“Just be yourself” is one of the worst pieces of advice you can ever give to someone who desires to change their life.
It’s exactly their current self that is limiting their potential. It’s exactly their current self that isn’t producing the kind of desirable outcomes they want. It’s exactly their current self that is not competent enough to achieve their goals.
Einstein said it right, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” If you continue going through life with this current identity, you’re going to produce the exact same mediocre results you don’t want.
Success by definition is change. You cannot reach the next level unless you level up the person you are right now.
I still remember one of the most insightful lessons Tony Robbins has taught me: Identity is the most powerful force in influencing human psychology. Identity is what controls influence. It’s our human need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.
So when you intend to do certain things but you fail to execute, it’s because your brain is saying things like, “Just forget about it, doing this kind of awesome thing is totally not you bro. It is NOT WHO YOU ARE! Give up buddy.” How self-sabotaging your brain sometimes can be.
“We know what we are, but not what we may be.” – William Shakespeare
So how can we stop ourselves from fitting into our social environment or the status quo? How can we change our beliefs as to what’s possible for us? How can we reinvent our identity so that it is there to support our goals, missions and visions in life?
Here’s the 2-Step process you need to reinvent your identity:
Step 1: Be aware of what identity you’re holding right now
Sometimes you may think doing certain things is totally you. Be careful with such thought. As Deepak Chopra suggested, you are NOT your thoughts, you are NOT your mind, you are NOT your body.
Very frequently, random negative thoughts are just going to pop up out of nowhere to attack your true potential. Your job is to be conscious enough to catch that moment and stop identifying that thing as you.
These spontaneous thoughts are often from our subconscious mind, which has been influenced, shaped and formed over many years based on our past experiences, outdated belief systems, and disempowering ideas implanted in us when we were young and didn’t even know what’s true or false.
Therefore, these so-called “original thoughts” you now think actually stem from misleading beliefs from people you didn’t even remember. I know it’s unfair and scary, but now that you are a responsible self-loving mature adult, it’s your job to slice those lies in half and dissociate your identity from them.
Step 2: Design a new identity that will be empowering to you that will get you what you want
You want to be as precise as possible to lay out the kind of beliefs, mindsets, behaviors and habits this new supportive identity must possess to take you where you want to go. Ask yourself, “What kind of person do I have to become in order to…?” Focus on the being part, not just the doing or having part.
Write these details down so that your reticular activation system knows where to scan for relevant evidence and reference experience to support your new belief system.
“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Gandhi
Changing your identity is scary to you. But it’s even scarier to people around you. So you probably will encounter lots of people who try to shut you down from any kinds of changes. They may do it out of love because they don’t want you to get hurt. They may do it out of fear because they are scared that you’ll not love them anymore once you’ve become a different person.
Understand that. Love them anyways. But be assertive about your mission to become a better, stronger, more capable person you’ve always desired. It’s a tough long battle to engage with. It’ll take months if not years to re-engineer the old you and become the You 2.0. But you must persist until you win.
Let go of the need to fit in, and accept the challenge of growing to become the best version of yourself you possibly can. I can’t wait seeing a brand new you!