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4 Things You Shouldn’t Be Apologizing For

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Have you ever found yourself minimizing your success?  Not sharing all your wins? Or being mindful of who you share your goals with because most wouldn’t get it?  Why is it when we find ourselves with some measure of success, we sometimes want to fly under the radar? For some, it is an apologetic behavior for being great with the hopes of not making others feel less than.

This behavior reminds me of a viral video released a couple of years ago by Pantene called, “Not Sorry”.  According to their site, “it was designed to spark a dialogue about how women unknowingly minimize their strength with the subtle, yet powerful behavior of unnecessarily saying ‘sorry,’ when their is no reason to apologize.”  The video showed examples of small things like walking into a room, being a little late for good reason, and more.

But what about the biggest and most significant things in our lives?  We should not be unnecessarily apologizing for those things big or small.  Instead we should allow our light to shine, be seen, and be heard in order to show others how we overcame the obstacles to our success.

Here are 4 things you shouldn’t be apologizing for:

1. Being yourself

Unless your personality is a detriment to others and causes harm, it’s your gift.  A gift that makes you, uniquely you.  I recently had a good friend who was let go from her job for, get this, for being too positive!  After 20+ successful years in retail, her new boss told her, “Your style is too positive and it won’t help us get the results we need.”

Thankfully, she didn’t apologize for being who she is.  Nor did she try to change what had been the secret to her career this whole time.  Instead, she told him, “I hear you, but the very thing you find wrong with me, is the gift that has gotten me to this point in my career.”  Always be yourself!

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

2. Your success

There are seasons of our lives that were simply made for us.  Ones in which it seems like everything we do, say, or touch, turns to gold.  Winning streaks are exciting and invigorating.  I can remember seasons of my life where I got the new job, the crazy salary increase, and a new house all within a few weeks.  I’ve experienced such seasons even in my business with an influx of new clients, contracts, and revenue.  

It’s the type of success that elevates you to another level causing a gap between you and those watching your success. In the past I’ve been guilty of only sharing the magnitude of such wins with close friends and family. Be the person to show others how you did it and how they can as well. Honor your hard work and celebrate your successes.

 

3. Being driven

Do you have dreams that are so big they make you feel a little crazy? Especially when you have no clue how to bring them to life?  I totally get it! That was me. But what I realized is the only reason those dreams seemed crazy is because sometimes those around us either aren’t dreaming big enough or at all.

Don’t apologize for thinking big, mapping out your inventions, business ideas, or ways to transform your world. Find other big dreamers, thinkers, and go-getters to dream with.  Being average and thinking average is not an option.

 

4. Being well-liked

I will never forget years ago a former co-worker pulled me to the side and told me she was jealous of me.  It took me by surprise. I could not imagine why. She was a colleague with similar skill sets and competencies.  However, she explained her jealousy stemmed from my ability to successfully navigate our organization and being well liked by key leaders.

I clearly remembered saying, “I’m sorry, I don’t know what to say.”  But as I reflect on it now, what was I apologizing for?  I didn’t want to diminish her accomplishments; however I should have just owned my success and encouraged her to do the same!

“If you don’t drive your business, you will be driven out of business.” – B. C. Forbes

What are you unintentionally apologizing for? Be unapologetic about your career and business success, a great marriage, and wonderful family.  All the things that make you and your life great.

Take a stand to embrace the success of the best areas of your life.  Celebrate and share what’s good in your life and in doing so show others what is possible in their own lives.

Do you feel like apologizing for being yourself? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below!

Executive Leadership Coach, Trainer, and Keynote Speaker, Melissa J. Nixon is known as the Courageous Life Mentor.  As Founder of the Courageous Life Academy, a global coaching and consulting firm, she specializes in helping visionary leaders, emerging c-suite executives, CEOs and women influencers to maximize their leadership, business and life potential.   Referred to as a “Powerhouse of Positivity” – Melissa applies a unique “fire-starting” approach to igniting change with her private and corporate clients that helps them to live and lead courageously. Check out her website here: www.courageouslifeacademy.com

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1 Comment

1 Comment

  1. Nino Fisher

    May 18, 2016 at 1:35 am

    That use to be me. I used to apologize constantly for not doing anything wrong, I would also explain myself. One day it hit me hard, I started thinking how I was disrespecting myself apologizing for nothing and I knew that I didn’t have to explain myself about anything.
    My eyes were wide open, I started noticing how other people were, what type of personalities they had. I had to tell myself – Nino you are a kind, caring, compassionate person who is high on life and has a high drive for success, there is nothing wring with you. – that was it. I stopped, and you know what happened than? I wasn’t liked by the same people I had around anymore, because I wasn’t the same Nino. I had to let some of them go, live them in my past.
    I am – Me – I am free and I am living my dream life.

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Life

Don’t Want To Feel Like A Failure Anymore? Stop Doing These 6 Things

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It’s pretty annoying isn’t it? All those great and accomplished people telling you that FAILURE is a necessity on your way to success. Yeah, that’s easy for them to say; they’re already ‘on the other side’! You on the other hand, are still struggling all day everyday to get your business lifted off the ground and are really not that sure if you’re indeed going to make it.

There’s that little voice in your head that keeps telling you that you don’t have the stuff to make it all happen. Not now and not ever. You feel like a failure…it’s holding you back and you don’t know how to deal with it. Well you could do yourself a favor and start dealing with it by doing the following things:

1. Stop Denying You Feel Like A Failure

Telling yourself things are going great when they’re not is one of the biggest, though most useless, coping mechanisms human beings deploy in rough times. Common denial signals among entrepreneurs: trying to regain more control by working even more hours and on the other side compensating this by letting go of all this control by partying and drinking way too hard.

What you’re doing is denying yourself the opportunity to actually feel what’s going on and acknowledge the problem; that both you and your business are in a bad place. Without acknowledging it, it’ll be pretty difficult to actually STOP feeling it. And remember, just because you feel like a failure, this does not mean that you indeed ARE a failure!

2. Stop Making It Bigger Than it Really Is

This is one of those other ‘fun’ things human beings do; we blow things way out of proportion in our heads! In business, when you lose that big client you’ve been working on for weeks, it feels like it’s the end of the world. You start doubting yourself, your strategy, your entire business model right up to the point where you barely sleep because you’re working on pivoting the whole thing.

But what if that customer simply didn’t have the money to go for your service anyway? Or what if they just decided to go for someone who is cheaper but who offers less quality? Does that mean there’s something wrong with YOU? Or that this was the ONLY customer out there and that you’re now doomed forever?

Of course not, it simply means that THIS CUSTOMER wasn’t a match. It’s a bit like dating actually…So if you take this into consideration, could it be that you just feel like a failure instead of really not succeeding in that what you want to at this point in time?

3. Stop Thinking You’re The Only One Who Feels Like This

You’re not! With the possible exception of the true sociopaths, that feeling you’re feeling is very normal to EVERYONE. It might not seem like it on the outside – because people don’t like to acknowledge this remember – but I can guarantee you that it’s true. But unlike 99% of the world’s population, YOU’RE not going to let this feeling stop you in your tracks. Are you?

4. Stop Thinking You’re Supposed To Be Superhuman

In fact, it’s very likely that you’re already doing, learning and succeeding at WAY more than most other people are. But for entrepreneurs, somehow, that never seems to be enough. You don’t just want to be successful after a few years of hard work (which is normal). You want to be successful after only a few months. Because you’re special…or at least you think you are…

Well, here’s the truth: you ARE special! But…it’s just not very likely that you’re one of those – very very rare – entrepreneurial superstars that – seemingly – just added some hot water and got instant business success as a result.

5. Stop Being So Incredibly Stubborn

Entrepreneurs are stubborn…almost by default. It’s what makes them push forward in the hardest of times. But…if you’re not doing the right things right you might just be hammering a square peg through a round hole. Which will only add to that frustrated feeling you’re already having. So why not stop being so stubborn for a moment, stop hammering away on that what obviously is not working and ask for help?

No matter who you ask – a business mentor or coach, a befriended entrepreneur – someone with a neutral perspective on you and our business will be very likely to see what’s going on with a lot more clarity than you can and can guide you to a place that will feel a whole lot more comfortable.

6. Stop Being Afraid Of Failure

I know, I know, you’ve heard this a million times before and you wouldn’t be in this pickle if you could do this. Right? I’m right there with ya!

But, if you get really rational about it, what’s the worst that could happen?

  • You might have to get a ‘real’ job for a while and start over on the side;
  • You might not be able to afford your rent anymore…but with Airbnb on the 1 hand and couchsurfing on the other, you should be able to work it out somehow;
  • You’ll have all the more experience to start over a whole lot faster;
  • You’ll be no less respected by anyone because it’s clear you gave it your all;
  • In a few years, when you’re an established and supersuccessful entrepreneur you’ll also have a cool failure story to tell;
  • None of your limbs will fall off;

Now that’s not too bad for a plan B is it? Failure is such a negative word. And the associated feeling is terrible and numbing. But really…how is giving it your all and not succeeding really the same as failing? Shouldn’t the definition of failure not be along the lines of ‘not even trying’ or ‘giving up when it gets hard’?

In other words: stop beating yourself up over this!

There’s really no need to feel like a failure at all because you’re sticking your neck out, you’re trying to make a difference and you’re still moving upward on that treacherous entrepreneurial mountain.

And that…is what success REALLY is.

Those Who Failed Their Way To Success

Quotes To Live By:

“Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.” – Robert F. Kennedy

“If you don’t try at anything, you can’t fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want” – Richard Yates

“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas A. Edison

“We are all failures – at least the best of us are.” – J.M. Barrie

“Success is stumbling form failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm” – Winston Churchill

“Don’t let success go to your head and failure to your heart” – Will Smith

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Life

Why You Never Have Enough Time and What You Need to Do About It

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how to manage your time better
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Has this ever happened to you? You had an assignment, and the deadline was far away. You didn’t work on it much, but in the back of your mind, that insistent little voice was always whispering, “I gotta get this assignment done.” (more…)

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6 Unusual Exercises to Effectively Increase Your Creativity Faster Than Ever

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Although a vast majority of people think that creativity is something you are born with, the truth is a bit different. While we cannot deny that you need natural talent to a certain extent, stimulating creative thinking is indeed a matter of practice. If you give this thought a bit of thinking, you can realize pretty quickly that even the most fascinating and creative minds have faced the lack of creativity at some point in their lives. (more…)

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3 Psychological Facts That Can Unleash Your Inner Power

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Some people will achieve great things. Others won’t. But why is that? We’re all just “talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe,” as Joe Rogan puts it. So why do some “talking monkeys” build 7 or 8 figure businesses, travel the world, and live the life of their dreams while the rest of us… well, wish we were living the life of our dreams. (more…)

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