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How to Lose and Still Be a Winner




You may be wondering, How does one lose and still be a winner? Surely once a person has suffered defeat, they are deemed the “loser” of the bout right? In the tangible sense, this would hold true. However, one can take a loss and still be considered a winner based on their reaction to losing.

There are several instances in life besides sports and friendly competitions in which we would say we took a loss. For example, not getting selected after an interview for your dream job, getting rejected by a girl after mustering up the courage to speak to her, receiving a lower grade than you expected on a project you spent several weeks creating, and many other areas in your life where you have fallen short of your goal.

These failures and shortcomings are just a few examples of what humans experience daily. Some handle these losses better than others and will usually find ways to learn from their mistakes. From there, self-improvement develops. Thus resulting in a higher chance of success when another opportunity arises.

True winners understand that there is no victory without struggle. Those who adopt that mentality will benefit greatly.

A Loss Doesn’t Define Who You Are

To remain a winner after a loss, you must realize that a loss or failure doesn’t determine who you are as a person. Just because you didn’t make the basketball team doesn’t mean you weren’t meant to be on the team.

The coach may have decided that you lack a particular skill or ability that he seeks within his players. Use that opportunity, not to quit and self-loathe, but to continue improving your skills.

A true winner knows that when plan A doesn’t work, he doesn’t automatically switch to plan B. He goes back to plan A and revises it relentlessly until he crafts a strategy that will be more effective. Your instructor told you that your art didn’t qualify for the competition? Don’t give up and throw your canvas away. Keep pushing every day, not to satisfy your instructor, but to instill in yourself that one loss will not prohibit further growth.

You will improve immensely as you continue to work on your craft for the many months and years to come. Never let a loss paralyze you and make you feel incapable of improvement. There will be more opportunities to give it another shot, but only if you are willing to accept your losses and persevere.

“If There Is No Struggle, There Is No Progress.” – Frederick Douglass

True Winners Have Taken More Losses Than They Can Remember

Anyone who is a master of their craft was once a student in that field. Anyone who is successful knows that on the road to success, it is inevitable that you will take a certain amount of losses before the victories begin to take place.

This ability to take losses over and over again separates those who will eventually quit from those who will carefully evaluate each loss and find an alternate route to success. When you develop this pattern of thinking, you begin to realize that losses are virtually wins within themselves because each loss reveals the methods that DON’T work.

Treat each loss as a lesson. From there you can eliminate all the processes that don’t work and take note of the ones that do work until you have established a system that will lead you to victory.

In order for this to happen, you must be prepared to go through the dreadful process of taking countless losses.

Effort Is Beautiful

Even if you lose you should be proud of yourself for making an attempt. If you asked your boss for a raise and he declined, congratulations on your effort.

There are people out there in a similar predicament who wish they had the same courage to do what you did. The results of your failed effort may sting or feel uncomfortable in the moment, but the feeling will subside.

There will be times when you are ridiculed, criticized or laughed at. You can either let it motivate you or hold you back, the choice is yours. Putting your fear to the side and exhibiting your best effort will always give you a greater chance of succeeding when the opportunity presents itself. To be the best you have to try and fail, but never fail to try.

“Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Some Things Are Out Of Your Control

The worst thing you can do is blame yourself for something that is out of your control. There will be numerous instances where you put in tremendous effort and still fall short of your goal.

You may be assigned to a group project in which you spend a considerable amount of time working on your part of the project, only to find out that when it’s time to present, your peers have not fulfilled the responsibilities they committed to, resulting in a poor grade for everyone involved.

No matter how stern and diligent you are in reminding your peers of their responsibilities, you have no control if they will follow through with them. It’s in these moments that we must remind ourselves that there will be things that affect us that are outside of our control.

If a similar situation arises, you will know to communicate your problems to your instructor beforehand to ensure they are aware and can possibly eradicate the issue. What separates winners from losers is the ability to accept what can’t be controlled and putting a concentrated effort into working on all the things they do have control over.

Accept Your Losses With The Same Attitude That You Accept Your Victories

The mark of a champion lies in his ability to handle defeat. He doesn’t blame others for his losses. Instead, he embraces the loss, as tough as it is because he knows that a loss isn’t a direct reflection of who he is, neither is a win. If you are relentless in your efforts to improving yourself, then there is a much better chance that you will win time after time.

At the end of the day, a win or a loss is only a judgment of a result. A person’s character and how they accept their wins and losses will reveal if they are a true winner or not.  If you want to be the best at winning, you must learn how to be the best at losing as well.

How has losing lead you to become a winner? Please leave your thoughts below!
1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Lady Anne

    Jun 1, 2017 at 2:49 am

    Awesome! Beautifully writen. I’ll come back and read this whenever I feel down.

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6 Reasons Why You Should Never Glorify Failure After You’ve Failed




Many people are ashamed of failure. If they so much as smell a whiff of failure, they quit instantly because the public notices it quickly. But you shouldn’t be ashamed of failure. A lot of people have failed. I’ve failed over and over again in my career, business, relationships and more. Yet, I keep trying because failure isn’t the final verdict. (more…)

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How to Move Forward When All Seems Lost



how to move forward
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A few weeks ago, the relationship of my venture with a long-term client turned rocky. Losing them would mean a huge loss for my business, but it appeared like that’s where we were headed. My mind raced with unpleasant thoughts. Maybe the client had figured out that I couldn’t lead my team well. Maybe I was not good enough to be an entrepreneur. Maybe I was not good enough to do anything.

Why was the world so unfair?! Within moments, my anxiety had shot through the roof and my heart was racing faster than an F1 car engine. But I know I’m not the only one who feels like this.

Why Problems Overwhelm Us

As human beings, we’re good at solving problems, so they shouldn’t stress us out. Yet, they do just that. Why?

Consider some of these situations in life. When a relationship is headed for troubled waters, we wonder whether our partner loves us anymore. Our mind unearths memories of when we got dumped or rejected. We blame ourselves for falling for the wrong people and tell ourselves that we’re not worth receiving love.

How do you think the relationship will steer after that? If we cannot stick to a diet, we think of other times when we gave up. We remember what people said about things that we couldn’t do and ask ourselves, “were they right?” We tell ourselves that we don’t have what it takes to succeed at anything.

Do you think we’ll find the grit to stick to the diet after this? So here we are… thinking we’re not good enough to be entrepreneurs, to be loved, to get promoted, or to achieve our personal goals. Notice a pattern yet? We move in the wrong direction. The destination is to achieve the goal. And unless we stop giving into emotions and start addressing situations, we’ll keep failing to get there.

Negative emotions (and even extremely positive ones) blur our vision. The more we focus on them, the deeper we go into how we feel. We either get angry because things aren’t the way we want them to be, or get paralyzed by the fear of the worst possible outcome. This means we pull away from the one thing we must do to set things right — take action.

“If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep.” – Dale Carnegie

How to Take Action in the Face of Problems

Most human beings are good at solving problems. Where we get blindsided is at diagnosing the right problem. To diagnose the right problem, we must address the situation instead of emotions. We must see things for what they are, collect facts on what we’re worrying about, and then ask ourselves, “What should I do next?”

In his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”, Dale Carnegie wrote: “Neither you nor I nor Einstein nor the Supreme Court of the United States is brilliant enough to reach an intelligent decision on any problem without first getting the facts.”

To address the tricky situation with my client, I took the following three steps:

1. First, I acknowledged the feeling

Solving a problem doesn’t mean ignoring emotions. It’s important to acknowledge how you feel because it reveals the path, but domesticating your emotions is more important. I acknowledged how I felt by saying, “I feel anxious because the client might not want to work with us anymore and this will be a financial loss for us.”

Note how I said “I feel anxious” and not “I’m a loser.” If I had given into negative chatter, I wouldn’t have uncovered the direction to move in (the part after “because”). This is why domesticating emotions is crucial.

2. Next, I prepared for the worst

We often run from our worst fears rather than facing them despite knowing that the worst outcome rarely comes true. The result is that we stay stuck in fear instead of pushing beyond it. And we never discover what we’re really capable of, which sucks.

In my case, the worst meant losing the client. It would hurt but it was the truth. However, we could get more clients. Plus we already had other clients who helped us pay the bills. In other words, I wouldn’t have to live on the street.

The moment I accepted this, a huge weight got lifted off my chest. This prepared me for the third and final step.

“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.” – Zig Ziglar

3. Lastly, I examined the situation

Examining a situation means setting aside your emotional baggage and focusing on facts. When you trust that you’ll be okay, you become better at diagnosing the real problem. Once I felt lighter, I could see things clearly.

I used the 5 Whys Technique (asking “why” five times) to figure out the real reason for the client’s dissatisfaction. Then I collected data on the issue and on what we had previously delivered.

Finally, I reached out to the CEO of the client and held a detailed and constructive discussion based on my findings. Within four days, the CEO and I were back to the way things were before.

The best way to prepare for tomorrow is to give today your best. I’m not sure whether the issue with the client got resolved for good or whether the client won’t pack up and leave one day. However, I am sure that I’m prepared to handle such cases better today than I was yesterday.

Control your emotions instead of letting them run amok. Accept things for what they are instead of what you want them to be. Be realistic instead of delusional. Address the situation instead of succumbing to emotions.

Don’t preempt what lies ten miles ahead and get paralyzed by fear. Address what lies clearly in front of you and keep moving. One day you’ll be surprised about how close to your destination you are.

How do you move forward when all hope seems to be lost? Share your advice below!

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8 Effective Tips to Improve Your Emotional Wellbeing



how to improve your emotional wellbeing
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You know what they say, “Health Is Wealth”. But, more often than not, we only mean it in the context of physical health. There’s no question that being fit is the world’s greatest treasure. Unfortunately, not a lot of us take time out to look after our emotional health and wellbeing.

Let’s not forget – it’s ‘Mind Over Matter’. So, if you are able to take control of your emotions, thoughts, how you feel through the day and how you respond to myriad situations; there’s nothing quite like it. When you become the master of your emotions; health, prosperity, and basically all good things are bound to follow you.

With that said, here are 8 surefire ways that will improve your emotional wellbeing:

1. Practice Mindfulness

Half the time, we don’t even know what we’re thinking or how we’re feeling. That’s because we let our minds operate on autopilot. It’s time to take control of your mind. Be aware of what and how you feel throughout the day. The upside to this practice is that you can detect negative emotions right on the onset and quickly change them and their corresponding feeling.

Feelings of anger, jealousy, hatred; they are not good for the mind, soul, or the body. Paying close attention to the spectrum of emotions you experience throughout the day, will help you detect the negative ones and kick them away before they fester deep enough to take away your happiness and emotional health.

2. Stay Physically Active

As you engage in physical activities, your brain produces a whole bunch of feel-good hormones such as endorphins and dopamine. These hormones are what causes the ‘elated’ or ‘euphoric’ feeling. Being physically active uplifts your mood and your outlook towards life. It readies you to take the challenges more head-on instead of becoming overwhelmed by the littlest of inconvenience.

You are better able to analyze tough situations and take a more proactive rather than a reactive approach. It’s no question physical health is in direct proportion with emotional health. A healthy mind resides in a healthy body and vice versa.

“Caring for the mind is as important and crucial as caring for the body. In fact, one cannot be healthy without the other.” – Sid Garza-Hillman

3. Get Sufficient Sleep

Ever noticed how you feel depressed and cranky, and just out of focus the day you fail to get a good night’s sleep? Well, if you fail to get sufficient sleep for a couple of days, you are bound to feel more depressed, cranky and eventually more prone to a host of negative emotions. Research shows that sleep deprivation sends amygdala – our brain’s emotional response center into overdrive.

Amygdala controls our immediate emotional responses. When it becomes overactive, we become more reactive rather than active. We become more irritable, angry and anxious. A good night’s sleep is vital to improving your emotional wellbeing.

4. Develop a New Hobby

Learn to swim. Try arts and crafts. How about painting? Swimming is a ‘happy’ activity. You get to make new friends and stay fit. Arts and crafts, as we all know, tends to have a relaxing effect on the mind and the nerves.

Just the process of creating something from scratch makes you confident and gets those creative juices flowing. Similarly, painting helps you express yourself. All these factors together create a ‘happy you’. The one who likes to engage in new things instead of resisting change or difficult situations.

5. Eat Healthy

Ever heard of the phrase, “You are what you eat”? Well, it’s true to the last syllable. When you eat foods rich in salt, sodium, fat – you are bound to feel lethargic. It takes longer for the body to digest such foods. That means the body is forced to deprive organs of blood and use it for the digestion purpose.

Result? You become lazy, moody, not ready to take any responsibility which leads to feeling cranky and irritable. On the other hand, eating fibrous vegetables, fruits, salads, and complex sugars keeps you upbeat and healthy.

6. Laugh Your Heart Out

Laughter is the best medicine. That is why they have a dedicated ‘laughter session’ in yoga studios. You don’t even have to mean it. The simple act of spreading your cheeks and pretending to laugh sends a signal to your body that you are happy.

And what happens when you are happy? Your brain releases happy hormones like dopamine, serotonin and what not. In fact, many studies have gone so far as to stipulate that laughter alone is capable of treating all kinds of physical ailments. Why should emotional ailments be any different?

7. Try Relaxation Techniques

‘’Visualization technique’’ where you imagine yourself in a happy place is a surefire way to calm your nerves if you find yourself distressed. You may also try praying to elate yourself. Praying is good for the mind and the soul.

Controlled breathing or ‘biofeedback technique’ are some other relaxation techniques that can tame how you feel and even your bodily functions. Try surrounding yourself with aromatherapy or scented candles because the smell is a big factor in governing how we feel.

“Positive emotional energy is the key to health, happiness and wellbeing. The more positive you are, the better your life will be in every area.” – Brian Tracy

8. Count Your Blessings

We all have so much to be thankful for. It could be a friend who stands by you or a happy family. Good health. Financial freedom. Make a list of all the things that you feel grateful for in your life. If it’s a person, be sure to communicate your feelings and express your gratitude.

You will feel so much happier. Happiness is the diet of a healthy mind and an intelligent emotional response mechanism. You could also try writing a poem or simply expressing your gratitude through the power of prayers.

There are so many ways to become emotionally intelligent and not one of them requires any investment or special skills. Practically anyone and everyone can do it. All you need is the will and the desire.

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How You Can Use the Power of Gratitude to Your Advantage




The word gratitude has been tossed around, but do you know exactly what it means or how to implement it into your life? Someone has probably told you in your life, “Express more gratitude.” Well, that sounds like a great idea, but if you don’t know what gratitude is, how can you fully express it in your life? It’s a concept that once you grasp, it will change your life. (more…)

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