deeper level. Whether you’re mentoring a peer, leading a team, or sharing insights online, teaching refines your purpose.
Lifelong learners become lifelong leaders.
9. Study Human Nature to Achieve Your Dreams
One of the toughest lessons to accept: most people are self-interested.
That’s not cynicism, it’s human nature. Understanding this helps you navigate relationships, business, and communication more effectively.
Everyone has a darker side, but successful people learn to channel theirs productively into discipline, creativity, and drive.
Psychology isn’t just theory; it’s a toolkit. Learn how people think, act, and decide, and you’ll know how to lead them, influence them, and even understand yourself better.
Final Thoughts
The digital age offers endless opportunities, but only to those who are willing to take responsibility, confront discomfort, and keep improving.
Becoming a man today means embracing the hard truths most avoid.
Because at the end of the day, success isn’t about luck. It’s about who you become when life tests you the most.
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