Success Advice

The Secret to Self-Talk: How to Motivate and Root for Yourself First

Published

2 years ago

Jan 11, 2022

Image Credit: Unsplash

There are few things more important than to surround yourself with people who have your back when times are tough or cheer for you in your successes. These motivators pick you up when you’ve been knocked down, point out all the great things you’ve accomplished when you didn’t think you could, and help you keep your sights on achieving your goals. But, no matter how many outside motivators you have in your life, at some point, you’re going to be alone—just you and your thoughts. What happens then?

Every failure, disappointment, or setback in life has the power to tear you down. However, they also have the power to build you back up stronger, wiser, and smarter than ever. It’s not the event that matters; it’s how you handle it internally. Specifically, it’s how you talk to yourself when there’s no one else around.

Here are 5 steps to ramping up your self-talk game and giving yourself the motivation and perseverance that you need, anytime you need it.

1. Eavesdrop on your thoughts

Before you can improve your self-talk, first, you have to find out what’s currently being said in your mind. We are all in constant conversation with ourselves, but much of it takes place unconsciously—recycled or habitual content we’ve told ourselves year after year. Eavesdrop on your own thoughts for a while. Don’t try to change the conversation quite yet; let it play out as if you were simply sitting down on a park bench and watching the pigeons. Awareness is key to any desired change.

2. Clear out the old tapes

Now, as you listen closer and discern the different voices, phrases, and beliefs, trace them back to their origin. You’ll probably realize that many of the words or sentiments are not yours but belong instead to your parents, friends, old teachers, mentors, or past adversaries. These voices and people have taken up residence in your mind without your permission (and often without your knowledge). Now is the time to start showing some of these voices the door. You don’t need to keep replaying Uncle John’s cutting remarks about your potential. Nor do you need your family’s fears superimposing on you and holding you back.

Now is your time. You are not the person of your past; you are not a Russian doll in a stack of Russian dolls obligated to carry the family fears and doubts with you. You are your own person, with your individual potentials, goals, and dreams. Stake your claim to your individual journey.

3. Get friendly with your emotions

As you listen, the constant white noise of chatter might soon differentiate, and you’ll detect the various voices of fear, anger, jealousy, uncertainty, or other underlying emotions. It’s not always easy to accept that all these emotions belong to us, but emotions are what define us as human beings. If channeled properly, they can perform their true role as messengers, helping us grow stronger, savvier, and even showing us the way forward.

Here are some examples of how you might start dialoguing with your emotions:

“I hear your concerns, Fear, but this is good for our growth. Buckle up.”

“Envy, thank you for showing me what I want most. Now, I’m going after it.”

“I know that last speech didn’t land like you hoped, Guilt, but we’re better prepared this time.”

“Every rejection is a reminder that you’re in the game, Shame!”

“Be mindful of your self talk. It’s a conversation with the universe.” – David James

4. Talk to yourself as you would talk to others

What’s your initial response when you send an email but quickly realize you forgot the attachment? Do you beat yourself up for it, or do you laugh it off, addressing the error and moving on? Additionally, how long do you replay or rehash mistakes or missteps in your mind?

Chances are, you’re harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else. Notice the difference between how you talk to yourself when you make a mistake and how you talk to others for making similar mistakes. Next, consider what you would say to someone else in the same situation. How would you boost them up? What might you say to encourage them to refocus? Then, work to offer your same wise advice—wrapped in kindness, patience, and understanding—to yourself.

5. Try talking to yourself in the third person

Now that you’ve cleaned out your mind and committed to practicing more kindness toward yourself, it’s time to get talking. But—how?

Most of us tend to talk to ourselves in an “I” language. However, a study on self-talk shows that it works best to use the third person instead. According to this study, when we use “I” language, it tends to slant negative, despite our best efforts. For example, we might say, “I don’t know if I can do this.” When, instead, we speak in the third person, it naturally sounds more positive, such as, “Mary, you’ve done this a thousand times before, you’ve got it!”

We all need to surround ourselves with people who can build us back up when we’re down. But the most important person to do this work is you. To ramp up your self-talk game, start listening in, clear out any old tapes, make friends with your emotions, talk to yourself as you would anyone else—and try using the third person! These small shifts might be all you need to put successful self-talk at the top of your motivational toolbox.

Happy conversing!

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Keri Mangis

Keri Mangis is an author and freelance writer/speaker. Her work has appeared in Elephant Journal, Addicted2Success, The Good Men Project, Mindful Word, Thought Catalog, The Edge Magazine, Essential Wellness, and others. She writes about culture/society, spirituality, personal growth, transformation, and empowerment. She is the award-winning author of Embodying Soul: A Return to Wholeness. Learn more about Keri’s journey here.

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In just a few weeks, we will be wrapping up 2023. Can you believe it? This year has been absolutely incredible for me.

I have seen amazing doors opened, new relationships formed and I am seeing dreams realized in my life. While this seems like the hallmarks of a great year, this has also been the most challenging year of my life. With all of the change happening in my life, I have been forced out of my comfort zone and challenged to grow in every area of my life.

I can truly say that I have made the most of my moments this year and I have used everything as a catalyst for maximizing my greatest potential.

As a revolutionary leader, I have the pleasure of consulting and advising leaders around the world to fulfill purpose, realize their greatest potential and make an impact.

I want to share some insights with you that will help you to break cycles of mediocrity and manifest your greatness.

Everything legal must come through the matrix

I am sure that some of you are wondering why I am using the term matrix. However, what you have to understand is that I am trying to make a highly complex spiritual principle practical to understand.

Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, every life has an origin and I believe that origin is divine and begins with eternity. You are birthed from eternity and into time to fulfill a unique purpose and assignment in your lifetime and generation.

The matrix is simply the portal or vehicle that brings something out of the invisible realm and into tangible form. The problem with much of the teaching today is that it excludes the matrix. We are told to believe that success is instantaneous and overnight.

Nobody talks about how a dream progresses through stages beginning with visualization and ultimately culminating in manifestation. Without a matrix or portal then everything that you attempt to birth and build will be illegal.

The matrix not only makes you legal but it gives you the authority and power to function as the greatest expression of who you were created to be.

Every matrix has an incubation process

While many people admire and respect me today, I remember a time when nobody knew who I was or the significance of my message. How did I get to where I am today? I got here through an incubation process.

In other words, everything that has been destined for your life is incubating and awaiting a set time of manifestation. The problem is that most people live their entire lives idle and never initiate the incubation process.

What do I meany by that? Most people are living reckless and very few people are living intentionally. I am amazed at the number of people I have conversations with that have no vision, goals or strategies for their lives. They show great promise and they have undeniable potential.

However, without development they will die with their dreams still in them.

Everything that has been destined for your life must be incubated and converted to become realities born to time.

“Visualize this thing that you want, see it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blueprint and begin to build.” – Robert Collier

You must give expression to that which is not yet born to time

When you think about a matrix or a prophetic incubation process, you have to understand that potential is often unrealized and untapped. In other words, your potential is in raw form and your potential cannot serve you as long as it is untapped.

The thing that makes me valuable is that I have the ability to convert potential into power. I have done it in my own life and I have empowered leaders around the world to do the same. How do you convert potential into power?

First, it is important to note that you have to perceive potential. If you cannot perceive your potential then you can never cultivate your potential. In addition, you must take the time to cultivate your potential. We often get excited about our capabilities; however, we never expand our capacity in order to realize our greatest potential.

In other words, the strength of your potential is only discovered through your willingness to stretch. The more we are challenged the more we are empowered to expand our capacity for greatness. Most of all, you must begin to express your potential. The expression of potential is different for every person.

For example, the expression of my potential is best demonstrated through the thoughts, ideas, products, services, books, etc.

For another person the expression of potential may look like a screenplay, artwork, sports, scientific discoveries, medical breakthroughs, etc.

Regardless of the form of expression, I know that you will live empty and unfulfilled until you make the decision to express your potential. The expression of your potential gives voice to your dreams, life to your vision, significance to your moments and activates your true power.

You must manifest your greatness

As a revolutionary thinker and leader, my work has impacted people around the world. I am grateful that my life is a source of empowerment to so many people. However, before anyone could ever benefit from my life, I had to make a non-negotiable decision to become who I was born to be.

I wish I could tell you that this journey is easy and that you will get there overnight. However, in a world that celebrates us for doing we are often criticized for being. As a result, I wasted a lot of time trying to be who other people wanted me to be instead of being who I was born to be.

There is no greatness without becoming and there is no becoming with authenticity. It is through our bravery to be vulnerable that we ultimately manifest our greatness. We do not bless the world by being a duplicate. We bless the world when we honor our difference. When you honor your difference you honor your potential.

Ultimately, your difference is how you manifest your greatness.

When you present anything but your authentic self to the world, you are playing small and you are robbing the world of your significance. Manifesting your greatness requires you to master your gifts.

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