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9 Ways To Encourage Yourself When Life Comes Crashing Down



There are those life-changing moments that each of us face in our lives, which makes us question our existence. Circumstances out of our control that overwhelm us and feel hopeless about the future.

For me, it was a divorce, losing a house and leaving a career that I had worked hard to achieve. For you, it may be a breakup, loss or other painful life event. You never saw it coming and now that it has wrecked your life, you have no idea what’s next.

Here are 9 reminders to help encourage you when your life comes crashing down:   

1. It can’t get any worse

If everything is falling apart and you’re experiencing the most profound pain you’ve experienced, know that it can’t get any worse. You’ve likely hit rock bottom; there’s no further down to go. And when you are down in life, the only place you can go is up. Breathe a sigh of relief at life’s worst point; it can only get better from here.

“Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” – Confucius

2. You’ve come back from this before

Maybe not this painful or devastating, but you’ve come through this in your life before. When your back was against the wall and you didn’t feel like you had a future, you stepped up to the occasion and succeeded. You have the experience, tools and habit of resiliency to turn your life back around.


3There is a lesson waiting for you here

There is a lesson, insight or growth waiting for you as you pull through. Your job is to find the meaning and the purpose of this pain. You may have a story to tell. This life circumstance may give you a message to share. This circumstance is your teacher, test and grade. Instead of asking, “Why is this happening to me?” ask, “What can this teach me?” Ace the lesson that life’s teaching.


4. Everything is temporary

Yes, everything.  All circumstances, all pain and all hardship are temporary. Everything comes into your life and everything goes away. The challenges you are facing today will eventually disappear. The pain will lessen and tears will dry up. Your only job is to preserve each day until you get to a better day.


5. Success comes after failure

The good news is that failure is the breeding ground for success. Only when you find out what doesn’t work can you find out what does. After failing in a business, relationship or life goal, you would gain the experience and knowledge to do it better the next time around. The more you fail and the quicker you fail at life, the more experienced you become at navigating hardships and winning your life.


6. It gets better tomorrow

No matter how bad things are today, the sun will rise again tomorrow.  You can welcome in new circumstances, new perspectives and a new day. Each day will bring new promises and hope, so hang on. Do the work you need to get through each day and also know brighter days are on the horizon.


7This is your wake-up call

You may have been afraid to make changes or take a risk. This situation could be the unwanted but necessary wake-up call you needed in life. What do you need to know? What changes need to be made? What growth awaits you? What were you ignoring or not accepting in your life? How will you change now that it’s become more apparent and you’re more aware?

“Sometimes it takes a wake-up call, doesn’t it, to alert us to the fact that we’re hurrying through our lives instead of actually living them; that we’re living the fast life instead of the good life. And I think, for many people, that wake-up call takes the form of an illness.” – Carl Honore

8. This is your reset button

Ever wanted to start over but didn’t know how? Maybe you were in a unfulfilling relationship or in a career you hated. You always were wondering how to get out of it but had no options. Now that life has made the decisions for you, your job is to embrace the changes and make plans to start over. The best place to start anew and figure out a new life plan is when your life has fallen apart. This is your chance to start over from a blank slate.


9. There are rays of hope in the darkness

With every negative situation and dark life circumstance, there is a ray of hope in the distance.  Instead of worry and fear, focus on what you can be grateful for today. What can you be thankful for today? What is the positive in the situation? How can this break in your favor?

How can life or the circumstances turn out better than what you can possibly imagine? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

Vishnu Virtues is the writer behind the popular personal growth and spirituality blog for people starting over in life. You can find his weekly blog posts at and his Amazon books on love and relationships here.



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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.



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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.



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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



Image Credit: Unsplash

People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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