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Important Lessons to Be Learned From Anna Delvey



Image Credit: Netflix Inventing Anna

With the latest Netflix binge show hitting screens, there is not one person who hasn’t heard the name Anna Delvey of late. Anna Delvey first came to my attention years ago when I was scrolling through a news site and came across her story. The pretend German Heiress managed to swindle thousands of dollars from America’s elite, and sure, while I in no way support her methods of making money, I couldn’t help but wonder how she managed to pull it off for as long as she did. But, more than that, I was thoroughly impressed with the belief she had of herself and the ‘fake it till you make it’ approach.

Success or failure

You see, our belief system is the number factor in whether we succeed or fail in our endeavours and life in general. After spending the last few years coaching clients on how to overcome their self-limiting beliefs and harness the power of the mind, it was no surprise when I delved deeper into the brand that has become ‘Anna Delvey’ that I realised she was, in fact, using a similar approach to get to where she wanted to be. And no, I am not breeding a bunch of criminal masterminds to achieve their life goals by engaging in illegal activities through my coaching business.

But credit where it’s due, Anna Delvey had the confidence and belief system that most people can only dream of.

Believe in you

If you want to achieve your goals, you need to believe in yourself and have the confidence to match. An individual who sets a goal for themselves and then quits at first sight of defeat is one who has not yet mastered their belief system. Believing in yourself is the first step to succeeding and living your dream life.

Many years ago, when I was a grad fresh out of university, I wanted to get a job in the field I had studied. Well, surprise, like many other grads, I was forced to take a role in customer service to pay my bills until I could get into my chosen field. My day entailed listening to annoying people whine about anything and everything. I even remember a lady ringing up one day, wanting to put in a noise complaint about children making too much noise playing in their front yard. Who even does that?

Don’t lose faith

While the role I was working in could’ve made me question my existence, I focussed on my bigger goals. I had faith in my ability to get to where I needed to be and knew I would reach my destination. And guess what I did! The same applies to you, do not let temporary defeat ruin your faith or question your capabilities. As long as you focus on the end result and believe in your abilities, you will get to where you need to be.

“Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries. They just don’t let these feelings stop them.” – T. Harv Eker

Let go of your fears

Another barrier to having a solid belief system and succeeding is fear. Fear is the root of all failures and what holds an individual back from achieving their goals. The fear of making a mistake, not knowing how to do something, the list is endless, but your time is not. Richard Branson said: If someone offers you an amazing opportunity and you’re not sure you can do it, say yes- then learn how to do it later. 

And guess what, he’s right.

Do not let fear limit your opportunity to grow. If you choose to let go of the fear that holds you back and take a leap of faith, there are endless opportunities available to you.

Do not let the opinions of others control you

Everyone has an opinion of someone or something; heck, you might even have an opinion of me by the articles I write. Whatever the case may be, it is crucial to have healthy boundaries with those around you, including the faceless trolls on social media if you’re in the public eye. Learn that the opinions that others have of you are built on the image THEY have created of you in THEIR minds. You see, you can’t control what an individual may think of you, but you can control the opinions you have of YOURSELF! So, just like you wouldn’t drink poison and allow it into your body, don’t let the negative thoughts of others into your mind.

You need to focus on your own opinion of yourself and what you can do.

You can achieve great things if you put your mind to it and have a strong belief system, just don’t go around trying to defraud America’s elite of thousands of dollars or try to achieve your goals by other means of illegal activities. One thing is for sure, though, love or loathe ‘Anna Delvey,’ the one lesson you can take away from her is how you can bring your goals into reality with a strong belief system.

Filiz Behaettin is a best-selling author, freelance writer and speaker. Her latest book 'Elevate: the practical guide to living your best life and succeeding' is available at most bookstores including Barnes and Noble. Filiz offers 1-on-1 mentoring and consulting services, copywriting, editing and manuscript services. She is also available for corporate speaking engagements and school visits. You can contact Filiz at or follow her at

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Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.



Image Credit: Unsplash

People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma



Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.


Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:


1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.


2. Persistent Pain

Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.

4. A strong need for control

It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
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3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling



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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.



Image Credit: Unsplash

A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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