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Here’s What’s Really Holding You Back in Life and How to Get Past It

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If you’d like to learn how to let go of pain from your past so you can find bliss in your present life, sign up for the free 90-Day Master Class hosted by the founder of Addicted2Success.com, Joel Brown.


Can forgiveness bring healing into your life? What do you think? Are you finding positive experiences hard to come by in your life? Maybe good things do happen to you, but you’re so absorbed in negative emotions, you barely get the time to absorb in the beautiful moments that pass you by.

Your partner tells you they love you, yet you disregard it because you’re completely lost in anger at the person that gave you the finger in traffic two hours back. Then you wonder why your relationship lacks connection.

Don’t worry, we all get absorbed up in negative emotions. The problem is that most of us hang on to them for dear life. Every experience in your life, whether good or bad, produces an emotion in the body. The emotions you feel as a result of experiences then get stored as memories in your mind.

As a result, the collections of memories in your mind go on to create the mental movie by which you live your life. If the majority of your memories are positive, you’ll likely experience a romantic movie. Yet, when negative emotions get stored in abundance your mind movie can quickly turn into a thriller.

Given our mind’s negative bias, you are more likely to subconsciously experience the latter. Anger, fear, sadness and guilt are the main negative emotions by which most of us live our lives. This is because as memories get triggered day to day, you subconsciously relive the same feelings of a past experience, often trapping negative emotions in the body.

Given our tendency to avoid discomfort, when negative emotions become trapped in the body, the resistance creates stress and can strain all our bodily functions. This is why it is absolutely possible for trapped emotions to lead to health complications.

“Slow down and remember this: Most things make no difference.” – Tim Ferriss

Clinging to the past

Imagine you were bullied as a child, years have gone by since your ordeal, and you may now be vibrant and full of confidence. Yet, if you were to bump into one of your past bullies in the street, chances are your confidence would take a dip and you’d relive the fear and trauma tied to that past experience, even if the bully is now a really nice guy.

Your confidence after that encounter is then likely to take a while to build back up. This happens because you have clung onto, hidden and trapped the past negative emotions linked to being bullied.

The above situation will keep happening to you over and over again unless you address your emotions. You risk hampering all future positive moments in your life with unaddressed past emotions, for whatever reason they arise.

It’s the reason why unfortunately anxiety and depression are amongst the most common mental health disorders worldwide. People are always caught up and relive or anticipate past negative emotions.

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

Forgiveness the path to healing

Your way out is confronting these emotions face to face, rather than suppressing them to forget. When you face your emotions, it’s then that you can begin to forgive and move on. Can forgiveness bring healing? Absolutely!

Forgiveness allows you to remove the shield of emotional pain you have stocked up over the years. When you can find it within you to forgive others and situations for any harm caused to you, you’ll find it within you to forgive yourself for feeling the emotions you are feeling.

Approaching your negative emotions with compassion and love while engaging in the act of forgiveness results in those emotions losing power over you. Given you’ve been suppressing your whole life, you will most likely have to forgive someone, a situation or yourself countless times in your mind until you notice a change.

Remember that each time you forgive, you are removing a layer of pain and rebalancing your emotional chemistry in the process. You will come to realize you have truly forgiven someone or yourself when you no longer feel any emotional reaction to the painful memory that crosses your mind.

The more you forgive and let go of all fear, anger, guilt, shame, and sadness the lighter and the more whole you will feel as a human being. The more you let go and vibrate positive energy, the more you will be able to attract and enjoy the positive experiences in your life.

So forgive the guy that gave you the finger in the morning traffic and let it go. Go tell your partner you love them instead of fighting or being angry. You’ll come to realise that your lucky night was within your control all along.

Do you have any suggestions on ways to let go of things from the past? If so, please share some of your advice with us below!

Mathieu Ganado is a registered yoga instructor and owner of the Soul Habits blog, business brand and Facebook page. Having left a career in finance, having been published in local newspapers and magazines, Mathieu now enjoys writing, fitness and music.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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