Life
How to Be Less Self-Centered and More Community Focused for Fun and Profit

Do you want to know the biggest thing standing between you and success? It’s your big fat ego. It’s the focus you put on yourself, both positive and negative, that negatively affects your ability to make meaningful change and ultimately become successful.
It’s those thoughts that run around in your brain, day in and day out, telling you to focus on yourself and your own problems while leaving others to deal with their own stuff. It’s the overwhelming amount of pressure you put on yourself to perform and succeed despite all odds which is, ironically, bringing you down.
Most of us wouldn’t call ourselves self-centered, but chances are the majority of us are. The ego is what allows us to take care of ourselves, but sometimes it can become overbearing and make us forget our deeper purpose.
Here are three counter-intuitive mindset shifts you need to adopt to be happier and more successful while becoming less self-centered and more community-focused:
1. Develop self-acceptance
One of the biggest things that stands between you and success is a lack of self-acceptance.
Learn to accept yourself for you, and you will redefine what it means to be successful. This isn’t your typical “self affirmation” mumbo jumbo that so many self-help gurus talk about. I’m not suggesting you stand in front of a mirror and tell yourself how great you are. Instead, learn to be honest with yourself about your strengths and your weaknesses and then be comfortable with not having the answers.
For instance, if you are trying to start an online business and don’t know the first thing about building an eCommerce website, don’t try to “self affirm” yourself into the belief that you can build the next Amazon.com from scratch.
Instead of all that, remind yourself that, although you are a beginner, you can make a small step progressing towards your goal by using tools and resources available to you. There is no way you can go from zero to hero in an instant. It takes practice and continuous effort.
“The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.” – Mark Twain
2. Have confidence in others
Stop thinking of yourself as the lone wolf, the secretive genius, or the obsessive entrepreneur. People who are competitive and ambitious tend to look at every opportunity as one that has winners and losers. They think of the world in terms “us versus them” rather than “us AND them”.
If you want to truly tap into your potential, you need to stop trying to do everything yourself and develop meaningful relationships with others.
Having friends is an important part of finding happiness and lasting success, but there is something else which is often missing from modern day relationships.
That missing element is confidence; the ability to rely on those around you for help and guidance. It’s not enough to simply spend time with people you find interesting or engaging, you need to develop a deep sense of confidence in them. Trust your instincts and have the confidence in others to ask for help and guidance.
3. Contribute to the community
Research and anecdotal evidence from around the world suggests that one of the best ways to find lasting happiness is to find ways to contribute to your community. For the ambitious, career driven and money-minded among you, this may seem like a complete waste of time, but there is little doubt that by doing well for your community, you will ultimately do well for yourself.
Past performance from individuals and organisations that were able to tap into the collective subconscious and serve some deeper need for their communities proves that people are well-rewarded for their selfless actions.
“With faith, discipline and selfless devotion to duty, there is nothing worthwhile that you cannot achieve.” – Muhammad Ali
If you want to be happier and more successful, look at how you can contribute to your community. We are all connected in one way or another, but chances are that you have a unique perspective and insight into one or two micro communities that would greatly benefit from your help.
Remember that help can take many forms, and you don’t have to go about reinventing the wheel to contribute to the community of your choice. Look holistically at what you are good at, then take that initial step towards making a contribution.
It’s easy for me to tell you to change your mindset and implement these guidelines, but it is another thing entirely to start to do them. We live in a world that is more connected than ever before, yet somehow we continue to find ourselves drawn inward, focusing on our own goals, issues and problems.
We are in dire need of more selfless action on this planet, but that doesn’t mean you have to completely abandon your personal objectives, hopes and dreams. If you want to create a change in your life and have a greater impact on society as a whole, I heartily suggest adopting all three of these strategies.
What have you done recently do give back to others? Share with us below!
Life
The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance
Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see? (more…)
Life
Failing is More Important Than Succeeding
Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

People often consider failure a stigma. Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life. (more…)
Life
5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.
Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.
Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.
Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.
However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.
Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:
1. Unconscious Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.
This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.
Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.
This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.
3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma
4. A strong need for control
5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained
What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?
There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:
- Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
- Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
- Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
- Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
- Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.
It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.
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