Connect with us

Life

3 Keys to Loving the Person in the Mirror

Published

on

love yourself

When you look in the mirror what do you see? More specifically, who do you see? Who is the person looking back in the mirror? Are you a strong person? Are you a fragile person? Are you attractive? Are you unattractive? How about on the inside? Are you an attractive person on the inside? Who are you at the core of your being?

Most people struggle with this at least once in their lives. The journey to loving who you are is one that starts with the skeletons in your closet. It starts with facing yourself. Someone once told me “If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to love you, and how can you love anyone else?” This struck a chord with me. I realized that is such a true statement.

As human beings, we are conditional creatures. Our emotions are based off of conditions. Our feelings for others are based on conditions. Our “love” for each other, though we try to say it is unconditional, there are things your significant other could do that would make you not love them. We have conditions. Those conditions also transfer into loving ourselves. There are things we have done or physical blemishes on us that keep us from loving ourselves.

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

For the most part, we all kind of like ourselves but we don’t love ourselves. We all have flaws and imperfections that weigh tons on us. Maybe it’s that gap in your teeth, or that scar? What do you blame yourself for? What did you do or what happened to you to make you think that you’re not worth your own love?

We all have at least one thing; one thing that weighs us down. It’s time to let it go, and it begins with forgiveness. First for yourself.

1. Forgive all past and future mistakes

Forgive yourself. For everything you ever did, and anything you will ever do. Holding on to bitterness towards yourself is toxic. You cannot ever be perfect. The only thing you can do is learn from your mistakes. Learn how to act next time the same situation happens to you. Learn how to get back up again and try one more time, and by one more, I mean endlessly try.

You only truly give up when you quit. Have you quit yet? No, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this. Let go of the negativity and the hatred you have for yourself. You are worth more than that.

The past is the past. It is 5 minutes ago, yesterday, 10 years ago, even seconds ago is the past. The past is gone, so don’t let it haunt you. You have total control over what you allow to be a condition in your life. The past can be your launching pad or it can be your personal prison. The past can control you, if you let it. You have to decide to forgive yourself for it. Everything that has ever happened to you and anything that you have ever done, forgive it.

The future can be a scary thing. What is to come? You will never know. What you can be sure of though, is that somewhere along the way you will make a mistake, you will take a wrong turn, misunderstand a conversation, create a misprint on your banner; something will go wrong. You have to commit to yourself that you forgive your future. Every single one of those “what if’s” that could happen, forgive them now.

2. Give up control and give up expectations

A lot of people are control freaks. Even those who aren’t, are about one thing or another in our lives. According to Buddha, the basic cause of suffering is “the attachment to the desire to have (craving) and the desire not to have (aversion)”. I am not here to tell you to be a Buddhist, though this major principle of their philosophy is very accurate. Attachment equals suffering.

We live our lives attached to many different things. We are attached to the idea that the sun will come up tomorrow. We set up endless expectations in our lives. When our life doesn’t turn out as we thought it would, that is when we get upset. There is only one reason significant others ever fight: expectations. You set an expectation of how the other person was supposed to act or speak or think and when things didn’t play out to your expectations, it causes a fight because they also had expectations.

We try really hard to control everything in our lives, even if we don’t realize that’s what we are doing. Letting go of control is a tricky thing. It’s deciding to roll with the punches instead of getting upset if things don’t go as planned.

“If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome.” – Michael Jordan

3. Don’t put hope in situations, but in the big picture

Having hope is important in life. If one isn’t hopeful, they will never succeed. You get what you focus on. So it is important to put hope in the big picture and not in individual situations. As we already established, things won’t always work out as planned, but the big picture very well could still happen.

Focus on the big end goal; put hope in that. What are your 1 year goals? What are your 5 year goals? What are your 10 year goals? Focus and put hope in these instead of the small deal you are trying to close. Know that it will all work out for the better, and if this deal doesn’t fall through then it wasn’t meant to be but still fight for that big picture.

Loving yourself is forgiveness, for yourself first. Loving yourself is knowing that no matter what happens today, tomorrow will be there to start again. Loving yourself is having hope in the big picture to carry you through the struggles and the hard times.

How do you practice loving yourself in order to be healthy, wealthy, and happy? Let us know by commenting below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Stephen Dela Cruz is a best selling author, speaker and serial entrepreneur who specializes in helping budding entrepreneurs double their income in their first year. He’s built several 7 figure businesses and in his online school, The Mastermind Experience, he shares strategies around time and money management to help beginning entrepreneurs soar. You can see more about Stephen on his website and follow him on his Facebook page.

Advertisement
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

Published

on

Image Credit: Canva

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Published

on

Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
Continue Reading

Trending