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The Ultimate Guide To Recognizing And Conquering Crippling Beliefs

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Do you know that feeling?

That urge calling you to do better. To establish firm goals and go after each in a predestined, unfaltering and decisive manner.

But something holds you back.

You can’t quite put your finger on it, yet something inside you is stopping you from manifesting the greatest version of yourself.

And while working out this problem, life is passing you by.

But it isn’t your fault.

Schools, parents, and peers don’t teach you the inner workings of the mind — the device responsible for your most spectacular successes and ugliest failures.

You see, most often than not, the way you think about things is the root cause of your unhappiness.

 

The biggest liar in the world

Your mind is undoubtedly brilliant. Though it has a dark side.

Whispering in your ear, moment after moment, telling you things you wouldn’t even tolerate from your worst enemy.

It can behave like a paranoid schizophrenic, convincing you that everyone is out to get you, you’re not good enough and you must change who you are to fit in.

To top it off, all the proof is there of your inadequacy. You find it difficult to connect with people, you’re in a job that sucks and you keep making silly mistakes over and over again. Sure signs of failure.

There comes a point when you can no longer separate yourself from these “truths” – you are one with your beliefs. That’s when you stop trying to make meaningful change in your life.

But listening to your mind is like living with a liar. The internal chatter becomes so overpowering, it’s almost impossible to recognize that thoughts are only words the mind strings together at any given moment.

The good news? It’s never too late to cut through the fog, flip your unhelpful beliefs and create a life of success.

“If one can only see things according to one’s own belief system, one is destined to become virtually deaf, dumb and blind.” – Robert Anton Wilson

Canny ways to uncover your limiting beliefs:

  • What’s your body telling you? What thoughts go through your mind when you have tension in your stomach? Your mind and body are connected, and even when your mind blinds you, your body will be a better place to look for answers. I had stomach pains for many years, but I accepted them as part of being anxious most of the time. Had I listened to my stomach earlier, I could’ve explored the reasons behind the constant churning.
  • What do you avoid? Things that you’re afraid to do can point to your stubborn, unhelpful beliefs. I don’t mean you have to jump off a bridge with a rope attached to your legs if you’re terrified of heights – though you could try that too. What I’m saying is that you habitually stop doing things you think are hard. Maybe you’re asked to give a presentation and your immediate reaction is to refuse it. Go in and explore why you reject this. Often what you most avoid is what you should be doing to progress.
  • Who offends you and why? People who hurt you can act like a mirror giving a glimpse into underlying beliefs you hold tight. Your friends will rarely point out your blind spots. I’m not suggesting the offenders are right; instead, think of those as areas where you can make improvements in your attitude. It doesn’t help you to be angry and bottle up emotions against someone else. These emotions can indicate that you need to ease up some feelings when someone says the wrong thing to you. Your anger won’t hurt them. It only harms you.
  • Can you stare at a wall … and do nothing? Most people are unable to do it for long (unless they’re experienced monks). I guarantee, even before 10 seconds pass your mind will jump into as many different ideas, worries and concerns. Which is an ideal opportunity for taking note of the chain of thoughts your mind created in that short time. And most of those sub-conscious thoughts will have an unpleasant undertone as studies have shown, because that’s the way minds work. So don’t be surprised of what you uncover.

Be-Happy-Picture-Quote

The art of taming unhelpful beliefs:

So you now have some ideas about what those negative beliefs are, but how do you get rid of them? You don’t actually have to. It’s enough to turn the volume down on them to lessen their power over you.

  • Say, “Hello.” Receive your negative thoughts, beliefs and feelings with open arms instead of fighting them. Acceptance does not equal defeat. It’s more like a friendly acknowledgement. Once you’re better at recognizing your thoughts and beliefs, you can give them a little nod, as if to say, “Yes, I can see you’re there.” But they don’t have to bother you.
  • Don’t take them seriously. You can try not taking negative blabber seriously. Since laughter is the best form of medicine, do what it takes to ridicule them. Repeat troubling phrases in your head in a funny voice (Yoda is my favorite). Or try recording your most intrusive phrase, like “I’m not good enough” for about five minutes to a recording device. Then re-listen – if you can bear it for that long, you’ll understand that these are merely harmless words repeated over and over again.
  • Join a community. Find a support group (online or off) – the type of people whom you aspire to be. They’ll soon make you realize that your most precious beliefs could be just fantasies. They’ve been through where you are now and know the shortcuts to overcoming your problems. They’ll inspire you and show you how to thrive in your skin. There’s no easier way to grow than by taking advantage of the power of an experienced group.

 “Limits, like fear, is often an illusion” – Michael Jordan

Transforming the noise into action

Your mind will always try and trip you up, no matter how self-developed you are. That’s the nature of minds.

But you can outsmart it by staying one step ahead and understanding its workings.

Every day, you have oodles of chances to acquaint yourself with the real meaning behind your sub-conscious thoughts.

Knowing how to catch the unhelpful chatter and turn them into a source of power will help you fling into the orbit of change and onto a rich life that’s worth living.

And there isn’t a more ideal day than today – so you’d better get started.

 

Andrea, a quiet spirit, helps to make you feel at ease when interacting with others. A fledgling writer and speaker, she's driven to take the fear out of hanging out. If you want to know how to easily start talking to people, download your copy of Never be Tongue-Tied around People

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28 Comments

28 Comments

  1. Mike Cross

    May 7, 2015 at 10:34 am

    hi – im the proud volunteer chairman of a grassroots football club in cheshire england – its the little negative comments that always push me over the edge – i need to get rid of my fixed mindset on everything – love the funny voice idea “words will never hurt me”
    Im actually really positive most of the time – i need to focus on fewer things & do them better & just listen to the odd negative & turn it in to a positive

  2. Ilka

    Apr 30, 2015 at 7:28 pm

    Hi Andrea!

    That was a really wonderful post with a lot of deep insights. It is interesting how our sub-conscious can trick us and even lead us to sabotage ourselves.

    I love the idea of starring at a wall. I will definitely try this 🙂

    Thanks for sharing, Ilka

    • Andrea

      May 4, 2015 at 11:02 am

      Hi Ilka,

      Thank you for taking time to comment.

      The subconscious can be both a source of pain and the vehicle to guarantee our success. Once we are aware this, can we use it to our advantage and achieve goals we never thought was possible with a previous mindset.

      Best,
      Andrea

  3. Ashley trexler

    Apr 28, 2015 at 11:47 am

    great read! I especially love the part about exploring why you want to refuse something, and finding what the real problem is. That’s so true, for me. Often when I don’t want to do something (a presentation, a meeting) it’s because I’m not confident in my knowledge. When I truly know a subject, presenting isn’t a problem….there’s no fear because there’s no unknown. Great work, Andrea! Keep it up.

    • Andrea

      May 4, 2015 at 11:06 am

      Thanks you Ashley! Yes, I found that to be very true about resisting certain things. There’s always a reason for that and it’s better to look into it and asking ourselves the (sometimes painful) question of what really is the source of problem here…. It is rare that people achieve their goals without going through some kind of discomfort in the process. I’m learning to get on with things, however hard they may seem 🙂

  4. Mark Tong

    Apr 28, 2015 at 7:49 am

    Really, really useful tips on a universal problem. I love the silly voice idea – have used that often in the past – I use to try and listen to what my ‘inner voice’ was babbling about but it scared the hell out of me, so now I’ve got a retraining order on it – if it comes within 100 feet, I call the cops.

    • Andrea

      May 4, 2015 at 11:09 am

      What a great idea Mark, I haven’t considered that as an option but you’re right! That will do some serious damage to it 😉

  5. Kim

    Apr 27, 2015 at 11:17 pm

    The mind-body connection that you talk about is so true. It is only now that I realize the power of it and work to understand why I’m feeling a certain way instead of simply worrying or doing “whatever it takes,” to avoid it. I’m not always successful, but I am always glad I’ve tried. Thanks for the great article.

    • Andrea

      May 4, 2015 at 11:13 am

      Nice to see you here Kim 🙂

      Yes, we have to keep trying. It’s better to get a handle on these thoughts and emotions than let them handle us!! The good thing is that it becomes easier with time, and once you understand their workings.

      Thanks
      Andrea

  6. Rob

    Apr 23, 2015 at 9:42 pm

    Andrea, amazing! I’m inspired to think of our minds having a dark side and that listening to our own minds can be like listening to a liar! Now there’s a scary thought.

    I love the idea of exploring why we reject certain opportunities to see what we can find. Areas for improvements, perhaps, or at least conscious recognition of something that deeply concerns us. As you put it so well: acceptance. There’s a sense of empowerment that comes with that and also not taking the negative blabber, as you call it, so seriously.

    For me, the most exciting insight (and affirmation) is surrounding ourselves with the people we aspire to be: those who have trodden the path and know the territory. Those who know how to outsmart the mind and overcome limiting beliefs with ease (great choice on the Michael Jordan quote!)

    I’d go further to say that the sooner, or younger, we do what you suggest, the better our chances of outsmarting the negative self-banter of the mind and the more powerful we become.

    Here’s food for thought: if the ideas and suggestions you share here were offered to young children, what may their chances of greater success be like in adulthood?

    Inspiring stuff, thank you!

    • Andrea

      Apr 27, 2015 at 4:42 pm

      Thank you for your wonderful comment Rob. 🙂

      Indeed, by the time we reach adulthood, we should be all equipped with recognizing when the unhelpful beliefs take over. Alas, a lot of us aren’t even aware of these powerful subconscious trends that define our every being.

      Cheers,
      Andrea

  7. Nicki Lee

    Apr 23, 2015 at 7:34 pm

    “Often what you most avoid is what you should be doing to progress.” I really wish you were wrong about this, so I could continue avoiding certain situations (particularly social ones), but you are so right! Even as I say no, there is a little voice telling me that I need to say yes. But, I stomp out that voice and feel relieved that I have avoided discomfort. Really must work on pushing through the discomfort!

    • Andrea

      Apr 27, 2015 at 3:07 pm

      Hi Nicki,

      My answer to that would be, you have to make yourself push through the first few occasions. Then there will come a time when you start thinking “What was I worrying about?”. I can think of lots of times when I was terrified of entering a situation, but I actually enjoyed the process. I wouldn’t have known that if I carried on avoiding it. I’m afraid to say you can only do it by taking action. But once you start doing it and you build up enough momentum – you’ll be well on your way to accomplishing some bigger challenges you set.

      Thanks for reading and I hope that helps 🙂

  8. Debashish

    Apr 23, 2015 at 3:00 pm

    Great post, Andrea!

    Our brain gives birth to our beliefs, both positive and negative. If we do the hard work to change our limiting beliefs into beliefs that support us, we can become limitless!

    For starters though, I’ll settle with turning down the volume of the unhelpful beliefs. Acceptance and community seem like brilliant strategies for doing so. Like you said, I better get started.

    • Andrea

      Apr 27, 2015 at 3:37 pm

      Thanks Debashish, and precisely! We are in charge whether we give power to the beliefs that hold us back, or choose to allow those to surface that help us ultimately. I love the idea of growing with a community too – you can make results manifest so much faster than if you were to create those on your own. 🙂

  9. newton emase

    Apr 23, 2015 at 3:46 am

    Thank you andrea for this inspiring article, am a student and this are my limits and for now am trying to prove the inner critic wrong

    • Andrea

      Apr 27, 2015 at 3:11 pm

      As human beings we are gifted with ability to change our thoughts/behaviors and therefore our perceived limits. Good luck with proving your inner critic wrong Newton!

  10. Ann

    Apr 22, 2015 at 8:40 pm

    Andrea, Thanks for the reminder on how to tame my unhelpful beliefs.

  11. Ellen

    Apr 22, 2015 at 6:19 pm

    Great article Andrea. I especially like the point about checking in with your body. I often find I have tension in my shoulders in certain situations, and it’s a message that usually points to feeling tension about the person or situation for some reason.

    Thanks for sharing.

    • Andrea

      Apr 27, 2015 at 3:17 pm

      Thanks for leaving a comment Ellen. The body has so much more wisdom than we can explain in terms of science – I guess we can intuitively feel what is wrong if we really tune into and get familiar with these bodily signals.

  12. Wilfried

    Apr 22, 2015 at 4:08 pm

    Hi Andrea,

    Great article!
    I like especially that you address negative beliefs, like so many of us have, and how do you get rid of them?

    Cheers
    Wilfried

    • Andrea

      Apr 27, 2015 at 3:42 pm

      Hey Wifried,

      It’s funny you know only the other day I was talking to a friend, and we were discussing how so many of us are even unaware of these negative beliefs inside our minds. Shows how powerfully the mind conceals this from our very own eyes. So yes, locate them first, then you can start dealing with them!

  13. Lynn

    Apr 22, 2015 at 1:37 pm

    Well done, Andrea. You’ve provided life-changing advice in a straightforward, sensible way.

    I’d sum up as “Don’t always believe what you believe”! So my meditation teacher says 🙂

    • Andrea

      Apr 22, 2015 at 3:29 pm

      Thanks Lynn. I agree with your meditation teacher, though one of the hardest things to do! After all, it all seems so real… and that’s what’s so scary about it. 🙂

  14. Tejaswi

    Apr 22, 2015 at 12:32 pm

    Thanks a lot for a great article.
    I really needed this advice… Acknowledging and accepting the limiting beliefs before taming is the most important.

    Thanks again.
    Tejaswi

    • Andrea

      Apr 22, 2015 at 3:30 pm

      My pleasure Tejaswi. Thanks for stopping by and I’m glad if it helped 🙂

  15. Raymond Lamar Lee

    Apr 22, 2015 at 10:18 am

    Great Article, love the pic

  16. Divsdivya

    Apr 22, 2015 at 3:10 am

    Thanks andrea for sharing the article…..since few days i was reading the articles about the subconcious mind and how will it work in shaping our believes …this articles a simple with nice understandable examples…i liked the way you presented the article…

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Motivation

A Step by Step Process That Will Help You Make the Impossible, Possible

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make it happen

We have all been there, looking at something and wishing we had it. The girl, the car, the money, the family, the lifestyle…but then we tell ourselves “Yeah, but that’s not me”. The people who get that are cut from a different cloth and we keep telling ourselves that until it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. We waste the wings we got believing the entire time that we can’t fly and that it’s impossible for us. We don’t even see our wings most of the time. (more…)

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Motivation

(Part 2) Conquering the Impossible Space Between Where You Are Now and Where You Want to Be

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risk taking
Image Credit: Unsplash

I wrote a blog post based on a mini-series I did for my Subscribers on the Achieve the Impossible App and have packaged it up in two parts to share here. If you missed Part One, quick click here and have a read over that first before reading any further!

One of the first obstacles we’re going to face on this journey towards risk is one that often strikes a damaging blow to our pride and can sometimes take us to our knees. As you embark on this journey, I can almost guarantee that we will take a wrong turn from time to time, we will read the map wrong (I’ll take the hit, I’m the navigator – sorry!) which will send us off course.

When you’ve taken a wrong turn driving, what is your first thought? DAMN IT. (Yep, me too!) What’s your second thought? Is it ‘ahh, I’ve stuffed up. I’m gonna just pull over and sit here until either the roads and maps magically change in my favor or someone comes to rescue me?’ Or do we think ‘Ok, what’s the quickest way to get back on my path?’

Mistakes Will Happen

When we stuff up, make a mistake, choose the wrong software, tell the wrong people or say the wrong thing, we don’t just pack up our dreams and hide. NO. We pick ourselves back up. We face the right direction (or what we believe is the right direction) and we MOVE FORWARD.

I don’t care if you start by walking one ginger step at a time, just start! Those small steps gain momentum and eventually lead to a jog, then before you know it, you’re back running!

Mistakes aren’t meant to end us, they are there to redirect us. Anytime you embark on an unknown journey you’re going to make mistakes.How you respond is the only thing I want you to focus on. Respond with reflection, movement and momentum in the direction of your dreams.

On our journey, we’re going to make mistakes and take wrong turns from time to time, but we choose to pick ourselves back up, and get back on that journey! We’re not staying stuck, we’re ‘running to risk’! As we get back on this journey, we’re going to need to make a decision to take action and invest in risk.

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie

Sounds like I’m about to write a message on Warren Buffett’s worst nightmare. But that’s not the risk I’m talking about and it’s not the investing I’m talking about. Sleep tight, Warren. This risk I’m talking about is the thing that stands between you and your dream. The thing that you’ve told yourself is too strong, too powerful and too insurmountable to climb.

It’s often the case that the risk we perceive in our own minds is actually far greater than it truly is in reality. I remember as a child, visiting a museum and being fascinated by a scary looking dinosaur down the other side of the room. It looked ferocious and intimidating from across the room, and as I walked closer and closer, the dinosaur, through the magic of perspective, got bigger and bigger.

That’s where I feel we are at right now on our journey towards risk. We’ve identified the risk standing between us and our dreams, and we’re taking the tentative first steps towards it. As we step closer and closer to risk, it will look bigger. You’ll start to compare the size of it to you, and don’t be surprised if it grows each step you take. But, have faith.

The closer I got to the dinosaur, the bigger it became. I had a choice to let fear or faith determine my next steps. I continued walking step by step towards the prehistoric creature. Then something strange happened.

Yes, the closer I got to the creature, the bigger it became. But then something else came into the picture. The closer I got, the more detail I was noticing. What I thought were bone-crunching teeth were actually a matte white plastic, what I thought was impenetrable skin was old flaking greeny-brown paint. Those eyes that glared at you from across the room, were now nothing but big marble sized spheres of glass.

When we step towards fear, yes it gets bigger – but as we invest in faith and continue to live our lives in the direction of our dreams, we expose the master of risk…FEAR.

False

Evidence

Appearing

Real

Invest in those extra steps this week as you get closer to risk to point out the finer details, you’re going to realise it’s not as scary as it once seemed. Those steps aren’t always going to come easy though, because the journey towards risk is an interesting one.

There’ll be times when you’re pumped full of Adrenalin, bashing down every obstacle that comes your way. There will be times where you’re cruising on a nice downhill slope, enjoying the scenery and wondering why it took you this long to convince yourself to get here!

Then there’ll be times when things aren’t easy. Just like my climb this evening up a little mountain by my home on the Sunshine Coast of Australia. I started out full of energy, pumped for the adventure ahead, then five minutes into the usually very achievable rocky steps, my legs started really feeling it.

“You’ll never know your strength until you’ve faced your struggles.”

The Adrenalin gave way to frustration, to fear and to my quickly draining self-belief in my fitness. I continued one painful step at a time. I wasn’t going the pace I normally would, but knew this mountain could be conquered one slow step at a time.

As I slowly neared the end of the steps, my legs were burning, my heart pounding and my mindset weakening. Two quiet words burst through my pain…

Stay strong

I’m pretty sure I’ve never said this going up the mountain before, but it seemed fitting. As I climbed one step at a time, ‘stay strong’ became my repeated mantra. After the season of pain and intentional mindset building, I reached the summit of the mountain and cruised my way back down.

There is such an incredibly untapped power within our self-belief and mindset, which shapes our self-talk. On your journey towards your risk, I can almost guarantee you’ll be faced with steps that seem too difficult, too challenging, too much to conquer.

Remember…’stay strong’. You’re on this path for a reason – you’re capable of completing it. You’ve come this far, see it through. Your ‘impossible’ dream is counting on you to conquer fear and run to risk!

This blog is based off the mini-series ‘Run to Risk’ first featured on the Achieve the Impossible App, accompanied by downloadable wallpapers and daily inspiring messages to inspire, challenge and equip you to achieve your impossible dream. Download the Achieve the Impossible App and start your free trial today!

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Motivation

(Part 1) Conquering the Impossible Space Between Where You Are Now and Where You Want to Be

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how to achieve the impossible

Deep down, you know exactly what you are capable of. There’s even moments where you get a glimpse of all the potential you have. You can get there. You just have to be willing to sacrifice the habits, things and situations that are standing in the way of your success. I honestly believe “Running to Risk” has the power to unlock mindsets and belief systems that have been holding you back from your true potential (I’m naturally conservative so it’s big coming from me!)

Before we do something crazy and ‘run to risk’, let’s take stock of where we are today and our foundational beliefs in our potential and true capacity. In the day-to-day act of living, waking up, coffee, breakfast, school drop-offs, work, more coffee, home, homework, dinner, finish off emails, glass or two of (insert drink here), collapse on couch, Netflix etc. We can become disconnected with our true potential and capacity.

You are being pulled from all sides – your family, your boss, your colleagues, your partner, your friends, even your dog. You can be forgiven for prioritising the present over the future.

To set up this series on healthy and personal-capacity fuelled risk, I want you to invest a moment or two searching deep within yourself.

  • What’s in your heart for 2019?
  • What is one thing you would look back on come 31st Dec 2019 and be proud of your personal accomplishment?
  • What’s something that scares you?
  • What’s that one thing that has been on the back of your mind that you’d love to put your name to in your lifetime?

The answer to the above is the thing we’re going to focus on in part one of this post. We’re focusing on it because with every achievement that challenges our personal capacity and unlocks our potential, there will be an element of risk.

Risk Is Scary!

Risk stares you in the face from afar and says ‘don’t you dare approach. Don’t even try’. This is when you’re faced with a decision to make, and the best (and also worst!) thing about it is you’re the only one who can make it!

As you make this decision to ‘run to risk’, the regret of not running has to be stronger than your personal comfort. Your comfort must give way to your calling. Your present must give way to your potential.

Think about the one thing on your heart – the thing that helps you step into your calling and potential. The thing with risk looming all over it. Let’s build the strength, self-belief, courage, boldness and tenacity to ‘Run to Risk.’ But what about timing? I’m not sure if I should be pursuing my dream now.

“You can’t always wait for the perfect time. Sometimes, you have to dare to do it because life is too short to wonder what might have been.”

We’re not running to risk for a laugh and a good time, we’re running to risk because that dream in our hearts for 2019 is worth pursuing. When faced with the potential of risk, we often come up with thoughts and reasons to justify our lack of momentum or progress.

I don’t know how!

I don’t have the money!

I don’t have the connections!

But one of the most common excuses I hear (I know, because I hear it from myself) is a little sentence that has killed more dreams and crushed more souls than most. ’It’s not the right time’.

It’s one of the most powerful excuses because it bulldozes every other excuse by default. You’ll always meet more people, money comes and goes, but once time is gone, it’s gone forever. This excuse becomes our default without us even realising it.

I remember when I was wanting to launch a few online courses, a podcast and a book. (These are all my risks for 2019). But they were also my goals for 2017 and 2018. Sadly, I put my insecurities ahead of my identity and my convenience over my calling. Looking back now, each excuse I held to for not launching these projects was based on timing.

First, the IG algorithms were affecting posts, then someone else launched a podcast in my niche and gosh, I couldn’t do that! Next, as I was writing my IG Online Course, another one came on the market. Nope, can’t do that now. I’ll wait until the marketing heat dies down on that one. The exact same situation with my book launch…it just wasn’t quite the right time.

Here’s what I learnt and something I want to share with you, there’s never a right time to do the thing that’s on your heart. The right time will never simply show up, you’ve got the time, now it’s up to you to make it right!

Looking back, I’ve felt the pain of regret and don’t want to let the fear of risk lead to regret again. Now is the time to look risk dead square in the eyes and say ‘ready or not, here I come’. Yeah, the I could start now I guess…I know what I want to do and I kinda believe now is as good of time as any…I’m honestly not sure where to start.

“Never be afraid to try something new, because life gets boring when you stay within the limits of what you already know.”

Now It’s Time!

We’ve just told risk we’re coming for it. We’ve made the decision to put our calling over our comfort and choose to be lead by faith not fear. Now it’s the time to start. We’re starting right now because we have been given the time, and we’ve got complete power and control to make it the ‘right time’. We’ve made the decision to go after that thing that’s on our heart, the thing we’ve always wanted to do, the thing that has been too risky.

Not anymore. Today, we start.

There is huge power in the start. When we start, we have the luxury of being on home ground. We are making more decisions for ourselves, rather than having to make decisions based on responses which we will have to inevitably do down the road.

Today, we start.

We’re filled fresh with enthusiasm, passion and driven by our desire to accomplish something meaningful this year. Yesterday, we may have had a loss to our name, we may have stumbled and fallen…but you’ve picked yourself up.

Today, we start.

We look to the future with our heads held high, the hopes of a brighter future with that dream in our heart knowing that we are valiantly pursuing it despite the risk. We know our dream, we know we are capable of achieving it, we know we’ve got the time and today, we start.

We start the journey as we ‘Run to Risk’.This blog is based off the mini-series ‘Run to Risk’ first featured on the Achieve the Impossible App, accompanied by downloadable wallpapers and daily inspiring messages to inspire, challenge and equip you to achieve your impossible dream. Download the Achieve the Impossible App and start your free trial today!

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Motivation

It’s What You Do On A ‘Bad Day’ That Matters.

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Last Friday was a bad day for me. I woke up late, missed the gym and didn’t meditate.

None of this was intentional.

I then turned my computer on to do what I do every day: blog. I was not prepared for the whirlwind that followed.

As I opened up my social media channels, there were a lot more than usual, direct messages. I started reading each one and they were from colleagues and friends who wanted to warn me that I had a large amount of hate-fuelled comments on social media. I’m usually pretty good at dealing with hate comments. Not on that day, though — I was having a ‘bad day.’

I turned off the computer and didn’t respond to anybody. In the same week, I’d been told I was now a LinkedIn Top Voice for 2018.

I should have been celebrating and I didn’t because I didn’t feel worthy. If anything, I wanted to give up there and then. Luckily I didn’t follow through with any of these ideas. I knew it was just noise in my awful day.

I went away to sit on the couch and think about what I’d just read. Without really thinking about what I was going to do for the rest of the day, I began thinking about my team at work. There were several leadership challenges that I had to solve.

One was from a customer that was being abusive to female staff. Another was a rejection I had to deliver to someone that wanted to work with us. The hardest part about delivering the rejection was that I’d already said yes.
Despite the day being bad, I made a fundamental decision — to keep doing what I do and not stop. I said to myself “How can I inspire people while simultaneously solving both these challenges?”

I’m a big believer that it’s not what you say that matters; it’s what you do. Talk is cheap. I came up with a bold plan to address both challenges.

I was going to do something that made me see the good in the people involved.

Even if the people in both situations had let me down, I was going to assume they were still good.

I concocted a plan to help both people and try and show them a more positive way to move forward. If I break down the plan, it was about being an inspiration in both situations.

I didn’t feel like being inspiring.
It was not the day to be inspiring.

But it was the only way I could motivate myself to finish off this bad day and wake up the next morning fresh. It’s funny how a good nights sleep takes away all the pain and negativity from the day before.

So, by the end of the day, I enabled both plans. I set out to release inspiration in both scenarios and that was my only focus. I didn’t look at anymore hate fuelled comments or go near social media.

On that bad day last Friday, my actions helped me keep moving forward and not give up.


It’s not about necessarily seeing the good in your bad day.

I’ve read this sort of advice heaps, but it requires a lot of willpower.

Using your actions to make the day better rather than trying to think your way out of your bad day seems to be a lot easier to implement”


It’s not about the bad day.

Bad days will happen.

It’s what you do on a bad day that determines if you’ll feel the full effect of all the negativity that can potentially knock you out like a Tsunami that comes your way when all you wanted to do was lay on the beach and soak up some sun.

I’ve learned to find situations during a day that’s not working out well for me, to do something good, and often that’s not something that benefits me. If I was to look at it another way it would be “How do I not focus on my own bad day?”

Trying to make someone else’s day good distracts you from your own bad day.

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