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3 Effective Ways To Take Your Life To The Next Level

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Living Next Level

In my experience of coaching and counselling, I have found that the number one limiting belief that people hold is that they are not in control of their lives.

People give me their tales of woe, and implore: “but I CAN’T do it”. There is always a compelling reason excuse as to why they are not living their ideal life. Apparently, it’s their genetics; it’s the government; it’s the demands of their job; it’s their wife; it’s the financial climate; it’s their rough childhood. In a nutshell, it’s NOT THEIR FAULT.

Well, I’ve got some rather harsh news for you. Because you ARE in control of your life. Regardless of whether you choose to take the wheel or not, you’re in the driver’s seat.

Let me just let that really sink in, because people often fight this point. It’s a given that shit occasionally happens and we aren’t in control of everything that happens to us. But we are in control of how we respond to our circumstances, and therefore we are in control of the outcome. So we ARE in control of our experience of life. Accept it.

If we choose to believe that we are not in control, and that life happens TO us, then we are buying into a limiting belief. That limiting belief is directly preventing us from success, personal greatness, achieving our goals, getting the results we want, and generally kicking the world’s butt.

The answer to this problem is in a powerful lesson I once learned from a fabulous business coach.

It’s called ‘playing above the line’.

above the line below the line self talk
There’s a pretty clear line between the mindset of the victor and the victim.

Above the line, in the realm of the victor, we take Ownership, Accountability, and Responsibility.

Below the line, the language of the victim is punctuated with Blame, Excuses and Denial. This concept has been well known in business and personal development circles for many years, but it is such a critical lesson that it is one worth revisiting on a regular basis.

 

Why Playing Above the Line is important

The reason we need to stop playing below the line is simple. If you don’t believe you are in control of your life, then you cannot change your situation, and it trying is futile. This belief is incorrect, and extremely dangerous.

The way to counter and overcome this is to play above the line.

Playing above the line means choosing to take full ownership of the decisions we make, being accountable for the actions we take, and acknowledging that we are fully responsible for the end results we achieve.

That means donning the big boy boots, and accepting our role in failure. It means throwing out the ‘Why me?’ internal dialogue, and replacing it with ‘What was my role in this situation, and what can I do to change it?’. Yes, it’s hard work and forces us outside of our comfort zones, but this is the path to becoming a VICTOR.

Being accountable and taking ownership and responsibility means that YOU are in control of your life.

When you are in control, you are free: Free to have, do, and be anything you want.

Life is full of unfortunate situations, but you know what? Sh!t happens. No-one on this earth escapes from that, so the sooner we stop whinging and get over it, the better. What separates the victors from the victims in life is the choices they make.

Do we give up and cry that it’s not fair, or do we find a resolution to problems in the face of challenge and adversity? That choice is 100% in your control.

 

How to Start Playing Above the Line

1. Find out if you are playing above or below the line

Ask yourself whether you have everything they want in life. Are you completely satisfied with your wealth, health, relationships and life situation? Be honest and answer whether you are absolutely 100% satisfied with those areas, or whether there is a gap between where you are and where you would like to be. If you aren’t 100% satisfied with one or more of those areas, ask yourself “WHY NOT?”

Hopefully, after reading the information above, you will be one of the one out of ten people who acknowledge that the gap exists because of the choices you have made. Then ask yourself whether you believe you can start to close this gap with your future choices and actions.

 

2. Eliminate victim talk and own your choices

Get rid of the ‘I should’, ‘I can’t’, ‘I have to’ statements from your vocabulary. By saying that you can’t or that you have to do a particular thing, you are claiming that you have no control of your situation. This is not true.

Consider these scenarios:I have to go to work”. No, you choose to go to work. It’s not that enjoyable, but you’d rather be employed than living on the street begging for food. “I can’t lose weight because I have injuries”. No, you can’t do specific activities because of your injuries perhaps, but there are so many other activities and strategies that you could do.

When you eliminate the use of victim phrases you acknowledge that everything is a choice. You take ownership of your choice and take responsibility and accountability for the outcome of your choice.

 

3. Get solution-focused

Once you accept that a problem is a product of your choices, it opens up the opportunity to realise that the solution can also be a product of your choices.

The questions you can ask yourself are:

What am I doing that feeds into this problem?’, and therefore, ‘what can I do now to overcome this problem?

Write a list of your options. Remember that despite any challenge, setback, or misfortune, you always have the ability to:

“Do what you can, with what you have, from where you are” – Theodore Roosevelt

It’s true that the number one thing that holds people back is themselves. It’s time to start taking life by the reigns and steer it where you want to go. I’m not going to guarantee that there won’t be bumps in the road, but I can assure you that the only way you’ll make progress toward your desires is by putting yourself firmly in the driver’s seat.

So get in there, put your Captain’s hat on, and enjoy the ride.

 

I can choice picture quote

Dr Vanessa Thiele is a coaching psychologist and corporate trainer at Action Potential Group. Driven by a burning desire to enable people to realize their full potential, she has dedicated herself to studying and training facilitation in the areas of self-development, success and leadership.She is a mum of two, a writer, speaker, and a former personal trainer and martial arts instructor, who would probably like to be a stand-up comedian in her next life. - Check out her site.

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6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. Felipe

    Dec 22, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    Impresionante artículo, de lo mejor que he leído este año. En una palabra, estimulante. Gracias.

    Awesome article, one of the best of this year. In one word, invigorating. Thank you.

  2. Venkat Anumula

    Jan 31, 2015 at 3:38 am

    Fantastic article . Well written with a quick pictorial representation and how we do it. Though we all know that we are the only reason for our success and that we have choices, its been well scripted by Dr Venessa. Thanks. This happened to be my morning motivational nutrient today along with my regular breakfast at work.

  3. maud

    Jan 22, 2015 at 7:51 am

    Wow! It’s breath taking. Thanks man

  4. Abdullah Khan

    Jan 21, 2015 at 5:29 pm

    Absolutely love the topic and the way it has been explained. Look forward to reading more and more.

  5. mary okungu

    Jan 20, 2015 at 6:33 am

    many we tranferrs our mistakes to the second party,its time to change that attitude and learn to accept the mistake that way u will be able to find asolusion to your broblem,i love this page it made me to realize real me

  6. Hugo Moran

    Jan 17, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Yes, the worst enemy is always inside us. Everything that happens in our life is the result of our actions.

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Life

8 Things You Can Do to Rise Above Failure and Attain Success

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Highly successful people have tasted failure more than success. Whether its Nikola Tesla or Michael Jordan, everyone had his/her fair share of failures before rising to the pinnacle of success. Yet, most people I know are averse to the idea of failure.

When ambition fuels your desires, you become so conscious about avoiding failure that you forget to learn how to cope with it when you actually experience it. So, when you come face-to-face with adversity, it often overwhelms you.

This brings us to the question, how can you train yourself to overcome these difficulties and use them to your advantage? Here’s how:

1. Acceptance is important to overcome failure

When the going gets tough, one of the most frustrating things you may get to hear is “stay positive.” The idea of positive thinking has been misconstrued, misused, and abused continuously. Contrary to popular belief, positive thinking has nothing to do with smiling and being happy with everything that happens to you all the time. Anyone who preaches that is either lying or crazy.

Use positive thinking to learn, grow, and evolve from the experiences we gather in life. Positive thinking simply means that if you are faced with a setback, you work hard to overcome the challenges. When you experience hardships, it is alright to feel upset and disappointed. Our objective, however, is not to stay down.

2. Be honest with yourself

The most crucial part of dealing with a failure involves pausing for a couple of minutes and pondering over what happened. You need to be completely honest with yourself on why it happened.

It is easy to pull out the Smartphone, turn on the laptop or find other forms of distraction. Most people would do anything to distract themselves and keep their eyes shut to the mistakes they have made.

However, if you don’t confront, you don’t learn. And if you don’t learn, then you are setting yourself up for failure again. Albert Einstein famously stated that it was insane to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome. If you don’t derive a lesson out of mistakes and failures in life, then you are doomed to keep repeating them, whether you realise it or not.

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” – Henry Ford

3. Don’t beat yourself up over a temporary setback

When you have experienced a setback, many of you may succumb to the feeling that you’ll always keep failing. It is easy to convince yourself that you are indeed a failure. Don’t let such destructive ideas or thoughts creep into your head. Instead, keep reminding yourself that just because you failed today, it doesn’t mean you’d fail the next time as well.

It is also important that you treat your failure as a passing phase. When you keep moving forward, focus on the right things, and keep learning. Perceiving the setback as a temporary phase rather than something permanent is vital to developing an optimistic attitude in life.

4. Focus on nurturing and improving yourself

Failures don’t discriminate, and it comes to everyone at some point. The trick lies in learning to deal with it and what you do about it that makes all the difference. In many cases, failure happens because a person wasn’t prepared, didn’t invest time on planning or was ill-equipped. It can also be because Lady Luck decided not to shower her favours.

Except for the last one, the rest of the issues can be fixed. Prepare a list of all the things that you think resulted in your failure. Start working on them one at a time. Do everything in your capacity to rectify, improve, resolve, and develop.

5. Find inspiration and support in abundance

Interacting with someone close can be more helpful than you think. You can also learn from people who have been through similar situations and have achieved what you hope to. Gain insights on how they managed to sail through the setbacks or low-points before and during the moment of success.

Or you can gain the motivation or enthusiasm by listening to someone else from an audiobook or podcast for maybe 30-60 minutes. It doesn’t have to be focused on your current setbacks.  Change your mood and mindset back towards optimism again.

6. Adopt a constructive approach and learn from the adverse situation

Consider it as valuable feedback and take home something you can implement in the process of overcoming your failure. The following are some of the questions you need to ask yourself:

  • What is the lesson for me?
  • How can I rectify myself to avoid making the same mistake and do better next time?
  • What can I do to enjoy guaranteed success?

You don’t need to rush through the process. Some of the answers may be immediate, while others might take an hour, a day or even a week to pop up. The significant thing is to start thinking about the situation from this perspective. Also, you need to be constructive about things rather than getting stuck with denial, negativity and apathy.

7. Stop mulling over and move on

Processing the situation and accepting it is the ideal way to deal with failures. Any individual who has experienced failures will know that it is quite easy to stay stuck in the loop of similar thoughts. In fact, this may go around and around for weeks or even months.

Now, in order to be free from this trap, the one habit that might help you is the set of questions like the ones shared above. You can also create a rough plan for how you wish to move forward from here. So, take some time to sit down and write them down.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

8. Purge out all the negativity

Another impactful way to handle the emotional meltdown and the thoughts that emerge from experiencing failure is to purge out all the negativity. In order to let everything out, you need to confide in someone close to you. There are two ways to go about it: Engaging in a conversation with someone will allow you to see it from a different perspective. The person you talk to can assist you in grounding yourself in reality again and motivate you to look for a way forward.

Or you can simply vent about it while the other person who is listening can sort things out for you. He/she can help you accept what happened and boost your spirit by instilling a sense of hope.

The significant thing to remember is that while you can’t stop obstacles from appearing in life, you can devise smart ways to handle them. If you persevere, you can easily discover opportunities that have been waiting for you on the other side. Now, as you become more efficient at dealing with the failures, you will allow yourself to see the positive side in even the toughest of scenarios.

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Life

How Stress Can Actually Improve the Quality of Your Life

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Naturally, those of us who experience less stress in our lives are more likely to succeed. So, it’s important that you learn how to reduce your daily level of stress, right? Maybe not. Recent research has shown the common wisdom about stress might be dangerously inaccurate. Psychologists tracked the health of 30,000 adults in the United States over an 8-year period. Participants were asked two important questions:

1.    “How much stress have you experienced in the last year?”
2.    “Do you believe stress is harmful to your health?” (more…)

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Life

The Truth About the Law of Attraction

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When we want something, we generally imagine the form it will take when it manifests. If we’re not careful, however, we can find ourselves attached more to the imagined form than the actual desired outcome. This is like placing an online order and expecting it to come in a blue box shipped by UPS. If we then receive a red box delivered by FedEx, we might not realize that it’s what we ordered, and never even open it!

For example, most of us say that we want money, but when money comes in the form of a free coffee or a gift or a discount, we don’t see it for what it is. We overlook it, and maybe we even say “No, thanks” and decline the gift which is, in one way or another, still money. In doing so, we fail to appreciate the value of the discount, the gift, or the freebie. If it isn’t cash being handed to us, we don’t see it as a manifestation of our desire.

The law of attraction is a funny thing.

It is much more complex and much more intricate than what it seems to be and yet, at the same time, it’s so very simple: We always get what we want. We always receive more of the energy at which we vibrate. Always.

However, if we’re acting from the energy of “I don’t deserve it” or “I don’t think I’m worthy,” then whatever it is that we receive will be negated and essentially unseen. On the other hand, if we are open, observant, and maintaining an abundance mindset, we will receive our request on numerous levels and from plentiful sources!

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill

This is because we “place our order” not only through our words, but through our actions, our beliefs, and our thoughts.

Last month, I was open to receiving a new client. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I’d set my intention: I was going to get a new client. That night, out of nowhere, I got a message from an old student of mine. She was looking to hire me again as her coach for the upcoming college entrance exams in the U.S. But wait! I didn’t want an entrance exam client.

What I actually wanted was to get life and business coaching clients. This student was my “red box from Fed Ex.” I wanted to decline at first, but as I was about to reply, something made me stop. I asked myself, “Why am I rejecting this?”

This student is an amazing client. She pays on time. She’s not needy. She does her part. Best of all? She doesn’t short-change me. So I said yes, because I realized that the Universe was simply responding to the essence of my desire.

You see, my “Big Why” in everything I do has always been to facilitate an accelerated personal and business growth for my clients, and this student fit the bill in every way. She wanted the personal growth, she was ready to go all in and she reached out to me.

It didn’t look like the package I was expecting so I didn’t recognize it at first—and I nearly turned it away—but she was the perfect answer to my request.

Serving people like her has always been a driving force in my life.

The Universe knows that. It also knew that I wanted a client asap so that I could re-invest the money into my business, so it responded in the most ideal way… but in an unexpected form. And I came so close to missing it!

How many times have I missed other opportunities like this? How many times have I dismissed a “red box” because it wasn’t “blue?” I’ll never know. But I do know that, had I not stopped myself from sending a “No, thanks,” I would have felt as though the Universe wasn’t listening.

That’s the thing: the Universe is always listening.

The more open we are in receiving, the more we thrive. The more open our energy is, the greater the possibilities. Don’t just return that red box to the post office and keep waiting on a blue one. Ask yourself, first and foremost, if what you’re receiving at the moment matches up with your underlying desire.

See yourself living in abundance and you will attract it.” – Rhonda Byrne

The key is to be willing to receive anything and everything. How? Keep on reading1

1. Get clear on your “underlying desire.”

Identify exactly what it is that you really want—in my case, it was an ideal client (underlying) as opposed to a coaching client (surface)—and focus on that. Clear out all the mental noise and static that clouds your awareness.

2. Be flexible

Keep your eyes and mind open for anything that fits the description. When you ask for money, recognize that free coffee for what it is: $3 you were going to spend anyway, that can now remain in your pocket. Every penny on the ground, every coupon, it’s all money.

3. Keep an attitude of gratitude.

The more you appreciate what you have, the more that comes your way. Your grateful mindset opens the energetic door for more to flow your way, because “where attention goes, energy flows.” The more you focus on the things you want, the more you will draw them into your experience.

Remember, that the Universe responds to our requests in whatever way fits best within the big picture.

It’s a picture so big that we couldn’t possibly begin to see how it comes together. Trust it. Know that when you ask, you will receive. It may not come in the form you anticipate, but always in a form that responds to your underlying desire. You just have to be ready to see it.

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Life

7 Simple Ways to Master Your Emotions When Making Decisions

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A lot of people have big regrets when lying on their deathbed. These regrets are often related to bad decisions or decisions not taken. Thus, as it turns out, decision-making is dependent on great self-confidence. A person who has confidence in their decisions has an easier time making them.

Emotions also play a big role in all of this. This is a debate that has confronted two great thinkers. According to Descartes, “decisions are the product of the rational mind.” In other words, decision-making is essentially based on facts and mathematics.

But this thesis was refuted and proven to be wrong by Antonio Damasio in one of his works called “The Error of Descartes”. This was partly based on the story of Elliott, a kid that was very smart, who had above average rational capabilities, but incapable of making a decision, after a surgery to remove a brain tumor on the surface of his frontal lobes. After all his work in that matter, he concludes that a person who is incapable of emotion is incapable of making the most rational decisions.

The management of emotions is therefore completely inherent to good decision making, especially when making the most important decisions. To this end, here are 7 tips to put into practice to really master your emotions thus making the best decisions possible and never regreting them.

1. Take a step back

You must learn to take the time to identify and understand your emotions. Since physical reactions are emotionally related, also take the time to detect the reactions you have to some of your emotions. To be able to take the distance necessary to make decisions, it’s important to refer to your prefrontal cortex. This is the area of ​​the brain responsible for reasoning. To do so you need to put yourself in a stress-free environment for a few minutes.

“Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent and committed decision.” – Tony Robbins

2. Breathe

The best way to do this is to learn to breathe deeply. This will allow activating your prefrontal cortex again, therefore, to have better control of your emotions so you do not react to them, let alone to the event that causes these emotions. Do this exercise for at least 15 minutes. It’s amazing how you can train yourself never to react, no matter what the situation. Ideally, let at least 24 hours go by before responding to a situation that would normally cause tension.

3. Pay attention

Once you are in the prefrontal cortex, put one hand on your abdomen, at the level of your intestines, and the other hand on your heart, and take the time to listen. These two parts of the body are the two major centers of vibrations and emotions. This is why it’s important to listen and pay attention to them.

The purpose of this exercise is to become aware of your gut and heart. What you need to remember is that the only person you need to trust is yourself. By practicing this exercise, one thing will become very clear: what the emotion you feel seeks to convey to you about the decision you have to make.

Since everything is energy, first make sure that the vibration of the decision you are about to make and that of your heart and gut are in sync. You will then know whether to go ahead with your decision or reject it based on whether you feel serenity or heaviness.

4. Discern untruths

It is important to know whether your nervousness is the result of an untruth you’ve told yourself. These can corrupt the vibrations that should help you make the right decision. You have to throw out all of these untruths and come to the decision-making without any filter. Stop thinking that you’re unlucky, that you’re in a bad situation, that your life is a failure, or that you are a victim.

5. Become aware of your emotions instead of avoiding them

To become aware of your emotions, you must learn to coach yourself. Ask yourself questions: How did you feel the last time you had to ask these types of questions? What did you get in return? Rename what you felt and the result you obtained from what you decided to do. You will thus be much better at assimilating, understanding, and welcoming your emotions.

6. Be as present as possible

There is no point in focusing on the big events surrounding the decision you want to make. Concentrate instead on the present moment, without analyzing the events. Judge based on emotions rather than the event. By being more present, you will be better able to listen to your emotions and feel them.

Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” – John C. Maxwell

7. Make your emotions your allies

Each of your emotions speaks to you through the physical and physiological reactions that they generate in you. Look to the weight of their impact on you as an indicator. Only by listening to them, using them, and managing them can you manage your emotions.

Habit comes with practice. With time, these 7 points will become much more natural and will become automatic. You will make better decisions for yourself.  This is one of the best ways to not end up with one of the big regrets.

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