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How Freedom Leads To A Life Of Happiness

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How Freedom Leads To A Life Of Happiness

One of the things that sucked the most about my former life was how little sleep I got. I delivered bread at midnight (for 12 years) and averaged between two to fours hours a night.

I was always tired, frequently cranky and struggled with a short temper. I was a jerk that most people preferred not to be around. If you had asked me what it meant to be “happy,” I would have told you happiness doesn’t exist. I was bitter and saw no escape from a life I hated. In 2011, after everything in my life fell apart, I realized that coasting through life wasn’t an option. At the end of that year, I stopped dreaming and started doing. I self-published a book that I spent all summer writing as a way to vent.

At that stage in my life, I still didn’t understand what it means to experience freedom in life—my only goal was to escape. In 2012, my father died unexpectedly at 54. We weren’t close, but his death devastated me. It woke me up to how short life is and passes us by.

It took three years, but I accomplished my freedom goals. I wake up every day and live a life I didn’t think was possible for someone like me. I was a homeless, high school dropout. I didn’t win the lottery or get an inheritance. I was living less than paycheck-to-paycheck most of my life. I was overweight and stressed to the max.

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama

I overcame incredible odds when I decided to stop being skeptical of success and stop believing my self-limiting beliefs. Once I won the battle in my mind, I was able to focus and take the necessary steps towards real freedom. I can honestly tell you that I wake up every day happy. The struggle to get here was worth it.

 

You can have freedom in your life

My story is unique but not in the way that you may be thinking. My story isn’t and doesn’t have to be the exception. It can be the rule if you realize that it’s possible for you too. You can live a life of freedom and spend your time doing the things that are critical to the kind of life you want to live.

How? It starts in your mind. You can’t give into skepticism. You can’t listen to any self-limiting beliefs or the voices of negative people. It starts with identifying what freedom means to you. For me, it’s waking up every day free of financial stress and worry. It means living a simple life in Maui, Hawaii.

It means getting to write and speak for a living. Your goals might be different, but what are they?

You have to know where you want to end up—a finish line you can see in the horizon. It sounds a little cheesy, but too many people live their lives chasing someone else’s dream. Figure out yours and come up with a game plan to make your dream your reality.

Epictetus

Freedom leads to happiness

Having a release from the stresses of life leads to happiness. We spend so much of our time on edge and waste the precious moments we have here on this earth. Life is short. Too short to live it full of stress.

I’m not telling you that creating a life of freedom is easy, or that all the doors will automatically fly open just because you decided to take action. I am saying that it is possible with the right mindset, focus, and hard work. I am telling you that if you start today, you will be one step closer.

The years of sacrifice will be worth it once you’re living a life of freedom and happiness. It’s easy to coast through a “good enough” life, and too many of us are content to do it, but life has so much more to offer. Creating freedom in your work, health, and relationships will lead to happiness in a way you’ve never experienced. It’s possible for anyone reading who believes and does something about it. I hope you do.

 

Thank you for reading my article! What does freedom look like for you?

Kimanzi Constable is an author of four books and a writer whose articles have been published in Forbes, Entrepreneur Magazine, Business Insider, SUCCESS Magazine, NBC, CBS, FOX, and 80 other publications and magazines. He is the co-founder of Results Global Impact Consulting and Senior Editor at The Good Men Project. Learn more and get a free guide at kconstable.com.

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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