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Why Fear Should Be Your Compass in Life, Not a Deterrent

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Facing Your Fears

Our deepest, darkest, most numbing fears aren’t spiders, rats, or snakes. While they may frighten us, our fear of spiders and such, probably won’t lead us to live a small, insignificant life. Fear of failure will.

We fear insignificance, and never truly experiencing the vast adventures that life can potentially offer us if we have the courage that they require of us. We fear that we’re headed on a road that will leave us alone in our beds, with regret as our only companion as we face whatever comes next.

Although fear can make us live small lives spent worrying about trivial things as great adventures pass us by, it can also be the solution to the problem, and the riddle that life throws at us daily: Why are we here?

Fear can keep us living the small, insignificant lives that are in direct opposition to the lives we lead in our dreams, when our souls are free to feel, think, and explore a world without limitation.

 

“Each time we face our fear, we gain strength, courage, and confidence in the doing.”

 

The greatest obstacles in life are always internal

They’re our fears, laziness, a belief that we’re not worthy of our dreams and ambitions. The obstacles, being internal, are then solved in the same space.

When you face your fears, you break down your obstacles and create a newer, better version of yourself that does have the belief and confidence needed to accomplish the loftier of our dreams.

The majority, however, never embark on the difficult journey that every great man or woman has taken, ultimately because of the internal forces like fear and laziness. They feel it’s easier to remain, and more difficult to gain and grow. But the dangers in remaining just where we are in life, for the rest of our lives, is far greater than any battle we can involve ourselves in, even if that battle is with our own fear.

To not face fear and move towards the life we truly want in our souls, is to ignore our spirit’s compass that tells us what we want out of this existence that may be brief, but it should also be glorious.

 

Move Towards Your Fears. Don’t Run From Them.

Fear is often coupled with adventure, as it should be. A life lived in the pursuit of adventure is a life that truly embodies the essence of living. There’s a reason why the excitement and the thrill of an adventure is so intoxicating. It goes far beyond the release of endorphins that give us a natural high. Adventure is an experience that makes us feel alive. In this case fear is something we should move towards, not run from.

But fear should also be mentioned with our most audacious dreams. It’s fear that stops us from living a fulfilled life, but it’s also fear that shows us what really matters in life.

 

Who are you most afraid of losing in your life?

Spend more time with those people than any others.

 

What would you be most afraid to attempt, and possibly fail at?

Do that. If “that” is starting your own business, then take the risk and grow as a result of merely taking that risk. If “that” is traveling, then travel, and grow from the experience of breaking free of the bubble you’ve lived within your entire life.

The greatest crime we could ever commit is in not attempting those things in our lives that would excite us, fulfil us, and allow us to die without regret.

In other words, safety is our greatest crime.

Let your fear guide you towards who, and what, matters most to you. Don’t let it deter you from living the life you have always known you want to live. That life you live every night as you lay down and enter the world you’d truly like to exist in. The world where you conquer every one of your fears, live with courage, bravery, and are the hero of a story that you write. Your fear has no part in this narrative as an obstacle.

fear is a liar 

 

3 Actions Steps You Need To Take Right Now

Here are 3 actions steps you can take right now to use fear to your advantage.

 

1. Find a mentor

What does finding a mentor have to do with facing fears?

Simple, proof. We need proof that even dreams greater than our own can be accomplished by people who were even further back when they started than we are right now.

Your greatest dream is what you fear most, as is embarking on a road that will test your potential and your resilience. Study a single person who’s accomplished something you’d love to accomplish. Find out what it took to get there, and see that you, too, can do anything you want with your life if you’re willing to risk and work.

 

2. Write down your dream

Get your greatest dreams on paper. Tell someone about them. Put them out there and make them known to the world. Don’t keep them hidden.

 

3. Break it down

It’s great to have dreams, but they’re useless without action. Be that guy that faces fears in his actions, not just with his mouth or in his dreams.

Identify action steps you’re going to take…

  • Today (start today!)
  • This month
  • This quarter
  • Before the year is done

Don’t go beyond this year. Keep everything in the immediate future, and revisit these actions steps once a week on Sundays where you can check them off and add more.

Chad Howse is the creator of Be Legendary, a company dedicated to helping guys experience greatness in Fitness, Work, & Life. Chad has been featured in Men's Health, Men's Fitness, and Shape magazines, and is a contributor to the Art of Manliness, and Addicted2Success.

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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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How to Find the Courage to Start New

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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