No matter how much self-development you do, there is going to be a time when even the most perfect person’s life gets out of control. Right now, I feel like my life is somewhat like this. I feel like I’ve done things that I’m not proud of and it has all transpired in such a short time.
This feeling is normal, and there is always going to be winter in every season of your life. I’m in the depth of winter as we speak, and it’s tough. Through all of the cold, what keeps me going is the belief that this won’t last forever. This is normal and even the people I look up to have dealt with this.
This winter patch is all about growth. The unhappiness I feel about my goals that still remain untouched is where the next phase of growth is. Our life is supposed to get out of control so that we can take control back again and for me, inspire people at the same time.
With everything that goes wrong, there is a lesson for the people I love (you guys). I wouldn’t have this library of lessons to share with you all if my life was like one of those cookie cutter Instagram models that get horny over their reflection.
So after my recent challenges, here are the 10 things you can do when your life get’s out of control:
1. Make a major life changing decision
When your life is out of control, it’s the best possible time to take massive action. Action is what will give you control back and put you back in the driver’s seat. The chances are that there is a root cause as to why your life is not the way you want it.
Look at where you work, who you spend time with, and your romantic relationship. Somewhere in these three areas will be the clue you need to make your big decision. Ask yourself deep down what really makes you angry.
Think about who is getting in the way of your dream and stopping you from reaching your full potential. Does everyone around you encourage you to keep following your passion or do some people think what you’re doing is dumb?
Once you have identified the problem area you need to forget how things were, and the comfort that comes with that, and be prepared to drop bombs and do whatever it takes to change the course of your life. Fear is going to sweep in at 100 miles and hour, but you will have to squash it with all of your willpower.
Weak people can’t get back in control of their life, and weak people tend to fail a lot. You’re not weak, and you have guts and determination.
2. Stay true to your habits
Even if your life get’s out of control, it’s imperative that you hold on to your positive habits. These habits might be: drinking a juice, doing a workout, practicing meditation or reading a book every week. No matter what, these habits are your foundation, and you cannot get lazy and drop them.
Through tough times it’s easy to lose the motivation to power on through your habits. The thing is, during tough times you need your habits like mediation even more.
Through my own rough patch, I have doubled the amount of meditation I do each day from ten minutes to twenty minutes. Now more than ever I need inner peace and a time to reflect on all the mind chatter that is playing out every minute of the day.
3. Set some new goals
I’ve found that when your life is out of control, part of the reason why, is that you need some new goals. The current goals you have are not keeping you motivated, or they might even be too easy.
I’ve crushed most of my year’s goals already, and I’ve found that this achievement has made it more likely for me to become lazy. For this reason, I have created two brand new goals that have lots of fear and require me to go out and do things that I used to procrastinate doing.
New goals help you to try something new and give you a reason to focus back on controlling your life again.
4. Accept a lapse in decision-making
I’ve had some lapses in decision-making in recent weeks, and I’ve let myself get worked up about it. What I have discovered though is that it’s important to realise that you will sometimes make a bad decision. Each week you make more than two hundred decisions and statistically speaking some of those will be bad choices.
Understand that bad choices are normal, and as long as you are making more positive decisions than negative, it will all balance out in the end. Now that’s off my chest I am going to forgive myself for that coffee I drank ☺
5. Go and do a good deed
If your world is spiraling out of control, then try and do a good deed. Go and help people whose life is even crazier than your own and get some perspective. You’d be surprised how in control your life really is compared to say a homeless person who has no money to buy dinner.
Find somewhere in your community where you can go in undercover and coach some people. Coaching people is a great way to use the lessons you have learned to help someone achieve their dream. I’ve found coaching to be one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life.
What’s even more fun is when one of your students achieves the impossible and you get even more happiness out of the experience than they do. You were put on this earth to inspire people so go and do it and forget about your problems for five minutes!
6. Figure out what’s good in your life
A feeling that your life is out of control can often be brought on by focusing too much on the negative points of your reality. There are some parts of your life that work really well that you’ve forgotten about.
Think of how you might pay your bills on time, have a well-kept automobile, have a tidy home, have access to smart people, work a good job, or have a business that pays for your lifestyle. There’s always something that you have right now that’s just right. Make a list of those things and then study them.
Tell social media all the good you have right in your life and watch your friends reach out and support you. There’s no way you can feel out of control when you reframe just how good some areas of your life are.
“Trying to strive for perfection is what will give you a feeling that your life is out of control” – Tim Denning
7. Escape to the countryside
When life doesn’t go the way you want it to, sometimes the best thing you can do is escape your current circumstances for a week and get some perspective. I’m doing this by going overseas for a few weeks to focus on something other than problems.
Our minds are curious by nature, and when we go to a place we haven’t been before we become explorers of our reality rather than being trapped in it.
Smell the roses, walk on a foreign beach, and speak to people from another culture. You might just find a new found way to gain control back again in all the newness that you’ve brought into your life.
“It’s impossible to be stuck in your head when you’re in a new environment that you haven’t visited before”
8. Decide how you want to live your life
Feeling like your life is out of control will only help you to dig a deeper hole for yourself unless you decide to set a new vision. Clearly, if your life is out of control, it’s because you haven’t decided how you want it to be and set a vision.
For me, I’ve set the vision up, but I’ve forgotten to readjust the GPS co-ordinates once in while. Once you know how your life needs to be, you need to write down the action steps you’re going to take to get there. This is not a time for beating around the bush and struggling to make a decision.
This time, it’s about getting clarity and then being unwavering in your approach to getting the results of the vision you so desire. You have to get aggressive here and not settle for second best otherwise you will never get back in control of your life again.
“You’re 100% to blame for where you are right now and only you can change your reality” – Tim Denning
It’s no one else’s fault if you feel lonely or uninspired – it’s yours. There are people all over the world that would love to speak with you and talk about a whole range of topics.
There are people on social media that love what you do, and you can’t let them down by sulking. This game plan you have set out to achieve success and financial freedom is supposed to be hard. Otherwise, everyone would be driving a baby blue Lamborghini with the top down listening to Rihanna.
Reassess where you’re at and step up the game with a refresh of your vision. Don’t be lazy and put up with this BS reality you might be experiencing right now. Don’t take any prisoners along with you and stick to your standards that you’ve committed to.
How can you shake things up and get back control of your life? Let me know in the comments section below or on my website timdenning.net or my Facebook.
8 Things You Can Do to Rise Above Failure and Attain Success
Highly successful people have tasted failure more than success. Whether its Nikola Tesla or Michael Jordan, everyone had his/her fair share of failures before rising to the pinnacle of success. Yet, most people I know are averse to the idea of failure.
When ambition fuels your desires, you become so conscious about avoiding failure that you forget to learn how to cope with it when you actually experience it. So, when you come face-to-face with adversity, it often overwhelms you.
This brings us to the question, how can you train yourself to overcome these difficulties and use them to your advantage? Here’s how:
1. Acceptance is important to overcome failure
When the going gets tough, one of the most frustrating things you may get to hear is “stay positive.” The idea of positive thinking has been misconstrued, misused, and abused continuously. Contrary to popular belief, positive thinking has nothing to do with smiling and being happy with everything that happens to you all the time. Anyone who preaches that is either lying or crazy.
Use positive thinking to learn, grow, and evolve from the experiences we gather in life. Positive thinking simply means that if you are faced with a setback, you work hard to overcome the challenges. When you experience hardships, it is alright to feel upset and disappointed. Our objective, however, is not to stay down.
2. Be honest with yourself
The most crucial part of dealing with a failure involves pausing for a couple of minutes and pondering over what happened. You need to be completely honest with yourself on why it happened.
It is easy to pull out the Smartphone, turn on the laptop or find other forms of distraction. Most people would do anything to distract themselves and keep their eyes shut to the mistakes they have made.
However, if you don’t confront, you don’t learn. And if you don’t learn, then you are setting yourself up for failure again. Albert Einstein famously stated that it was insane to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome. If you don’t derive a lesson out of mistakes and failures in life, then you are doomed to keep repeating them, whether you realise it or not.
“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” – Henry Ford
3. Don’t beat yourself up over a temporary setback
When you have experienced a setback, many of you may succumb to the feeling that you’ll always keep failing. It is easy to convince yourself that you are indeed a failure. Don’t let such destructive ideas or thoughts creep into your head. Instead, keep reminding yourself that just because you failed today, it doesn’t mean you’d fail the next time as well.
It is also important that you treat your failure as a passing phase. When you keep moving forward, focus on the right things, and keep learning. Perceiving the setback as a temporary phase rather than something permanent is vital to developing an optimistic attitude in life.
4. Focus on nurturing and improving yourself
Failures don’t discriminate, and it comes to everyone at some point. The trick lies in learning to deal with it and what you do about it that makes all the difference. In many cases, failure happens because a person wasn’t prepared, didn’t invest time on planning or was ill-equipped. It can also be because Lady Luck decided not to shower her favours.
Except for the last one, the rest of the issues can be fixed. Prepare a list of all the things that you think resulted in your failure. Start working on them one at a time. Do everything in your capacity to rectify, improve, resolve, and develop.
5. Find inspiration and support in abundance
Interacting with someone close can be more helpful than you think. You can also learn from people who have been through similar situations and have achieved what you hope to. Gain insights on how they managed to sail through the setbacks or low-points before and during the moment of success.
Or you can gain the motivation or enthusiasm by listening to someone else from an audiobook or podcast for maybe 30-60 minutes. It doesn’t have to be focused on your current setbacks. Change your mood and mindset back towards optimism again.
6. Adopt a constructive approach and learn from the adverse situation
Consider it as valuable feedback and take home something you can implement in the process of overcoming your failure. The following are some of the questions you need to ask yourself:
- What is the lesson for me?
- How can I rectify myself to avoid making the same mistake and do better next time?
- What can I do to enjoy guaranteed success?
You don’t need to rush through the process. Some of the answers may be immediate, while others might take an hour, a day or even a week to pop up. The significant thing is to start thinking about the situation from this perspective. Also, you need to be constructive about things rather than getting stuck with denial, negativity and apathy.
7. Stop mulling over and move on
Processing the situation and accepting it is the ideal way to deal with failures. Any individual who has experienced failures will know that it is quite easy to stay stuck in the loop of similar thoughts. In fact, this may go around and around for weeks or even months.
Now, in order to be free from this trap, the one habit that might help you is the set of questions like the ones shared above. You can also create a rough plan for how you wish to move forward from here. So, take some time to sit down and write them down.
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill
8. Purge out all the negativity
Another impactful way to handle the emotional meltdown and the thoughts that emerge from experiencing failure is to purge out all the negativity. In order to let everything out, you need to confide in someone close to you. There are two ways to go about it: Engaging in a conversation with someone will allow you to see it from a different perspective. The person you talk to can assist you in grounding yourself in reality again and motivate you to look for a way forward.
Or you can simply vent about it while the other person who is listening can sort things out for you. He/she can help you accept what happened and boost your spirit by instilling a sense of hope.
The significant thing to remember is that while you can’t stop obstacles from appearing in life, you can devise smart ways to handle them. If you persevere, you can easily discover opportunities that have been waiting for you on the other side. Now, as you become more efficient at dealing with the failures, you will allow yourself to see the positive side in even the toughest of scenarios.
How Stress Can Actually Improve the Quality of Your Life
Naturally, those of us who experience less stress in our lives are more likely to succeed. So, it’s important that you learn how to reduce your daily level of stress, right? Maybe not. Recent research has shown the common wisdom about stress might be dangerously inaccurate. Psychologists tracked the health of 30,000 adults in the United States over an 8-year period. Participants were asked two important questions:
1. “How much stress have you experienced in the last year?”
2. “Do you believe stress is harmful to your health?” (more…)
The Truth About the Law of Attraction
When we want something, we generally imagine the form it will take when it manifests. If we’re not careful, however, we can find ourselves attached more to the imagined form than the actual desired outcome. This is like placing an online order and expecting it to come in a blue box shipped by UPS. If we then receive a red box delivered by FedEx, we might not realize that it’s what we ordered, and never even open it!
For example, most of us say that we want money, but when money comes in the form of a free coffee or a gift or a discount, we don’t see it for what it is. We overlook it, and maybe we even say “No, thanks” and decline the gift which is, in one way or another, still money. In doing so, we fail to appreciate the value of the discount, the gift, or the freebie. If it isn’t cash being handed to us, we don’t see it as a manifestation of our desire.
The law of attraction is a funny thing.
It is much more complex and much more intricate than what it seems to be and yet, at the same time, it’s so very simple: We always get what we want. We always receive more of the energy at which we vibrate. Always.
However, if we’re acting from the energy of “I don’t deserve it” or “I don’t think I’m worthy,” then whatever it is that we receive will be negated and essentially unseen. On the other hand, if we are open, observant, and maintaining an abundance mindset, we will receive our request on numerous levels and from plentiful sources!
“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill
This is because we “place our order” not only through our words, but through our actions, our beliefs, and our thoughts.
Last month, I was open to receiving a new client. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I’d set my intention: I was going to get a new client. That night, out of nowhere, I got a message from an old student of mine. She was looking to hire me again as her coach for the upcoming college entrance exams in the U.S. But wait! I didn’t want an entrance exam client.
What I actually wanted was to get life and business coaching clients. This student was my “red box from Fed Ex.” I wanted to decline at first, but as I was about to reply, something made me stop. I asked myself, “Why am I rejecting this?”
This student is an amazing client. She pays on time. She’s not needy. She does her part. Best of all? She doesn’t short-change me. So I said yes, because I realized that the Universe was simply responding to the essence of my desire.
You see, my “Big Why” in everything I do has always been to facilitate an accelerated personal and business growth for my clients, and this student fit the bill in every way. She wanted the personal growth, she was ready to go all in and she reached out to me.
It didn’t look like the package I was expecting so I didn’t recognize it at first—and I nearly turned it away—but she was the perfect answer to my request.
Serving people like her has always been a driving force in my life.
The Universe knows that. It also knew that I wanted a client asap so that I could re-invest the money into my business, so it responded in the most ideal way… but in an unexpected form. And I came so close to missing it!
How many times have I missed other opportunities like this? How many times have I dismissed a “red box” because it wasn’t “blue?” I’ll never know. But I do know that, had I not stopped myself from sending a “No, thanks,” I would have felt as though the Universe wasn’t listening.
That’s the thing: the Universe is always listening.
The more open we are in receiving, the more we thrive. The more open our energy is, the greater the possibilities. Don’t just return that red box to the post office and keep waiting on a blue one. Ask yourself, first and foremost, if what you’re receiving at the moment matches up with your underlying desire.
See yourself living in abundance and you will attract it.” – Rhonda Byrne
The key is to be willing to receive anything and everything. How? Keep on reading1
1. Get clear on your “underlying desire.”
Identify exactly what it is that you really want—in my case, it was an ideal client (underlying) as opposed to a coaching client (surface)—and focus on that. Clear out all the mental noise and static that clouds your awareness.
2. Be flexible
Keep your eyes and mind open for anything that fits the description. When you ask for money, recognize that free coffee for what it is: $3 you were going to spend anyway, that can now remain in your pocket. Every penny on the ground, every coupon, it’s all money.
3. Keep an attitude of gratitude.
The more you appreciate what you have, the more that comes your way. Your grateful mindset opens the energetic door for more to flow your way, because “where attention goes, energy flows.” The more you focus on the things you want, the more you will draw them into your experience.
Remember, that the Universe responds to our requests in whatever way fits best within the big picture.
It’s a picture so big that we couldn’t possibly begin to see how it comes together. Trust it. Know that when you ask, you will receive. It may not come in the form you anticipate, but always in a form that responds to your underlying desire. You just have to be ready to see it.
7 Simple Ways to Master Your Emotions When Making Decisions
A lot of people have big regrets when lying on their deathbed. These regrets are often related to bad decisions or decisions not taken. Thus, as it turns out, decision-making is dependent on great self-confidence. A person who has confidence in their decisions has an easier time making them.
Emotions also play a big role in all of this. This is a debate that has confronted two great thinkers. According to Descartes, “decisions are the product of the rational mind.” In other words, decision-making is essentially based on facts and mathematics.
But this thesis was refuted and proven to be wrong by Antonio Damasio in one of his works called “The Error of Descartes”. This was partly based on the story of Elliott, a kid that was very smart, who had above average rational capabilities, but incapable of making a decision, after a surgery to remove a brain tumor on the surface of his frontal lobes. After all his work in that matter, he concludes that a person who is incapable of emotion is incapable of making the most rational decisions.
The management of emotions is therefore completely inherent to good decision making, especially when making the most important decisions. To this end, here are 7 tips to put into practice to really master your emotions thus making the best decisions possible and never regreting them.
1. Take a step back
You must learn to take the time to identify and understand your emotions. Since physical reactions are emotionally related, also take the time to detect the reactions you have to some of your emotions. To be able to take the distance necessary to make decisions, it’s important to refer to your prefrontal cortex. This is the area of the brain responsible for reasoning. To do so you need to put yourself in a stress-free environment for a few minutes.
The best way to do this is to learn to breathe deeply. This will allow activating your prefrontal cortex again, therefore, to have better control of your emotions so you do not react to them, let alone to the event that causes these emotions. Do this exercise for at least 15 minutes. It’s amazing how you can train yourself never to react, no matter what the situation. Ideally, let at least 24 hours go by before responding to a situation that would normally cause tension.
3. Pay attention
Once you are in the prefrontal cortex, put one hand on your abdomen, at the level of your intestines, and the other hand on your heart, and take the time to listen. These two parts of the body are the two major centers of vibrations and emotions. This is why it’s important to listen and pay attention to them.
The purpose of this exercise is to become aware of your gut and heart. What you need to remember is that the only person you need to trust is yourself. By practicing this exercise, one thing will become very clear: what the emotion you feel seeks to convey to you about the decision you have to make.
Since everything is energy, first make sure that the vibration of the decision you are about to make and that of your heart and gut are in sync. You will then know whether to go ahead with your decision or reject it based on whether you feel serenity or heaviness.
4. Discern untruths
It is important to know whether your nervousness is the result of an untruth you’ve told yourself. These can corrupt the vibrations that should help you make the right decision. You have to throw out all of these untruths and come to the decision-making without any filter. Stop thinking that you’re unlucky, that you’re in a bad situation, that your life is a failure, or that you are a victim.
5. Become aware of your emotions instead of avoiding them
To become aware of your emotions, you must learn to coach yourself. Ask yourself questions: How did you feel the last time you had to ask these types of questions? What did you get in return? Rename what you felt and the result you obtained from what you decided to do. You will thus be much better at assimilating, understanding, and welcoming your emotions.
6. Be as present as possible
There is no point in focusing on the big events surrounding the decision you want to make. Concentrate instead on the present moment, without analyzing the events. Judge based on emotions rather than the event. By being more present, you will be better able to listen to your emotions and feel them.
7. Make your emotions your allies
Each of your emotions speaks to you through the physical and physiological reactions that they generate in you. Look to the weight of their impact on you as an indicator. Only by listening to them, using them, and managing them can you manage your emotions.
Habit comes with practice. With time, these 7 points will become much more natural and will become automatic. You will make better decisions for yourself. This is one of the best ways to not end up with one of the big regrets.
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