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How to Generate Unstoppable Self-Esteem

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Increase Your Self Esteem

Maybe you can relate to this painful experience?

An excellent opportunity reveals itself to you. All the pieces of the puzzle are ready to be put in place. This is your big chance to step up and play a bigger game… and yet something stops you.

You stall… and self-sabotage.

You make every excuse under the sun not to…send that email, or make that phone call, or approach that person… because underneath the initial excitement, you have a bad feeling.

Maybe acting on that opportunity is a bad, bad, scary thing to do?

“It doesn’t feel right” you tell your friends.

And because they’re all about being aligned and only doing what intuitively “feels right” they accept it.

 

But Deep Down You Know It’s A Cop Out

You know that you’re actually a little bit scared – of rejection, of messing up, or even of it being a success and having too much on your plate to juggle.

A wise man once told me that we don’t do what we know we should do today because we’re afraid we don’t have what it takes to cope with tomorrow.

And man, how true this is.

His words would resonate in my ears for many years to come. And every time there was an opportunity to step up and I didn’t, I’d be kicking myself for being such a cop out.

I know I’m not alone in this.

I see it all the time with my clients – just before their business explodes.

The problem is, if left unchecked, it can cause major self-sabotage at a critical moment.

And the thing is, even though we know the logic of the situation, it doesn’t seem to help us move forward.

Have you noticed that?

Even when you’re aware that you’re stepping back, when you should be pushing forward – and you’ve dealt with each scenario in your head… have you noticed how you still can’t shed that feeling of wanting to fall back to how things were?

I know I have.

Which was why I needed to find a solution to it.

I knew if I didn’t crack it, every time I wanted to go for something, I’d be constantly making progress, then messing it up.

Making progress, putting myself out there, then shrinking back and never quite hitting the big time with my business.

But to deal with the symptom, we need to tackle the root cause of the problem.

And the root cause isn’t that you’re deliberately, subconsciously tripping yourself up.

The root cause, is your level of self-esteem.

 

The Myth of Self-Sabotage

Most people stop their awareness at “I’m not letting myself go any further because I’m self-sabotaging”… but this doesn’t talk to the root cause of the problem.

Nor does it address a solution.

To fix it, we need to go deeper…

Now, you know on the surface you’re a good person. Hell, if anyone asked you, you’d probably say you were nice, honest, upstanding and helpful… all good qualities.

But what I’ve found in working deeply with people around the subject of success and money is that actually, even though we may appear confident on the surface, just underneath that most of us are pretty unsure of ourselves.

We wonder if we deserve success.

We doubt that people will really like us when they get to know us.

We struggle to see ourselves really thriving, because what happens when the other shoe drops.

And if you can relate to this, then you have the awareness that puts you ahead of the curve. Because it is these very thoughts that make it impossible to get real traction on your projects… And what you’ll find is any progress you do make through sheer hard work and effort, will be undone in a moment if you don’t sort out the root of the problem.

“The antidote to self-sabotage is in creating Sky-High Self-Esteem.” – Laura Leigh Clarke | ReTweet This

 

Believe In yourself Picture Quote

 

How to Create *Permanent* Sky-High Self- Esteem

The only fix to this is to increase your current levels of self-esteem. And the way to do this is to remove all the thoughts to the contrary AND then put massive focus on the reasons we deserve to have what we want, thereby cultivating tip-top, top-notch self-esteem.

Here is how you do this….

  1. Take out a fresh piece of paper, and decide on your desired outcome. I.e. what you’d like to have happen if you had enough self-esteem for it not be an issue. For example, earn x amount per month, or have y clients on your books, or start z business.

Whatever it is that you want to create… 

  1. Write your outcome in the centre of the page, and draw a circle round it. This is the centre of the self-esteem map you’re going to create around it. The way to phrase the outcome is in note form, as if you were answering the question: What outcome do you want to achieve?
  1. Next you’re going to have reasons as to why you deserve this outcome shooting off in other circles which can be attached to the central circle, or to each other – as your brain sees fit. You’re looking to write down 200 reasons.
  1. Keep your reasons short – you want to get as many on the page as possible. And to get to the 200 go round all the different areas of your life, past and present. Look at everything, even if it’s a tenuous reason. We’re looking to layer into your psyche the feeling that you are deserving… and the brain just sees reasons.
  1. Get as detailed as you can – you’re looking for as many reasons as possible to layer the notion into your mind that you actually do deserve to have whatever it is you chose to map.

This is what it should look like, but you can build on this and make it massive!

Self Esteem Map Build Confidence

Remember you’re looking for anything that will increase your feeling of worthiness, and deserving. I actually call this a “Because I’m Worth it Map” – which goes down well with the ladies, but chaps, call it a Self-Esteem Map, or a Making it Happen Map if that works better 😉

Go head now, grab a pen and paper and make a start.

And to help you out you can download an example here one of my students has kindly shared with us. 🙂

Do it in your journal if you have one, and if it’s handy. If not, do it on a scrap of paper, and throw it away, and do another one later. It’s all good practice.

You’re rewiring your neurology in a new way – the more you can do it, the more powerful the result.  You can always make a start and then add to your map later on.

 

The Results You Can Expect

I’ve won competition stock market trading doing this.

I got my book published using this exact same method.

I’ve also used it to win marketing competitions and gain clients when I needed them.

I’ve had people tell me they’ve had cash windfalls, manifested new shoes and one lady even went from working in a company, being totally stressed out and doing everything, to getting cut into a directorship and having a profit share.

You see, when you shift your perception of yourself, what you feel you deserve shifts too – and this is turn is unconsciously picked up by those around you.

As you get over 150 reasons plus, you may start to feel differently. The shift may appear subtle. Your perception may change. Thoughts that held you back once may start to feel like a distant dream. Push through this shift and get to your 200 reasons so you can really start to live in this new, more confident awareness… as this is where your life will change dramatically.

Once you’ve done this exercise – don’t be surprised if all of a sudden people start treating you better. You can also expect to feel freer, more confident, more capable, and more able to take on the challenges you face in pursuit of your dreams.

 

Time To Put Pen To Paper!

Why wait to have all this good stuff?

Go ahead and grab a piece of paper or your note book, and start creating your Self-Esteem Map for that goal that is most important to you right now.

You owe it to yourself.

Leave a comment sharing what goal you’re going to work on…

And if you need any help, or clarification – just ask.

I read every comment.

To Your Success!

 

Laura Leigh Clarke

a.k.a. the Whole Heart, Whole Brain Business Mentor

Wire Yourself for Wealth

 

Laura Leigh Clarke is the unorthodox Business Coach, Recovering Quantum Physicist, Founder of ProsperityQM, Geek and a die-hard Doctor Who fan. She also helps people clear their money blocks and limiting beliefs so they can manifest the life and business they really want. Download Your Tool Kit for Making a Quantum Shift in Your Business, and watch your results explode!

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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