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5 Easy Tips For Cultivating Relationships That Matter

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Relationships are important, aren’t they? Everyone knows this. Having key relationships is important whether you are a professional rising within the ranks of your organization, or an entrepreneur who is working to grow their business.

Without cultivating lasting relationships, it becomes almost impossible to achieve the success you desire. It’s like trying to build a car all by yourself using nothing but a hammer and a prayer. It just won’t work.

The problem? Building relationships isn’t easy. It takes quite a bit of work to develop the connections you need to move forward. However, there are things you can do to cultivate the relationships you need in order to accomplish your goals.

Here are 5 tips to cultivate relationships:

1. Be a helper

Let’s face it, we’re all self interested, aren’t we? Sure, some are more self interested than others, but it’s a trait we all have nonetheless. The bottom line is that people tend to be focused on themselves and their needs.

So what does this mean for you? It means that the more valuable you are, the more relationships you will have. Not only that, the relationships you build will be deeper than most.

In order to become a person of influence, you have to become a person of value. When you find ways to benefit the people you interact with, they will trust you more than those who do not. This means they will be far more likely to help you when you need it.

The great thing about this is that the things you do don’t have to be deep and profound. Even the little things will count. Do you know someone that could help the person you’re talking to? Is there a piece of advice you can give them that will help them achieve something? What if they just need a word of encouragement? Pay attention and see what people need. Whenever you can, be the one to give it to them.

building relationships

2. Show genuine interest

If you’re like most people, you’re familiar with the phrase “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” It’s very true. You’ll never be able to form deep relationships with people who don’t believe you care about them.

However, the issue isn’t just being interested in the other person. The issue is showing that you’re interested. One of the best ways to do this is to make sure your conversations are focused on the other person as much as possible. When you show genuine interest in the other person, they will see that you’re someone who actually cares about them.

All you need to do is encourage them to talk as much as possible. Here’s 3 steps you should take in your conversations: ask them a question. When they answer make a short comment about their response. Then, ask another question. Wash, rinse, repeat. You can do this for as long as the conversation continues. When you do this, you will see how much of a difference it makes in your conversations.

 

3. Keep your promises

Nobody likes people who make promises that they fail to deliver on. When you say you are going to do something, do it. However, this doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. There are going to be times when you’re legitimately unable to do something that you thought you would be able to do. It happens to everyone.

Maybe you expected that you would be able to do something, so you committed to it. Then circumstances beyond your control prevented you from doing it. If this happens, apologize quickly and explain the situation. Take responsibility. If you’re someone who usually does what they say, the other person will be more likely to forgive you.

“A promise made is a debt unpaid.” – Robert W. Service

4. Make people feel important

One of the main needs we have as people is the need to feel important. Everyone wants to feel a sense of significance. We need to know that the things we do actually matter. It’s one of the reasons people become resentful when we feel that people aren’t appreciating us.

That’s why you need to make people feel important as often as you can. It’s pretty easy, really. You can do this by expressing true gratitude when they do something for you. You can give them sincere compliments when you notice their positive attributes. These are some simple things you can start doing today.

 

5. Don’t be afraid of vulnerability

One of the biggest obstacles that some people have is that they appear to be perfect. You know exactly who I’m talking about. That guy at the networking event who doesn’t seem to have a single flaw. They are so far above us mere mortals that we find it hard to connect with them.

Even though you know these people are just as human as everyone else, but there’s absolutely no outward evidence of it. If you want to build great relationships, don’t be this person. If you want to avoid this, you need to be more vulnerable.

Being vulnerable means letting other people see some of your flaws and weaknesses. Of course, I’m not suggesting that you spill your guts about every single failure and mistake you have ever made. I’m just saying that it’s okay to show that you’re human. You can do this by poking a little fun at yourself. Self deprecating humor goes a long way if you don’t overdo it. Also, if the situation allows, you can tell stories about times when you made mistakes or failed. Again, if you don’t overdo it, you will become more relatable to others.

“We have to nurture our young women and understand the beauty and the strength of being a woman. It’s kind of a catch-22: Strength in women isn’t appreciated, and vulnerability in women isn’t appreciated. It’s like, ‘What the hell do you do?’ What you do is you don’t allow anyone to dictate who you are.” – Jada Pinkett Smith

Relationships are critical to your success. You need strong relationships that benefit both you and the people you’re interacting with. When you have these types of relationships, you can go as far in your career as you want. Do yourself a favor. Start putting these tips into action. You will see how huge of an impact it can have.

How do you cultivate your relationships? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

Jeff Charles is the founder of Artisan Owl Media, which is an Austin-based company that provides sales training for entrepreneurs along with content marketing services. He is passionate about helping “non-salesy” entrepreneurs improve their skills at persuasion and influence. He runs a blog that is dedicated to providing sales tips to entrepreneurs who want to close more deals. He also enjoys spending time with his wife and kids, reading, writing, and all things nerdy. He is an entrepreneur, husband, father, and an avid Star Wars fan.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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