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Success Advice

Why You Should Fall In Love With The Deadbeat Haters

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The world is a better place thanks to haters. I freaking love them and cherish my every interaction with them. Deadbeat haters make the world go round and success would never exist without them. Go outside right now and hug a deadbeat hater. That’s right; give them a big kiss on the lips too.

They’re the flawed human beings that are your biggest tribe builders. Haters cause people to fall in love with you, and what you stand for, by drawing attention to you with their nonsense, insults and rants that make no sense.

What is a hater?

I define a hater as someone who makes a comment online about you that purposely is intended to insult you, spread lies about you or is just plain negative. Usually, their comments are uncalled for and what they have to say is not constructive.

The hater often doesn’t know why they spend their days trolling the internet for things they can spread their negative virus too. If they were to understand why they hate, they would be probably cured of the wretched hater virus, never to hate on anyone again.

Haters are going to hate because that’s what they do so learn to fall in love with them like I have.

Here are five ways to fall in love with the deadbeat heaters:

 

1. Haters supercharge your number of followers

Every time a hater makes a comment about something you have posted online, at the same time, they increase the number of followers you have.

The best example I can give is when someone wrote a few negative comments about the way I looked in an Addicted2Success article photo. Shortly after their post, our community flocked to Facebook to defend me without me even saying a word.

This little stunt that the hater created attracted lots of new followers to my different pages and allowed people to give me a chance, and find out more about me.

 

2. Haters spread your message like you never could

You will know when the message you are trying to deliver online is successful when you reach the tipping point of having a group of haters. Until you have haters, you are still in the junior league of the online world – which is fine – but once the haters come, it means you are starting to have some success.

For a long time I didn’t have a single hater and so I think it made my message feel fake or not authentic. When someone or something is too good to be true, people online usually don’t trust it. Haters allow your message to be transparent and heard.

A magnificent, deadbeat hater will go that extra step and share your message on their social media for the purpose of hating on you. This is another positive step and will allow you to gain access to the haters followers whom some of which will start listening to your message in a positive way.

Anyone who has any kind of influence, or has created any sort of global movement, has both supporters and haters. When you only have one side of the equation – the supporters – it generally means your message is not bold enough, different enough, powerful enough or important enough.

That’s okay, though, it just means you have more work to do and are still very early on in perfecting and communicating your message.

 

3. Haters make you stand out

The key to building an online presence is to be different rather than trying to be better than your competitors. The reason is simple: it’s much easier to be different than it is to be better than your competitors who have more resources, more followers and more time in the game than you do.

The reason you should love haters is because they make you different by allowing you to stand out. Haters force eyeballs to your online profiles and show you in a different light.

Even though their perspective is probably wrong, they open the door for other people to make that decision for themselves, thus allowing you to stand out from other people in your niche who may have either none or very few haters.

 

4. Haters are actually telling you why they love you

The deadbeat haters that hate on you are doing so because they actually love you. You might be thinking I am totally nuts but hear me out. When a hater hates on you, what they are really telling the world is that they are; scared of life, living in fear, wish they could attempt what you’re doing, and wish they could achieve more.

The very things they hate about you are the things that they love about you at the same time and wish they could have in some small way. Every time a hater hates on you, they are projecting their own inadequacies very loudly.

Them hating on you has nothing to do with you and has everything to do with them. Learn to love these suckers and what they tell you about yourself – that’s how I see them now anyway.

 

5. Haters highlight that you are not living on the sidelines

Deadbeat haters that hate on you are something you should love because they are telling you that you are taking action and that you are doing so without being afraid to be criticised. See, many people never take action because they worry that they may attract haters or get negative feedback.

These people who are afraid of the haters never start anything and end up living a life of regret because they sit on the sidelines, and watch everyone else be successful. In the meantime, they watch their own life pass them by.

These same people that sit on the sidelines and never do anything can also become haters. They have the free time to troll the internet and spread their negative thoughts because they’re too afraid to do anything themselves. They’re too frightened to take a risk and do something they’re passionate about.

I recently started posting a few videos on the Addicted2Success Youtube channel knowing full well that I have a long way to go before I nail the whole video thing. The reason why I began is I thought to myself “I will never get started if I don’t just have a crack.”

Think about all the Hollywood movie stars, almost all of them were horrible in their very first movie. It’s the same with my videos; you have got to start somewhere and you will improve the more you do it.

Sure my video’s have the odd phrase that doesn’t make sense, some awkward cuts, some minor audio issues or lighting problems, but it’s only once I started that I became aware of these opportunities. By never starting, you will always just hang around the sidelines and procrastinate.

“Be proud when you get haters – they’re an inevitable part of success. Attracting haters means you are playing all out and having a crack at life”

What have I learnt from my haters?

You would think that having a goal to inspire the world through personal development and entrepreneurship would be a pretty hard thing to hate on – turns out it’s not.

The haters I have attracted tend only to go for the easy things like what I’m wearing, or even crazier, the fact that I didn’t blink in a video I posted. I have learnt to be careful whom I take feedback from because the haters usually have had zero success and so they are not qualified to criticise.

Feedback is valuable but hater’s feedback – usually in the form of insults – doesn’t offer a lot of value to you.

What I have found fascinating is when I click the social media profile of a hater. Often I will find they have no content of their own, almost no friends / followers / or connections, and spend most of their days leaving negative comments on people’s pages.

This exercise is quite powerful in showing you who you’re haters are in real life.

 

How do you deal with haters?

I find the best way to deal with the haters is not to delete their comments or block them. This only fires them up and doesn’t serve any positive purpose. Let your friends and followers do the talking for you and sit back and watch the magic.

When I see a hater on one of my pages, I am reminded of Tai Lopez. Tai has become very wealthy and has a Ferrari and Lamborghini that he has earned, partly because of the stacks of haters helping people find his message – what a gift the haters have given him.

Geez now that I think about it, I really do love the deadbeat haters so much for what they do. Their unique individuals that have a god given talent that I don’t think I will ever have.

What’s your experience with haters? How do you deal with them? Let me know in the comments section below or on my website timdenning.net and my Facebook. Haters are welcome too!
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Success Advice

Why Data Security Is Part of Your Personal Brand

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Image Credit: Addicted2Success

As a social media influencer, nothing feels more natural than constantly putting yourself out there. Audiences can tell when someone is genuine, and your personality is why they’ll follow you in the first place. Sharing tends to happen without a second thought, and the more you do it, the more unique your personal brand becomes.

That said, visibility also comes with security risks and responsibilities toward yourself and your community. Here’s why data security is important not just for keeping some information private as a public person, but also for protecting the reputation of what you’ve painstakingly built.

It Prevents Account Takeovers

Your socials are your bread and butter, so losing access to them is definitely the worst-case scenario. You’re effectively cut off from the channels you do business through, but the reputation damage you might suffer is even more damning. Even getting your accounts back and explaining what happened may not be enough to fix the damage if your account and name were misused to push scams onto or trick your followers.

Securing account access is thankfully a straightforward top priority. Each of your social channels, your business email account, your SMM, etc., needs a strong, unique password. A password manager will help streamline this. And if you’re weighing your options, user sentiment like you’ll find in this NordPass review can help you decide.

Also, protect your passwords all with multi-factor authentication and be suspicious of unknown login attempts. After you’ve secured your accounts, end unfamiliar sessions on key accounts to kick out attackers who might be biding their time.

You’re Reducing the Likelihood of Doxxing and Unwanted Interactions

Sharing what you’re up to and what you’re into is a natural way of keeping followers engaged. A detail here and there doesn’t look like much, but it can add up and expose far more than you’re comfortable with. Fans might use such tidbits to figure out your home address or phone number and give you their unwanted attention. Haters and stalkers may not be as harmless.

Take control of what information you share. Be mindful of publishing your real-time location or posts that could reveal personal info about yourself. You’ll also want to set up business contacts separate from personal ones and use those for professional interactions.

Since you’re a public persona, plenty of information is already out there that you don’t know about or consent to. Incogni data removal tool, for example, will let you request that such information be removed from data broker and people-search sites. This will reduce your unwanted digital footprint and give you greater peace of mind.

You’re Strengthening Business Relationships

Working with agencies and negotiating with sponsors is vital to growing your brand. It also inevitably involves exchanges that contain sensitive information like briefs for campaigns that are about to launch, not to mention contracts and payment details. If this information leaks, you risk being seen as unprofessional and may get fewer collaboration opportunities in the future.

Always have a separate email address for professional correspondence and make sure it has a unique password and MFA. Send confidential documents only through secure channels. Even then, make sure to use individual links that expire after your business is done.

You’re Protecting Followers’ Personal Info and Trust

Don’t forget that you also likely manage followers’ data alongside your own. Every survey, newsletter signup, community membership, or giveaway encourages people to provide info that can be misused if not handled carefully. You don’t want to be responsible for followers’ brimming spam folders, and you definitely don’t want to experience the backlash.

The best approach is to collect as little information as possible to still allow a promotion or event to go smoothly. Restrict access to the information you do collect and delete followers’ personal information once there’s no more need to keep it.

Conclusion

It takes time and effort to build up a personal brand, while a single misstep is enough to undermine it. You have to be visible to thrive, yet that doesn’t mean that you can’t take control of your online presence. Securing the accounts you depend on, as well as being mindful of what you expose and who you trust, goes a long way.

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Success Advice

How to Turn Pain Into Purpose: Make Your Biggest Mess Your Mission

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Image Credit: Addicted2Success

How to turn pain into purpose starts with a decision you make before you feel ready: whatever this is, it’s going to be used for something. Coach Nash Mackey, who lost his eldest brother and then his younger sister to suicide within months of each other, calls it turning the mess in your life into the mission. You still grieve. You talk it out, focus on what you can control and link the loss to something bigger than yourself.

Nash Mackey - How to Have Victory Over Suffering

This article talks about suicide and grief. If you’re struggling, please reach out now. In the US, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. In Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Nash and I have worked together for many years and coached hundreds of people together. I initially started out coaching him, and then I’ve seen him become somebody who coaches others. Every time I brought Nash in to coach the coaches I was training and certifying, they loved him. He doesn’t just theoretically understand things. He lives it and applies it. And if you really want to grow in personal development, that’s the point: you must implement.

Where his question came from

Nash trained as a combat medic at 17 and worked in emergency departments and operating theatres. He saw how real the consequences are of the decisions we make, the habits we form and the beliefs we hold. That work got heavy, and for a while he turned to alcohol and what he calls low-grade habits.

Out of that came the question that still drives him: what makes humans come alive? That question really becomes your compass. When I asked what coming alive looks like day to day, he said he measures it by two things, fulfillment and purpose. “Purpose for me is, it has to have an impact on other people’s lives,” he said. “If it’s just for myself, I know it won’t sustain.”

Decide to use it before you know how it ends

When Nash got the call from his dad that his brother might have ended his life, he made a decision in the car on the way there. “I made an internal commitment that I was already going to use this for impact,” he said. “Regardless of how this goes… I am going to use this.”

He calls finding his brother the most intense situation he’s ever been in. A few months later, his younger sister ended her life too. “Burying my brother and then a few months later burying my sister,” he said. “It felt like we were in a movie.”

The commitment didn’t stop the grief. It gave the grief somewhere to go. “I could be crushed by this because it felt big,” he said. “So I was like, how can I use this? What can I do with this?”

Don’t carry it alone

I asked Nash what tools he’d suggest for anyone going through grief, loss or a heavy season that’s challenged their identity. This is the nerdy coach stuff we love.

He started with a military saying: two is one, one is none. You don’t go it alone. Nash called me during that time, and I jumped on a call with him. “I want to talk it out,” he said of why he picked up the phone. “I can’t hold this in.” He says he processes by talking in real time.

He also did something most people won’t try. The first thing he did when he got home was get into an ice bath, because for him it “brings everything to the surface.” He’s clear that’s his experience, not a rule for everyone. His bigger point is about stress. When you’re in a heightened state, he finds people often try to calm down too soon. Sometimes he’ll meet that energy with a bit of deliberate stress, then breathe and bring himself back down. That’s the heart of nervous system regulation: you don’t skip the stress, you learn to come back from it. If you’re thinking about cold exposure, check with your doctor first.

Breathwork is a big part of Nash’s work, and it’s something he helped me go through when I was feeling overloaded. I had an unexplainable symptom. I was overloading my system with supplements and had other stresses compounding. He gave me access to an audio, and the breathwork really helped.

Focus on the controllables and see life beyond it

Nash has a young family. “You’ve got little mouths to feed,” he said. “I’m like, okay, my primary role here is to be here for my family.” “What are the controllables here? I’ve got to focus on those because it is pointless spiraling.”

He also pointed to Viktor Frankl, who held on to a vision of life beyond the concentration camps. “It’s not about not feeling through what needs to be felt through,” Nash said. “It’s like, what’s on the other side of this that I’m going to hold on to?” When his sister died, he went back to the same practices that got him through his brother’s death, even though he didn’t want to.

I said to Nash that personal development sometimes teaches us we control every single aspect of our life, and that’s not always the case. What we can control is our perceptions, our decisions and our actions. Sometimes things just catch us on the blind side. He couldn’t control what happened to his brother or his sister. Accepting that is close to the Stoic idea of amor fati: say yes to what already happened, then get to work on what you can still shape.

Turn the mess into the mission

Three days after his brother’s death, Nash kept a promise to a client who was attempting a Guinness World Record for a cause. Watching her carry a message through a physical challenge planted an idea. He had a deep value on health and fitness. Could he do something like that?

He did. He set the Guinness World Record for the most T-rotation push-ups in 24 hours, with 6,181. He says they weren’t doing it for money. The point was the message: check in with yourself, be courageous if you’re struggling, reach out to someone who can genuinely support you, then make a change.

“Whatever the biggest mess is, that becomes the mission,” he said. “The mess needs to be cleaned up by someone. Who’s going to grab the mop and start mopping?”

I told Nash he’s a living, breathing, walking example of diving into life and coming alive. He’s since carried the same message into more endurance challenges. “There’s power in knowing your values, linking your values and committing to causes bigger than yourself,” he said. “We can sit around, we can be crushed or we can say, how am I going to use this?”

Grief comes in waves

My heart goes out to Nash. I know the feeling of loss. There’s a lot of grief that comes with losing a brother and a sister so close together, and grief comes in waves. Sometimes you feel like you’re drowning in it. I told him I’d imagine he learned a lot about capacity, and that I applaud him for moving through it and coming out even stronger.

Loss like that also makes us face our own mortality. How long am I going to be here? What do I want to do with my life while I’m here? Nash said he’s always felt the fragility of life. His youngest daughter needed major heart surgery right after she was born. Those experiences, he said, gave him empathy. “When I have a client who shows up and they’ve been through an extreme thing, while it’s different, I know what it’s like to have been in huge adversity.”

Someone who mentored both of us used to say that when you continue to live in a fantasy, it slowly and surely becomes a nightmare. Exploring both sides, the grief of life and the joy of life, keeps you balanced in the center.

Check what’s driving you

I’ve had a lot of guests on Addicted2Success. Sometimes it’s great to hear the motivational pump-up, but it’s also good to hear the technical side: what’s actually happening in my body and my brain, and what can I do about it? So I asked Nash what he does with high achievers burning the candle at both ends.

“Look at the driver of success. That’s always where I start,” he said. He’s seen pro athletes driven by a need to impress a parent or a coach since they were six, and founders holding huge companies because they feel deeply lonely or not good enough. “Don’t lie to yourself,” he said, “because it will erode in the background.”

He also shared a line from Robyn Moore, the Australian voice of Blinky Bill. When he asked what keeps her so driven, she told him: “I’m not driven. I’m drawn.” Purpose that pulls you is healthier than pain that pushes you.

We talked about the Superman complex too: trying to manage everything because no one else can do it perfectly like you. Then Nash turned the question on me. I told him that asking what success looks like when it can’t just be about achievement opens a box a lot of people haven’t looked in. That was a big thing for me. I was in a very insecure stage, dating a woman and giving away so much, without much coming back. My friend Ben finally asked me, “Why do you think I’m friends with you?” Then he listed probably about 50 things for five minutes. The more he said, the more I realized I wasn’t accepting those things. I started tearing up. How does he see that, but I don’t? I’d just been in this performance. You’ve got to find something deeper than accolades.

The biggest thing for me was forgiveness. I realized I wanted to be chosen. I didn’t feel I had that reciprocal love from my father, and I had to achieve things for him to pay attention. It wasn’t until I had a forgiveness conversation with him, and sealed it with what I’m grateful for, that it transformed our relationship. I redefined what it meant to actually love and be loved.

Don’t build your identity around the wound

I asked Nash something controversial. Have we gone too far into validating people’s trauma and not far enough into teaching them how to become strong again? Don’t be a feather in the wind. Build your house on rock, not on sand.

He pointed to The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga, which draws on Alfred Adler’s psychology. Nash was careful. He acknowledges trauma is real, and he has a lot of compassion for people who are in it. His concern is identity. “When people start forming an identity around ‘I’m a traumatized person,'” he said, “I see that as, well, a pretty unproductive way to live.”

I like how he said we should challenge our beliefs. Just because you’re told something for a long time doesn’t mean you should adopt it. And we can’t over-identify with the trauma, which can be limiting. None of that means skipping professional help. It means not letting the worst thing that happened become the only thing you are.

Build capacity before you ask for more

When I asked about the biggest lie in personal development, Nash said it’s that you can reap a harvest without planting seeds.

His fix is to own where your feet are. Bring order to what you already have: the messy shed, the chaotic room. “Why would you expect more when you’re not looking after what you have?” And if you’re overwhelmed, he said, you’re literally declaring you’re at capacity. Daily habits should build mental, emotional, physical and spiritual capacity, so you can hold more.

Even after a world record, he told me he feels like he’s playing at a level three out of 10. I said, “Man, I don’t know what level I’m playing at if you’re at a level three, breaking records.” For him, the next level isn’t doing more. It’s depth.

When I asked what makes a life well lived, he talked about the day people stand up to say a few words about you. “If there’s more people than not who feel a little bit of love within their systems when they reflect on you as an individual, I think that’s a life well lived.”

How to turn pain into purpose: 7 steps

  1. Decide, as early as you can, that this will be used for something.
  2. Don’t carry it alone. Call someone you trust and talk it out.
  3. Feel what needs to be felt, then come back down with breath, movement or rest.
  4. List what you can control today and put your energy there.
  5. Picture the life on the other side of this and hold on to it.
  6. Pick one cause or message bigger than yourself and take one action for it.
  7. Build capacity with daily habits before you ask life for more.

FAQ

How do you turn pain into purpose?

Decide the pain will be used for something, get support, focus on what you can control and connect the loss to a cause bigger than you. Nash Mackey calls it turning your mess into your mission.

Can you find purpose while you’re still grieving?

Yes. Nash Mackey says purpose doesn’t replace grief. You still feel what needs to be felt. Purpose gives the grief somewhere to go and something on the other side to hold on to.

What does “turn your mess into your mission” mean?

It means taking the hardest thing in your life and using it to help others. For Nash Mackey, that meant a Guinness World Record to encourage people to check in and reach out.

Is it unhealthy to build your identity around trauma?

Nash Mackey says trauma is real but forming your whole identity around it can keep you stuck. Acknowledge it, get professional help when you need it and don’t let it become all you are.

Where can I get help if I’m struggling right now?

In the US, call or text 988 for the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. In Australia, call Lifeline on 13 11 14. Elsewhere, contact your local emergency number or crisis line.

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Success Advice

How to Master Your Inner Game: Why Procrastination Is Never the Real Problem

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How to master your inner game comes down to one shift: stop fighting the effect and go find the cause. Strategy and mindset coach Jeffrey Combs puts it bluntly. Procrastination is an effect, not a cause, and if you keep telling yourself you don’t know why you do what you do, you’ve got no ability to respond. Find the cause, simplify how you work and put your energy into skills instead of chasing success.

Jeffery Combs - How To Master Your Inner Game For Success

The first time I ever saw Jeffrey speak was out in San Diego. One thing that really stood out to me was that he was standing at the door, greeting each and every person who walked into the room before he jumped on stage. I highly respect that.

By his own count, Jeffrey has coached more than 9,000 clients and has been an entrepreneur for over 30 years. I remember that back in the late 90s he was a successful network marketer. He moved into speaking and then found his niche in coaching. He once said his real skill is helping people find the cause behind their effect, so I asked him how he pinpointed that.

Procrastination is an effect, not a cause

His answer started with his own life. “First of all, I’m a recovering addict and alcoholic,” he said. When we spoke, he had more than 26 years of sobriety with no relapses, after spending 14 years addicted to alcohol and drugs that, in his words, “allowed me to dull the pain.”

Getting clean didn’t fix everything. Jeffrey said he spent the first several years of his sobriety as “an angry, dry drunk, not really understanding why I couldn’t succeed.” He’d experience success, then sabotage it, or something would happen and it would all go away. That was the effect, and it kept leading him to the same disappointment.

What changed things was learning how cause and effect works in the brain. “If anyone listening has tendencies of procrastination, procrastination is an effect, it’s not a cause,” he said. “The causes that create our feelings are based on a series of events and, most importantly, how we perceive them.”

Once you understand the cause, he said, you can let go of the effects. “But if you continue to live in the effect and live in denial and tell yourself you don’t know why you do what you do, then there’s no ability to respond.”

That’s the inner game in one line. Most people attack the symptom. They download another productivity app, set another alarm and promise themselves Monday will be different. Jeffrey’s point is that the behavior is downstream. If the way you perceive events hasn’t changed, the effect keeps coming back. John Demartini comes at a related question from a different direction, on values, in why you’re not sabotaging yourself.

Where his cause-and-effect lens came from

I asked Jeffrey who put him on to neuroscience. Did he read a book, or did somebody coach him on it?

Nobody coached him. He started reading voraciously in the 80s as he got clean and sober. He also shared stages with Dr. Joe Dispenza early in Joe’s speaking career and booked him to speak at his own events, so he watched what Joe was doing and kept reading. Over time he pieced together the basics of what happens in the brain chemistry “that creates an emotional addiction that leads to an identity.”

We actually had Joe Dispenza on the Addicted2Success podcast and he was incredible. The knowledge he shared with us about the brain and the mindset showed what an unlimited world there is for us to discover.

Get off the practice shelf

We have a lot of entrepreneur listeners, and there’s so much information out there: podcasts, blogs, live events, video lessons. The biggest thing is finding the right information, so I asked Jeffrey how entrepreneurs cut through that noise.

He started with what people get wrong. “What many people do is they practice shelf,” he said, meaning their shelves are full of self-help books, podcast downloads and seminar notes. “They become seminar goers, but not active producers.”

He’s blunt about the money side, too. People rack up credit card debt on seminars and coaching and call it an asset. “It’s an asset when it’s applied. It’s a liability when it’s procrastinated on.”

Then he described the trap most people live in without noticing. “If you keep getting ready to get ready, waiting for that perfect mythical magical moment, you’ll never live your dreams,” he said. “You’ll just live in a wish, tiptoeing quietly through life, arriving at your grave safely, living the greatest pain, the pain of regret.”

His fix isn’t another book. It’s a business model you can run. If you’re not systemized, organized, methodical and detail conscious, he said, there’s a high probability you’ll be overwhelmed, procrastinate and end up disappointed. That’s the chain to break.

Inner knowing beats more know-how

To Jeffrey, the deeper problem is where people look for answers. “They never apply what they learn,” he said. “They keep looking for more technical know-how.”

He argued that school trains us to answer tests analytically and logically, and doesn’t reward creativity. Yet ideas, branding, intellectual property and the vision for a business don’t come from technical know-how. “It comes from your inner knowing, your being,” he said. “And that’s where so many people miss the mark.”

How to train your inner ear

I was listening to one of Jeffrey’s podcasts where he said people need to start focusing more on what’s meant and not said. So I asked him the best way to train your inner ear.

“You have to get out of your head,” he said. You have to stop living in the analytical, egoic mind, which is what he calls a human doing. “You have to learn to do less and be more.”

That doesn’t mean you stop setting goals. He wants you to learn how to “goal get”: how to achieve, produce, create results and live in the solution. The person still hunting for the next seminar speaker, the next event, the next rally is living in the problem. “It’s never out in front of you. It’s always within you.”

He also talked about attachment. When you’re attached to the outcome and overwhelmed by anxiety, he said, you’re separate from the result instead of one with it. I told him he was right. It’s good to separate yourself from the outcome and keep that anxiety out of your life.

Simplify or live in fight or flight

In one of his podcasts, Jeffrey talked about the power of simplicity. I think as entrepreneurs we tend to overcomplicate everything that comes our way, so I asked him for the steps every aspiring entrepreneur needs to take to simplify.

He laid it out as a chain. “If you’re complicated, you’re going to be unorganized. If you’re unorganized, you’re going to be overwhelmed. If you’re overwhelmed, your body’s in a constant state of fight or flight. There’s no joy. There’s no peace.”

The other side is simple work you can repeat. “If what you do is simple, you can duplicate it,” he said. Through repetition and experience, it becomes what you do and who you are. You build a reflex where you respond instead of react.

If you’re complicated, overwhelmed and not systematic, you’ll be winging it, and your brain never really relaxes. Dwell on the problem long enough, he warned, and you’ll create more of them to feed the craving. “You become addicted to disappointment.”

That’s a bad addiction to have, that’s for sure.

It’s also why simplifying is an inner-game move, not just an operations tweak. One clear offer and one checklist for the work that matters will do more for your head than a perfect plan you never touch.

Successful people focus on skills, not success

When I interviewed Joe Dispenza, he mentioned that most of the thoughts we have are the same ones we had the day before, and that we run mostly on autopilot from the unconscious. That’s where our habits come from. So I asked Jeffrey about the most common habits he sees in the successful people he’s coached.

“They do the same thing over and over with very little fanfare,” he said. “They can produce without recognition. They’re not seeking approval. They become very skilled.”

Then he made the distinction at the heart of this whole conversation. If he writes the word success on a whiteboard, that’s what most people want. If he writes skills, very few people focus on it. “The most successful people are highly skilled and they have great habits.”

Most people, he said, want instant gratification. They hit a little dip, look at their credit card statements and tell themselves, “I’m not where I should be,” without realizing they haven’t paid the price yet. “If you don’t master, number one, your emotional state and master the skills of the vocation, you’ll always be average.”

I told him we were going to have to change the website address to addictedtoskills.com.

Be patient while you’re productive

I asked Jeffrey about the biggest life lesson he’s learned. “Be patient,” he said. He got clean and sober at 31 and wanted 10 years of sobriety right away. Even with the drugs and alcohol put down, he stayed in an overwhelmed, addictive state.

“Patience isn’t something you do. Patience is what you become,” he said. “But you also have to be patient while you’re productive.” It’s the production while you’re patient, he explained, that creates the compounding effect. Focus only on reaping and you won’t master the skills to sow.

When I asked about the best advice he’d ever received from a mentor or someone he’d shared a stage with, he said the best advice he’s had is his own: listen to what he means, trust what he feels and don’t go against his own intuition.

I love it. Listen to yourself.

I can actually vouch for Jeffrey. I know a number of my friends have had amazing turnarounds and breakthroughs in their business and their life. His work lives at goldenmastermind.com.

I closed by asking what his last 30-second speech to the world would sound like. “Master the skills. Stay in the game long enough to master the skills. Be patient and focus on being a tortoise, not a hare,” he said. “Let go of trying to be the best and be your best, one day at a time, over a long career.”

How to master your inner game: 7 steps

  1. Name the effect you keep repeating, like procrastination, quitting or blowing up a good month.
  2. Ask what event and what perception sit underneath it. That’s the cause.
  3. Pick one book or course you’ve already bought and apply it this week before buying another.
  4. Strip one process down until it’s simple enough to repeat on a bad day.
  5. Write down a skill you’re building, not a result you’re chasing.
  6. Do the work, then let go of the outcome. Watching the pot won’t make it boil.
  7. Measure yourself against your best, not the best, one day at a time.

FAQ

What does it mean to master your inner game?

It means understanding the thoughts, perceptions and emotional patterns that drive your behavior, so you can change the cause instead of fighting the effects. Jeffrey Combs frames it as cause and effect.

Is procrastination a cause or an effect?

Jeffrey Combs calls procrastination an effect. He says the cause is a series of events and how you perceive them, often made worse by overwhelm and waiting for a perfect moment.

What is the practice shelf?

It’s Jeffrey Combs’ term for shelves full of self-help books, downloads and seminar notes that never get applied. He says knowledge is an asset when it’s applied and a liability when it’s procrastinated on.

How do you train your inner ear?

Get out of your head, do less and be more, and stay present. Jeffrey Combs says the answers aren’t in the next seminar. They come from your own inner knowing and trust.

Why focus on skills instead of success?

Because skills are what produce success. Jeffrey Combs says the most successful people are highly skilled, have great habits and do the same work over and over with very little fanfare.

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Success Advice

Why Your Environment Shapes Your Success More Than Willpower

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Image Credit: Addicted2Success

You can have an ambitious goal, a detailed plan, and a calendar full of good intentions, yet still end the day wondering where your focus went. You sit down to work, notice the pile on your desk, reach for your phone, then realise the room is too cold to concentrate.

Willpower matters, but relying on it to overcome the same obstacles every morning is exhausting. Your surroundings shape how easily you start tasks, maintain concentration, and build lasting habits. Understanding how your surroundings affect productivity can help you make practical changes without overhauling your routine.

Remove the Friction Between Intention and Action

Think about the last task you kept putting off. Was the work genuinely difficult, or did getting started involve several small irritations? Maybe your notebook was missing, your laptop needed charging, or you had to clear a space before you could begin.

These minor inconveniences create opportunities to procrastinate. Make important tasks easier to start by preparing what you need beforehand. If you plan to write in the morning, leave your notes ready. If you exercise after work, pack your kit the night before.

Physical comfort deserves equal attention. A cramped desk, uncomfortable chair, or poorly heated room can make sustained concentration difficult. Temperature is particularly easy to overlook. When your workspace feels too cold, you may spend more time getting comfortable than tackling your priorities. Addressing heating problems can make long working sessions more manageable.

For home offices where space is limited, vertical radiators offer an alternative to traditional horizontal designs. UK Radiators provides different heating options, which can help you plan around available wall space while considering your heating requirements.

Create a Clearer Workspace for Clearer Priorities

A cluttered desk can compete for your attention before you’ve even opened your laptop. Unfinished paperwork, scattered notes, and unrelated objects remind you of everything else you could be doing.

Rather than organising your entire home, concentrate on the space directly involved in your work. Keep frequently used equipment within reach and move unrelated items elsewhere. Give paperwork a designated place instead of letting it accumulate beside your keyboard.

Your digital workspace matters too. An overloaded desktop, dozens of open browser tabs, and constant notifications can make even straightforward tasks feel disorganised. Close unnecessary windows before starting demanding work. Keep the documents you need accessible and separate active projects from completed ones.

Think of your desk as a place for your current priorities, not a storage area for every responsibility you have.

Use Light and Noise to Protect Your Concentration

Lighting and sound affect the quality of your working conditions, but they require different approaches. Start with light. Natural daylight can make a workspace more pleasant, although direct sunlight on a screen may create distracting glare. Position your desk to take advantage of daylight without making your monitor difficult to see.

For detailed work, use a suitable desk lamp rather than relying entirely on overhead lighting. As evening approaches, adjust the brightness to suit your tasks and avoid working under unnecessarily harsh light.

Noise requires a little experimentation. Some people concentrate comfortably with background music, while others find even quiet conversations distracting. The type of work matters too. Routine administrative tasks may tolerate more background activity than writing, studying, or solving complex problems.

If possible, reserve quieter periods for demanding work. Use headphones, silence unnecessary notifications, or agree on interruption-free periods with colleagues or family members. You don’t need complete silence. What matters is creating conditions that allow you to concentrate without constantly recovering from interruptions.

Make Good Habits Easier to Repeat

Motivation often feels strongest when you set a goal. Maintaining that enthusiasm weeks later is another matter. That’s where habit formation becomes important. Instead of expecting yourself to make the same decision every day, connect new behaviours to routines you already follow.

For example, review your daily priorities immediately after making your morning coffee. Read a few pages after brushing your teeth, or spend ten minutes planning tomorrow’s work before shutting down your computer. These familiar activities provide reliable reminders without requiring complicated schedules.

You can also make a habit easier to repeat by reducing its initial demands. If you want to read regularly, begin with a few pages rather than setting an ambitious daily target. If you’re developing a writing routine, commit to opening your document and drafting one paragraph.

Small actions give you something achievable to return to, including on difficult days. Consistency matters more than creating an impressive routine you abandon after a week.

Test What Actually Works for You

There’s no universal formula for the perfect productive environment. A quiet home office may suit one person, while another works better with gentle background activity. Some people prefer a tidy desk with almost nothing on it; others need visual reminders of ongoing projects.

Rather than copying someone else’s setup, pay attention to your working patterns. For a week, notice when your concentration slips. Is it during a particular task, at a certain time, or after repeated interruptions?

Change one thing at a time. Adjust your lighting, reorganise your desk, or schedule demanding work during quieter hours. Then consider whether the adjustment makes starting and finishing tasks easier. This approach helps you distinguish genuine improvements from changes that simply look productive.

Success Starts With What You Repeat

Willpower can help you push through a difficult moment, but it shouldn’t have to carry your entire routine. The relationship between environment and success becomes clearer when you examine your typical workday. Comfortable conditions reduce unnecessary interruptions, organised spaces support attention, and familiar routines make productive behaviour easier to maintain.

You don’t need an expensive office or a complete lifestyle overhaul to benefit. Start by identifying one obstacle that regularly slows you down. Make a practical adjustment and give yourself time to assess the difference.

Once that change becomes part of your routine, consider the next improvement. Success still requires effort, patience, and commitment. But when your surroundings support the way you want to work, you can direct more of that effort towards making meaningful progress.

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