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3 Effective Ways To Take Your Life To The Next Level

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Living Next Level

In my experience of coaching and counselling, I have found that the number one limiting belief that people hold is that they are not in control of their lives.

People give me their tales of woe, and implore: “but I CAN’T do it”. There is always a compelling reason excuse as to why they are not living their ideal life. Apparently, it’s their genetics; it’s the government; it’s the demands of their job; it’s their wife; it’s the financial climate; it’s their rough childhood. In a nutshell, it’s NOT THEIR FAULT.

Well, I’ve got some rather harsh news for you. Because you ARE in control of your life. Regardless of whether you choose to take the wheel or not, you’re in the driver’s seat.

Let me just let that really sink in, because people often fight this point. It’s a given that shit occasionally happens and we aren’t in control of everything that happens to us. But we are in control of how we respond to our circumstances, and therefore we are in control of the outcome. So we ARE in control of our experience of life. Accept it.

If we choose to believe that we are not in control, and that life happens TO us, then we are buying into a limiting belief. That limiting belief is directly preventing us from success, personal greatness, achieving our goals, getting the results we want, and generally kicking the world’s butt.

The answer to this problem is in a powerful lesson I once learned from a fabulous business coach.

It’s called ‘playing above the line’.

above the line below the line self talk
There’s a pretty clear line between the mindset of the victor and the victim.

Above the line, in the realm of the victor, we take Ownership, Accountability, and Responsibility.

Below the line, the language of the victim is punctuated with Blame, Excuses and Denial. This concept has been well known in business and personal development circles for many years, but it is such a critical lesson that it is one worth revisiting on a regular basis.

 

Why Playing Above the Line is important

The reason we need to stop playing below the line is simple. If you don’t believe you are in control of your life, then you cannot change your situation, and it trying is futile. This belief is incorrect, and extremely dangerous.

The way to counter and overcome this is to play above the line.

Playing above the line means choosing to take full ownership of the decisions we make, being accountable for the actions we take, and acknowledging that we are fully responsible for the end results we achieve.

That means donning the big boy boots, and accepting our role in failure. It means throwing out the ‘Why me?’ internal dialogue, and replacing it with ‘What was my role in this situation, and what can I do to change it?’. Yes, it’s hard work and forces us outside of our comfort zones, but this is the path to becoming a VICTOR.

Being accountable and taking ownership and responsibility means that YOU are in control of your life.

When you are in control, you are free: Free to have, do, and be anything you want.

Life is full of unfortunate situations, but you know what? Sh!t happens. No-one on this earth escapes from that, so the sooner we stop whinging and get over it, the better. What separates the victors from the victims in life is the choices they make.

Do we give up and cry that it’s not fair, or do we find a resolution to problems in the face of challenge and adversity? That choice is 100% in your control.

 

How to Start Playing Above the Line

1. Find out if you are playing above or below the line

Ask yourself whether you have everything they want in life. Are you completely satisfied with your wealth, health, relationships and life situation? Be honest and answer whether you are absolutely 100% satisfied with those areas, or whether there is a gap between where you are and where you would like to be. If you aren’t 100% satisfied with one or more of those areas, ask yourself “WHY NOT?”

Hopefully, after reading the information above, you will be one of the one out of ten people who acknowledge that the gap exists because of the choices you have made. Then ask yourself whether you believe you can start to close this gap with your future choices and actions.

 

2. Eliminate victim talk and own your choices

Get rid of the ‘I should’, ‘I can’t’, ‘I have to’ statements from your vocabulary. By saying that you can’t or that you have to do a particular thing, you are claiming that you have no control of your situation. This is not true.

Consider these scenarios:I have to go to work”. No, you choose to go to work. It’s not that enjoyable, but you’d rather be employed than living on the street begging for food. “I can’t lose weight because I have injuries”. No, you can’t do specific activities because of your injuries perhaps, but there are so many other activities and strategies that you could do.

When you eliminate the use of victim phrases you acknowledge that everything is a choice. You take ownership of your choice and take responsibility and accountability for the outcome of your choice.

 

3. Get solution-focused

Once you accept that a problem is a product of your choices, it opens up the opportunity to realise that the solution can also be a product of your choices.

The questions you can ask yourself are:

What am I doing that feeds into this problem?’, and therefore, ‘what can I do now to overcome this problem?

Write a list of your options. Remember that despite any challenge, setback, or misfortune, you always have the ability to:

“Do what you can, with what you have, from where you are” – Theodore Roosevelt

It’s true that the number one thing that holds people back is themselves. It’s time to start taking life by the reigns and steer it where you want to go. I’m not going to guarantee that there won’t be bumps in the road, but I can assure you that the only way you’ll make progress toward your desires is by putting yourself firmly in the driver’s seat.

So get in there, put your Captain’s hat on, and enjoy the ride.

 

I can choice picture quote

Dr Vanessa Thiele is a coaching psychologist and corporate trainer at Action Potential Group. Driven by a burning desire to enable people to realize their full potential, she has dedicated herself to studying and training facilitation in the areas of self-development, success and leadership.She is a mum of two, a writer, speaker, and a former personal trainer and martial arts instructor, who would probably like to be a stand-up comedian in her next life. - Check out her site.

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6 Comments

6 Comments

  1. Felipe

    Dec 22, 2015 at 11:23 pm

    Impresionante artículo, de lo mejor que he leído este año. En una palabra, estimulante. Gracias.

    Awesome article, one of the best of this year. In one word, invigorating. Thank you.

  2. Venkat Anumula

    Jan 31, 2015 at 3:38 am

    Fantastic article . Well written with a quick pictorial representation and how we do it. Though we all know that we are the only reason for our success and that we have choices, its been well scripted by Dr Venessa. Thanks. This happened to be my morning motivational nutrient today along with my regular breakfast at work.

  3. maud

    Jan 22, 2015 at 7:51 am

    Wow! It’s breath taking. Thanks man

  4. Abdullah Khan

    Jan 21, 2015 at 5:29 pm

    Absolutely love the topic and the way it has been explained. Look forward to reading more and more.

  5. mary okungu

    Jan 20, 2015 at 6:33 am

    many we tranferrs our mistakes to the second party,its time to change that attitude and learn to accept the mistake that way u will be able to find asolusion to your broblem,i love this page it made me to realize real me

  6. Hugo Moran

    Jan 17, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Yes, the worst enemy is always inside us. Everything that happens in our life is the result of our actions.

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Life

How to Write a Personal Destiny Statement in 3 Steps

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We all have a God-given destiny to fulfill that we were each born with. I personally believe it is buried deep down within us. The number one secret to success is to let it emerge out of you and release it to the world. What is my destiny you may ask? It is the thing you would regret not doing before leaving Planet Earth. (more…)

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Life

Don’t Want To Feel Like A Failure Anymore? Stop Doing These 6 Things

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It’s pretty annoying isn’t it? All those great and accomplished people telling you that FAILURE is a necessity on your way to success. Yeah, that’s easy for them to say; they’re already ‘on the other side’! You on the other hand, are still struggling all day everyday to get your business lifted off the ground and are really not that sure if you’re indeed going to make it.

There’s that little voice in your head that keeps telling you that you don’t have the stuff to make it all happen. Not now and not ever. You feel like a failure…it’s holding you back and you don’t know how to deal with it. Well you could do yourself a favor and start dealing with it by doing the following things:

1. Stop Denying You Feel Like A Failure

Telling yourself things are going great when they’re not is one of the biggest, though most useless, coping mechanisms human beings deploy in rough times. Common denial signals among entrepreneurs: trying to regain more control by working even more hours and on the other side compensating this by letting go of all this control by partying and drinking way too hard.

What you’re doing is denying yourself the opportunity to actually feel what’s going on and acknowledge the problem; that both you and your business are in a bad place. Without acknowledging it, it’ll be pretty difficult to actually STOP feeling it. And remember, just because you feel like a failure, this does not mean that you indeed ARE a failure!

2. Stop Making It Bigger Than it Really Is

This is one of those other ‘fun’ things human beings do; we blow things way out of proportion in our heads! In business, when you lose that big client you’ve been working on for weeks, it feels like it’s the end of the world. You start doubting yourself, your strategy, your entire business model right up to the point where you barely sleep because you’re working on pivoting the whole thing.

But what if that customer simply didn’t have the money to go for your service anyway? Or what if they just decided to go for someone who is cheaper but who offers less quality? Does that mean there’s something wrong with YOU? Or that this was the ONLY customer out there and that you’re now doomed forever?

Of course not, it simply means that THIS CUSTOMER wasn’t a match. It’s a bit like dating actually…So if you take this into consideration, could it be that you just feel like a failure instead of really not succeeding in that what you want to at this point in time?

3. Stop Thinking You’re The Only One Who Feels Like This

You’re not! With the possible exception of the true sociopaths, that feeling you’re feeling is very normal to EVERYONE. It might not seem like it on the outside – because people don’t like to acknowledge this remember – but I can guarantee you that it’s true. But unlike 99% of the world’s population, YOU’RE not going to let this feeling stop you in your tracks. Are you?

4. Stop Thinking You’re Supposed To Be Superhuman

In fact, it’s very likely that you’re already doing, learning and succeeding at WAY more than most other people are. But for entrepreneurs, somehow, that never seems to be enough. You don’t just want to be successful after a few years of hard work (which is normal). You want to be successful after only a few months. Because you’re special…or at least you think you are…

Well, here’s the truth: you ARE special! But…it’s just not very likely that you’re one of those – very very rare – entrepreneurial superstars that – seemingly – just added some hot water and got instant business success as a result.

5. Stop Being So Incredibly Stubborn

Entrepreneurs are stubborn…almost by default. It’s what makes them push forward in the hardest of times. But…if you’re not doing the right things right you might just be hammering a square peg through a round hole. Which will only add to that frustrated feeling you’re already having. So why not stop being so stubborn for a moment, stop hammering away on that what obviously is not working and ask for help?

No matter who you ask – a business mentor or coach, a befriended entrepreneur – someone with a neutral perspective on you and our business will be very likely to see what’s going on with a lot more clarity than you can and can guide you to a place that will feel a whole lot more comfortable.

6. Stop Being Afraid Of Failure

I know, I know, you’ve heard this a million times before and you wouldn’t be in this pickle if you could do this. Right? I’m right there with ya!

But, if you get really rational about it, what’s the worst that could happen?

  • You might have to get a ‘real’ job for a while and start over on the side;
  • You might not be able to afford your rent anymore…but with Airbnb on the 1 hand and couchsurfing on the other, you should be able to work it out somehow;
  • You’ll have all the more experience to start over a whole lot faster;
  • You’ll be no less respected by anyone because it’s clear you gave it your all;
  • In a few years, when you’re an established and supersuccessful entrepreneur you’ll also have a cool failure story to tell;
  • None of your limbs will fall off;

Now that’s not too bad for a plan B is it? Failure is such a negative word. And the associated feeling is terrible and numbing. But really…how is giving it your all and not succeeding really the same as failing? Shouldn’t the definition of failure not be along the lines of ‘not even trying’ or ‘giving up when it gets hard’?

In other words: stop beating yourself up over this!

There’s really no need to feel like a failure at all because you’re sticking your neck out, you’re trying to make a difference and you’re still moving upward on that treacherous entrepreneurial mountain.

And that…is what success REALLY is.

Those Who Failed Their Way To Success

Quotes To Live By:

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy

“If you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want” – Richard Yates

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison

“We are all failures – at least the best of us are.” – J.M. Barrie

“Success is stumbling form failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm” – Winston Churchill

“Don’t let success go to your head and failure to your heart” – Will Smith

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Life

Why You Never Have Enough Time and What You Need to Do About It

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how to manage your time better
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Has this ever happened to you? You had an assignment, and the deadline was far away. You didn’t work on it much, but in the back of your mind, that insistent little voice was always whispering, “I gotta get this assignment done.” (more…)

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Life

6 Unusual Exercises to Effectively Increase Your Creativity Faster Than Ever

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how to increase your creativity faster
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Although a vast majority of people think that creativity is something you are born with, the truth is a bit different. While we cannot deny that you need natural talent to a certain extent, stimulating creative thinking is indeed a matter of practice. If you give this thought a bit of thinking, you can realize pretty quickly that even the most fascinating and creative minds have faced the lack of creativity at some point in their lives. (more…)

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