Connect with us

Life

Why You’ve Failed Your New Years Resolutions and How You Can Fix It

Published

on

stop blaming yourself set your goals

It’s late January and statistics have it that only 8% of people will stick with their New Years resolutions after 30 days.

With most already having quit. Maybe that’s you. And that’s fine. Next year consider making the resolution to never set New Years resolutions.

I see it this way: resolutions are for people who believe that they have one shot to turn their life around, once a year. Goals are for people who know they can turn their life around, every second of every day.

New Years resolutions are often set on the emotional high of the coming year, when all your friends and family can talk about nothing else. The new possibilities, the end of a bad year and the first page of a new book are among some of the clichés. This then becomes near on impossible for us to see our resolutions through because that emotion they were built on dissipates. It’s like building a house on quicksand. We get discouraged and quit, until the next year.

Understand that if you’ve failed don’t wait for a perceived fresh start, instead know that each moment is a new beginning. Every second of your life is a fresh start. Free yourself of the shackles of time. Align yourself in the now. And set goals.

“I think in terms of the day’s resolutions, not the years” – Henry Moore

There are many ways to set goals. Over the last 10 years I’ve trialled a few ways and at the moment have found one that works for me. I think that’s the key – works for me. There is no right or wrong approach to goal setting, well, accept not setting any.

 

To get you started here are a few ways:

  1. Write them down with a deadline
  2. Write them down with no deadline
  3. Write them down with no deadline, but with rewards

 

The standard approach to goal setting is to jot down your goals and add deadlines to them. I used this approach for 5 years, with limited success. I found it overwhelming, and when I looked back on the year I realised I had achieved about 2 goals.

The second approach was certainly less stressful however I found that I was even less motivated because their was no time target so I went days, even weeks without thinking about my goals. When you don’t think about them, you don’t work on them.

Then I stumbled on the third approach which I first learned about from Steve Kamb’s reward based goal setting TEDx talk. I now add experience points to my goals like a computer game. When I complete one I add it to my goal table with the date and points. After I get 100 points, my life levels up. It’s a little cheesy, but it’s fun. And on average I complete about 7 goals a year now. But what’s better is I’m incentivised to challenge myself more and put myself out there.

 

Steve Kamb’s Ted Talk on Resetting Your Life

 

It’s all about knowing yourself. You may be someone who thrives on deadlines, and that is awesome. Go set them. If you’re not however consider approach 3, and watch your life transform.

I want to end on this:

Pursuing success is amazing, it gives life meaning. But never forget that the journey is the reward.

“I have walked that long road to freedom. I have tried not to falter; I have made missteps along the way. But I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can only rest for a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not ended.” – Nelson Mandela

To your success,

Stuart

Advertisement
2 Comments

2 Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Published

on

Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
Continue Reading

Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

Continue Reading

Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

Published

on

Image Credit: Unsplash

A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

Continue Reading

Trending