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5 Ways to Overcome The Fear of Being Judged

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What people think about you is none of your busines

In a recent Q&A to a group of amazing individuals, one of the questions I was asked was around the fear of being judged. It made me reflect and think back to my teens when I used to fear being judged by others. That was until I realized that no matter what I did, what I said or how I looked, I’d always be judged by someone.

You see, if I allowed the narrow-minded opinions and self-hating ways of others to define and shape who I am, I wouldn’t be where I am and who I am today. When we fear being judged by others, we lose a part of who we are during the process. That’s how carbon copies are created and people become a shadow of their true self.

That’s no way to live right? The narrow-minded opinions of others should never prevent us from honouring who we are, and showing up in the world as our true self. Now I understand this may sound easier said than done, but there is always a solution and a way to breakthrough regardless of how things may seem.

Here are five ways to overcome the fear of being judged by others:

1. There will only ever be one you

Requiring validation and the acceptance of others will never serve us. Accept and love yourself for who you are, both inside and out. We are all unique beings with beautiful flaws. It’s those flaws that make us stand out from the crowd and draw people towards us. Think about all the things that make you unique and use them to your advantage. Who wants to conform to what’s considered the ‘norm’ anyway?

“Embrace your uniqueness. Time is much too short to be living someone else’s life.” – Kobi Yamada

2. You are here because you have a purpose

Every single one of us has gifts, talents, skills and experiences that are meant to be shared. Long to write an article, create a video, an audio or stand on stage in front of a live audience? Don’t let the fear of judgement stop you. There is someone out there that needs you. There is someone waiting for you to shine your light in their direction so they can overcome what they are going through. They don’t want to hear from anyone else, but you. How long are you going to hold in your greatness?

 

3. What people think of you is none of your business

What and how you feel about yourself is what actually matters. What other people think is none of your business. If you make it your business, you’ll end up carrying around the opinions of others on your back that will end up weighing you down. What happens when something becomes too heavy? The weight becomes too much to bare and to take further steps forward it has to be released. Free yourself.

 

4. Focus on what you can control

Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by things you’ll never be able to control. External influences which is everything that is not derived from within will always be there, but the role and impact that they play within our lives is a choice. Have you ever heard the saying “like water off a ducks back?” That’s exactly how to treat the things you can’t control. Let go of them and allow them to roll off.

“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength.” – Marcus Aurelius

5. Free yourself from limitations

We have a responsibility and owe it to ourselves to be bold, fearless and free from things and people that can limit our abilities, hold us back and suffocate our greatness if we allow them to. Allow your voice to be heard and your inner light to radiate because whilst we cannot control the external influences, we always have the power within to control our internal influences.

What way out of the five served you the most? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below!

Danielle McDonald is the clarity architect. Danielle is dedicated to helping individuals gain absolute clarity, develop the right mindset and take action for results. You can download her FREE action guide to help you renew your mind for growth and success here. You can also check out Danielle’s website where you can watch videos and listen to her podcast show.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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