Life

16 Things I’d Tell My 20 Year Old Self Today

Published

3 years ago

Jul 20, 2020

Image Credit: Unsplash

If you’d like to learn how to elevate your mind and amplify your influence so you can live your best life, sign up for the free 90-Day Master Class hosted by the founder of Addicted2Success.com, Joel Brown.

When I was 20, I used to think that I knew everything about life. I lived with the same delusion when I became 22, and even 27. High expectations from everyone around me and self-flagellation caused me many problems. Some remain even now.

In this letter to myself, I want to speak to every 20-year-old. Don’t think that it’s just another motivational letter to myself. It’s the lessons I wish I knew ten years ago.

My Letter to 20 Year Old Self

Hello, dear! I know you would probably be skeptical about what I would say. But I hope you will listen at least to some advice from the lessons I learned through my experience..

1. You Won’t Always Get Things Done Your Way

Even though it’s hard to admit, you have to engrave this in your brain: “Things don’t always work according to your plan”. Sometimes, deviations are minor, sometimes life-changing. You must always have plan B.

2. Don’t Burn Bridges

You never know who you are going to need in the future. It might be your lecturer, the first boss, a cashier in a coffee-shop near your house. Always remember we live in a small world.

3. Choose the People You Surround Yourself with

Those surrounding you shape you. If you don’t want to act like someone from your inner circle, cross him/her out.

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too can become great.” – Mark Twain

4. Learning Is an Everlasting Process

This isn’t just to do with career advice. The more you live, the more you wish you knew more. Keep evolving.

5. Never Postpone Life

Don’t wait until you finish college or start a new job. Time is passing faster than you can imagine. If you don’t learn how to live in the moment, you will never live at all.

6. Care about Your Mind and Body

You are your most precious asset. Don’t ignore red flags. Many problems don’t disappear on their own, no matter how much we wish they did.

7. You Can Say No

You can say “no” to everything. If something provokes stress and anxiety, cut it out from your life. Even if it seems hard, you will thank yourself later.

8. Trust Your Gut

Your gut is your invisible guide through making decisions. You don’t always have to push yourself in a particular direction if it feels wrong. Advice to myself – say “No” to whatever you want to.

9. Don’t Bottle Up

You deserve to experience life in all its fullness. Emotions – even negative ones – are a part of it. In this letter to myself, I want to highlight that bad emotions aren’t always bad. Without them, we won’t feel the pleasure of good feelings.

10. Forgive

Holding grudges will hardly make your life better, and usually, the only one to suffer is you. Others won’t haul around this weight inside themselves.

11. You Are Your Greatest Ally and Opponent

You are your best support, and you are your toughest challenge. Overpowering yourself is hard. There is no need to compare your results with others. Be better than you used to be.

12. Always Stand Up

You will fall down. Unfortunately, this will happen many times. Sometimes these falls will seem fatal. And that’s normal. What you have to learn is to pull yourself together.

“When life knocks you down, try to land on your back. Because if you can look up, you can get up. Let your reason get you back up.” – Les Brown

13. Stay Passionate about What You Do

Whether you are going to open a printing shop or a café, remain passionate. Your inner power will lead to success. You are the only one who can light this flame.

14. Perceive Challenges as an Opportunity

Even a study from Kings College in London proved that positive thinking reduces worry and anxiety. As this letter to myself states, life will hit you hard. You will face many challenges. If you embrace them as an opportunity for improvement, they will be easier to overcome.

15. Acknowledge Your Freedom to Shape Your Life

You are the master of your life. Although you don’t have the power to control the circumstances, you take responsibility for your own response.

16. Develop Self-Love

This is one of the most crucial things I would say. Love yourself. This way, you won’t need anyone to give you love. This is an unchanging principle of life.

P.S. Note to myself: Even if you don’t follow any of it, you are still wonderful!

Which of the 16 things I shared resonated with you the most and why? Share it in the comments!

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

1. Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.

Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.

Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.

Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.

These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.

This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.

These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.

If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.

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