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This is What Happens When You Live Life Looking Forward

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If you’d like to learn how to let go of your past so you can look forward to a better future, sign up for the free 90-Day Master Class hosted by the founder of Addicted2Success.com, Joel Brown.


What if you woke up one day and had nothing to look forward to? Wouldn’t life seem dull and meaningless? You would feel like all the excitement was sucked out of your life. Yet, what do we do in our daily life instead of looking forward to the future? We spend time lamenting over the past. When my first business failed, I had many sleepless nights. I was breaking my head trying to find:

  • What did I do wrong?
  • Why was luck not in my favor?
  • How do things fall in place for others and not for me?

I had so many whys and hows looming in my head. I wasn’t asking myself constructive questions. I wasn’t finding areas to improve. I was only hunting for reasons to prove that I did my best, and the outcome wasn’t my fault.

But such a mindset only pushes you into a corner when you have your entire life ahead to chase success. If you continue lingering in the past, longer than necessary, you lose the opportunity to enjoy the present and relish the future. You must look back at failure only to identify your lessons.

Here are 5 reasons why you must live life looking forward:

1. You cannot change the past

No matter how hurtful the result or how stupid your mistake, it is now behind you. You can slap yourself, cry over it, or find reasons. But no matter what you do, you cannot change what has happened.

The more time you spend brooding over an adverse event in life, the more you grow anxious and stressed. You cannot forget the past in an instant and act as if nothing happened. But, how long you choose to dwell in the emotions of the past is a choice only you can make.

You can choose to linger on with negativity for months together or pick yourself up in a week and move on.

2. You enter into a victim mindset

Different people have different reactions to failure. When I failed, I was hell-bent on keeping my ego intact. No matter how poor my decisions and actions were, I tried finding reasons to justify them. I wanted to believe that I did my best, and the result was beyond my control. I was deep within the victim mindset.

Some people have an opposite tendency where they blame themselves for everything that happened. Though their actions had no direct effect on the outcome, they accuse themselves needlessly.

They aren’t looking to change themselves in the future. They simply want to inflict damage upon themselves to remain in the past.

When you find excuses to validate your actions, you boost your ego for no reason. When you blame yourself, you are shattering your self-esteem. No good comes of either of them.

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” – Buddha

3. Looking forward leads to self-improvement

When you choose to look at the future, you are leaving yourself with only one choice – finding a solution and improving yourself. The option of crying over what happened and blaming yourself is out the window.

Keeping your eyes on what’s yet to come helps you find answers. You start identifying what you can do better to experience a better future. The only reason you must look at the past is to identify lessons to prevent a similar mistake in the future. Look back at the past, learn from the experience, and aim for a better tomorrow.

People who are addicted to success are similar to ants. Try placing an obstacle in front of a bunch of marching ants, and you’ll know what I am talking about.

The little creatures will try to find a different route to get to their destination. If they can’t find one, they will try to climb over the barrier, dig underneath or carve a hole to get through. Never will you find ants sitting next to the obstacle and cursing their luck.

4. Time is finite

If you lose all your money, you can make some again. If you lose power, you can bounce back. But if you lose time, you’re never getting it back. Time moves only in one direction – forward. You cannot stop or go back in time, but you can move forward with it.

You would have spent a few minutes reading this article. Those are the precious moments of your life you’re never getting back. Even if you hated this article, I cannot hand the time lost back to you.

Make every minute of your life count. If you choose to look back at your past failures and sulk in the corner, you’re losing time. Instead, you could use it to build a better future for yourself.

“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” – Walt Disney

5. Looking forward gives you something to chase

An essential part of happiness lies in having a goal to aim for. If you choose to linger in failure, not only are you failing to chase your dreams, but you are also depriving yourself of contentment.

When you pursue a target and make progress, your brain releases dopamine. This is a hormone that creates a sensation of pleasure when you check a task off your to-do list or reach a milestone on your project. If you do not have a goal to chase in the future, you lose the opportunity to get a shot of dopamine.

Every time you look forward to a better future, your enthusiasm shoots up, and you turn all geared up to strive for your dreams.

Conclusion

Time and again, We will face obstacles in our life. Every time things go wrong, you have two choices. First, you can lose hope and give up because you failed. Second, you can learn your lessons and move on to better things in life.

You might assume that the successful people had all the things work in their favor. In reality, their journey was no different than yours or mine. They overcame their challenges and found a way to crush their barriers.

What you choose to do when you face a hurdle next time determines how the future shapes up for you.

What are some of your techniques to ensure you have a better future than the present? Share your thoughts with us below!

Maxim Dsouza is a self improvement blogger who has over a decade of experience with startups.  He has been a part of multiple failed start ups and learned the hard way. On his blog Productive Club, he shares the lessons he has learned about productivity, time management, entrepreneurship, and cognitive biases.

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Life

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Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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