Success Advice
3 Reasons You’re Not Succeeding in Life (and How to Change That)
On paper, my career looked great. Over the years, I’ve held some pretty good positions and was involved in many impactful projects—the types that attract lots of attention from the guys upstairs. I’ve been mentored by a CEO and have worked closely with all kinds of C-execs. Lucky, right? Not quite.
How have I done it? –Easy. It was enough to mention I wasn’t challenged enough and work flew my way, growing in complexity and responsibilities. Things are looking up, I thought. Soon, I’ll be pretty high on the ladder. But instead, I was stuck in a rut. I was seen as the dependable “Doer” but never “the Change-maker” or “the Influencer.” And after some intense self-analysis, it was very clear why.
Despite all the opportunities I’ve been given to move up, I somehow fell short of having sufficient self-assurance—the silent requisite for success, which often helps write our great life stories of struggle, perseverance, and “making it in the end.”
I started thinking about confidence and how lucky the people to whom all this comes effortlessly must be. They probably don’t even have to think about how they appear to others, because they are simply great individuals, emitting calm assertiveness in their own worth.
But more importantly, why did I lack the feeling of self-confidence? I believed I had the brains, skills, knowledge, abilities, no less than the people around me who were steadily moving up. There was no apparent reason for me not to have equally positive self-beliefs and the opportunities that came with this. And yet, I was stuck.
Here are 3 reasons why you are not succeeding in life as you wish you were:
1. Motivation
This is a big one. Although, at first thought, motivation and confidence may not be likely candidates for friendship, they are closely aligned, especially in work settings. If what we do for a living isn’t what we truly want, if it’s not our forte or calling, it will be quite challenging to convince ourselves that it’s worth putting our whole hearts, efforts, energy and skills into it.
It’s kind of hard to be our biggest fan too and to respect ourselves, when we are stagnated personally or professionally. If we are not driven enough, we won’t push ourselves to grow, to achieve more, to learn new things. Such attitude is an outright confidence killer.
We just save ourselves the torment and go after what really sparks us. But if moving on is not a possibility, we still have some options up our sleeves. We can try to improve our motivation to spike our confidence. The point is that self-appreciation comes from knowing that we are doing something meaningful, something that matters. Otherwise, why waste our time?
“Where there is a will, there is a way. If there is a chance in a million that you can do something, anything, to keep what you want from ending, do it. Pry the door open or, if need be, wedge your foot in that door and keep it open.” – Pauline Kael
2. People-pleasing
People-pleasing is easily one of the main obstacles to self-assurance. It’s a well-known fallacy that people with low confidence often have an obsessive desire to be liked by everyone. It’s a dangerous trap as we can become an easier target for manipulation. More importantly, we tend to turn our backs on who we are and what we want, for the sake of others.
Congratulations, you have successfully become a wallflower! People-pleasing is not the way to feel better about ourselves. Social acceptance is important, of course, but it should be based on mutual appreciation. If we don’t know how to value and respect ourselves first, how can we expect others to do so?
And yet, many of us do it—to varying degrees, on various occasions, in both our personal and professional lives but, it’s a bad strategy all-around. An ill-ambition to be accepted by all usually has an unhappy ending— we are liked by no one, not even by ourselves.
3. Fear of Failure
The dread of defeat and low self-assurance have somewhat of a complicated affair—fear undermines our self-esteem. Low confidence, in turn, makes us more sensitive to failure. Our sense of worth becomes directly tied to all-or-nothing outcomes. Victories will make us feel over the top and downturns will cause a further dip in our self-esteem. It’s a vicious loop.
An unhealthy sense of perfectionism also often completes the above recipe. We must be faultless all the time, we tell ourselves, as we believe that failing will cost us not only others’ respect, but ultimately our careers too.
Being driven to do or give our best is, of course, a good thing, but there is always a line, which, after being crossed, things quickly spiral downward. We can’t slow down or become less meticulous, though—we believe that all eyes are fixed on us, and that we’ll be judged for every mishap.
Guess what? People are too centered on their own selves and lives to have the time to focus much on others. We are usually the ones who cause ourselves all the stress and grief. Psychologists call this the “spotlight” effect—and it’s a well-known bias.
So, give yourself permission to fail, to not be perfect all the time, to have a bad hair day, to take responsibility for your missteps. Fear is natural, everyone has it, and everyone fails. But as Confucius said many years ago: “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”
“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” – Henry Ford
Finally, to reach a state of unconditional self-approval, we must not tie our worth, personal and professional, to externalities. We shouldn’t seek for validation or approval from the world. Rather, focus on finding your own path and pace. That’s the only way to become, not flawless in everything, but perfectly happy and fulfilled with the person looking back at us in the mirror.
Is your motivation, people pleasing, or the fear of failure holding you back from where you should be? Let us know so we can all help one another!
Image courtesy of Twenty20.com
Success Advice
JP Conte Took Up Surfing After Decades in Private Equity. Here’s What It Taught Him About Risk
According to the Outdoor Industry Association’s 2026 participation report, a record total of 183.2 million participants took part in outdoor activities — or 59% of Americans ages 6 and older.
JP Conte is one of them.
Learning to Surf After a Career in Private Equity
Conte, founder and managing partner of his family office, Lupine Crest Capital, is credited with “more than three decades of experience building and transforming companies.” Water sports were not part of that record.
“After decades in private equity, I started sailing my boat around the world and learning to surf and kite surf,” he wrote in a column for Forbes Business Council.
“That unfamiliarity was precisely the point,” he wrote.
The Ski Slope and Risk
In Conte’s column, he breaks risk into three categories. “Smart risk requires understanding what you’re getting into while accepting incomplete information,” he wrote.
Reckless risk is taken when available facts are ignored. Playing it safe, in his telling, means you may never learn anything at all. His rule for staying out of both traps is simple: “Respect the uncertainty, but don’t let incomplete information paralyze you.”
He compared it to approaching a ski run. “You assess conditions, check equipment and commit once you start,” he wrote.
“Hesitation mid-slope is more dangerous than committed execution,” JP Conte wrote.
Real danger sits in the middle, he argued, where a person is neither prepared nor committed. Leaders can get stuck in the same spot.
Building Risk Tolerance One Wave at a Time
Boldness is not something people are simply born with, in JP Conte’s view. “Risk tolerance isn’t a fixed trait; it’s a developed skill,” he wrote.
His method is to practice on small choices and ones that provide rapid feedback. Water works well for that. A surfer who picks the wrong wave finds out within seconds, paddles back out and tries the next one.
“Physical activities like cycling, mountain biking, kiting or surfing involve constant micro-decisions with immediate feedback,” Conte wrote.
Carrying the Habits Back to Business
Executives were the column’s intended readers, and the advice is aimed at people who have spent years getting good at one thing. Conte argued that the core work of running a company, from analyzing data to building teams, carries over to nearly any industry.
He gave an example from two very different fields. A healthcare technology company adopting new ways to run clinical trials and a financial services firm rolling out digital platforms face similar problems, he wrote, even though the products have little in common.
“Many executives stay within their comfort zones because they fear looking inexperienced or making mistakes in new domains,” he wrote.
Before a big move, he urged readers to learn the territory. “Knowledge doesn’t eliminate uncertainty, but it converts wild uncertainty into calculated probability.”
Keep more than one effort going, he advised. “It ensures a setback in one area doesn’t eliminate your ability to take appropriate risks in others.”
And treat a bad outcome, whether it’s a wipeout on the slopes or a project that misses, as information for the next attempt.
“Failure becomes input for better future choices rather than evidence of inadequacy,” JP Conte wrote.
Success Advice
Success Is Not a Solo Journey: Why Entrepreneurs Grow Faster Through the Right Connections
Success is often described as the result of hard work, discipline, and the ability to keep moving forward when things become difficult. These qualities are important, but there is another factor that can influence an entrepreneur’s journey just as much: the people they surround themselves with.
Building a business requires more than individual ambition. Entrepreneurs need fresh perspectives, honest feedback, useful knowledge, and relationships that encourage them to think beyond their current limitations. While personal determination provides the motivation to begin, the right professional connections can help turn ideas into meaningful progress.
Personal Growth Begins With the People Around You
The people we interact with regularly can influence how we think, approach challenges, and define success. Spending time with individuals who are curious, ambitious, and willing to learn can encourage us to raise our own standards.
For entrepreneurs, this influence can be especially valuable. Business ownership involves constant decision-making, and having conversations with people who understand similar responsibilities can introduce ideas that might not emerge when working alone.
A founder who regularly exchanges experiences with other business owners may discover a better way to manage a team, approach a customer problem, or evaluate a new opportunity.
Personal development is not limited to books, courses, or individual routines. It also happens through conversations and shared experiences.
Why Entrepreneurs Should Look Beyond Their Own Industry
It is natural for business owners to focus most of their attention on their particular industry. However, limiting professional relationships to people doing similar work can restrict the range of ideas they encounter.
Some of the most useful business lessons come from completely different fields.
A technology entrepreneur might learn valuable customer service practices from a hospitality business. A marketing professional could discover new approaches to leadership by speaking with someone managing a growing manufacturing company.
Different industries may operate under different conditions, but many challenges remain similar. Hiring, communication, customer retention, leadership, and business development are concerns shared by companies of all sizes.
Connecting with people outside one’s immediate professional circle can help entrepreneurs question familiar approaches and consider new possibilities.
The Difference Between Networking and Building Real Relationships
Networking is often associated with attending events, exchanging contact information, and adding new connections on professional platforms. These activities can create opportunities, but they do not automatically lead to meaningful relationships.
Strong professional connections require consistency and mutual interest. People need time to understand each other’s goals, experience, and working styles.
A valuable relationship is not built around asking what someone can do for your business. It develops when both individuals are willing to share knowledge, offer support, and contribute to each other’s progress.
This is why entrepreneurs should focus on the quality of their connections rather than the number of people in their contact lists.
Finding a Community That Encourages Entrepreneurial Growth
Building meaningful professional relationships can be challenging when most of an entrepreneur’s time is spent managing daily operations. A structured environment that brings business owners together can make it easier to connect with people who understand the realities of entrepreneurship.
For those seeking an entrepreneur community in Los Angeles, a focused professional network can offer opportunities to exchange ideas, learn from other founders, and develop relationships beyond occasional business events.
A strong Los Angeles entrepreneur community can also bring together people from different industries and business backgrounds. These interactions can create opportunities for collaboration and expose entrepreneurs to perspectives they might not encounter within their usual circles.
The most valuable communities encourage participation rather than passive membership. Members should feel comfortable discussing challenges, sharing lessons, and learning from one another.
How the Right People Can Improve Decision-Making
Entrepreneurs often face situations where there is no obvious answer. Expanding a company, hiring a senior employee, changing a pricing strategy, or entering a new market can involve considerable uncertainty.
Discussing these decisions with experienced peers can help business owners examine different possibilities before taking action.
For example, a founder considering expansion may benefit from speaking with someone who has already managed a similar transition. Another entrepreneur might share lessons about an unsuccessful decision, helping others recognize potential risks earlier.
This does not mean every suggestion should be followed. Each business has its own customers, resources, and priorities. However, additional perspectives can help entrepreneurs make more informed choices.
Building a Stronger Professional Circle in Los Angeles
Los Angeles offers opportunities across industries such as entertainment, technology, real estate, professional services, and digital business. For entrepreneurs operating in such a diverse business environment, building relationships with people outside their immediate industry can be especially useful.
A private entrepreneur network in Los Angeles can provide a more focused setting for connecting with other business owners who value meaningful conversations and professional development.
Entrepreneurs can make the most of these relationships by following a few simple practices:
- Be genuinely interested: Ask about other people’s experiences instead of focusing only on introducing your own business.
- Share knowledge: Offer useful insights or resources when they can help someone else.
- Stay consistent: Keep in touch after initial conversations and make an effort to develop lasting connections.
- Welcome different opinions: Constructive feedback can reveal weaknesses in an idea before they become costly mistakes.
- Look beyond immediate benefits: Some of the strongest professional relationships take time to become valuable.
These habits help turn introductions into relationships that can support long-term professional growth.
Success Requires Both Individual Effort and Collective Learning
Ambition and personal discipline remain essential to entrepreneurial success. No professional network can replace the effort required to build a company, serve customers, and overcome difficult situations.
However, individual effort does not mean working in isolation. Learning from others, exchanging experiences, and developing trusted relationships can make the entrepreneurial journey more informed and rewarding.
A LA founders community can give business owners opportunities to connect with people who understand their ambitions and challenges. These connections may lead to new ideas, valuable conversations, and collaborations that develop over time.
Ultimately, success is not only about how far someone can go independently. It is also about the knowledge they gain, the relationships they build, and the people who contribute to their growth along the way.
The right circle will not do the work for an entrepreneur, but it can help them see new possibilities and approach their goals with a stronger perspective.
Success Advice
Why Founders Beat Professional Managers When Industries Change
Founders vs professional managers comes down to one question: who can run a company when the industry stops standing still? Marc Andreessen’s answer, built on James Burnham’s theory of the managerial class, is that interchangeable professional managers are good at protecting a stable machine but tend to freeze when the product or the market changes underneath them. That is why Andreessen Horowitz would rather teach a founder to manage at scale than ask a manager to become a founder.
The managerial-capitalism section of this Dwarkesh Patel interview with Marc Andreessen starts around the nine-minute mark, and the founders section around fifty minutes in. A shorter clip from a separate Andreessen interview, where he walks through the same Burnham frame with a SpaceX example, has been circulating on X. One note if you watch that clip: the captions say “James Byrne.” He is talking about James Burnham.
The Advice That Sounds Smart Until the Market Moves
I have heard the same sentence in green rooms, on podcast calls and over dinner with founders for more than a decade: “Hire great people and get out of their way.” It sounds mature.
And I have watched what happens when founders take it literally. The founder hires a polished operator with a beautiful resume, hands over the product roadmap, and steps back to “work on the business.” For a year, everything looks cleaner. Then the market shifts. A new tool shows up, a platform changes its rules, customers start wanting something different. And the polished operator does exactly what they were trained to do: protect the plan.
That is the moment the company stalls. Not because the manager is lazy or dumb, but because they were hired to run a machine, and the machine just became obsolete.
Here is the line I keep coming back to: a manager protects the machine you built; a founder notices when the machine is pointed at the wrong target. You need both. But only one of them can turn the ship.
Burnham’s Frame in Plain English: Bourgeois Capitalism vs Managerialism
James Burnham was an American political theorist who wrote The Managerial Revolution in 1941. That book is where his core argument lives: ownership and control of big organizations were splitting apart, and a new class of professional managers was taking control. Andreessen also often cites Burnham’s 1943 book The Machiavellians, which is about how elites actually hold power.
In the Dwarkesh interview, Andreessen lays out two kinds of capitalism.
Bourgeois capitalism is the old model. One person owns the business, runs the business and often puts their name on the door. Andreessen’s examples include Ford Motor Company, and Andreessen Horowitz itself. He describes it as the owner, builder and CEO being “one person with a direct link between ownership and control.”
Managerial capitalism is what replaced it across most of the economy. Ownership is spread across thousands or millions of shareholders who are not paying attention, so a professional managerial class steps in and runs the company. In Andreessen’s summary of Burnham, the managers end up in control even though they might own only a sliver of the company.
Here is the rough timeline, in plain English:
- 1880s to 1920s: Railroads, steel, oil and early auto companies grow too big and too complex for one owner to supervise. Layers of salaried managers appear to coordinate them.
- Early 1900s: Business schools such as Harvard Business School and later Stanford’s business school turn management into a teachable, portable profession. The idea spreads that a well-trained manager can run almost anything.
- 1960s and 1970s: The conglomerate era pushes that idea to its extreme. If management is a universal skill, why not run a hotel chain, a bakery and a defense contractor under one roof?
Burnham’s argument was that this shift was inevitable because of scale and complexity. Andreessen agrees that big organizations do need people who can run things at scale. This is not an anti-manager rant.
Where Professional Managers Shine, and Where They Freeze
In the Dwarkesh conversation, Andreessen puts it bluntly: managers “don’t build new things.” They are not trained for it, and their incentives point the other way. If you are a manager, your number one job is “not to upset the applecart.” You want to keep the job, keep the comp and avoid introducing risk.
In the clip circulating on X, he sharpens the point. Managers may be good at running something that is “going to be status quo for a long time.” But “the minute things change,” he says, the manager personality type “doesn’t know how to deal with change.”
Think about it as two kinds of terrain:
| Situation | Professional manager | Founder |
|---|---|---|
| Stable product, stable customers (a soup brand, a regional bank, a legacy car line) | Strong: optimizes cost, process and predictability | Can get bored, may over-tinker |
| New technology changes the product itself | Weak: defends the old plan and the old metrics | Strong: has the knowledge and authority to rip up assumptions |
| Company needs to run 1,000+ people | Strong: knows how to manage managers | Weak, unless they deliberately learn it |
| Long-term bet that hurts this year’s numbers | Weak: paid on quarterly and annual targets | Strong: the company is their life’s work |
Look at that last row. Ben Horowitz made the same point back in 2010 in Why We Prefer Founding CEOs: professional CEOs are effective at maximizing a product cycle, while founding CEOs are better at finding the next one. His example: record-label executives who would not let go of their old business model when the internet arrived.
The SpaceX Example: What Good Are Management Skills Now?
Andreessen’s sharpest illustration in the clip is rockets.
For decades, orbital boosters were treated as expendable. You built an extraordinarily expensive machine, launched it, and most of it was gone. If you were a professionally trained manager at a launch company, your skill was running that system well: hitting schedules, managing contractors, controlling cost overruns.
Then, as Andreessen tells it, “this crazy guy in California comes up with this thing where the rockets land on their bottom and you can’t replicate it.” His question is the whole thesis in one line: “What good are your management skills at that point?”
The point is not “be like Elon.” It is structural. When the core assumption of an industry breaks, the person who is best at executing the old assumption is often the worst-positioned person in the building. Their expertise is in the thing that just stopped mattering.
This is where, in the clip, Andreessen says Burnham’s thesis “collapses.” Yes, there is a need to run things at scale. But managers “can’t adapt.” That is a stronger stance than his Dwarkesh-era framing, where he treated the drift toward managerialism as close to inevitable. The through-line in both: managers can run scale, but they will not build the next thing.
The a16z Operating Theory: Teach Founders to Manage at Scale
So if managers cannot adapt and founders cannot run 10,000 people, what do you do?
Andreessen’s answer, in the clip: “The founders can actually learn how to do this.” He frames it as a big part of how his firm thinks. Horowitz’s 2010 post says the same thing from the inside: teaching a founding CEO how to maximize the product cycle is easier than teaching a professional CEO how to find a new one.
In the Dwarkesh interview, Andreessen names the specific breakthrough a founder has to make: learning to manage managers. Even a CEO of a 100,000-person company only has eight to twelve direct reports. If you can lead a team of managers, that skill scales. He describes the best case as a founder-minded CEO “managing a team of managers who are doing all the managerial stuff required at scale.” Best of both worlds.
He also tells founders the honest part. In his estimate, nearly every founder they back is smart enough to run a big company, but maybe half have the temperament, and fewer still actually want to be doing it twenty years later. Horowitz is even more direct: almost no founder has the CEO skill set on day one, and learning it on the job is often “a miserable, debilitating experience.” He did it anyway, because it is the most reliable way to build something great.
That is the real choice in founders vs professional managers. It is not founder or manager. It is founder who learns to manage versus manager who tries to become a founder. The first one is hard. The second one rarely happens.
7 Things a Scaling Founder Can Do This Month
If you are a founder somewhere between ten and a few hundred people, here is how I would put this into practice. All of it requires you to stay in the building.
- Learn to manage managers before you need to. Pick one leader who already has a team and coach them weekly. This is the skill Andreessen says separates founders who scale from founders who get replaced.
- Keep your hands on product taste. Review the roadmap and sit in on at least one product or customer session every week. Delegating execution is smart. Delegating judgment about what to build is how founders lose the company.
- Hire operators who amplify your judgment, not replace it. In interviews, ask candidates how they handled a time the strategy changed under them. You want someone who builds systems around a moving target, not someone who needs the target to hold still.
- Run skip-level conversations. Once a month, talk directly with people two levels down. You will hear about market shifts weeks before they reach a slide deck.
- Write down your company’s core assumptions. List the five beliefs your business model depends on. Once a quarter, ask your leadership team which one is most likely to break. This is the founder’s version of watching for the rocket that lands.
- Protect your own capacity. Founders who burn out hand the company to the managerial class by default. Build a founder energy operating system so you can still think clearly at 200 people.
- Delegate without disappearing. The opposite of micromanaging is not vanishing. Most founders struggle with the psychology of letting go, so they swing from doing everything to doing nothing. Hand off outcomes, keep the feedback loop.
Don’t confuse this with Paul Graham’s “Founder Mode.” Graham’s 2024 essay, sparked by Airbnb’s Brian Chesky, is about how founders should run their own companies day to day, including skip-level meetings, instead of following conventional delegation advice. It is related and worth reading. Andreessen’s Burnham frame is a bigger, economy-wide argument about who runs organizations and why professional managers stall when industries change.
The Bottom Line on Founders vs Professional Managers
Andreessen describes the economy as roughly 99% managerial, with venture capital trying to keep the other 1% alive so new things still get built.
Managers are not the enemy. The enemy is a company that forgets why it exists the moment the ground moves. If you are the founder, your job is not to hand the keys to someone with a better resume. Your job is to become the person who can drive the bigger vehicle, without losing the instinct that told you where to go in the first place.
The industries that matter most are the ones that are about to change. Make sure the person in charge can change with them.
FAQ
What is the difference between founders and professional managers?
Founders start companies and usually hold both ownership and control, so they can change direction fast. Professional managers are hired to run existing organizations, are often trained in business schools and are typically rewarded for predictable results rather than reinvention.
What did James Burnham mean by the managerial revolution?
In his 1941 book The Managerial Revolution, Burnham argued that ownership and control of large organizations were separating. Dispersed shareholders owned companies, but a new class of professional managers actually ran them, gaining real power without holding much ownership themselves.
Why does Marc Andreessen prefer founder-led companies?
Andreessen argues that managers are good at running things at scale but do not build new things and struggle when industries change. Founders, he says, can learn to manage at scale, which is easier than teaching managers to innovate.
Can founders learn to manage at scale?
Yes, but it takes deliberate work. Andreessen says the key breakthrough is learning to manage managers, because that skill scales. Ben Horowitz adds that almost no founder starts with CEO skills, so most learn them on the job, often painfully.
Is founders vs professional managers the same as Founder Mode?
No. Paul Graham’s Founder Mode essay is about how founders should operate inside their own companies. Andreessen’s Burnham frame is a broader argument about managerial capitalism and why professional managers tend to stall when an industry changes direction.
Disclaimer: This article is for educational purposes only and is not business, legal or investment advice. Quotes from Marc Andreessen are drawn from his public Dwarkesh Patel interview and a widely shared interview clip; summaries of James Burnham’s work are simplified for a general audience. Make leadership and hiring decisions with advisers who know your company.
Success Advice
Memento Mori Meaning: How to Practice It Every Day
Memento mori meaning, in plain English: it’s Latin for “remember that you must die.” In Stoic philosophy it isn’t a gloomy slogan or a skull aesthetic, it’s a daily practice of keeping your mortality in view so it sharpens what you do today. You practice it with short, regular reminders that end in action: cut the trivial, stop postponing what matters and treat each day as if it could be complete.
I’ve watched this idea change people more than almost any productivity system I’ve seen. Not because it scares them, but because it cuts through the noise. When a founder genuinely remembers the clock is running, the inbox gets smaller, the hard conversation finally happens and the “someday” project gets a start date. Two words, and suddenly you know what matters.
Before we get into the practice, here’s Ryan Holiday from Daily Stoic explaining memento mori in about five minutes. It’s the clearest short take I’ve found, and he shows the coin he carries in his pocket as a reminder.
What Does Memento Mori Mean?
Word for word, memento means “remember” (a command, not a suggestion) and mori means “to die.” So the phrase is an instruction to yourself: remember that you will die. Over the centuries it also became a noun. A memento mori is any object made to remind you of death, which is why Tate describes old paintings full of skulls, hourglasses, guttering candles and wilting flowers.
Here’s a detail most explainers skip. The exact Latin phrase is a later label, mostly medieval and Christian. The early Christian writer Tertullian recorded something close to it from Roman triumphs, where a victorious general was reminded, “Look behind you; remember you are a man.” The practice though is older, and the Stoics are the ones who turned it into a working tool. They never said “memento mori” as a catchphrase. They just did it, every day.
That’s the line I want you to take from this section: memento mori isn’t a mood, it’s a filter. Its only job is to make your next decision clearer.
How the Stoics Actually Used It
Three Stoics, three angles, all from the primary texts.
Marcus Aurelius, the most powerful man in the Roman world, wrote this to himself in his private notebook: “Since it is possible that thou mayest depart from life this very moment, regulate every act and thought accordingly” (Meditations 2.11). Notice the second half. The thought of death isn’t the point. Regulating the next act is. If you want more from his notebook, I’ve pulled together the best Marcus Aurelius quotes with their book and section sources.
Epictetus gave it a frequency: keep death “daily before your eyes,” and “you will never entertain any abject thought, nor too eagerly covet anything” (Enchiridion 21). Daily. Not once a year at a funeral.
Seneca gave it a bedtime ritual. In Letter 12 he suggests going to sleep able to say, “I have lived,” and treating any extra day as a gift. In his words, the person who can say that receives a bonus every morning they wake up.
Put those together and you get the whole system: a reminder (Epictetus), a decision rule (Marcus) and a way to close the day (Seneca).
Why Memento Mori Sharpens Your Priorities
Most high performers I meet aren’t lazy. They’re busy on the wrong things. They’re answering every message, sitting in meetings that could have been an email, defending a decision they already know was wrong, and pushing the work that actually matters to “next quarter.” Nobody does that on purpose. You do it because, deep down, you’re acting like time is unlimited.
Steve Jobs said it better than anyone in his 2005 Stanford commencement address. For 33 years he looked in the mirror each morning and asked, “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” When the answer was no for too many days in a row, he knew he needed to change something. He called remembering that he’d be dead soon “the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life,” because pride, external expectations and fear of embarrassment “just fall away in the face of death.”
That’s the mechanism. Death doesn’t add motivation. It removes the junk that was blocking it. Status games, people-pleasing and the fear of looking stupid all lose their grip when you remember none of it is permanent. We already have a deeper piece on why remembering you’re going to die will wake you up. This one is about the how.
How to Practice Memento Mori Daily: 6 Steps
Here’s what I’d do if I were starting from zero tomorrow. None of these take more than a few minutes. Pick two, run them for a month, then add more.
- Ask the morning question. Before you open your phone, borrow Jobs’ line: “If today were my last day, would I want to do what I’m about to do?” You don’t need to overhaul your life on a Tuesday. Just notice the answer. If it’s no three or four days in a row, that’s data.
- Use it as a decision filter. At every fork in the day, ask: would I be okay if this were the last version of me people saw? It’s amazing how fast it kills the sarcastic email, the pointless argument in a group chat and the third hour of “research” that’s really just avoidance.
- Run a quick reverse visualization. Pick one thing you keep postponing, the product, the trip, the call to your dad. Picture yourself five years from now and it still hasn’t happened. Sit with that for 60 seconds, then schedule the first step today. Keep it short and practical. The goal is a calendar entry, not a spiral.
- Keep a physical cue. The old painters used skulls. You can use a coin in your pocket, a sticky note on your monitor or a life-in-weeks calendar, where an 80-year life is roughly 4,160 small boxes. Every time you see it, ask one question: what’s the next useful thing?
- Apply it to people, not just projects. Epictetus told his students to remember that the people they love are mortal too. That isn’t cold, it’s the fastest way I know to become more patient, more present and quicker to say the thing you’ve been meaning to say. Make the call. Send the message.
- Close the day like it was complete. This is Seneca’s version. At night, look back and ask: did I spend today on purpose? Then let it go. If you get tomorrow, you’re playing with house money, so treat it that way.
Quick daily checklist: morning question asked, one decision filtered, one postponed thing moved forward, one person reached out to, day closed without carrying it to bed.
Memento Mori Done Right vs. Done Wrong
This idea gets misused a lot, so here’s the simple version I’d want any founder or team leader to understand:
| Done right | Done wrong |
|---|---|
| A short reminder that ends in a clear next action | Long rumination that ends in dread or doom-scrolling |
| Cutting trivial work so the important work gets done | “Nothing matters anyway,” so nothing gets done |
| Being more present with the people you love | Pulling away from people because everything is temporary |
| Bold, considered decisions you won’t regret | Reckless “you only live once” decisions you’ll pay for later |
| A private practice that changes your behavior | A skull tattoo or aesthetic with no change in behavior |
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Mistake 1: Turning it into nihilism. “We’re all going to die, so why bother?” is the exact opposite of what the Stoics meant. Marcus remembered death and then went back to running an empire. Finite time makes your choices matter more, not less.
Mistake 2: Morbid rumination. If the thought lingers for twenty minutes and leaves you anxious instead of clear, it’s stopped being a practice and become brooding. Set it down and pick up the next task. And if you’re grieving or anxiety about death is heavy right now, be gentle with yourself and talk to someone you trust. The tool should serve you, never the other way around.
Mistake 3: Using it as an excuse. I’ve seen people quote “life is short” to justify blowing up a business, skipping the boring work or treating people badly. Life is short. That’s exactly why the boring work, done well, matters. Memento mori asks for wisdom, not impulsiveness.
Mistake 4: Keeping it as decoration. A coin or a print on the wall is fine, but only if it triggers the question. If you stop noticing it, move it or swap it.
The Real Point
Here’s what I believe after years of watching people build things: the people who remember they’re going to die tend to live like they mean it. They say no faster, they forgive faster and they start sooner. They stop treating their best work like something they’ll get around to.
You don’t need a skull on your desk. You need one honest question each morning and the courage to act on the answer. Ask it tomorrow before you touch your phone, and see what changes.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is memento mori a Stoic phrase?
The exact Latin phrase became popular later, mostly in medieval Christian art. The practice is classically Stoic: Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus and Seneca all wrote about keeping death in view daily to guide better choices.
What are common memento mori symbols?
The classic symbols are a skull, an hourglass or clock, a snuffed or guttering candle, wilting flowers and fruit. Modern versions include engraved coins, life-in-weeks calendars and simple written reminders.
Is memento mori morbid or depressing?
It shouldn’t be. Practiced well, it’s brief and ends in action: a clearer decision, a call you’ve been putting off, less time on trivia. If it leaves you anxious rather than clear, shorten it or set it aside.
How often should you practice memento mori?
Daily, but briefly. Epictetus said to keep death before your eyes every day. A 30-second morning question and a short evening review are enough for most people to feel the difference within weeks.
What is the difference between memento mori and carpe diem?
Memento mori is the reminder: your time is finite. Carpe diem, “seize the day,” is the response. Done right, remembering death leads to using today well, not reckless “you only live once” choices.
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