Life
5 Ways To Destroy The Illusion Of Fear
Can you remember the last time you really wanted to do something, but didn’t? What stopped you, what changed your mind? Was it that voice inside your head? Have you ever stopped to question, who and what that voice is? Fear. Fear is the catalyst for inaction. Fear is the voice that tells us, if we try, the probability of failure will be higher than that of success, that rejection is more likely than acceptance, fear is the impetus that makes us do nothing instead.
In his most recent novel, ‘Aleph’, Paolo Coehlo says that, it’s in fact, not courage but willpower that leads to success. He says that willpower provides us with the determination and dedication required to pursue our dreams and not the absence of fear.
If we look at all of the successful people in the world, Ghandi, Steve Jobs, Mandela, Donald Trump, above all else, they possessed the fortitude to keep going. They all experienced issues along the way, however, when they embarked on their journey, they never anticipated the road to be a smooth one. So any problems they encountered, motivated them more, they chose to keep going when others would have given up, they chose to fight not retreat, they chose … freedom.
Here is a list of points to help you overcome your fears:
1) Feel the fear and do it anyway
You might remember this title from the best selling book by Dr Susan Jeffers. In her book, Dr Jeffers talks about developing assertiveness and challenging our negative thought patterns. She also talks about how we can extend our comfort zone by taking risks. The message to be learned then is that the only way we can overcome our fears is by confronting them. Put your fear aside, and just do it.
2) Go beyond reason
I recently watched the film ‘Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close’. Following the movie, I was researching the events of 911 on the Internet, and I came across an article listing accounts of several people who were delayed on that fateful day. People lost their car keys, others were caught in traffic, one woman was late for work because she forgot to set her alarm, another man got stuck on the freeway because of an accident … the stories are endless.
Sometimes we’re not aware of the master plan, the grand design and it isn’t until some time has passed, when we reflect back, we possess an understanding of why we met someone, why we missed that train or that an unforeseen obstacle or delay was in fact a blessing in disguise or the universe conspiring. Call it destiny, serendipity but regardless, remember, there is always a reason why things happened, even if we’re not aware of it at the time.
3) Too little, too late
Eight years ago my father was diagnosed with reflux. After a further year with no resolve, he decided to seek a second opinion. However, it was too late, the doctor diagnosed him with liver cancer which was in the advanced stages, and he was given 2 months to live. That was in November of 2004, by January the following year, he had passed. When my sisters and I were sorting through his papers, we came across a visa application for Burma. My father had left his home town 35 years ago and had always vowed to return. Have you heard the expression ‘too late she cried’? If my father had sought a second opinion sooner or not waited 35 years to return to Burma, perhaps this story would have a different ending. That holiday you’ve never had, the language class you never enrolled in, the friend you never made amends with, don’t find yourself saying, ‘I always wanted to … ‘ instead, write your bucket list and start planning your goals.
4) Regrets
If you ever speak to those that are somewhat older and wiser, they will tell you that, in life, we usually regret the things we didn’t do, rather than the things we did. If you spend your life procrastinating, you will never know the outcome. And remember, no result is a negative one. It’s what you make of your experiences, every moment, every encounter shapes you, bringing you to the point in your life, you’re at now. A wise man once said,
“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future.”
5) Finding Obstacles
How many times have you found yourself making an excuse for why you haven’t done something? ‘It’s too hard … I’m too tired … I haven’t got time?’ Does that sound familiar? We are all perpetrators of that mind set at one time or another in our lives, however, successful people invest the time and effort even when they don’t feel like it. Successful people do things the things that others find difficult. They take calculated risks, they are accountable for their actions, they have initiative are motivated, passionate and encourage others. They weren’t born successful or ‘lucky’, they achieved their goals through determination, hard work and by being fearless, they have courage of their convictions. They find opportunities … not obstacles.
Feel the fear, and do it anyway.
Who are you? Not your name or your business or even what your ethics are, but who are you in the sense of what people see when they look at you? Does your name and your business bring happiness to the minds of people who hear it? Does it bring anger? Does it bring peace and joy? Does it bring sadness?
How people feel when they think of you is your personal brand. We all know who Gary Vaynerchuk, Tony Robbins, and Robert Kiyosaki are. These people have built huge reputations for themselves. We also know who Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, and Adolf Hitler are. These people have also build reputations for themselves; very different reputations than the first names I listed.
When you read these names, a different feeling comes to mind, so below are 3 ways on how to evoke positive emotions when people hear your name:
1. Envoke the senses
First lets understand what a brand is. A brand is a product or service that invokes a feeling or emotion. Building a brand is all about invoking the senses of your Customers, you don’t want people to think of your brand and only think of the logo. We want people to have a scent that reminds them of you, a sight like a logo, and a feel that reminds them of not only your brand, but of you as well.
When people think of your company, what do you want them to think of? What emotion do you want to inspire in your customer base, and what can help you inspire that emotion? When creating your personal brand, you want to invoke all five senses of your target audience. If you own a coffee shop, when people walk in you want them to smell coffee, their mouth to water when they think of fresh pastries, their ears to perk up when they hear the beans being ground up.
“I force people to have coffee with me, just because I don’t trust that a friendship can be maintained without any other senses besides a computer or cellphone screen.” – John Cusack
To create your brand you can’t only think about what you want associated with your business, but also what you don’t want associated with it. Think back to the coffee instead of smelling coffee and pastries, how would you feel about walking in and smelling bleach? Would you rather go to the first coffee shop or the second one?
Think of ways to create a positive experience when a customer walks in by bringing a scent to people, or an interesting sight as they walk through the door. These things will all eventually become part of your brand in the sense that when people think of them, they will think of you.
2. Attractive marketing
Marketing is an amazing way to help boost your company’s sales. But marketing can also hurt your business if it isn’t done correctly. Have you ever given someone your email or phone number and had him or her relentlessly spam you trying to get your business? When someone does that, do you want to use their service, or do you want to throw your phone at the wall every time they message you? When building a brand you also want to think of ways to make your business, and marketing plans more attractive.
This goes back to what you want people to think of when they think of your brand. Small things can go a long way in creating an attractive image for you and your company. Attractive marketing doesn’t stop at just ads, and endorsement. Thinking of ways to portray yourself in a positive light will help as well. It’s natural to think a person would be doing business with a company, but each customer is doing business with you directly. Now think back to a time you were in a store and had terrible customer service. How likely are you to go back to that store?
Even if that company employs thousands of people, the one bad experience you had with one employee could actually prevent you from going back. People are more likely to go somewhere they think of in a positive light, some place that reminds them of a good experience. A personal brand is not only a brand for your company or product, but it is also a way of branding yourself. The goal of marketing and creating a personal brand should be, to get your customer base to feel like they know you personally.
3. Build with social media
Social media is a great way to get your clients to feel like they know you personally. When a client feels like they know you, like you, and can trust you, they are more likely to buy whatever you are selling. People buy based off of person, product and price. So having that personal relationship with a client can go a long way, especially if they don’t know a lot about the product or price. There are tons of social media platforms to reach your customer base, but what platform gives the most personal, and honest form of your business?
One of the most surprising ways to build fans of your brand is podcasts. A podcast lets your audience hear your voice and speaking your opinions exactly how you meant them to be said. The more a person feels like they know you, the more likely they are to feel like they can trust you, your recommendations on products, and investments.
“Social media is not just an activity; it is an investment of valuable time and resources. Surround yourself with people who not just support you and stay with you, but inform your thinking about ways to WOW your online presence” – Sean Gardner
Unlike most social media platforms, podcasts don’t require someone to scroll through an endless feed, or pay attention to their phone or computer. For a podcast all you have to do is throw on a playlist and listen away while you are driving, cleaning, or just doing day-to-day tasks. The main goal is once you have a playlist of podcasts, someone only needs to hear one, let the playlist go, and suddenly be hooked on your opinions and advice.
You have the power to evoke emotions and feelings from people. In every moment of your life you are building your personal brand. Every time you interact with people and every thing you say makes up how people think and feel about both you and your products/services. When it comes to building your brand, the opportunities are endless but what I stated above is the perfect place to begin that journey. Always remember to create a brand to help your company speak for itself.
How do you make sure people understand who you are and follow you? Let us know by commenting below!
Most people live their lives in regret. If you have ever had the misfortune of experiencing regret, it is not a nice thing to experience. You must do the things you need to do to avoid regrets in your life.
At the point when individuals think back on their lives, what are the most widely recognized regrets they have? That is a significant inquiry we have to stop and ask all the more regularly. A few people think back and say the greatest regret they had was to not have kids. Others think back and say their greatest regret was in regards to lost time.
Whatever the case, it’s critical to take a look at how you are carrying on with your life and consider how you can avoid regrets.
Here are 15 ways to avoid regrets later on in your life:
1. Don’t follow someone else’s dreams
So many of us are living other people’s dreams such as our parents, guardians and other authoritative figures in our lives. We all have dreams and should endeavor to follow those dreams to the latter irrespective of what others may think. You can’t please everyone and should look to only please yourself and do what is right for you.
2. Stop taking your loved ones for granted
Your children won’t be children forever and will grow up to become adults and not have time for you as much. They may never even call and your parents will not be parents forever, they will leave you someday. So make sure you endeavor to spend every waking moment with them and appreciate them while you still have the opportunity to do so.
3. Stop pretending to be someone else
Imitation is suicide. When we pretend to be someone we are not, we are spending so much time not being who we are and in that situation, we are spending a whole lot of time not living. You are the person you know very well and if you spend your time living someone else’s life you will only end up being a copycat instead of being the very best you could be as well as being number one at it.
The most inspiring people in the world are true to themselves and when you are true to yourself, you will be at ease. This tends to attract like-minded people into your life which help you live a more fulfilling life.
4. Don’t burn all your bridges
Life is a journey of ups and downs, and you will have to be kind to people on your way up because you will meet them on your way down. Don’t burn the bridges of your past as you may need them later in life.
5. Always tell the truth
Lies destroy families and relationships. When you tell a lie you will have to back that lie with another and another until you have a whole tangled web of lies that cannot be remedied even if you want to. True relationships have their foundation in the truth and lasts forever. Always endeavour to tell the truth in every situation as telling a lie can lead to future regrets.
6. Live in the moment
Have you ever noticed that when you were a kid time seemed to be really slow and now that you are an adult, time moves really fast? That is because as kids, we always lived in the moment and as adults, we are always thinking of our next scheme, idea or business that time just seems to fly past us. Take your time to experience the now as you may regret it later in the future when you look into the mirror and ask where all the time went.
“All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment.” – Byron Katie
7. Don’t give up on true love
This is one of the biggest areas of regret for most people as they reject love because of fear, work or other excuses they give themselves. When you happen to find true and real love, cherish and nurture it well so that you don’t end up regretting it in the future.
8. Make others happy
The mark of a true existence is in the ability to make other people’s lives better and easier. Strive to make people happy and you will be happy yourself. A mid-life crisis is mainly made up of regrets and one way to alleviate this regret is to find a way to make people’s lives better. Do something good for someone such as engaging in volunteer work. In the end, it is not about your possessions but how many lives you touched.
9. Stand up for yourself
Many adults have always regretted not standing up for themselves when they had the opportunity to do so. Do not let people take you or any other person for that matter for granted. When I resumed secondary school there was this kid who tried to bully me. I warned him on many occasions to leave me alone and when he refused I had to punch him in the face.
He punched me back but never disturbed me again. Not that I am advocating violence but when someone tries to take advantage of you, fight back. Then they will know that you cannot be toiled with.
10. Take care of your health
It cannot be emphasized enough that health is wealth. You can have all the money in the world but without your health, it is nothing. Make sure you have a regular check-up and exercise and eat right.
11. Experience more
This is one of the greatest regrets of the dying because they wished they had experienced more out of life. Travel, go out with friends, see places and experience life because that’s what we are supposed to do while being alive, live.
12. Listen more
Surely, we all have lots to say but it is better when we listen. Listen to your spouse, listen to your kids and listen to your friends instead of talking all the time. Listen to the advice of your doctors and parents, family members and well wishers.
13. Don’t fear failure
Dare. Don’t be afraid to fail and take risks. On their death beds, most people always regret not taking chances on life and doing what they wanted to do and follow their dreams.
“Don’t fear failure. Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.” – Bruce Lee
14. Don’t wait
There is no time again, if you have a dream, chase it. If there’s someone you like, let them know because you will always come second to someone who has taken the initiative to do something with their lives.
15. Talk to an elderly person
Old people regret lots of things and talking to them, they will tell you what to do and what not to do. Unfortunately, most of us see our old people as outdated and think that old people have nothing to teach us. If you hope on avoiding regrets in the future, make sure you listen to the advice of those better than you.
What are you doing on a daily basis to make sure you reach the end of your life fulfilled? Let us know by commenting below!
The road of personal development will ask you to look at what you really believe about yourself. Life is continually asking us if we believe we are abundant, successful, and valued. Having an awareness of purpose, mission, and a meaningful message are all key. Confidence is the bedrock of growth and success.
Here are my favorite writing exercises that are sure to build your confidence and your belief in yourself:
1. Why I Will Succeed
It’s all too common to spend precious time thinking about what could go wrong or to mentally recite all the reasons why you aren’t qualified enough. This exercise helps focus your thoughts in the right direction.
Get a piece of paper and a pen and write this at the top. Why I Will Succeed As A _____________________.
Take a few deep breathes and bring your whole body into the present moment. Let go of what you desire that is out in the future and focus your attention on the talents, abilities, and experience you have right now.
Write down all the reasons why you will succeed. Read this list out loud, taking a deep breath in between each one and feeling the words in your body. Speak these truths daily until you believe them to the marrow in your bones.
“Every sentence I utter must be understood not as an affirmation, but as a question.” – Niels Bohr
2. Success Affirmations
Stepping into success is about finding a way to soothe our ego into what is beyond our comfort zone. It’s our ego’s job to keep us in more of the same and it values safety above all else.
Purchase a journal and write these powerful affirmations regularly.
- I am willing to be willing.
- I am willing to take the next step.
- I am listening and open to what is mine to do today.
- It’s safe for me to be seen. It’s safe for me to live wholeheartedly. It’s safe for me to put myself first.
- It’s safe for me to be as passionate as I really am. It’s safe for me to be vocal and expressive. It’s safe for me to be too much for others.
- It’s safe for me to show up full strength. It’s safe for me to be smart.
- It’s safe for me to receive large amounts of money. It’s safe for me to work with clients who light me up. It’s safe for me to say no when I don’t click with someone.
- It’s safe for me to show others what I want and need. It’s safe for me to be completely myself. It’s safe for me to find a way that works for me.
- It’s safe for me to play full out.
“Success is a process, a quality of mind and a way of being, an outgoing affirmation of life.” – Alex Noble
3. Capital T’s
A couple years ago I had my handwriting analyzed and what I learned was the one letter that is directly connected to our level of confidence is how you write the lowercase form of the letter “t”. I was instructed to raise the bar on every “t” I wrote in order to raise my confidence level.
As you can imagine, once you are in the habit of writing lower case t’s, it takes practice. Either in the morning right after you wake up or just before you fall asleep, write out 20-60 capital T’s on a piece of paper. It’s pretty amazing to notice how new neural pathways are formed and the affect they have on our lives and interactions with others.
So many think the secret to success in personal development is related to what you know or who you know. However, while these things have some importance, they are worthless if you don’t believe in yourself.
Get notebook and a pen that you love and start practicing these simple writing exercises today. What helps you with your confidence levels?
Image courtesy of Twenty20.com
Many people are ashamed of failure. If they so much as smell a whiff of failure, they quit instantly because the public notices it quickly. But you shouldn’t be ashamed of failure. A lot of people have failed. I’ve failed over and over again in my career, business, relationships and more. Yet, I keep trying because failure isn’t the final verdict.
On the flip side of the coin, lots of people glorify failure when they fail. When I see this happen, it leaves me with a sense of introspection. I understand that glorifying it makes them feel better. It helps them not feel judged for failing. At the same time, glorifying failure in areas of your life has some severe consequences.
Here are some reasons why I believe failure shouldn’t be glorified:
1. Glorifying failure stops you from learning from your mistakes
The main reason why many people fail is because they make certain mistakes. Assuming they had more information, the mistakes might have been prevented. Supposing they evaluated their options well, failure might not have happened. But none of these things happened. The mistake happened and it is undeniable.
The best way to move forward is to learn from the mistake or mistakes, so that you can prevent them from happening later on in life. Glorifying failure makes you look for justifiable reasons for what happened.
2. Glorifying failure makes you defensive
Human beings hate being criticized. It brings out the worst in us because it makes us feel judged and inadequate. When you glorify failure, it amounts to defending your actions. In your mind, you will give reasons for what happened. For instance, if a relationship doesn’t work out, you’ll probably blame it on the other party. You’ll blame it on their inadequacies.
You’ll probably never blame it on yourself. While each situation is unique and different, you can’t take away the fact that it takes two to tango. You can’t deny that it is the work of two people to make a relationship work. Glorifying failure gives you the backbone to put the blame on someone else while extricating yourself and your actions.
“No one is coming to save you. Your life is 100% your responsibility. Plan accordingly.”
3. Glorifying failure leaves you a mediocre
Nobody wants to live a mediocre life. Or do you? We all dream of greatness. We all dream of being successful. Few people go after their dreams. Others stay in the dream lane because they’re so afraid of failure. Do you know that refusing to try for what you want amounts to failure as well?
Failure does not necessarily happen when you take action in certain things and you watch it fall apart. Failure also happens when you’re passive in going after your dreams. You might not know it but you have failed. Automatically, you have glorified failure and given it strength to rule your life which leaves you in a mediocre state for years to come.
4. Glorifying failure stops you from taking risks
Life is full of risks. As an entrepreneur, I understand this a lot. When I first wanted to start my business, I pitched my ideas to a lot of potential investors. The very first person I pitched to looked at me critically, and said a lot of things that would take up all the space here if I typed it out.
In summary, they told me that my idea wasn’t as good as I thought, and tweaking it a bit would help me sell my pitch better. I instantly felt I had failed because they didn’t buy my idea. But instead of learning from it, I justified their words. I replied that they didn’t know that gold was staring at them. I said that they were too sentimental.
All in all, I justified my failure and I refused to pitch to anybody again for months. My thought process had stopped me from taking risks which I knew would help grow my business. From this single interaction, I learned when you glorify failure, you stop taking risks which can help you grow.
“The biggest risk is not taking any risk… In a world that changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks.” – Mark Zuckerberg
5. Glorifying failure blinds creativity
If you followed my story above well, then you would see that exalting failure blinds creativity. Because of my actions, I couldn’t critically analyze and evaluate my potential investor’s comment. They were obviously objective enough to see that my ideas were good, but not excellent.
They knew that with just a little creativity, my ideas could be better and worth more than I thought. It took me some time, but I eventually modified my ideas and their predictions were right. If I hadn’t justified their words when they first gave them, I would have learnt and challenged my creative side. But those months when I glorified my failure really blinded my creativity.
6. Glorifying failure teaches laziness
Refusing to glorify failure when I fail is one secret I know has helped me be better in all areas of my life. I know I want to be successful. I know I want to achieve a lot. How can I do that if I rest on my oars and praise failure when it happens?
It doesn’t work that way. Successful people have to be resilient in all they do. It doesn’t matter if there’s discomfort and uncertainty. Those factors are what propel people into greatness. And there’s no better teacher for those excruciating factors than failure. Not just failure but learning from failure when it happens.
Failure is something we’re all afraid of. Yes, even I am afraid of failure sometimes. But in the end, all I think about is that I have nothing to lose. When I feel discouraged, I simply remember Lance Armstrong’s words: “Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever”.
How do you handle failure? Let us know by commenting below!
Image courtesy of Twenty20.com
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I started writing unprofessionally three years ago. Some would say my whole career is unprofessional and I’d agree. Imperfection is damn sexy though.
I began writing only because my mentor Joel Brown said I should and I stupidly said yes without knowing why. Now, of course, I’m crystal clear about why I write: it’s to inspire. I remember uploading articles to Addicted2Success.com and seeing no one like them. I remember thinking I was a failure.
In the early days, I was writing articles about entrepreneurs I had interviewed and I wasn’t that passionate about it. Every article felt like really hard work and it required an incredible amount of willpower. Everyone at the time was doing entrepreneur interviews and there was nothing special.
Then one day, I wrote an article for the fun of it that had nothing to do with anything. It was essentially a brain fart that I concocted after dinner, late one night. It took less than one hour to write and it was written with passion. The words came out of me without even trying.
Since that day, the words have continued to pour out of me in the same way. I get into a state of flow and then it happens. Words appear, people get inspired and we all have one big party that has been named “life.” From the day I wrote that article, thousands of people shared it and they still do today.
I didn’t stop
After my big moment on the internet going viral, everything stopped. The tumbleweed that drifted through the desert with an eerie silence continued. Everything calmed down and people stopped caring again.
I didn’t stop though because I found my writing therapeutical.
“My blog posts became like my own personal journey and it was a way for me to escape from the Alcatraz that was my head. This prison that lived inside my head kept telling me that no one cared and I’d never be successful.”
I decided to keep finding ways to break out of Alcatraz and check in to the Ritz Hotel that was me becoming a conscious, passionate, crazy online leader.
I stopped giving a damn
Over the next eighteen months, I kept writing every moment I got. No one paid attention but I did. I started paying attention to the shift that was happening inside of me. The leader that had always been stuck inside of me started to unleash.
The things that used to hold me back disappeared. I didn’t give two hoots about what anyone thought and I only cared about inspiring those who wanted to be inspired. I worked my butt off and started waking up at 4 am to post new blog articles. People couldn’t understand how I had the time to write working a full-time job.
The part they didn’t get was that because the words flowed out of me so easily, it didn’t take that long at all to write something of value. People watched me posting articles and thought I was crazy. They thought what I was doing was career suicide in the big bad world of corporate politics.
I never liked politics anyway, so I stuck my middle finger up at the way things were traditionally done. I decided to be a rebel writer and live my dream. I continued to make no money and people kept on questioning what I was doing.
I believed
A few people believed, but most didn’t. What stuck out like tomato sauce on a freshly dry cleaned white shirt was that I believed and that’s all that mattered. I saw something that no one else could see: my real potential versus my current success.
I had the motivation to continue on when no one cared because I believed I could change the world. I saw myself as someone who had the potential to serve millions of people online. I kept telling myself never to give up and I also spread the same message throughout everything I wrote.
“I thought my writing was going to save everybody else, but what it really did is save myself”
My writing saved me from living a life without meaning and it helped me discover who I really was. I saw the pattern between every goal I’d ever had: to inspire and evoke emotion from strangers.
This clarity fuelled me and I became relentless. I reached out to every blogger, leader and person that had done cool stuff that inspired me. Originally I thought they’d all ignore me: none of them did. See when you have energy and passion oozing out of you, people can’t say no. An unwavering belief in what you’re doing is all that matters.
The tipping point happened
I began to see a change when each day I started to get a message from a reader/fan. It started as one message per day, then two, then three. Now I get more messages of support every day than I have time to read. Success often doesn’t become a reality in a single moment.
Success is something that is hard to measure in the early days until one giant moment happens that everyone sees. The part no one sees is the many smaller moments that happened beforehand. The small successes that may not have looked like a textbook example of “success.”
That big day finally came
So the big day happened when an article I wrote went viral. This was the third time it had happened, although this time the success became permanent. All those years, when I thought no one was reading, people were. What had occurred was that they were too scared to show they were reading because my success was still largely unproven.
It was only after the big success moment that people felt it was okay to come out of the metaphorical closet and say they were inspired by what I was doing. All those nights spent locked away in my office being anti-social was worth it. All those cups of green tea, takeaway meals, indoor plants, and weird emails to myself with possible headlines for articles had meant something.
More publications reached out to me and pretty soon I wasn’t just writing for Addicted2Success; I was writing for the biggest sites on the entire internet. The ones where the editors get pitched one hundred times a day by people who want to do nothing more than self-promote and build a BS “personal brand.”
Before I knew it, I was getting offered book deals, business opportunities, podcast interviews and public speaking gigs. I took some but ignored most. I remembered what was important and the fact that unwavering focus had got me to where I was.
I knew I was ready for some opportunities and not for others like public speaking. The journey had begun, but I was far from the summit of the mountain of my dreams.
Nothing changed
Strangely, though, it was all one ginormous anti-climax moment. Nothing had changed. Even today nothing has changed. I still want to inspire people and I still like sharing stories. I still want to live with passion and I still want to create a meaning for my life that outlives me.
What has changed is that people have seen my success as something that’s happened recently – what total BS that is. It’s taken my entire existence to discover the meaning of my life, find a medium to share it on and go after it with relentless optimism.
What you didn’t see with my success
You didn’t see the person that existed before all of this. You didn’t see the selfish, rude, arrogant, brat who lived for material possessions and felt like he was entitled to success because he grew up in Australia, the land of the free. I can say those horrible things because I’m talking about myself. Thankfully that’s the opposite of who I am now.
You didn’t see the transformation that occurred after that one big rock bottom moment. When everything made no sense and I had to look inside of myself to crawl out of that black hole that had become my existence. You didn’t see me step out of the darkness and into the light.
All you saw was me in the light and assumed I had always been there shining away brightly, and living the good life that is passion and purpose. How wrong that lie is. How wrong the whole concept of overnight success is.
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The first time someone challenged me to consciously stretch outside my comfort zone, I was an adult. I really think this should be taught to kids in school and out. Otherwise we are all just reacting to our fears in avoidance. That’s not really living. Great post! Visit my blog for similar stuff!
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i will say that is what am facing right now fear. thank you for your words they will help me alot.
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Every person in the world will face the fear, but challenging and overcoming the fear is important. Understand your fear and what are the cause of your fear and find some solutions for them. Breathe deep will helps you a lot.
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It is the fear of doing something that if we beat and we will do what we had feared, then feel of fear relieved. Sometimes, however, the fear is due to the fact that we are not sure whether what we have done is correct. For example, we are responsible for the success of the project or the safety of others.
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fear is a sign of danger,but sometime it is not.you cause Fear yoursef No one else but you,………Solution is by confronting it.and go ur way
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Beautiful and inspiring article. The phrase about regrets and fears particularly made me think.
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Love the themes on this site guys. Inspiring and thought provoking.
Inspired a post on mine: “Is Your Comfort Zone is Killing You?” http://richielewis.com/is-your-comfort-zone-killing-you/
Hope you like it.
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It is all about what Meaning we link to an event or for instance the fear we feel.
We are meaning makers, so we are in charge of what things mean to us. -
My motto for this summer has been “no regrets”, I have tried things I never would have tried before, met some fantastic people, and have had the pleasure of some wonderful opportunites. Just the other night, I got invited to a private event in NYC with Ramit Sethi, talk about serendibity! It’s that not I don’t have the fear, I just keeping telling myself to go for it, no matter what “it” is!
thanks Joel, love this stuff. -
Feel the fear and do it anyway! Love that.. It is my life motto! You’ll ALWAYS regret more the things you didn’t do than the things you did..
Who are you? Not your name or your business or even what your ethics are, but who are you in the sense of what people see when they look at you? Does your name and your business bring happiness to the minds of people who hear it? Does it bring anger? Does it bring peace and joy? Does it bring sadness?
How people feel when they think of you is your personal brand. We all know who Gary Vaynerchuk, Tony Robbins, and Robert Kiyosaki are. These people have built huge reputations for themselves. We also know who Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-un, and Adolf Hitler are. These people have also build reputations for themselves; very different reputations than the first names I listed.
When you read these names, a different feeling comes to mind, so below are 3 ways on how to evoke positive emotions when people hear your name:
1. Envoke the senses
First lets understand what a brand is. A brand is a product or service that invokes a feeling or emotion. Building a brand is all about invoking the senses of your Customers, you don’t want people to think of your brand and only think of the logo. We want people to have a scent that reminds them of you, a sight like a logo, and a feel that reminds them of not only your brand, but of you as well.
When people think of your company, what do you want them to think of? What emotion do you want to inspire in your customer base, and what can help you inspire that emotion? When creating your personal brand, you want to invoke all five senses of your target audience. If you own a coffee shop, when people walk in you want them to smell coffee, their mouth to water when they think of fresh pastries, their ears to perk up when they hear the beans being ground up.
“I force people to have coffee with me, just because I don’t trust that a friendship can be maintained without any other senses besides a computer or cellphone screen.” – John Cusack
To create your brand you can’t only think about what you want associated with your business, but also what you don’t want associated with it. Think back to the coffee instead of smelling coffee and pastries, how would you feel about walking in and smelling bleach? Would you rather go to the first coffee shop or the second one?
Think of ways to create a positive experience when a customer walks in by bringing a scent to people, or an interesting sight as they walk through the door. These things will all eventually become part of your brand in the sense that when people think of them, they will think of you.
2. Attractive marketing
Marketing is an amazing way to help boost your company’s sales. But marketing can also hurt your business if it isn’t done correctly. Have you ever given someone your email or phone number and had him or her relentlessly spam you trying to get your business? When someone does that, do you want to use their service, or do you want to throw your phone at the wall every time they message you? When building a brand you also want to think of ways to make your business, and marketing plans more attractive.
This goes back to what you want people to think of when they think of your brand. Small things can go a long way in creating an attractive image for you and your company. Attractive marketing doesn’t stop at just ads, and endorsement. Thinking of ways to portray yourself in a positive light will help as well. It’s natural to think a person would be doing business with a company, but each customer is doing business with you directly. Now think back to a time you were in a store and had terrible customer service. How likely are you to go back to that store?
Even if that company employs thousands of people, the one bad experience you had with one employee could actually prevent you from going back. People are more likely to go somewhere they think of in a positive light, some place that reminds them of a good experience. A personal brand is not only a brand for your company or product, but it is also a way of branding yourself. The goal of marketing and creating a personal brand should be, to get your customer base to feel like they know you personally.
3. Build with social media
Social media is a great way to get your clients to feel like they know you personally. When a client feels like they know you, like you, and can trust you, they are more likely to buy whatever you are selling. People buy based off of person, product and price. So having that personal relationship with a client can go a long way, especially if they don’t know a lot about the product or price. There are tons of social media platforms to reach your customer base, but what platform gives the most personal, and honest form of your business?
One of the most surprising ways to build fans of your brand is podcasts. A podcast lets your audience hear your voice and speaking your opinions exactly how you meant them to be said. The more a person feels like they know you, the more likely they are to feel like they can trust you, your recommendations on products, and investments.
“Social media is not just an activity; it is an investment of valuable time and resources. Surround yourself with people who not just support you and stay with you, but inform your thinking about ways to WOW your online presence” – Sean Gardner
Unlike most social media platforms, podcasts don’t require someone to scroll through an endless feed, or pay attention to their phone or computer. For a podcast all you have to do is throw on a playlist and listen away while you are driving, cleaning, or just doing day-to-day tasks. The main goal is once you have a playlist of podcasts, someone only needs to hear one, let the playlist go, and suddenly be hooked on your opinions and advice.
You have the power to evoke emotions and feelings from people. In every moment of your life you are building your personal brand. Every time you interact with people and every thing you say makes up how people think and feel about both you and your products/services. When it comes to building your brand, the opportunities are endless but what I stated above is the perfect place to begin that journey. Always remember to create a brand to help your company speak for itself.
How do you make sure people understand who you are and follow you? Let us know by commenting below!
Most people live their lives in regret. If you have ever had the misfortune of experiencing regret, it is not a nice thing to experience. You must do the things you need to do to avoid regrets in your life.
At the point when individuals think back on their lives, what are the most widely recognized regrets they have? That is a significant inquiry we have to stop and ask all the more regularly. A few people think back and say the greatest regret they had was to not have kids. Others think back and say their greatest regret was in regards to lost time.
Whatever the case, it’s critical to take a look at how you are carrying on with your life and consider how you can avoid regrets.
Here are 15 ways to avoid regrets later on in your life:
1. Don’t follow someone else’s dreams
So many of us are living other people’s dreams such as our parents, guardians and other authoritative figures in our lives. We all have dreams and should endeavor to follow those dreams to the latter irrespective of what others may think. You can’t please everyone and should look to only please yourself and do what is right for you.
2. Stop taking your loved ones for granted
Your children won’t be children forever and will grow up to become adults and not have time for you as much. They may never even call and your parents will not be parents forever, they will leave you someday. So make sure you endeavor to spend every waking moment with them and appreciate them while you still have the opportunity to do so.
3. Stop pretending to be someone else
Imitation is suicide. When we pretend to be someone we are not, we are spending so much time not being who we are and in that situation, we are spending a whole lot of time not living. You are the person you know very well and if you spend your time living someone else’s life you will only end up being a copycat instead of being the very best you could be as well as being number one at it.
The most inspiring people in the world are true to themselves and when you are true to yourself, you will be at ease. This tends to attract like-minded people into your life which help you live a more fulfilling life.
4. Don’t burn all your bridges
Life is a journey of ups and downs, and you will have to be kind to people on your way up because you will meet them on your way down. Don’t burn the bridges of your past as you may need them later in life.
5. Always tell the truth
Lies destroy families and relationships. When you tell a lie you will have to back that lie with another and another until you have a whole tangled web of lies that cannot be remedied even if you want to. True relationships have their foundation in the truth and lasts forever. Always endeavour to tell the truth in every situation as telling a lie can lead to future regrets.
6. Live in the moment
Have you ever noticed that when you were a kid time seemed to be really slow and now that you are an adult, time moves really fast? That is because as kids, we always lived in the moment and as adults, we are always thinking of our next scheme, idea or business that time just seems to fly past us. Take your time to experience the now as you may regret it later in the future when you look into the mirror and ask where all the time went.
“All I have is all I need and all I need is all I have in this moment.” – Byron Katie
7. Don’t give up on true love
This is one of the biggest areas of regret for most people as they reject love because of fear, work or other excuses they give themselves. When you happen to find true and real love, cherish and nurture it well so that you don’t end up regretting it in the future.
8. Make others happy
The mark of a true existence is in the ability to make other people’s lives better and easier. Strive to make people happy and you will be happy yourself. A mid-life crisis is mainly made up of regrets and one way to alleviate this regret is to find a way to make people’s lives better. Do something good for someone such as engaging in volunteer work. In the end, it is not about your possessions but how many lives you touched.
9. Stand up for yourself
Many adults have always regretted not standing up for themselves when they had the opportunity to do so. Do not let people take you or any other person for that matter for granted. When I resumed secondary school there was this kid who tried to bully me. I warned him on many occasions to leave me alone and when he refused I had to punch him in the face.
He punched me back but never disturbed me again. Not that I am advocating violence but when someone tries to take advantage of you, fight back. Then they will know that you cannot be toiled with.
10. Take care of your health
It cannot be emphasized enough that health is wealth. You can have all the money in the world but without your health, it is nothing. Make sure you have a regular check-up and exercise and eat right.
11. Experience more
This is one of the greatest regrets of the dying because they wished they had experienced more out of life. Travel, go out with friends, see places and experience life because that’s what we are supposed to do while being alive, live.
12. Listen more
Surely, we all have lots to say but it is better when we listen. Listen to your spouse, listen to your kids and listen to your friends instead of talking all the time. Listen to the advice of your doctors and parents, family members and well wishers.
13. Don’t fear failure
Dare. Don’t be afraid to fail and take risks. On their death beds, most people always regret not taking chances on life and doing what they wanted to do and follow their dreams.
“Don’t fear failure. Not failure, but low aim, is the crime. In great attempts it is glorious even to fail.” – Bruce Lee
14. Don’t wait
There is no time again, if you have a dream, chase it. If there’s someone you like, let them know because you will always come second to someone who has taken the initiative to do something with their lives.
15. Talk to an elderly person
Old people regret lots of things and talking to them, they will tell you what to do and what not to do. Unfortunately, most of us see our old people as outdated and think that old people have nothing to teach us. If you hope on avoiding regrets in the future, make sure you listen to the advice of those better than you.
What are you doing on a daily basis to make sure you reach the end of your life fulfilled? Let us know by commenting below!
The road of personal development will ask you to look at what you really believe about yourself. Life is continually asking us if we believe we are abundant, successful, and valued. Having an awareness of purpose, mission, and a meaningful message are all key. Confidence is the bedrock of growth and success.
Here are my favorite writing exercises that are sure to build your confidence and your belief in yourself:
1. Why I Will Succeed
It’s all too common to spend precious time thinking about what could go wrong or to mentally recite all the reasons why you aren’t qualified enough. This exercise helps focus your thoughts in the right direction.
Get a piece of paper and a pen and write this at the top. Why I Will Succeed As A _____________________.
Take a few deep breathes and bring your whole body into the present moment. Let go of what you desire that is out in the future and focus your attention on the talents, abilities, and experience you have right now.
Write down all the reasons why you will succeed. Read this list out loud, taking a deep breath in between each one and feeling the words in your body. Speak these truths daily until you believe them to the marrow in your bones.
“Every sentence I utter must be understood not as an affirmation, but as a question.” – Niels Bohr
2. Success Affirmations
Stepping into success is about finding a way to soothe our ego into what is beyond our comfort zone. It’s our ego’s job to keep us in more of the same and it values safety above all else.
Purchase a journal and write these powerful affirmations regularly.
- I am willing to be willing.
- I am willing to take the next step.
- I am listening and open to what is mine to do today.
- It’s safe for me to be seen. It’s safe for me to live wholeheartedly. It’s safe for me to put myself first.
- It’s safe for me to be as passionate as I really am. It’s safe for me to be vocal and expressive. It’s safe for me to be too much for others.
- It’s safe for me to show up full strength. It’s safe for me to be smart.
- It’s safe for me to receive large amounts of money. It’s safe for me to work with clients who light me up. It’s safe for me to say no when I don’t click with someone.
- It’s safe for me to show others what I want and need. It’s safe for me to be completely myself. It’s safe for me to find a way that works for me.
- It’s safe for me to play full out.
“Success is a process, a quality of mind and a way of being, an outgoing affirmation of life.” – Alex Noble
3. Capital T’s
A couple years ago I had my handwriting analyzed and what I learned was the one letter that is directly connected to our level of confidence is how you write the lowercase form of the letter “t”. I was instructed to raise the bar on every “t” I wrote in order to raise my confidence level.
As you can imagine, once you are in the habit of writing lower case t’s, it takes practice. Either in the morning right after you wake up or just before you fall asleep, write out 20-60 capital T’s on a piece of paper. It’s pretty amazing to notice how new neural pathways are formed and the affect they have on our lives and interactions with others.
So many think the secret to success in personal development is related to what you know or who you know. However, while these things have some importance, they are worthless if you don’t believe in yourself.
Get notebook and a pen that you love and start practicing these simple writing exercises today. What helps you with your confidence levels?
Image courtesy of Twenty20.com
Many people are ashamed of failure. If they so much as smell a whiff of failure, they quit instantly because the public notices it quickly. But you shouldn’t be ashamed of failure. A lot of people have failed. I’ve failed over and over again in my career, business, relationships and more. Yet, I keep trying because failure isn’t the final verdict.
On the flip side of the coin, lots of people glorify failure when they fail. When I see this happen, it leaves me with a sense of introspection. I understand that glorifying it makes them feel better. It helps them not feel judged for failing. At the same time, glorifying failure in areas of your life has some severe consequences.
Here are some reasons why I believe failure shouldn’t be glorified:
1. Glorifying failure stops you from learning from your mistakes
The main reason why many people fail is because they make certain mistakes. Assuming they had more information, the mistakes might have been prevented. Supposing they evaluated their options well, failure might not have happened. But none of these things happened. The mistake happened and it is undeniable.
The best way to move forward is to learn from the mistake or mistakes, so that you can prevent them from happening later on in life. Glorifying failure makes you look for justifiable reasons for what happened.
2. Glorifying failure makes you defensive
Human beings hate being criticized. It brings out the worst in us because it makes us feel judged and inadequate. When you glorify failure, it amounts to defending your actions. In your mind, you will give reasons for what happened. For instance, if a relationship doesn’t work out, you’ll probably blame it on the other party. You’ll blame it on their inadequacies.
You’ll probably never blame it on yourself. While each situation is unique and different, you can’t take away the fact that it takes two to tango. You can’t deny that it is the work of two people to make a relationship work. Glorifying failure gives you the backbone to put the blame on someone else while extricating yourself and your actions.
“No one is coming to save you. Your life is 100% your responsibility. Plan accordingly.”
3. Glorifying failure leaves you a mediocre
Nobody wants to live a mediocre life. Or do you? We all dream of greatness. We all dream of being successful. Few people go after their dreams. Others stay in the dream lane because they’re so afraid of failure. Do you know that refusing to try for what you want amounts to failure as well?
Failure does not necessarily happen when you take action in certain things and you watch it fall apart. Failure also happens when you’re passive in going after your dreams. You might not know it but you have failed. Automatically, you have glorified failure and given it strength to rule your life which leaves you in a mediocre state for years to come.
4. Glorifying failure stops you from taking risks
Life is full of risks. As an entrepreneur, I understand this a lot. When I first wanted to start my business, I pitched my ideas to a lot of potential investors. The very first person I pitched to looked at me critically, and said a lot of things that would take up all the space here if I typed it out.
In summary, they told me that my idea wasn’t as good as I thought, and tweaking it a bit would help me sell my pitch better. I instantly felt I had failed because they didn’t buy my idea. But instead of learning from it, I justified their words. I replied that they didn’t know that gold was staring at them. I said that they were too sentimental.
All in all, I justified my failure and I refused to pitch to anybody again for months. My thought process had stopped me from taking risks which I knew would help grow my business. From this single interaction, I learned when you glorify failure, you stop taking risks which can help you grow.
“The biggest risk is not taking any risk… In a world that changing really quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks.” – Mark Zuckerberg
5. Glorifying failure blinds creativity
If you followed my story above well, then you would see that exalting failure blinds creativity. Because of my actions, I couldn’t critically analyze and evaluate my potential investor’s comment. They were obviously objective enough to see that my ideas were good, but not excellent.
They knew that with just a little creativity, my ideas could be better and worth more than I thought. It took me some time, but I eventually modified my ideas and their predictions were right. If I hadn’t justified their words when they first gave them, I would have learnt and challenged my creative side. But those months when I glorified my failure really blinded my creativity.
6. Glorifying failure teaches laziness
Refusing to glorify failure when I fail is one secret I know has helped me be better in all areas of my life. I know I want to be successful. I know I want to achieve a lot. How can I do that if I rest on my oars and praise failure when it happens?
It doesn’t work that way. Successful people have to be resilient in all they do. It doesn’t matter if there’s discomfort and uncertainty. Those factors are what propel people into greatness. And there’s no better teacher for those excruciating factors than failure. Not just failure but learning from failure when it happens.
Failure is something we’re all afraid of. Yes, even I am afraid of failure sometimes. But in the end, all I think about is that I have nothing to lose. When I feel discouraged, I simply remember Lance Armstrong’s words: “Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever”.
How do you handle failure? Let us know by commenting below!
Image courtesy of Twenty20.com
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Avianti
Nov 15, 2014 at 11:35 pm
SO true! and Very well put together! Great advice! Thank you!
Denise Bahs
Jan 17, 2014 at 8:46 pm
The first time someone challenged me to consciously stretch outside my comfort zone, I was an adult. I really think this should be taught to kids in school and out. Otherwise we are all just reacting to our fears in avoidance. That’s not really living. Great post! Visit my blog for similar stuff!
David Donkeke
Sep 14, 2013 at 7:49 pm
i will say that is what am facing right now fear. thank you for your words they will help me alot.
Paul Bond
Aug 7, 2013 at 9:16 am
Every person in the world will face the fear, but challenging and overcoming the fear is important. Understand your fear and what are the cause of your fear and find some solutions for them. Breathe deep will helps you a lot.
Maciek
Apr 25, 2013 at 11:28 am
It is the fear of doing something that if we beat and we will do what we had feared, then feel of fear relieved. Sometimes, however, the fear is due to the fact that we are not sure whether what we have done is correct. For example, we are responsible for the success of the project or the safety of others.
Godwin
Mar 6, 2013 at 9:54 pm
fear is a sign of danger,but sometime it is not.you cause Fear yoursef No one else but you,………Solution is by confronting it.and go ur way
Freeze
Mar 3, 2013 at 6:33 pm
Fear is the foundation of accepting failure before you even try
Maicon
Jan 23, 2013 at 3:27 pm
Beautiful and inspiring article. The phrase about regrets and fears particularly made me think.
Richie
Aug 25, 2012 at 2:10 am
Love the themes on this site guys. Inspiring and thought provoking.
Inspired a post on mine: “Is Your Comfort Zone is Killing You?” http://richielewis.com/is-your-comfort-zone-killing-you/
Hope you like it.
Ivar
Aug 22, 2012 at 1:22 pm
It is all about what Meaning we link to an event or for instance the fear we feel.
We are meaning makers, so we are in charge of what things mean to us.
patti
Aug 1, 2012 at 3:40 pm
My motto for this summer has been “no regrets”, I have tried things I never would have tried before, met some fantastic people, and have had the pleasure of some wonderful opportunites. Just the other night, I got invited to a private event in NYC with Ramit Sethi, talk about serendibity! It’s that not I don’t have the fear, I just keeping telling myself to go for it, no matter what “it” is!
thanks Joel, love this stuff.
Erica
Jul 24, 2012 at 4:16 pm
Feel the fear and do it anyway! Love that.. It is my life motto! You’ll ALWAYS regret more the things you didn’t do than the things you did..