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How to Face Failures and Feel Confident Before Becoming Successful

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how to deal with failure
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You follow successful people online. You feel inspired to see their growth, achievements, and accomplishments. But sometimes, you may feel intimidated when you look into your own life. You follow their morning rituals, daily habits, nighttime routines, and so on but you don’t get the same results as they do. Then you may doubt yourself, feel unworthy or hopeless about your own life situation.

You wonder  what am I missing? What’s the real secret to their success? How do they keep on growing while I keep struggling? The secret to their success is that they are big-time failures. They go through gazillions of failures before they show up as a “success” in front of you. But you’ve probably heard that before. You already know you need to fail more to succeed.

The problem is that we keep associating our failures with being a failure in life. That’s because we take failures personally and our ego doesn’t like failures. But there’s a simple solution to that.

Facing Failures Without The Hurt

When you were a child, you were always in play mode. If you failed, you tried again like nothing happened. You kept on trying without thinking of failure as a shame. Then, school and society conditioned you to avoid failure at all cost. Since then, every time you failed, you felt like a loser.

“Failure is a detour not a dead-end street.” – Zig Ziglar

Let’s break this negative pattern immediately . Stop being so serious. Give yourself permission to fail without feeling dirty. Start playing again and let yourself fall. Remember, your failures don’t define your character. In fact, they build your character. Your failures prepare you for upcoming success. Success may be close or far away - it doesn’t matter, what matters is how you feel on your way to success.

If you spend half of your life trying to succeed in misery and a half of your life enjoying the success, you lose the game. The key is to celebrate each season of your life.

Here are 6 ways to feel confident when you’re on your way to success:

1. Close your eyes and realize how far you’ve come

Drop everything, take a deep breath and realize the difference between where you are now and where you were a few years ago. You will feel a surge of gratitude when you realize all the failures eventually worked in your favor. Even when you’ve not made a lot of progress, you have grown personally, which will help you tackle the future challenges in life.

2. Live by your values to define your own success

When you know your values and live a life true to them, you stop feeling bad about your mistakes. You become the director of your life and feel aligned with every decision of your life. You feel peaceful and happy because there is no place for blames and complaints when you make value-aligned decisions. Your values act as a guide to define what success means to you.

3. Let your burning desire guide you

Although our basic needs remain the same, we all want different things in life. You must know what you desire more than anything because a burning desire can take you to the clouds even when you’re not talented or lucky. The path to your burning desire gives you meaning and fulfillment. But if you do what others expect of you, you won’t go far and you will remain unfulfilled. When you follow your desire, you make sacrifices and overcome all the obstacles with an intense drive within you.

4. Derive fulfillment from different sources

So often, we make the mistake of making our whole life about one goal. Having a laser-focus on a goal is not a bad thing, but it is always a good idea to derive meaning from different sources. When you have different ways to find fulfillment in life, you can remain focused on your bigger goals when the going gets tough. But if you quit other aspects of your life and well-being, you won’t stand the low points of your journey. You got to keep yourself sane to reach your big goals.

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – Thomas Edison

5. Define your purpose and live it today

A lot of suffering comes from focusing too much on  yourself. Working on yourself and your goals is important, but when you have a greater purpose that shifts your focus on serving others, your drive becomes much stronger. You don’t have to wait to start serving people. You can start today with minimal resources by focusing on one person at a time. A mission bigger than yourself is the secret sauce to life fulfillment.

6. Put on blinders to run your own race

We all know that comparison is the thief of joy, yet, we compare our lives with other’s lives whether or not we realize it. The reason is that humans are wired to form social hierarchies as our ancestors did. You have to rewire your brain to compare yourself only with your past self. We never know the full story behind people’s lives, just like they don’t know ours. Own yourself and your unique challenges to write your epic life story.

Struggling and suffering are two different things. Struggling for your goals leads to success and fulfillment. While suffering is no way to live or stick to your goals. Don’t wait for big successes to feel confident. Find success in your failures until you reach your goals.

When you stop letting failures make you feel like a failure, you allow yourself to open the doors to greater success. You may have been waiting for success to feel good about yourself but you don’t have to wait anymore. Success will come when the time is right. But the time to feel confident is today.

Prakhar Verma’s mission is to help ambitious people design their epic lives for high performance and success. He writes about life, self-improvement, happiness, success, productivity and other topics related to designing a better life. Get his cheat sheet “Design Your Daily Success Checklist” to design your day for high performance and success at DesignEpicLife.com and subscribe to the Design Epic Life YouTube channel to stay connected.

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The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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