Life

The 3 Happiness Assassins and What You Can Do to Control Them

Published

6 years ago

Dec 22, 2018

Nanci Sherman

Image Credit: Unsplash

We all have those nights when we are suddenly wide awake and thinking about a problem or something we fear may happen. Fear is the ringleader of the gang of three known as the Happiness Assassins: Doubt. Worry. Circumstantial evidence. It is not just in our sleep we must watch out for this group of hoodlums. They lurk around corners waiting to pounce at all hours of the day.

The “assassins” are simply a part of our thought process. It takes some self-awareness to realize that our thoughts are not necessarily the truth, but we go through life mostly presuming what we think is true. Beliefs are nothing more than firmly held opinions born out of a thought – yours or someone else’s.

Unsupervised, our mind is like a big foster home taking in anyone who knocks on the door. I’d like you to consider that not all thoughts deserve our full attention. We have every right to pass on the ones that don’t serve us. Too often, we invite them in way past their usefulness. My rule of thumb is if you don’t play nice, go away.

We are rarely without thought. People who claim to have trouble meditating often refer to the issue as having a “monkey mind.” Meditation is not being without thought. Thoughts are as automatic as breathing or digestion. The idea is to control them when they come knocking.

Before we take those assassins out, one by one, know that there is nothing that is not subject to individual interpretation. A tree doesn’t occur to a painter as it does to an expert on rainforests, or even a firefighter. A squirrel has an entirely different take on the subject. Nevermind art, music, politics, and law. Interpretation is rampant. To recognize it as such is to relax the need to be right on most subjects.

Below are the three happiness assassins:

1. Worry

Worry is a future based version of interpretation. It takes us out of the present moment and is powerful enough to change our moods, cause us to miss out on the present moment, react defensively, and make us sick. It is hope turned inside out. It dresses itself in gloom. Our antidote to worry is to use your imagination. Imagine the best outcome. Or if you can’t let it go, put your mind somewhere else entirely.

“Our fatigue is often caused not by work, but by worry, frustration and resentment.” – Dale Carnegie

2. Doubt

A common question many of us have asked ourselves at one time or another is “Am I good enough?” That is a question filled with doubt and so unspecific as to be unanswerable. We inherit not trusting ourselves based on other people’s opinions or a past experience. But at some point, we must take control of our lives, our self-talk.

Confidence isn’t a real thing. It’s a stand we take. It’s as easy to take a leap of faith as it is a leap of doubt. Doubt makes us curl inward, not trusting our path or ourselves. Kill off doubt with action. If you doubt something you want to happen will come to pass, do something to make it happen. If I think my boss is going to berate me because of this month’s metrics, I could proactively come up with a plan on how we will excel in the future.

Confidence and proactivity are what moves the needle. How do you become confident? Act thusly. Ask any actor who is freaking out before walking on stage.

3. Circumstantial Evidence

Also known as acting “out of context,” we jump to conclusions based on partial information. Some of it is silly and some is very harmful. Silly: I thought the man in the mirror was flirting with me in an exercise class. It turns out his weights were too heavy. He was grimacing. Harmful: A police officer shoots someone in a red jacket moving quickly away from the scene of a crime because the officer was told the suspect was in a bright color coat.

“As you think, so you become…..Our busy minds are forever jumping to conclusions, manufacturing and interpreting signs that aren’t there.” – Epictetus

If You Are Going to Lie Awake

I hope what keeps you up at night is joyful anticipation. I hope what keeps you up at night is crafting solutions and knowing that you can be freer than you have ever known by being in positive action and showing the assassins the way out before they get in.

How do you overcome constant worry, doubt, and jumping to conclusions? Share your tips with us below!

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Nanci Sherman

Known throughout her career as the happiness expert, Nanci Sherman was raised in New York City and earned a B.S in Journalism and Communications at the University of Colorado, Boulder. Nanci revolutionized the industry and consulted on leadership and motivation on three continents. Nanci raises the bar on happiness. Her personal quest has been "How do I live an extraordinary life?" Nanci studied with some of the greatest experts in the field of self-development and personal growth. She synthesized their teachings, expanded upon them, and translated this into her work success and life. You could say she is “terminally” happy and wants to pass that recipe for joy onto you. You will find her enthusiasm to be infectious, and her insights to be profound. She is a Happiness and Leadership Coach, Hotel Revolutionary and an established Author.

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Life

How Learning the Skill of Hope Can Change Everything

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life

Published

2 weeks ago

Jan 6, 2025

Daniel Bell

Image Credit: Midjourney

Hope isn’t wishful thinking. It’s a state of being and a skill that has profound evidence of helping people achieve success in life.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, is like having dreams in the sky without a ladder to climb, having a destination without a map, or trying to operate a jet-engine airplane without instructions. It sounds nice but is impossible to realize. You don’t have what you need to make it happen!

What Real Hope Is

Real hope is actionable, practical, and realistic. Better yet, it’s feasible and can be learned.

One popular approach is Hope Theory. This concept is used by colleges to study how hope impacts students’ academic performance. Researchers found that students with high levels of hope achieve better grades and are more likely to graduate compared to those with less hope.

Hope can be broken down into two components:

Pathways – The “how to” of hope. This is where people think of and establish plans for achieving their goals.
Agency – The “I can” of hope. This is the belief that the person can accomplish their goals.

Does Hope Really Work?

According to Webster’s Dictionary, hope as a noun is defined as: “desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.”

As humans, we are wired to crave fulfillment. We have the ability to envision it and, through hope, make it a reality.

My Experience with Hope

For 13 years, I was a hopeless human. During my time working at a luxury hotel as a front desk agent earning $11.42 per hour, I felt the sting of hopelessness the most.

The regret of feeling my time was being stolen from me lingered every time I clocked in. Eventually, I decided to do something about it.

I gave myself permission to hope for something better. I began establishing pathways to success and regained agency by learning from self-help books and seeking mentorship.

Because I took action toward something I desired, I now feel more hope and joy than I ever felt hopelessness. Hope changed me.

Hope Actually Improves Your Life

Wishful thinking doesn’t work, and false hope is equally ineffective. Real hope, however, is directly tied to success in all areas of life.

Studies show that hopeful people tend to:

Demonstrate better problem-solving skills
Cultivate healthier relationships
Maintain stronger motivation to achieve goals
Exhibit better work ethic
Have a positive outlook on life

These benefits can impact work life, family life, habit-building, mental health, physical health, and spiritual practice. Imagine how much better your life could be by applying real hope to all these areas.

How to Develop the Skill to Hope

As acclaimed French writer Jean Giono wrote in The Man Who Planted Trees:
“There are also times in life when a person has to rush off in pursuit of hopefulness.”

If you are at one of those times, here are ways to develop the skill to hope:

1. Dream Again

To cultivate hope, you need to believe in its possibility. Start by:

Reflecting on what you’re passionate about, your values, and what you want to achieve.
Writing your dreams down, sharing them with someone encouraging, or saying them out loud.
Creating a vision board to make your dreams feel more tangible.

Dreams are the foundation of hope—they give you something meaningful to aspire toward.

2. Create an Environment of Hope

Set Goals: Write down your goals and create a plan to achieve them.
Visualize Success: Use inspirational quotes, photos, or tools like dumbbells or canvases to remind yourself of your goals.
Build a Resource Library: Collect books, eBooks, or audiobooks about hope and success to inspire you.

An environment that fosters hope will keep you motivated, resilient, and focused.

3. Face the Challenges

Don’t avoid challenges—overcoming them builds confidence. Participating in challenging activities, like strategic games, can enhance your problem-solving skills and reinforce hope.

4. Commit to Wisdom

Seek wisdom from those who have achieved what you aspire to. Whether through books, blogs, or social media platforms, learn from their journeys. Wisdom provides the foundation for real, actionable hope.

5. Take Note of Small Wins

Reflecting on past victories can fuel your hope for the future. Ask yourself:

What challenges have I already overcome?
How did I feel when I succeeded?

By remembering those feelings of happiness, relief, or satisfaction, your brain will naturally adopt a more hopeful mindset.

Conclusion

Hope is more than wishful thinking—it’s a powerful skill that can transform your life. By dreaming again, creating a hopeful environment, facing challenges, seeking wisdom, and celebrating small wins, you can develop the real hope necessary for success in all aspects of life.

Let hope guide you toward a brighter, more fulfilling future.

Life

The 5 Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis & What You Can Do

A quarter-life crisis isn’t a sign you’ve lost your way; it’s a sign you’re fighting for a life that’s truly yours.

Published

4 weeks ago

Dec 27, 2024

CT Dool

Image Credit: Midjourney

The quarter-life crisis is a well-defined set of stages—Trapped, Checking Out, Separation, Exploration, Rebuilding—one goes through in breaking free from feelings of meaninglessness, lack of fulfillment, and misalignment with purpose. I detail the stages and interweave my story below. (more…)

Life

Here’s The Thing About Learning, Unlearning, and Relearning

Stop hoarding and start sharing your knowledge and wealth for the benefit of humankind

Published

2 months ago

Nov 21, 2024

M.S. Rao

Image Credit: Midjourney

Few people have the habit of hoarding their wealth without spending. However, it limits their motivation as they tend to get into their comfort zones. When people start spending money, then there will be depletion in their coffers. (more…)