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Self Confidence Will Take Your Life to New Heights



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Everybody wants to gain self-confidence. And for good reason, true confidence allows you to feel good about yourself and your abilities. You smile more and have an upbeat and pleasant demeanour because you genuinely love yourself and your life. As a result, you attract people (and opportunities) to you effortlessly because of the warm vibe of friendliness you exude to the rest of the world. I can’t think of a single person who doesn’t like being around warm hearted and friendly people.

Unfortunately, for much of our society, people are lacking the salutary quality of self-confidence. If you happen to feel like you’re one of the people who fall into this category, don’t sweat it. Because I am going to share 3 powerful ways for you to gain self-confidence in life.

1. Try New Things

It’s impossible for self-confidence to grow within the confines of your comfort zone. You must venture off into the unknown, step beyond where you currently are to expand your confidence. You do this by trying new things. When was the last time you broke out of your usual routine and tried something different? Do you even remember? We can get so caught up in our day-to-day lives that oftentimes we miss the forest for the trees.

It becomes so easy to fall into a rut once we land in a cozy and comfortable position in life. And that’s exactly when your self-confidence will begin to wane and wax. What is it that you’ve been thinking about trying, but have yet to take the plunge? Do you want to try your hand at stand up? Maybe take up a martial art? Or possibly enroll in dance lessons? It’s up to you – what do you want to do?

By trying things that excite, challenge, and even frighten you, you are forcing yourself beyond your current limits of comfortability. And being on the fringes of your comfort zone in this way forces you to adapt and develop traits within yourself that are lying dormant at the moment – and it’s in this “dance” that real growth takes place. And growth, of course, is a huge contributing factor not just to your self-confidence but your overall wellbeing as a person.

2. Get Your Finances In Order

On the surface, this may seem like an arbitrary thing when it comes to confidence. But money plays an inordinate role in all of our lives and can have a tremendous effect on your level of self-confidence. Having money gives you options and freedom. It makes you more confident in job interviews, business negotiations, and makes you feel more stable in life.

Not having money gives way to scarcity, frustration, and despair. And it makes sense, it’s hard to feel confident in yourself when you’re broke, in debt, and living paycheck to paycheck. But it doesn’t have to be this way because, with the right plan and a strong desire, anyone can turn their financial situation around, and as a result, strengthen their ability to stand on their own two feet – which is invaluable for gaining self-confidence.

Boost Self-Confidence Through Your Financial Situation Via These 4 Steps

  1. Get on a budget — keep track of all expenses. Every dollar that comes in and every dollar that goes out – make sure it is all accounted for.
  2. Live On Less Than You Make — This is simple, if you are constantly spending more money than you’re bringing in, then you’ll never get ahead.
  3. Clear All Debts – If you’re in debt, then every dollar above your basic living expenses should be going to pay off your creditors.
  4. Build An Emergency Fund – Most financial experts agree; you should have 3 to 6 months worth of expenses saved strictly for emergencies (car repairs, a job loss, illness in the family, etc). Just think of how confident and free you’d feel being debt-free, with $10,000+ in your bank account.

Now, of course, money is not the end-all, be-all for feeling good about yourself. However, there is something to be said about the self-assuredness it affords you. Get this component of your life under control and I promise you, your self-confidence will skyrocket as a result.

“Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.” – Lucille Ball

3. Respect Yourself

There is no bigger confidence killer in life than viewing and treating yourself poorly. That is why it is absolutely essential to respect who you are. Now, I understand that may seem like a bit of a vague statement, what does it mean to “respect yourself” in practical terms?

It’s going to the gym and exercising regularly, it’s eating healthy, it’s following through on commitments you made to yourself (as well as others), it’s spending time with people who love and care about you, it’s working on passions and hobbies that bring you joy and happiness.

It’s setting and enforcing healthy boundaries when people cross the line, it’s not tolerating disrespectful behavior from anyone, without standing up for yourself. Simply put, respecting yourself means doing what’s in your best interest, and not putting up with low-quality behavior from yourself or others. This is how respecting yourself will allow you to gain self-confidence.

3 Ways To Gain Self-Confidence Through Self-Respect

  • Speak Your Mind – Say what you’re really thinking or feeling. Too many people censor themselves because they feel their thoughts are not “politically correct”, or they’re afraid they might offend someone. GOOD. By speaking your mind, you will see who really likes you for you, and who you should kick to the curb.
  • Stop Giving Up – When you say you will do something, do it. Stop giving up on yourself and your aspirations so easily. Developing persistence is one of the best ways to earn your own self-respect and as a natural byproduct – gain self-confidence.
  • Walk Away – Leave any situation (or person) that is not conducive to your growth and development. When you value yourself, you will not stay in an environment where your sense of wellbeing is compromised. This includes jobs, lovers, friends, business associates, etc. Leave them all behind if they are not serving and helping you on your journey.

When you respect and treat yourself as a person of value, you can’t help but gain self-confidence.

Alex Brown is a Personal Development Speaker, Rapper, and Writer. He aims to motivate and inspire others to set and achieve their goals and create the life of their dreams. He has worked with schools, businesses and organizations on Personal Development to: Increase happiness and quality of life standards through self discipline, inspire positive lifestyle change, and build confidence and improve self-image through practical goal setting. Clients bring Alex in to address staff in their workplace, speak to students in school assemblies and present at conference keynotes and special events. He runs his own Personal Development blog at:

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.



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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.



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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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