There are few things more important than to surround yourself with people who have your back when times are tough or cheer for you in your successes. These motivators pick you up when you’ve been knocked down, point out all the great things you’ve accomplished when you didn’t think you could, and help you keep your sights on achieving your goals. But, no matter how many outside motivators you have in your life, at some point, you’re going to be alone—just you and your thoughts. What happens then?
Every failure, disappointment, or setback in life has the power to tear you down. However, they also have the power to build you back up stronger, wiser, and smarter than ever. It’s not the event that matters; it’s how you handle it internally. Specifically, it’s how you talk to yourself when there’s no one else around.
Here are 5 steps to ramping up your self-talk game and giving yourself the motivation and perseverance that you need, anytime you need it.
1. Eavesdrop on your thoughts
Before you can improve your self-talk, first, you have to find out what’s currently being said in your mind. We are all in constant conversation with ourselves, but much of it takes place unconsciously—recycled or habitual content we’ve told ourselves year after year. Eavesdrop on your own thoughts for a while. Don’t try to change the conversation quite yet; let it play out as if you were simply sitting down on a park bench and watching the pigeons. Awareness is key to any desired change.
2. Clear out the old tapes
Now, as you listen closer and discern the different voices, phrases, and beliefs, trace them back to their origin. You’ll probably realize that many of the words or sentiments are not yours but belong instead to your parents, friends, old teachers, mentors, or past adversaries. These voices and people have taken up residence in your mind without your permission (and often without your knowledge). Now is the time to start showing some of these voices the door. You don’t need to keep replaying Uncle John’s cutting remarks about your potential. Nor do you need your family’s fears superimposing on you and holding you back.
Now is your time. You are not the person of your past; you are not a Russian doll in a stack of Russian dolls obligated to carry the family fears and doubts with you. You are your own person, with your individual potentials, goals, and dreams. Stake your claim to your individual journey.
3. Get friendly with your emotions
As you listen, the constant white noise of chatter might soon differentiate, and you’ll detect the various voices of fear, anger, jealousy, uncertainty, or other underlying emotions. It’s not always easy to accept that all these emotions belong to us, but emotions are what define us as human beings. If channeled properly, they can perform their true role as messengers, helping us grow stronger, savvier, and even showing us the way forward.
Here are some examples of how you might start dialoguing with your emotions:
“I hear your concerns, Fear, but this is good for our growth. Buckle up.”
“Envy, thank you for showing me what I want most. Now, I’m going after it.”
“I know that last speech didn’t land like you hoped, Guilt, but we’re better prepared this time.”
“Every rejection is a reminder that you’re in the game, Shame!”
“Be mindful of your self talk. It’s a conversation with the universe.” – David James
4. Talk to yourself as you would talk to others
What’s your initial response when you send an email but quickly realize you forgot the attachment? Do you beat yourself up for it, or do you laugh it off, addressing the error and moving on? Additionally, how long do you replay or rehash mistakes or missteps in your mind?
Chances are, you’re harder on yourself than you would be on anyone else. Notice the difference between how you talk to yourself when you make a mistake and how you talk to others for making similar mistakes. Next, consider what you would say to someone else in the same situation. How would you boost them up? What might you say to encourage them to refocus? Then, work to offer your same wise advice—wrapped in kindness, patience, and understanding—to yourself.
5. Try talking to yourself in the third person
Now that you’ve cleaned out your mind and committed to practicing more kindness toward yourself, it’s time to get talking. But—how?
Most of us tend to talk to ourselves in an “I” language. However, a study on self-talk shows that it works best to use the third person instead. According to this study, when we use “I” language, it tends to slant negative, despite our best efforts. For example, we might say, “I don’t know if I can do this.” When, instead, we speak in the third person, it naturally sounds more positive, such as, “Mary, you’ve done this a thousand times before, you’ve got it!”
We all need to surround ourselves with people who can build us back up when we’re down. But the most important person to do this work is you. To ramp up your self-talk game, start listening in, clear out any old tapes, make friends with your emotions, talk to yourself as you would anyone else—and try using the third person! These small shifts might be all you need to put successful self-talk at the top of your motivational toolbox.
How to Organize Your Digital Space for the New Year
Every new year brings with it a fresh start and a new set of resolutions. One new year’s resolution you can make that will help set you up for success is to maintain an organized workspace all year long. Much like you should keep your physical workspace clean and clutter free, you should also do the same for your digital work space. (more…)
How to Live Like a Millionaire Without Being One
You don’t have to look far to find people who seem to be living the high life. In both social and traditional media, the affluent lifestyle appears to be more the rule than the exception. While not always truthful, it’s part of the posturing that takes place in our rabidly consumer-driven society. (more…)
3 Ways to Overcome Impostor Syndrome
Imagine you’re the head of a $250 million company. Sounds great, right? Except you’re challenged with your level of success. In fact, your anxiety is so overwhelming that you walk out of an exclusive CEO event to talk to your executive coach. Without that support, you wouldn’t be able to return to a room filled with other leaders — most of whom aren’t running businesses worth nearly as much as yours. (more…)
4 Lessons I’ve Learned From Sending 3 Million Emails
As an entrepreneur, the heart of your business lies in your email marketing efforts. Sixty-four percent of small businesses use email marketing to reach their customers. Each year this percent will grow because email marketing can turn a fledgling business into the leader of the pack. What you do with those emails matters. Whether you’re a branding coach that helps newly service-based women or you’re like me – an expert content freelancer helping others learn to make a business online –at the end of your email marketing efforts, you’ll hopefully come away with lessons for improvement. I learned these lessons from sending three million emails. (more…)
4 Crucial Life Lessons Rich Dad, Poor Dad Taught Me
25 Inspirational Michael Bublé Quotes to Brighten Your Day
Here’s How Your Relationships Determines Your Happiness
50 Mind-Blowing Victor Hugo Quotes You MUST Read
48 Extraordinary Dr. Seuss Quotes To Motivate & Inspire You
55 Inspirational Quotes That Will Change Your Life
(Images) 52 Motivational Picture Quotes For An Epic Year Of Success
30 Famous Quotes That Will Inspire Success In You
40 Rare Motivational and Inspirational Picture Quotes
72 Positive Thinking Quotes For More Inner Strength & Growth
3 Prince EA Videos To Change Humanities Path To Greatness
(Video) What Is Success? An Entrepreneurial Story To Inspire You
(Inspirational Video) What If Today You Knew You Were Going To Take Your Last Breath?
How To Make Enough Money From A Blog To Quit Your Job – Kate McKibbin
How Finding Your Passion And Becoming An Entrepreneur Can Lead To Happiness – Chiquita Searle
Life3 weeks ago
5 Things You Should Do Differently in the New Year
Success Advice3 weeks ago
7 Ways To Write New Years Resolutions And Stick To Them
Life3 weeks ago
The Only 5 Tips You Need to Live a Better & Struggle-Free Life in 2022
Life2 weeks ago
6 Simple Ways to Practice Self-Care More in 2022
Life2 weeks ago
5 Ways to Ditch the Resolution in 2022 and Create the Solution
Quotes3 weeks ago
The 50 Unforgettable Betty White Quotes For Inspiration
Quotes4 weeks ago
237 Powerful Jordan Peterson Quotes You MUST Read
Success Advice4 weeks ago
How to Help Your Child Succeed in Life: 7 Tips From a Psychologist