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Why You Must Reinvent Your Identity to Reinvent Your Life

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“Just be yourself” is one of the worst pieces of advice you can ever give to someone who desires to change their life.

It’s exactly their current self that is limiting their potential. It’s exactly their current self that isn’t producing the kind of desirable outcomes they want. It’s exactly their current self that is not competent enough to achieve their goals.

Einstein said it right, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” If you continue going through life with this current identity, you’re going to produce the exact same mediocre results you don’t want.

Success by definition is change. You cannot reach the next level unless you level up the person you are right now.

I still remember one of the most insightful lessons Tony Robbins has taught me: Identity is the most powerful force in influencing human psychology. Identity is what controls influence. It’s our human need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves.

So when you intend to do certain things but you fail to execute, it’s because your brain is saying things like, “Just forget about it, doing this kind of awesome thing is totally not you bro. It is NOT WHO YOU ARE! Give up buddy.” How self-sabotaging your brain sometimes can be.

“We know what we are, but not what we may be.” – William Shakespeare

So how can we stop ourselves from fitting into our social environment or the status quo? How can we change our beliefs as to what’s possible for us? How can we reinvent our identity so that it is there to support our goals, missions and visions in life?

Here’s the 2-Step process you need to reinvent your identity:

Step 1: Be aware of what identity you’re holding right now

Sometimes you may think doing certain things is totally you. Be careful with such thought. As Deepak Chopra suggested, you are NOT your thoughts, you are NOT your mind, you are NOT your body.

Very frequently, random negative thoughts are just going to pop up out of nowhere to attack your true potential. Your job is to be conscious enough to catch that moment and stop identifying that thing as you.

These spontaneous thoughts are often from our subconscious mind, which has been influenced, shaped and formed over many years based on our past experiences, outdated belief systems, and disempowering ideas implanted in us when we were young and didn’t even know what’s true or false.

Therefore, these so-called “original thoughts” you now think actually stem from misleading beliefs from people you didn’t even remember. I know it’s unfair and scary, but now that you are a responsible self-loving mature adult, it’s your job to slice those lies in half and dissociate your identity from them.

Step 2: Design a new identity that will be empowering to you that will get you what you want

You want to be as precise as possible to lay out the kind of beliefs, mindsets, behaviors and habits this new supportive identity must possess to take you where you want to go. Ask yourself, “What kind of person do I have to become in order to…?” Focus on the being part, not just the doing or having part.

Write these details down so that your reticular activation system knows where to scan for relevant evidence and reference experience to support your new belief system.

“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” – Gandhi

Changing your identity is scary to you. But it’s even scarier to people around you. So you probably will encounter lots of people who try to shut you down from any kinds of changes. They may do it out of love because they don’t want you to get hurt. They may do it out of fear because they are scared that you’ll not love them anymore once you’ve become a different person.

Understand that. Love them anyways. But be assertive about your mission to become a better, stronger, more capable person you’ve always desired. It’s a tough long battle to engage with. It’ll take months if not years to re-engineer the old you and become the You 2.0. But you must persist until you win.

Let go of the need to fit in, and accept the challenge of growing to become the best version of yourself you possibly can. I can’t wait seeing a brand new you!

What’s the current identity that you hold? Is it still serving you in the most empowering way? Leave your thoughts below!

Keye Wu turns men into execution machines. The conventional path of a corporate lawyer didn't appeal to him so he became the self-made Asia's Honest Productivity Coach For Men who's transforming 1,000,000 guys into the most productive, purposeful, masculine men. Having founded the Prolific Man Academy as an exclusive brotherhood for the most ambitious, success-hungry, passion-driven warriors worldwide, his work 5 Ways To Double Your Productivity For Men remains a classic and his next publication will be announced in zenlaserfocus.com.

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7 Comments

7 Comments

  1. Deborah Butler

    Feb 16, 2017 at 12:16 pm

    Thank you!!! Very helpful in lining up a better perspective!

  2. Keye Wu

    Oct 31, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    Awesome to hear that Seth. Sometimes what gets us here is not what gets us there, we may need to drop “what used to work”, pick up some new tools in order to go where we want. Keep it up buddy!

  3. AK

    Oct 31, 2016 at 1:49 pm

    Loved the article! It takes contiunal work and making a plan is key.

    • Keye Wu

      Nov 1, 2016 at 10:32 am

      Absolutely AK, it’s consistent work for such a transformation!

  4. Seth Tubre

    Oct 31, 2016 at 8:14 am

    Thanks for the steps man. I really appreciate them! Especially the first know in knowing where I am now and controlling my subconscious thoughts.

  5. Ane Krstevska

    Oct 30, 2016 at 7:33 pm

    We are the heroes of your story. Therefore, we can change our life by only switching to the right thing, but not always we are firmly convinced in our abilities and skills. From this uncertainty, we fall in fear and doubt mode which is a bad cycle and last forever.

    It is true that you can change your life by changing your habits. But the real life change comes from deep inside us when the persona will realize its strength and weaknesses.

    The only limitation is our belief system. Life is too short to get stuck in fear and doubts, why not be happy?

    When you find what you are and what you want to be, you can easily create your lifetime scenario according to your hero story. Don’t ever listen to the others, they might quit on their story and are living somebody else’s life but you, you are the hero, and you can change your life for good.

    You can, and should use this power for good things, things for which you are passionate. You are the writer of your story, composer of your song.

    • Keye Wu

      Nov 1, 2016 at 10:40 am

      Couldn’t agree more Ane.

      At the end of the day, it’s up to us on how we orchestrate our hero character in the story-line. Freedom means choice, and choice requires absolute responsibility as to how we want to continue life.

      As Henry Ford says, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right” We gotta “buy into” the most empowering story so we believe we can succeed.

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Life

6 Reasons Why You Should Never Glorify Failure After You’ve Failed

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Many people are ashamed of failure. If they so much as smell a whiff of failure, they quit instantly because the public notices it quickly. But you shouldn’t be ashamed of failure. A lot of people have failed. I’ve failed over and over again in my career, business, relationships and more. Yet, I keep trying because failure isn’t the final verdict. (more…)

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Life

How to Move Forward When All Seems Lost

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A few weeks ago, the relationship of my venture with a long-term client turned rocky. Losing them would mean a huge loss for my business, but it appeared like that’s where we were headed. My mind raced with unpleasant thoughts. Maybe the client had figured out that I couldn’t lead my team well. Maybe I was not good enough to be an entrepreneur. Maybe I was not good enough to do anything.

Why was the world so unfair?! Within moments, my anxiety had shot through the roof and my heart was racing faster than an F1 car engine. But I know I’m not the only one who feels like this.

Why Problems Overwhelm Us

As human beings, we’re good at solving problems, so they shouldn’t stress us out. Yet, they do just that. Why?

Consider some of these situations in life. When a relationship is headed for troubled waters, we wonder whether our partner loves us anymore. Our mind unearths memories of when we got dumped or rejected. We blame ourselves for falling for the wrong people and tell ourselves that we’re not worth receiving love.

How do you think the relationship will steer after that? If we cannot stick to a diet, we think of other times when we gave up. We remember what people said about things that we couldn’t do and ask ourselves, “were they right?” We tell ourselves that we don’t have what it takes to succeed at anything.

Do you think we’ll find the grit to stick to the diet after this? So here we are… thinking we’re not good enough to be entrepreneurs, to be loved, to get promoted, or to achieve our personal goals. Notice a pattern yet? We move in the wrong direction. The destination is to achieve the goal. And unless we stop giving into emotions and start addressing situations, we’ll keep failing to get there.

Negative emotions (and even extremely positive ones) blur our vision. The more we focus on them, the deeper we go into how we feel. We either get angry because things aren’t the way we want them to be, or get paralyzed by the fear of the worst possible outcome. This means we pull away from the one thing we must do to set things right — take action.

“If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep.” – Dale Carnegie

How to Take Action in the Face of Problems

Most human beings are good at solving problems. Where we get blindsided is at diagnosing the right problem. To diagnose the right problem, we must address the situation instead of emotions. We must see things for what they are, collect facts on what we’re worrying about, and then ask ourselves, “What should I do next?”

In his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”, Dale Carnegie wrote: “Neither you nor I nor Einstein nor the Supreme Court of the United States is brilliant enough to reach an intelligent decision on any problem without first getting the facts.”

To address the tricky situation with my client, I took the following three steps:

1. First, I acknowledged the feeling

Solving a problem doesn’t mean ignoring emotions. It’s important to acknowledge how you feel because it reveals the path, but domesticating your emotions is more important. I acknowledged how I felt by saying, “I feel anxious because the client might not want to work with us anymore and this will be a financial loss for us.”

Note how I said “I feel anxious” and not “I’m a loser.” If I had given into negative chatter, I wouldn’t have uncovered the direction to move in (the part after “because”). This is why domesticating emotions is crucial.

2. Next, I prepared for the worst

We often run from our worst fears rather than facing them despite knowing that the worst outcome rarely comes true. The result is that we stay stuck in fear instead of pushing beyond it. And we never discover what we’re really capable of, which sucks.

In my case, the worst meant losing the client. It would hurt but it was the truth. However, we could get more clients. Plus we already had other clients who helped us pay the bills. In other words, I wouldn’t have to live on the street.

The moment I accepted this, a huge weight got lifted off my chest. This prepared me for the third and final step.

“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.” – Zig Ziglar

3. Lastly, I examined the situation

Examining a situation means setting aside your emotional baggage and focusing on facts. When you trust that you’ll be okay, you become better at diagnosing the real problem. Once I felt lighter, I could see things clearly.

I used the 5 Whys Technique (asking “why” five times) to figure out the real reason for the client’s dissatisfaction. Then I collected data on the issue and on what we had previously delivered.

Finally, I reached out to the CEO of the client and held a detailed and constructive discussion based on my findings. Within four days, the CEO and I were back to the way things were before.

The best way to prepare for tomorrow is to give today your best. I’m not sure whether the issue with the client got resolved for good or whether the client won’t pack up and leave one day. However, I am sure that I’m prepared to handle such cases better today than I was yesterday.

Control your emotions instead of letting them run amok. Accept things for what they are instead of what you want them to be. Be realistic instead of delusional. Address the situation instead of succumbing to emotions.

Don’t preempt what lies ten miles ahead and get paralyzed by fear. Address what lies clearly in front of you and keep moving. One day you’ll be surprised about how close to your destination you are.

How do you move forward when all hope seems to be lost? Share your advice below!

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8 Effective Tips to Improve Your Emotional Wellbeing

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You know what they say, “Health Is Wealth”. But, more often than not, we only mean it in the context of physical health. There’s no question that being fit is the world’s greatest treasure. Unfortunately, not a lot of us take time out to look after our emotional health and wellbeing.

Let’s not forget – it’s ‘Mind Over Matter’. So, if you are able to take control of your emotions, thoughts, how you feel through the day and how you respond to myriad situations; there’s nothing quite like it. When you become the master of your emotions; health, prosperity, and basically all good things are bound to follow you.

With that said, here are 8 surefire ways that will improve your emotional wellbeing:

1. Practice Mindfulness

Half the time, we don’t even know what we’re thinking or how we’re feeling. That’s because we let our minds operate on autopilot. It’s time to take control of your mind. Be aware of what and how you feel throughout the day. The upside to this practice is that you can detect negative emotions right on the onset and quickly change them and their corresponding feeling.

Feelings of anger, jealousy, hatred; they are not good for the mind, soul, or the body. Paying close attention to the spectrum of emotions you experience throughout the day, will help you detect the negative ones and kick them away before they fester deep enough to take away your happiness and emotional health.

2. Stay Physically Active

As you engage in physical activities, your brain produces a whole bunch of feel-good hormones such as endorphins and dopamine. These hormones are what causes the ‘elated’ or ‘euphoric’ feeling. Being physically active uplifts your mood and your outlook towards life. It readies you to take the challenges more head-on instead of becoming overwhelmed by the littlest of inconvenience.

You are better able to analyze tough situations and take a more proactive rather than a reactive approach. It’s no question physical health is in direct proportion with emotional health. A healthy mind resides in a healthy body and vice versa.

“Caring for the mind is as important and crucial as caring for the body. In fact, one cannot be healthy without the other.” – Sid Garza-Hillman

3. Get Sufficient Sleep

Ever noticed how you feel depressed and cranky, and just out of focus the day you fail to get a good night’s sleep? Well, if you fail to get sufficient sleep for a couple of days, you are bound to feel more depressed, cranky and eventually more prone to a host of negative emotions. Research shows that sleep deprivation sends amygdala – our brain’s emotional response center into overdrive.

Amygdala controls our immediate emotional responses. When it becomes overactive, we become more reactive rather than active. We become more irritable, angry and anxious. A good night’s sleep is vital to improving your emotional wellbeing.

4. Develop a New Hobby

Learn to swim. Try arts and crafts. How about painting? Swimming is a ‘happy’ activity. You get to make new friends and stay fit. Arts and crafts, as we all know, tends to have a relaxing effect on the mind and the nerves.

Just the process of creating something from scratch makes you confident and gets those creative juices flowing. Similarly, painting helps you express yourself. All these factors together create a ‘happy you’. The one who likes to engage in new things instead of resisting change or difficult situations.

5. Eat Healthy

Ever heard of the phrase, “You are what you eat”? Well, it’s true to the last syllable. When you eat foods rich in salt, sodium, fat – you are bound to feel lethargic. It takes longer for the body to digest such foods. That means the body is forced to deprive organs of blood and use it for the digestion purpose.

Result? You become lazy, moody, not ready to take any responsibility which leads to feeling cranky and irritable. On the other hand, eating fibrous vegetables, fruits, salads, and complex sugars keeps you upbeat and healthy.

6. Laugh Your Heart Out

Laughter is the best medicine. That is why they have a dedicated ‘laughter session’ in yoga studios. You don’t even have to mean it. The simple act of spreading your cheeks and pretending to laugh sends a signal to your body that you are happy.

And what happens when you are happy? Your brain releases happy hormones like dopamine, serotonin and what not. In fact, many studies have gone so far as to stipulate that laughter alone is capable of treating all kinds of physical ailments. Why should emotional ailments be any different?

7. Try Relaxation Techniques

‘’Visualization technique’’ where you imagine yourself in a happy place is a surefire way to calm your nerves if you find yourself distressed. You may also try praying to elate yourself. Praying is good for the mind and the soul.

Controlled breathing or ‘biofeedback technique’ are some other relaxation techniques that can tame how you feel and even your bodily functions. Try surrounding yourself with aromatherapy or scented candles because the smell is a big factor in governing how we feel.

“Positive emotional energy is the key to health, happiness and wellbeing. The more positive you are, the better your life will be in every area.” – Brian Tracy

8. Count Your Blessings

We all have so much to be thankful for. It could be a friend who stands by you or a happy family. Good health. Financial freedom. Make a list of all the things that you feel grateful for in your life. If it’s a person, be sure to communicate your feelings and express your gratitude.

You will feel so much happier. Happiness is the diet of a healthy mind and an intelligent emotional response mechanism. You could also try writing a poem or simply expressing your gratitude through the power of prayers.

There are so many ways to become emotionally intelligent and not one of them requires any investment or special skills. Practically anyone and everyone can do it. All you need is the will and the desire.

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How You Can Use the Power of Gratitude to Your Advantage

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The word gratitude has been tossed around, but do you know exactly what it means or how to implement it into your life? Someone has probably told you in your life, “Express more gratitude.” Well, that sounds like a great idea, but if you don’t know what gratitude is, how can you fully express it in your life? It’s a concept that once you grasp, it will change your life. (more…)

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