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Why “What’s the Point?” Is My Favorite Question to Ask

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I went to a modern art museum once with a friend who was also an artist. We were looking at, what was for me, a particularly challenging piece of art that was just a giant white canvas with a square of black paint in the middle of it. I asked my friend, “Why would someone do this? What’s the point?” And her simple answer was, “Well, in some cases, just because they can.” In a strange way, that was a satisfying answer to my question.

What’s the point? I love asking that question. The benefits of “What’s the point?” are numerous. It’s a simple and effective way to get to the heart of every issue. It cuts out the noise and essentializes. However, I think if you ask that question of others, sometimes it can come off as somewhat rude. If you are given a task by a supervisor and you ask them “What’s the point?” you might not have that job for very long. If your partner asks you about your relationship’s future over a romantic dinner and you respond with “What’s the point?” you might get a glass of chardonnay in the face. 

No, you need to be judicious when you ask, “What’s the point?” In fact, I would suggest that the best person to ask “What’s the point?” to – repeatedly and intentionally – is you. I’m not suggesting that this question should be asked from a place of futility: you’re not throwing your hands up and saying, “Oh what’s the point?!” Instead, this question is a launching pad for self-assessment. For being honest with yourself about how you spend your time and what value you get out of what you do on a daily basis. 

Why ask this particular question? Because life is short! We have a limited time here on Earth to do what we want to do, so constantly assessing the point of it all, being honest, and then doing something about it, is critical to success and overall happiness. 

There are four places in life where I ask myself “What’s the point?” all the time. While these aren’t the only areas where you can ask this question, they are a great start. I encourage you to ask yourself:

1. What is the point… of my work?

When I started my company, I began with the simple goal of helping people to amplify their voices on social media. Giving our customers a platform to share their stories, services, and ideas is our central goal. However, I constantly need to reassess that goal and ask if we – especially me – are staying focused on that mission. In Good To Great, Jim Collins encourages business leaders to reflect on their company’s core competency and focus relentlessly on that one thing. 

To become great in that one objective is the point. Since most of us spend at least 40 hours a week at work, we should always ask ourselves, what’s the point? If it’s “to make money” or “to put food on the table,” those are valid reasons, but is that enough for you to feel fulfilled? Is work giving you what you need? Does it have a purpose beyond mere survival?

“All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them.” – Galileo Galilei

2. What is the point… of my hobbies?

While I used to dance professionally, hip-hop dance continues to be a passionate hobby of mine. What’s the point of a hobby? For me, it’s a chance to get away from it all. Dance provides me an opportunity to disconnect from the day-to-day stresses of life. It allows me to express myself and use my body in a way that sitting at a computer all day cannot. Psychologists agree that hobbies are important for a balanced, well-lived life. What is the point of your hobbies? 

Do you have a hobby? Let’s start there. If you don’t have a hobby and the reason is “because I don’t have time.” then you should return to the question above. Even if you do have a hobby, you should continue to self-assess. Does your hobby still provide you with joy? Relaxation? Or has your hobby become a habit you’re afraid to break? Only you know the answer, but you have to start by asking the question.

3. What is the point… of my relationships?

This is probably the toughest question to ask, because it obviously can affect some important connections you have in life. However, it’s always important to ask. Friendships can become stale and past their expiration date. Romantic relationships can become toxic. Is it time to Marie Kondo some of your relationships and ask if they still spark joy? Friendships/relationships that bring you joy are the ones you keep, but if you are looking at interactions with a particular person and asking repeatedly, “What’s the point?” Then perhaps it’s time to let that person leave your life. Again, I know this is challenging, but remember that the ultimate goal is to be honest with yourself about what’s important to you. 

4. What is the point… of life?

I’m a big lover of life – I can’t help it. Success to me is simply being able to do what I love every single moment of the day and helping others that I love and care about. People are more important than things. I look in the mirror at the end of every day and ask myself if I followed through on actions that allowed me to continue doing what I love. What was the point of today? That little self-assessment at the end of the day gives me the energy to get up the next morning and do it all over again. String a bunch of those little self-assessments, those “What’s the point?” mirror talks together, and you start to put together for yourself a life well lived. 

What’s the point for you?

Zach Benson is the Founder of Assistagram, an Instagram growth agency that’s helped influencers and Fortune 500 companies accrue millions of new followers on Instagram. Dubbed “the influencer’s secret weapon” by Entrepreneur Magazine, Zach founded Assistagram to empower influencers such as Yanik Silver, John Lee Dumas, Russell Brunson, and companies such as ClickFunnels to connect with their target audience and cut through the noise. Throughout his career, Zach has shared stages with powerhouse speakers such as Tony Robbins, Sylvester Stallone, Grant Cardone, Daymond John, and Gary Vee.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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