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3 Ways to Bounce Back When Life Pushes You Hard

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how to bounce back
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A few years back, I was reminded of the fragility and unpredictability of life. I was 32, going through stressful transitions; moved countries, changed careers, and was getting used to being a mother of two toddlers. It was November, I went for a casual check-up and ended up being diagnosed with an aggressive breast cancer, spreading like a wildfire. Within a few hours, my world caved in. After days of crying, and thinking it was all a bad dream, I got myself together and felt a deep desire to live, be close to my loved ones, travel, and fight the cancer. 

I lost my “rational mind” and my gut instincts became stronger and clear. I made a decision, which was logistically challenging and would require me to be the best possible version of me at a time when my life was falling apart. 

After two weeks of going through surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation, I decided to relocate my family, close to my guide, mother nature. I relocated to Ganges near the Himalayan foothills.

The Journey 

During chemotherapy, I used to wake up to the sight of the milky green Ganges, a valley surrounded by mountains, the chirping of birds, and a burst of energy that came with the river breeze. I would hike down to the river, catch the first rays of sunlight, feel the rich life around me, stand under the gushing waterfalls, and take dips in the freezing water of the Ganges.

I also did yoga and meditation by the river, and it made me feel so free, fearless, and one with nature. There was an invisible force, guiding me, protecting me, and loving me. The worst time of my life suddenly changed into the most enlightened time.

“Life is a journey, not a destination.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Here are the 3 things I learned from this journey:

1. Keep faith, accept the challenge, and believe in the grand scheme of life

Imagine you are on a hiking trip. You have trained, are well prepared, and there is energy burning inside you. You are conquering the terrain, feeling the rush of blood, enjoying the beauty, and getting more adept with every step. Suddenly, the weather takes a turn for the worse, you become overwhelmed, tip over a rock and fall.

Your group keeps on moving and you are left behind, in the harsh weather and a broken leg. What is supposed to be a beautiful journey, suddenly becomes a nightmare and you are gasping for breath. Now, you have a choice to either sit and blame everyone else or to think about the possibility that there is more to what just happened. You can’t change the course of the weather or the fact you got hurt. You can either feel helpless and be a victim or you can channel your energy, get back your inner strength, and think about the possibility to get out of the mess.

Life is like the hiking trip, unpredictable and bittersweet. Unforeseen events, can put us off the radar, no matter how well we planned. Giving more power to the events, being in a state of victimhood or ‘why me’ leads to helplessness, anxiety, depression, isolation and low self confidence. 

Instead, have faith in the universe and yourself. You can’t control certain things, or go back and change them. What is within our power is to accept the test that life has bestowed, find that inner spark, and move ahead.

2. Mother nature has got your back

Because thousands of thoughts cross your mind, it’s challenging to break a chain of negative thoughts that take over your mind. What you can do is go outside, and experience the sunset, sunrise, walk in the woods, swim in the sea, lie on the grass, and take deep breaths of gratitude.

Feel the richness of life, the cycle of change, the vacuum of silence, and the music of the trees. You will observe your negative thoughts slowing down and your breathing getting into a more natural rhythm. 

Go on a solo nature trip, do Forest Bathing (a therapeutic technique originated in Japan), release the vented up emotions through writing, singing, or observing and learning from mother nature. When the mind is at peace, the inner voice within, becomes louder and stronger and all the fears are left behind. That is the place you want to be, where you activate the voice that knows the best for you.

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” – Marcus Aurelius

3. Work from the inside out, detach yourself from the outcome, and take small actions

The thoughts and emotions you are experiencing are there for a reason. Without judging or labeling them as good or bad, or shoving them under the rug, take a deep dive and reflect on the meaning of them in your life. 

Working with a personal development coach or self reflecting on your values, what drives you, and your vision will give your emotions a medium of self expression. Unexpressed thoughts and emotions are like a dormant volcano, building up pressure every time you feel dishonored.

For instance, if you feel stuck in a toxic relationship or a job, it could be because you have invested every bit of yourself into it and it feels almost impossible to escape. Though your values are consistently dishonored, you feel betrayed, angry, helpless, and there is too much friction and resistance to take another step.

Not taking action is like being stuck in quicksand, because the more you postpone, the deeper you get sucked in. Your self confidence and self esteem takes a nosedive and every day you drift away from who you are as a person. Instead, take small consistent actions every day. These actions should help you feel alive and make you feel close to who you are.

Go for a run, sweat out those toxins, or practice yoga. These activities can help you develop the mental strength, the ability to face challenges, and to believe in yourself. If you love to dance, join a dance class. If you love to play sports, find a group and commit to it.

Have you seen a climber plant? Once it gets the right support and nurturing, it climbs up against gravity. The key here is to create that support system by tuning in to the above practices and no matter how hard life pushes you, find that firm ground beneath your foot, and bounce back.

How do you find the strength to get back up after life knocks you down? Share your thoughts with us below!

Nature freak, risk taker, an empath and a Life Coach, Nupur Bhatnagar is passionate about helping individuals overcome their fears, navigate stressful emotional life transitions, and be fearlessly who they are. Prior to following her dreams, she worked as a Software Engineer for a decade in Corporate America. If you want to learn more about coaching and how it can help you, visit her website Road To Being You  and schedule a 45 minutes complimentary coaching session.

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Life

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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