Success Advice

How to Stop the “I’m Not Enough” Mentality

Published

6 months ago

Apr 21, 2021

Image Credit: Unsplash

Have you ever felt inadequate? It turns out we’re not alone. Studies show that seventy percent of us suffer from Imposter Syndrome. The tendency to doubt our abilities and feel like a fraud was first observed by Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1970. These two clinical psychologists found to their surprise that imposterism was most common in high performers.

Maya Angelou, the legendary poet, admitted, “I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” Albert Einstein, whose name is synonymous with genius, confessed, “I am an involuntary swindler.”But why is this? Achievers tend to set loftier goals than the average person. As a result, they experience a disproportionate amount of failure, forcing them to face their shortcomings.

Thus if you feel “I’m Not Enough” voice in your head, you’re stepping up to a challenge. Use the techniques below to overcome your doubt:

Recognize If You Have It

The first step is to consider if you suffer from imposter syndrome or a short-term lack of confidence. The former is chronic; the latter is temporary. When starting a new career or endeavor where you lack knowledge or expertise, it’s normal to lack confidence. That humility can be valuable if it prompts you to get the help you need. But if you feel persistent inadequacy, even in areas where you’ve found success, it’s a problem. It’s diffuclt to objectively self-diagnose, so I recommend taking an online Impostor Syndrome Test to see if you’re at risk.

Personify Your Critical Inner Voice

Your inner critic is the subpersonality that judges and demeans you. Everyone has self-doubt, but this voice shouldn’t be ongoing and debilitating. It shouldn’t contradict facts and objective reality. The trouble is that most of the time, the voice sneaks under our radar. It manifests in a subtle hesitation to speak up or to introduce ourselves. Our critic can be so faint that we might question if it even exists.Don’t let it hide – personify your inner critic. How does it look and sound? What are the insidious ways that it tries to undermine you?

Consider the Impact on Your Life

Real change occurs when “should” turns to “must.” If you think you “ought” to get in shape, shore up your finances, or start dating again, you won’t. The work seems more painful than the consequences. But what if you flipped it around and started recognizing the pain of doing what you’ve always done? Consider how the imposter experience has held you back and kept you from the life you desire. What opportunities have you neglected? What experiences have you missed because you felt unworthy? What regrets might you have in the future if your life continues this way? The purpose of this reflection is to build an ironclad will to overcome impostorism.

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.” – Jim Rohn

Ask Yourself This Question

Once you’ve identified your inner critic, call it out. Let’s say it whispers in your ear, “You don’t know enough to get started.” Start by asking yourself: is this self-criticism genuine, and does it matter? Often, ignorance can be helpful when it’s paired with humility. It can lead to better questions, more listening, less preconceived notions. You also can typically learn things as you go. When I started my blog, I knew nothing about creating a website, marketing, or editing. If I had taken a course beforehand, I probably would have forgotten most of it. See how I reframed that weakness as a strength? The next step is to ask yourself: are my inner doubts productive? Even if the suspicions are valid, are they getting you any closer to your goals, or are they just noise?

Avoid the Perfectionism Trap

Impostorism is closely related to perfectionism. The perfectionist sets a near-impossible standard for themselves in most activities. It’s essential to do your best, but recognize that you’ll never be or do perfect work. If you can never pass your bar, you’ll look at every effort as a failure, creating a negative feedback loop. Your inner critic will chide, “I told you so. You’re not cut out for this.” Give yourself a break; allow yourself room to fail. Do that, and you’ll find that your fear of failure will start to subside. The excitement of learning and growth will take its place. Another technique is to focus on the process instead of obsessing on the product of your efforts. You can control your habits more than the end product.

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” – John Steinbeck

Strengthen your Mind

If you wanted to get stronger, you would go to the gym and lift weights regularly. The same type of strength training works for our minds. Take time daily to visualize your success in the future as vividly as possible. It can also be valuable to cherish your past victories. Most of us reflect on what didn’t work out in the past; the tough breaks, the losses. Instead, think about the times you accomplished something hard for you at the time. It doesn’t have to be grandiose – it could be the first time you rode a bike or drove a car. Or perhaps you aced a difficult test, graduated from a challenging program, or got a promotion. The point is that you proved to yourself you could stretch beyond your limits, and so you can do it again.

Don’t Go it Alone

Remember earlier when I mentioned that 7 out of 10 people suffer from imposter syndrome? If you’re honest with yourself and others about this issue, they’ll likely empathize because they’re going through it too. They probably could use your help! Don’t hesitate to ask for help, and don’t wait to give it to others. Build a team around you that can support you and uplift you. There are plenty of places to find support: online communities, mastermind groups, mentoring circles. If you prefer 1:1 help, seek out coaches, mentors, and close friends. Hollywood glamorizes the lone wolf, a rags-to-riches hero that does it all themselves. It sounds cool, but no one succeeds alone. Every high achiever had a team that have helped them along the way, build yours.

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Chris Tubbs

Chris is an accomplished sales and business development leader with experience at companies like Microsoft, Salesforce, and Dropbox. He went from being kicked out of high school twice to earning an MBA at UC Berkeley, and from being a pack-a-day smoker and aquaphobe to marathoner and triathlete. He writes about self improvement for knowyourbest.com.

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Success Advice

How Your Friends Determine Whether You Succeed or Not

Published

1 week ago

Oct 18, 2021

TheThrives

Image Credit: Unsplash

Can anyone do without having friends? We all have our friends, we share ideas with them, talk together, have fun, and fight. Yes, that’s the baseline of friendship. But, do you know that aside from you, your friends can determine whether you achieve success or not?

There are two things in friendship which are the ability to ”love” and the ability to “influence”. This means you are loved and you are influenced. How do your friends affect your success in life? How are they one of the biggest deciding factors of your success? Let’s find out.

What type of friends do you keep?

First, what type of friends do you keep? Who do you call your best friend? There are two different kinds of friends, good friends, and bad ones. A lot of people have lost their pathway to success and some have also found their road to success all because of the friends they keep, the people they mingle with.

Who is your best friend? Answer carefully. Having a best friend means you find each other compatible and understanding. Analyze who your best friend is. If your best friend has not motivated you to do something positive, if who you call your bestie has never given you positive advice, lastly if your best friend has never informed and advised you on your shortcomings, then you don’t have a best friend.

This quote tells us “birds of the same feather flock together”. Countless people have changed from their good nature into a bad one all because of friends. One thing to note is, “negative people move with negative aura”. If your best friend is filled with negativity inside-out then you will surely be affected by his/her negative aura.

They influence your success with positivity or negativity

The friends you keep can either influence you with positivity or negativity because your friends have the power to change your kind of person completely.

This is how your friends influence you:

They influence you indirectly with what they do
They influence you directly by teaching and giving you advice

Yes, that is how they influence you. For instance, you watch a movie and you like the way the actor walks. The question is if you truly like the way the actor walks, won’t you try to imitate the actor? Of course, you will.

Just the way you imitate the actor is the same way your friends can influence you with their character. However, the funny part is, they don’t have to teach you to do things like them. You just find yourself imitating and copying them gradually.

An important question to ask is, are you imitating a good friend or a bad one? If you imitate a good friend then you will be good, but if you imitate a bad person, you will surely become a bad person.

Everyone wants to succeed, a good friend will always teach, enlighten, and motivate you for success. A bad friend will only motivate you to do evil things (smoking, drinking, fight, envy,).

And you should know that things like that are a great enemy of success and even of God. So, if you have these bad elements in your life, how will you achieve success? There is no way!

And also, they can teach and advise you directly. But, what do your friends teach you? When you ask them for advice do they inspire you positively or teach you the bad stuff.? A lot of people have regretted lifelong decisions just by listening to the advice of friends.

The company you keep has the power to influence and change you. Never forget that a positive influence will teach, motivate, and brush you up for success. While a negative influence will inspire you to become a bad person, change your good nature, and leave you with regrets in the end.

Success Advice

The 3 Step Process to Building a Profitable Pitch

Published

1 week ago

Oct 17, 2021

Monique Maley

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As a communication coach, one of the top questions entrepreneurs ask me is how to deliver a winning pitch to potential investors. They want to know if there’s a magic formula to get an investor to say yes and buy into their dream and their business. (more…)

Success Advice

The 4 Pillars of Wealth and Abundance

Published

2 weeks ago

Oct 16, 2021

Dalia Escobar

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Have you ever wondered what the formula for a wealthy and abundant life is? Many people have. Lots has been written about the subject of wealth creation and living an abundant life. It was a breaking point in my journey and pursuit of success when I found out that there is a clear path to achieve success in life. Thanks to those who have shared their journey, we can clearly see and follow the principles of prosperity. (more…)

Success Advice

Here Are 4 Reasons Why You Should Have a Podcast, Youtube Channel or Online Show

Published

2 weeks ago

Oct 14, 2021

Timothy Craggette

Image Credit: Unsplash

Confidence comes from a place of strong understanding of self. After close to three years on radio, I’ve grown from a shy introvert to a shy introvert with an extrovert persona. When the mic is turned on, I can channel a version of myself that some say is attractive, strong, and of course, confident but it wasn’t always this way.

What I want to share with you is what I discovered on this journey into broadcast that you can apply to your life, your ventures, and your personal development. This doesn’t require any fancy gear. It does require a leap of faith on your part because once you go down the road of media; it can change your life.

1. Perceived Expertise

When you go to a doctor, you expect their knowledge will guide them to a solution to your problems. When you have a show, you become your listeners’ doctor. For all the multiple thousands, maybe millions, of YouTube channels, podcasts, and user-created content in the world, each person that gets behind a mic takes a position on their passion, their opinions, and their themes.

They challenge the status quo for the benefit of their listeners in hopes to entertain and educate. With consistency on your side, those fans place you on a platform and give you permission to influence them.

2. Global Acknowledgement

One of the benefits to increasing confidence is when you receive thank you notes from people you may never meet. The feeling of enriching someone’s life from halfway around the globe, provides validation you’re enhancing someone else’s life with your wisdom and your wit.

The very first time I was told I was making a difference in someone’s life in a country other than my own, I felt like I caused massive impact that transcends my circle of influence. When you experience just how much you can cause impact and it comes back to you, it’ll change your worldview.

“Be grateful for what you have and stop complaining – it bores everybody else, does you no good, and doesn’t solve any problems.” – Zig Ziglar

3. Backed By Numbers

One of the most exciting ways to measure success is to quantify your growth. It’s not enough to just broadcast. Having subscribers and downloads helps to know, numerically, how well you’re doing. Word of caution. This can be a way to set yourself up for distress because of number envy but if you understand what the numbers mean; you can control the narrative of the numbers.

The major number that makes most people smile is 10,000. I’d advise it to be 1. Here’s why. As you grow in your industry, so does your reach. If you learned that the one person that subscribed totally changed for the better because of you, wouldn’t that be worth the effort?

4. Effective Communication

While it’s not talked about much, having a show is documentation. You create a dynamic account of your life, your industry, and the pulse on what’s important simply by having a show. When you find a channel to improve your communication skills, you demand attention and people will listen to you. You become more trusted as a leader and people will follow you once they believe you can lead them to their wants and needs.

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Tony Robbins

These insights have helped many people become leaders and, ultimately, move others to their best selves. It’s worked for me and I hope it works for you. At the end of the day, it’s all about showing up and showing out.