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Success Advice

Why Your Confidence Needs to Match Your Competence



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Even if you produce amazing results at your job or in other areas of your life, others may still not see you as being competent if you lack the confidence to back it up. If you are good at your job, exuding confidence will ensure others also recognize your competence in your area of expertise. And research backs this up.

In a study from the early 1980s, psychologists Barry Schlenker and Mark Leary asked 48 real test subjects to rate the competence (among other things) of 60 fictional people who would either be taking part in a tennis tournament or a final examination for a class. The test subjects received both the fictional people’s predictions about how they would do (from very poor to very good) and the results of how they performed.

It turns out the test subjects rated the competence of the “people” who predicted they’d do well higher than the “people” who were more modest in their expectations — regardless of how well the fictional people ended up performing in the tournament or on the test. Even when the fictional people predicted they’d perform well and it was shown they did not, the test subjects still rated them as more competent than the other imaginary people who had predicted they’d do poorly.

“Confidence. If you have it, you can make anything look good. ” – Diane Von Furstenberg

A more recent study from 2017 that replicated the earlier one found the same results, showing that a healthy dose of confidence can help sway how people perceive your competence.

One possible explanation for why people may see you as more competent if you project more confidence is confidence bias, which is when people simply believe someone who exudes a large amount of confidence because they think someone who is confident about a subject must know what they’re talking about (even if they actually don’t).

Obviously you want to avoid conveying false confidence when you don’t actually know what you’re doing. Having the confidence, but not actually having the skills and experience to back it up is a dangerous combination. The following tips are not for cultivating a “fake it ‘til you make it” mindset. These tips are to help you convey the right amount of confidence in your skills and experience so others can pick up on your already existing competence.

1. Get feedback

Find someone you trust who can give you straightforward feedback about how you come across to others. (Perhaps a trusted work colleague or personal acquaintance who isn’t so close to you that they’ll hold back with their critique). Ask them to provide both positive feedback and make suggestions for how you can improve the way you convey confidence. For example, you might subconsciously rub the back of your neck when you’re explaining something, which could give off an air of doubt. Having someone point this out so you can stop doing this will be helpful.

2. Memorize some key information

The best way to convey competence is to be competent in something. Make sure you know as much as you can about the subject or job that you want to be seen as competent in. One way to make sure you not only know your subject, but can also speak confidently about it is to memorize some explanations that you have to give often or answers to questions you hear often (a sort of FAQ list in your mind).

Memorizing some boilerplate answers to some basic questions that you can rattle off almost without thinking will help you exude confidence because your answers won’t be filled with “ums” and “uhs” as you search for words. It’s like having a script in your mind that you can immediately call up when asked an FAQ about your area of expertise.

3. Experiment with body language

There has been much research about so-called “power poses” and various other body language that can help you convey confidence. Whether or not it’s true is a matter of discussion, but there are some basics you can rely on, like keeping good posture, keeping your hands in front of you, keeping hand movements to a minimum and maintaining some eye contact with the people you’re talking to.

If you’re absolutely sure about something you’re saying, then state it with an even tone of voice rather than allowing your voice to rise at the end, which will make it seem more like a question. Do some experimenting with your body language and tone of voice and see what works best for you.

“When you have confidence, you can do anything.” – Sloane Stevens

4. Use your successes

Retired professor of counseling at St. Louis Community College at Florissant Valley Meg Selig, has developed the “Small Successes Method” where you keep an updated list of three successes that you can be proud of having accomplished. They can be as big or small as you like. When your boss or a colleague asks you what’s new, you’ll have a ready answer instead of falling back on “nothing” or “not much” as we so often do when people ask us what is new or what’s going on. Having a ready answer to highlight a success will give you confidence boost. 

To sum up, the most important aspect of conveying competence is to actually be competent in your area of expertise and you shouldn’t try to “fake it until you make it.” If you are completely confident with your skills and experience, but others still have trouble seeing you as competent, try these four tips to help you exude more confidence, which will get people to see you as competent in your position. 

John English is an expert communication trainer, helping well over 2000 happy student learn how to communicate more effectively with their teams, improve their public speaking skills, helping sales professional communicate more effectively with customers and prospects. Consulting and assisting corporate professional get the most out of their negotiations.

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Success Advice

20 Ways You Can Become a Powerful Communicator



Emile Steenveld Speaker and Coach

Some people seem to naturally know how to effectively communicate in a group setting. They can express themselves clearly and listen attentively without dominating the conversation.

Being a powerful communicator is important for several reasons, including building and maintaining relationships, achieving goals, resolving conflicts, improving productivity, leading and influencing others, advancing in your career, expressing yourself more confidently and authentically, and improving your mental and emotional well-being. Effective communication is an essential life skill that can benefit you in all aspects of your life.

But, don’t worry if you don’t naturally possess this skill, as effective communication is something that can be developed with practice, planning and preparation.

1.  Listen actively: Practice active listening by giving your full attention to the speaker and responding to what they are saying.


2. Use “I” statements: Speak from your own perspective and avoid placing blame or making accusations.


3. Avoid assumptions: Don’t make assumptions about what the other person is thinking or feeling.


4. Be clear: Express your thoughts and feelings clearly and concisely by getting to the point and avoid using jargon or overly complex language.


5. Show empathy: Show that you understand and care about the other person’s feelings.


6. Offer valuable insights: When speaking in a group, provide a valuable takeaway or actionable item that people can walk away with.


7. Be an active listener: Listen attentively and respond accordingly, incorporating your points into the conversation.


8. Choose the right time: Pick the most opportune time to speak to ensure that you have the group’s attention and can deliver your message without interruption.


9. Be the unifying voice: Step in and unify the group’s thoughts to calm down the discussion and insert your point effectively.


10. Keep responses concise: Keep responses short and to the point to show respect for others’ time.


11. Avoid unnecessary comments: Avoid commenting on everything and only speak when you have something important to say.


12. Cut the fluff: Avoid being long-winded and get straight to the point.


13. Prepare ahead of time: Sort out your points and practice them before speaking in a group.


14. Smile and be positive: Smile and nod along as others speak, to build a positive relationship and be respected when it’s your turn to speak.


15. Take responsibility: Take responsibility for your own actions and feelings.


16. Ask questions: Ask questions to clarify any confusion or misunderstandings.


17. Avoid interrupting: Allow the other person to finish speaking without interruption.


18. Practice active listening: Repeat what the other person said to ensure you have understood correctly.


19. Use your body language too: Use nonverbal cues such as eye contact, facial expressions, and body language to convey your message and build rapport.


20. Be aware of the tone of your voice: it should be calm and assertive, not aggressive or passive.


By keeping these tips in mind, you can improve your communication skills and become a more powerful communicator, which can help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a more fulfilling life.

I you want to learn how to become more confident in life then you can join my weekly mentorship calls and 40+ online workshops at so you can master your life with more success.

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You’re the manager. You’re the supervisor. You’re the leader. But maybe your people don’t see it that way



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You’re the manager. You’re the supervisor. You’re the leader. But maybe your people don’t see it that way and perhaps that has created a divisive and adversarial working environment that makes it difficult for you to influence and inspire your team in a way that meets your vision. (more…)

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A blueprint for CEOs to draw a disciplined strategy



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Strategic thinking helps CEOs build successful businesses. It helps them establish everlasting enterprises. It is one of the key elements of decision-making. It is different from strategic leadership. It differentiates between leaders from managers.  (more…)

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How to Focus Your Mind on Your Goals in 2023 Constructively

In this world of distractions due to information overload, it has become a big challenge to focus our minds



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