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How to Let Go of Perfection in the Age of Technology

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perfectionist

Perfection is something many of us absolutely love. We use different tools to plan, track, and organize our lives – whether it’s a calendar, smartwatch, or mobile app. When overused, despite their benefits, these tools can also drive our quest for perfection to overbearing heights.

Why you should lower your expectations of perfection

However much we think we’re in control, life has a funny way of taking charge on its own accord. When I was too attached to my tools and devices, and something didn’t go to plan, I would experience an unparalleled amount of stress.

This happened when I didn’t fulfil the tiniest of tasks. Whether it was filling out my calendar, charging my Fitbit, or logging my habits at the end of each day.

Why can’t you ever do things right” would be the statement that would replay in my mind, over and over. I’d mentally beat myself up for not being perfect. There was so much desire for order in my life (and not enough freedom), that when things deviated from the way I expected them to, I invariably fell into a hole of disappointment. My desire for perfection was imprisoning me, rather than freeing me.

“Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it.” – Salvador Dali

Life never goes 100% according to plan

With that, I started regularly thinking about how I’m cultivating the sense of freedom in my life; tweaking my philosophy of perfection as I eliminated some of the dead-weight in my life.

After all, if I wasn’t able to accept the little mishaps in life, how would I ever be able to be truly happy, or to be truly strong when I was seriously challenged? I kept reminding myself that life will never turn out exactly the way I want it to. And that my obsessive drive to control every facet of my life was hindering me, rather than helping me flourish. It was disheartening to accept at first, but gradually I made my peace with it.

Reminding myself of that, made me less emotional or irrational when imperfections arose. I started to dance with not having control all the time, choosing instead to co-create with life – as opposed to doing things all on my accord. If a friend cancelled on me last minute, it was okay. If I didn’t remember to update my App today, that was fine too.

I embraced the unexpected news, small failures, and “happy” surprises. I realized that not having things not go to plan all the time, was actually, important for my growth. What happened as a result was a radical simplification of my life.

Apps were deleted. Documents I was held accountable for were made to vanish. I returned my smartwatch. And a list of daily habits that I had become obligated to accomplishing, significantly whittled down in size.

Instilling habits that Let go of our need for perfection

We can put in place principles that help us move away from our Type-A mindset of achievement; of this relentless drive towards order and perfection – which also manifests itself on a macro scale in the world we live in.

We need to learn to balance our ADD compulsiveness, so that we can have more freedom, not just for our benefit – but the benefit of those around us.  

Changing our philosophy towards perfection is the right step in the right direction, as is removing all the apps, tools, nooks and crannies that often just give us the illusion of making us more productive. But, we also benefit from actively participating in engendering play in our lives.

“The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection.” – George Orwell

Maybe you can do this by not wearing your watch now and then, taking a day off of the computer once per week, or visiting a new town. Or perhaps you can plan a time in the week, where you regularly just draw for the sake of drawing.

When you balance the freedom and perfection in your life, you’ll experience more peace and emotional stability. Paradoxically, you’ll then be in a better position to experience a perfectly, imperfect life.

Do you suffer with the idea of perfectionism? Please leave your thoughts and experiences below!
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Life

The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance

Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

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Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

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Life

How to Find the Courage to Start New

Change is scary, but it’s a normal part of life.

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It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see?  (more…)

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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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