Life
The Most Important Psychology Hack You Should Know

How many times have you seen a sign that says “Don’t touch; wet paint” and wanted to touch the wet paint? How many times have you seen that sign, ignored it, and done the thing you’ve been explicitly told not to do?
If you’re anything like me, I’m guessing a lot! (But maybe I’m just a rebel like that.) Don’t think of a red tree. Did you think of the red tree? You thought of the tree, didn’t you? Even though I specifically told you not to think of a red tree…that’s what you did.
Weird, right? Maybe this seems funny. But it also touches on deeply rooted psychological forces that influence our everyday experience and our relationship with ourselves.
Be careful what you tell yourself
How many times have you said to yourself…“Don’t mess this up,” or “Don’t be an idiot,” or “I don’t want to fail”?
Psychologically, what do you think happens when you say these things? Your mind latches onto messing up, being an idiot, being a failure. The unconscious mind can’t handle the word “don’t.” The concept doesn’t compute. The math doesn’t make sense.
When you say “I don’t want to fail,” you’re giving your brain nearly infinite ideas to ponder over. Infinity minus one, to be precise. The one being “don’t fail.”
Not very good odds. Because your brain can’t possibly comprehend all of these possibilities, it focuses on the one thing you have given it: failing. You end up focusing on the one thing you didn’t want to focus on.
Change what you’re telling yourself
What would happen if you changed “I don’t want to fail” to “I want to succeed”?
It would be like changing “don’t think of a red tree” to “think of a red tree”. When you don’t want to think of a red tree, you end up thinking about a red tree because “infinity minus one” possibilities is too many to handle. You’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re directly undermining your intention.
On the other hand, when you want to think of a red tree, it’s easy to call it to mind. You choose to think of something you want. You choose to be specific over being abstract.
If you live your life saying “I don’t want”, thinking about all the things you don’t want, that’s exactly what you’ll end up with.
If you live your life saying “I want”, thinking about all the specific things you do want, that’s exactly what you’ll end up with.
What experience do you have with this method? Has it worked for you? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!
Life
The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance
Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see? (more…)
Life
Failing is More Important Than Succeeding
Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

People often consider failure a stigma. Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life. (more…)
Life
5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.
Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.
Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.
Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.
However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.
Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:
1. Unconscious Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.
This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.
Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.
This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.
3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma
4. A strong need for control
5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained
What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?
There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:
- Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
- Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
- Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
- Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
- Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.
It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.
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