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How A Heart Attack Can Make You See Someone Differently

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Ten days ago I was getting ready to go overseas and I got a call that nobody ever wants to receive. It was a call from a work colleague to tell me that the person I sit next to every day at work had suffered a massive heart attack.

The person that gave me the news was also one of two people that helped to revive our friend when he started to turn blue. If that wasn’t enough, this same person that helped revive our friend had also lost his mum a few months before in a similar scenario where he was present and saw it all happen.

With our friend in a critical state, I felt bad that I had to get on a plane in a few hours. I realised there was nothing I could do other than hope, but I still felt uneasy.

This unfortunate situation made me see our friend in a new way and look at life differently in these five ways:

1. You think about life without them

Instantly after I got the news of our friend’s ordeal, I started to think about life without them. Our friend was working on a project that has the capacity to change the face of the Australian business world.

He had years of expertise in his field that allowed him to see a vision for business that not everyone else could see the way he did. He put all of his passion into this project and went out of his way to bring in the younger generations to share the knowledge.

He always believed that his network was important and to treat people with the highest level of respect. It was this way of doing business that made me respect this man. Guys like him just didn’t exist in the usual business community and I wondered what would happen if he was not able to fulfil his vision.

I wondered if the person that would replace him would do the same job, with the same passion as him. When we see someone we care about go through a horrific situation like this our human brain defaults to a feeling of sadness and potential loss.

No matter how much personal development we do, this default mindset is very hard to avoid. What I found through this experience was that I had to become consciously aware of this default response to our friend’s situation. I was forced to see good in what had happened even though from the outside it may seem like there was no reason too.

I told myself that if he lived, he would be better than he ever was before and he would have a new way at looking at his health. I also told myself that if he didn’t live, that he had lived a good life and given everything he could to his work and family.

I told myself that if he were to leave this world, that someone else whom he had taught would take over his role, and use the same attributes he had shown to fulfil the original vision.

See how the power of reframing the situation can completely change what something means to you?

2. You forget how someone is

When you work next to someone each day, it’s very easy not to be truly grateful for who they are. In the case of this story, it was only when our friend was no longer sitting next to me each day that I remembered how he acted.

We often don’t get time to fully assess someone and their impact until we are put in situations where we think we may not see them again. It’s not like we do an annual review of every person we know and rate what we like about them, and think back on what they have achieved (although this gratitude exercise is something we all should do).

Not seeing our friend each day made me see the void that was left without them. The office was a lot quieter, there were fewer visitors coming in to see us who had be drawn in by our friend, and we suddenly had a knowledge gap in our team that we never were conscious of before.

What is it that makes us forget how someone is? The answer, it’s the thousands of thoughts buzzing around our head all the time that numb us from being truly grateful for the people we have in our life. It’s these thousands of mind numbing thoughts that are holding us back from success.

3. You forget that there is a family involved

After our friend had a heart attack, I found that a lot of us defaulted to thinking about what this person meant to us, and the things that would impact us individually in the future. While the sadness affected me, I saw pretty quickly that I was completely forgetting about the people that were being affected the most – his family.

See that’s the challenge, we can be very quick to look at a situation based on the effect it has on us and not think about the people who are being affected even more than ourselves. I started to think about his friends, children and his very young grandchildren.

Sure the situation was tough for me but when I started to think about what it would be like for his close family, my pain very quickly began to dissipate.

It’s when we stop looking at our own life and start thinking about other people that we truly start to heal our pain and become a leader that everyone looks up to.

4. You think you could have prevented the situation

Another life lesson that I got out of all of this was yet another default way of thinking that we all have; we think that we could have somehow, magically, prevented the situation. For me, I started thinking to myself maybe I should have pushed him more not to drink Coke or maybe I could have used what I do on Addicted2Success to help those affected instead of going overseas.

These thoughts are a natural reaction and when I really thought about it carefully, I realised that I can’t be responsible for everyone else choices. If someone wants to consume something that is very bad for them, it’s not a good idea for me to try and force my beliefs or opinions on them.

I thought to myself, “Tim not everyone is trying to live to 150 years old and maybe they want to enjoy life and have a soft drink when they like.”

This change of perspective helped me a lot in thinking of our friend in a different light. In terms of not being present for the whole event, again, I realised that tragedy is going to happen in the world all the time and I can’t be everywhere at once.

In these difficult situations, the best thing you can do is let the people who are there step up and take care of everything (which is what happened in this story).

The last thing I thought I could have done to prevent or help the situation was to use the tools I use on Addicted2Success to help. Now, while I thought I couldn’t do this, as it turns out I did. When I returned from overseas, we wrote a card to our friend, and I left a heartfelt, inspiring message in there.

I then wrote this article to help the situation further as well as talking with the people that were involved and using some of the personal development tools I have in my toolbox. So we can’t prevent every situation, but we can always help, and it doesn’t have to be right away as these situations can have an effect for months and sometimes years.

5. You reflect on your own life

As I spoke with people about what had occurred when I returned from overseas, I had an unexpected thing happen; I began to reflect on my own life. Explaining how all of this had affected me made me reflect on what I was about to go through.

In a video I posted on Addicted2Success last week, I spoke about how I am about to go to hospital and what might happen. What became apparent is that I’m using what happened to my friend and the lessons I learnt, to help me with my own battle in hospital next week. Everything I was saying to others about my friend’s heart attack, I was also saying right back to myself.

Maybe all of this madness was in some way meant to happen so that it could help me with my own struggles. Maybe that was the empowering reason for it all and I was just a participant in this life lesson that spanned across multiple people.

Have you had a situation like this occur? What was the empowering life lesson you got from it? Let me know in the comments section below or on my Twitter and Facebook Pages
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Life

Failing is More Important Than Succeeding

Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

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People often consider failure a stigma.  Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life.  (more…)

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Life

5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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Life

3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning

we cultivate meaning in our lives when we pursue our calling

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Our deepest human desire is to cultivate meaning in our lives. Our deepest human need is to survive. (more…)

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Life

Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness

Grit is an overlooked aspect of success, but it plays a critical role.

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A grit mindset is an essential key to your greatness. It’s what separates those who achieve their goals from those who give up and never reach their potential. It’s also the difference between success and failure, happiness and misery. If you want to be great and achieve your dreams, then you need grit. Luckily, it’s something that can be learned. Please keep reading to learn more about grit and discover four ways to develop it. (more…)

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