One of the greatest reasons why we have pain in our life and fail to achieve our goals is because we somehow are trapped in the idea that perfection is a desirable result. I have spent my entire life trying to be perfect at stuff and always ended up being frustrated and not getting the results I want.
I was taught the idea of perfection, and it’s pitfalls, very early on in life without even realising it. As I have said on Addicted2Success many times, I used to be a musician. From an early age I was a world-class drummer and then later gave it up to become an electronic music producer.
When I studied the greats of music, I discovered that what made their music amazing was its imperfection. If you have ever seen someone try and copy a song perfectly, then you will instantly have spotted a fake (think annoying cover songs).
This idea of imperfect music became most apparent when I was given the individual tracks to every part of Queen’s famous song “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
As I listened to the vocal tracks with no other instruments, I began to hear all sorts of recording rules broken, imperfect singing, unpleasant noises, etc. What I learnt from listening to these Queen tracks is that it’s the sum of the imperfect parts (how we perform in individual life activities) that have the power to create an amazing masterpiece (our life).
I learnt, even more, lessons from music. I learnt that what makes a great groove is when each beat it not exactly in time and when the groove makes you really feel the song. If I showed you a song that is exactly in time and is kept in time by a machine, you would discover it has no feeling what so ever.
The feeling is the imperfection and that’s what makes a popular song. To increase your results, you must embrace this type of imperfection.
Have you ever read a blog post that was perfectly written, with each line carefully put together and spell checked? Have you noticed how these blog posts don’t go very deep and sound like something you have heard before? Have you ever wondered why these posts never get read?
The answer is simple; people want imperfection because imperfection equals emotion. When something is not perfect, it’s because there is human emotion put into every ounce of the outcome.
That’s why emotional blog posts, written off the cuff, have ten times the results of all the other generic rubbish you read on the internet and stop reading after two lines. Seek to be imperfect and to be uniquely you, and you will 10X the results of everyone else around you.
Here are the nine ways I am imperfect and how imperfection has 10X’d my results:
1. I can’t waste time and I’m always in a hurry
People see me as flawed because I am always in a hurry and want to save time no matter what. I pre-plan every destination I go to and always look for the quickest route. I always group together tasks so that two outcomes are achieved from one block of time.
This makes me imperfect because people sometimes don’t think I want to be around them or think I don’t have time for them. While this way of being often see’s other criticise me, it has 10X’d my results because I believe that time is valuable, and you should never waste a second.
I have some huge goals I want to achieve and I can never do this if I don’t value my time. Having met a lot of entrepreneurs in recent years, I have noticed that every one of them has a high level of urgency about what they are doing. It’s this urgency that allows you to win at life or your business.
2. I can’t take many breaks
Society is obsessed with escaping reality and always taking a break. While breaks are sometimes needed, I generally don’t take any breaks. People perceive this to mean that I am failing at life, or I can’t afford to take a break, or that I’m not into travelling the world.
All of these assumptions are wrong. I am imperfect and can’t take many breaks because I am so fixed on my goal to inspire the world that taking breaks makes me unhappy. Taking breaks makes me feel like I am not making progress or that I am participating in something that I haven’t yet earned.
What may sound like imperfection is the reason why I believe I have 10X’d the results of everyone around me. I don’t apologise for thinking different and I am not afraid to work twelve hours in a row as long as it’s on something that is directly linked to my passion, purpose, and something that makes me happy.
Change your perception around taking breaks, enjoy a holiday once in a while, and you will 10X the competition while they are sitting on the beach every day and you’re winning at life because your imperfect and hungry to change the world.
3. I get frustrated
I am imperfect because I constantly get frustrated at things. It could easily be misunderstood that I am frustrated because I am not in control of my life, but the opposite is true. I get frustrated because I value my purpose and will stop at nothing to achieve it.
The reason I get frustrated is usually when I am being asked or forced to do something that I believe doesn’t align with who I am and what I am passionate about. Frustration has the power to 10X your results if you use it in a positive way and allow it to drive you forward, rather than sabotage the way you feel.
Like everybody else, I ‘m human and I can’t be positive, optimistic, and in control 100% of the time. The aim is to try and spend most of your time in these states of being. The times when I slip out of these states are what make me successful and I embrace this imperfection – so should you.
4. I am not bold enough
There are way too many times in my life where I am not bold enough. I don’t play full out or I don’t take a big enough risk. Perfect people should do this all the time, but I don’t, and you probably don’t either.
I don’t frown upon the fact I’m not bold enough because it’s something that has allowed me to grow as a person. By not being bold enough, I have to try harder, and that has allowed me to realise this imperfection, embrace it, and conquer the fear of things like flying and public speaking.
See, it’s this imperfection that is pushing me towards success and defines who I am. If I were constantly being perfectly bold, then I would have no room to grow, and would be perceived by everyone to be fake.
“Too much perfection can make you appear fake and push you in the direction of failure. You will never be perfect so if that’s what you are striving for then failure is guaranteed”
5. I can’t always forgive people
Another big part of my imperfection is that I can’t forgive certain people no matter what. Many of the greats say that this is the number one thing you should do if you want to live a life of happiness. I agree with them except not forgiving certain people has allowed me to 10X my results.
These people that I have been able to forgive are also the same toxic people that use up my time, make me feel bad, encourage me to do the wrong thing, allow me to abuse my health, and a whole list of other negative effects.
If I didn’t have this imperfection of not being able to forgive everyone, I would probably still be losing at life, and be surrounded by people that would continue to sabotage my success. Does this imperfection mean I can’t forgive anyone at all? No, of course, it doesn’t.
In your own life, it’s important to forgive people but don’t feel like you must forgive everyone. At the same time, try to be forgiving as much as you can, when it’s warranted. Realise that people are imperfect and they make mistakes.
If someone is making the same mistake all the time, then adjust your approach, but if it’s a one off and you know it wasn’t intentional, then allow yourself to forgive that person’s moment of imperfection.
6. I can’t spend time with uninspiring people
Constantly, people are annoyed with me because I am very picky about who I spend time with and I have no issues leaving an event if I am surrounded by people and ideas that will sabotage my game plan for life.
This imperfection drives people nuts because they feel that I should be perfect, and be able to spend time with everyone no matter who they are.
Even though I have done lots of self-development, I do not believe that we should strive to be perfect and think that we have to spend time with whoever crosses our path. By being selective and moving away from uninspiring people, it has allowed me to 10X my results by spending time with the top 1%.
By spending time with inspiring people, I have been able to reshape my beliefs and re-educate myself in what matters in life. Your goal shouldn’t be to keep everyone happy at your own demise; your goal should be to pursue your passion and not let people or obstacles get in your way.
7. I still judge people
The next way I am imperfect is that I sometimes still judge people. As much as I believe in diversity and everyone being unique, I still fall into the trap of judging people every now and then. I might judge them because of their car, or the way they dress, or what they are eating.
This imperfection can make you very successful if you understand one core concept; when you are judging others, it’s because you are seeing your own reflection in the person you are judging. The very thing you are judging them for is the very thing that has affected you in some way.
So you’re probably wondering how the heck will judging others allow me to 10X my results? The answer is that when you judge others, and you understand the core concept I just presented to you, you realise that judging people allows you to see the parts of your life that you need to work on.
Judging others allows you to be imperfect and observe yourself in other people to help drive you further. When you see something in someone else that you despise, it gives you the opportunity to ask yourself why you despise that thing and reflect back on events that have occurred in the past.
As you reflect back on these past events, you get the chance to alter the course of these same events in the future – for the better.
8. I don’t eat and drink what everyone else does
I am constantly judged and told I am not perfect because I don’t allow myself to eat and drink what everyone else tells me to. When I go to a party, I consume very different things and have no issue in being thought as different.
If I were perfect, then I would let my hair down once in a while and consume things that suck my energy away and make me sick. The reality is I am not perfect though and this imperfection has allowed me to stay on track, achieve my goals, and 10X my results
I am never going to be tempted away from my goal to inspire others and will stop at nothing to stand guard at the door of my mouth….haha.
9. I don’t allow people to distract me
Distractions have caused me to become imperfect because I avoid them like there’s no tomorrow, and this can sometimes make me anti-social. People can think that I don’t want to be around them, when in fact, I am being imperfect and working in isolation to avoid distractions.
Perfect people are always available, they always want to talk, and they never go more than a few minutes without responding to an electronic message from someone. I am imperfect in this unique way, and it has made me win at life because I am clearly focused on my passion.
This can see me lock myself in a quiet room, turn my mobile phone off, go days without responding to social media, not attend social functions, etc. By doing all of these things it has allowed me to 10X my results because I have a disproportionate amount of time focused in the one area of my passion.
This means I can outwork anyone that has the same goal as me because I simply put in more hours. The key to the hours I put in is that they are highly focused – like a heat seeking missile – and so my thought patterns when I am in the state of flow are not interrupted.
I don’t choose to allow distractions to play ping pong with my mind so I am not living in a hyper state of anxious reactivity. I spend most of my life in a calm state of mind that lets me be who I am, and not have to apologise all the time for it because it doesn’t meet other people’s expectations.
By being you, by being imperfect, and by not caring what others think of you, I can confidentially say that you can 10X your results. The common theme about imperfection is that you need to become consciously aware of what is happening each day and find a way to use your imperfection so it serves you.
Trying to be perfect is impossible and can use up all of your time. Like music, imperfection is a way of life and it’s what makes you different from everyone else. If you remove imperfection, then we all become clones of each other like the clone character in Star Wars.
The reason why you never want to be perfect is that it can create a lot of procrastination in your life. By always wanting to be perfect you will never get started at anything. I always thought this about blogging and thought to myself one day I will start writing articles.
Quickly, I realised that one day never came because I was obsessed with perfect grammar, perfect sentences, and perfectly crafted ideas. The reality is, by writing things that are not perfect, people have wanted to read my posts and I have grown at the same time.
It’s taken me personally a long time to acknowledge my imperfections (especially in public) and embrace them as the reason why I am winning at life, and achieving greater results. Thanks for reading and hopefully you can see your imperfection as something you should learn to love.
What do you think about imperfection? What things are you not perfect at? Let me know in the comments section below or on my website timdenning.net and my Facebook.
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Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.
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This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.
Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.
This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.
3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma
4. A strong need for control
5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained
What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?
There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:
- Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
- Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
- Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
- Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
- Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.
It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.
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