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Success Advice

10 Reasons Why Your Alpha Personality Will Bring You Success

Joel Brown (Founder of Addicted2Success.com)

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Here we explain the traits of an Alpha male and Alpha female.

How your Alpha personality type will give you an advantage in your business and life and how you can become successful by channeling your alpha traits.

 

The Alpha Male

Well, hello there, Mr. Popularity. How is life as the leader of the pack? Do you find yourself always deciding where your office crew will enjoy happy hour? Or are you constantly determining the best way for your team to get those long-term work projects done? Those roles you seem to always fall into are natural predilections of your alpha personality. You probably find it easy to take charge in a multitude of situations because you have always been so outgoing. To you, choosing a happy hour locale is no different than when you used to pick the pizza place where your little league would celebrate after you scored the winning homerun. You have always been programmed for success. You are an enterprising individual who is practically destined for a lifetime of fulfillment  If you have not been realizing your potential lately, it could be because that same charm and charisma that has worked wonders on your many lady friends is not working as well on your colleagues. Read on to see how you can adjust your machismo meter to ‘just right’ for a lifetime of reaping the rewards.

 

The Alpha Female

And you, Miss Confidence, how does it feel to dominate an entire office full of women? Probably, pretty similar to the feeling you had in college when you quickly rose to the top of your sorority’s who’s who list. Yes, your alpha personality has led you to the apex of nearly every social circle you ever obliged with your friendship. Your competitive spirit has landed you a career position some women can only ever dream to attain and you want to know how to make the best of it. Like your alpha male counterpart, though, you are wondering why not every one of your superiors is as taken with your ambitious, can-do attitude. After all, you excel in every task they designate to you. Beware of the potential setbacks that can come from your alpha personality. You will sometimes have to remind yourself that you are not necessarily the boss in every situation. Maybe the best thing you can do to win the promotion that will lead to a lifetime of financial security is to just relax a bit. Try to show your superiors that you can be nurturing and understanding, two traits that can be necessary in higher-level management positions. They often don’t see this side of you when you are acting as the social chair and competing to turn in the best work, solo. Below, we have the key to ensuring your alpha personality will bring you success.

So, now you know who you are, Mr. Popularity and Miss Confidence. Your only question should be how do you channel your alpha personality traits in order to take control of your life and continue to be hugely successful. In knowing those personality traits of yours that help you achieve success and those that others may be slightly turned off by, you are miles ahead of your alpha competitors. Take a look at the ten reasons why your alpha personality will bring you success that we have listed below and then use them to take control of your future success.

 

10 Reasons Why Your Alpha Personality Will Bring You Success

 

1. You are Popular

Your family, friends and colleagues actually like you so, you can expect that they will hope for your success as much as you do. It is as if you have your own personal cheering squad and when things are not going your way, you can expect these people to jump in and help.

 

2. You are a Leader

People naturally want to follow others with alpha personalities. Because others are following your lead, they will work harder to contribute to your success knowing that their own success is dependent on you and your plan.

 

3. You are Enterprising

Since childhood you have been one of those people that seek solutions to whatever problems arise. You have practiced this skill so often that any problems you may run into seem simple.

 

4. You Possess Charm and Charisma

Part of being successful relies on your ability to share your success and the rewards of it with others. People want to be a part of your success because you are just so appealing, warm and welcoming.

 

5. You are Confident

New opportunities are constantly presenting themselves and you have enough confidence to make yourself available for all of them.

 

6. You Dominate in Social Circles

A key to success in business is networking and you are naturally inclined to be good at this. In terms of success in life, large and varied social circles will allow you more opportunities to find hobbies that you love.

 

7. You Have a Can-Do Attitude

You can handle anything that is thrown your way. New tasks are easily tackled and, because you’re you, they are completed with poise.

 

8. You are Ambitious

There is not much worth to being enterprising if you don’t have the ambition to make progress. Your alpha personality makes you want to do more in every aspect of life.

 

9. You are Competitive

You turn everything into a competition. And you have to come out the winner. Turn your ambition for success in business and life into a competition and you will surely end up on top.

 

10. You Can Control You

We noted above some alpha personality traits that may not be perceived as well by others as your charm, charisma and social popularity is. Take control of your tendencies of being bossy and non-supportive and ultimate success will be yours.

 

 

10 Confident Quotes That Alpha Personalities Live By

 

“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” ― Bernard M. Baruch

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt

“Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ― Bertrand Russell

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.” ― Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

“When someone tells me “no,” it doesn’t mean I can’t do it, it simply means I can’t do it with them.” ― Karen E. Quinones Miller

“Success is most often achieved by those who don’t know that failure is inevitable.” ― Coco Chanel

“We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.” ― Carlos Castaneda

“If you dont have any shadows, you’re not standing in the light.” – Lady Gaga

“Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.” – Marie Curie 

“All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.” – Mark Twain

 

I am the the Founder of Addicted2Success.com and I am so grateful you're here to be part of this awesome community. I love connecting with people who have a passion for Entrepreneurship, Self Development & Achieving Success. I started this website with the intention of educating and inspiring likeminded people to always strive for success no matter what their circumstances. I'm proud to say through my podcast and through this website we have impacted over 100 million lives in the last 6 and a half years.

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17 Comments

17 Comments

  1. Legendary Kitten

    Mar 7, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    People who run around calling themselves ‘alpha male’ or ‘alpha female’ are in fact, very far from it.

  2. santhosh paul

    Jul 29, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    very useful to develop my alpha level….

  3. rosarian65Ana

    Jul 10, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    My Mom is an Alpha female. She is 80 years old today. Due to the times, lack of education and social situation, all she could do was be a super Mom and wife.. She ran a house of 8 children and a husband like a pro. She was always on top of things, from bills, cleaning, cooking, checking homework, settling arguments. She just always had a go get it attitude. And she also worked and all this while always looking awesome even to this day. She never wore anything that wasn’t ironed first. Her house and her garden was the nicest in the neighborhood just because. I always said that if she had been born under different circumstances, she would had been a CEO or something big. On the other hand, I have a masters degree, and I am kind of lame in so many ways. Sigh. I always wished I had inherited her personality type.

  4. Loriot

    Jul 1, 2013 at 12:23 am

    There are many alpha females throughout history. Cleopatra, Catherine the Great, Margaret Thatcher, to name just a few. To think that alphas have to be male because males are physically stronger is ignorant and shallow. More than that, people of this opinion clearly don’t understand what the expression alpha means. Even a physically weak person is perfectly able to lead.

    • olix

      Sep 10, 2013 at 4:47 pm

      Exactly. The level of shallowness demonstrated in some of the comments is too high. The only explanation I can think of is people who don’t have enough life experience or haven’t been particularly curious about the world & its history.

  5. Kayumochi

    Mar 6, 2013 at 5:35 pm

    Eleanor Roosevelt was included in the quotes section. She certainly was not *alpha* in any sense of the word. Instead, she was an introvert who used her innate traits to make change in the world. One doesn’t have to be *alpha* or an *extrovert* to be *successful.* What a shallow article.

  6. Dan

    Jan 9, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    There certainly are Alpha Females. Largely due to the decline of the Alpha Male. I am an Alpha male and I see it all the time. Alpha women seem increasingly abundant. I love the article and the site thanks.

    • Veritas

      Jan 11, 2013 at 4:51 am

      You clearly don’t grasp the concept of an alpha personality. It is one who will dominate those around him without requiring law or structured society. An alpha personality will rise to the top in a condition of total anarchy. No female, not even a three hundred pound butch Lesbian will be capable of such a thing. It requires physical strength, endurance, intelligence, determination. When woman can compete on an equally basic in something like an iron man competition you might find an alpha female.

      Many woman are strong, intelligent, capable. I admire such women, but to call them alpha females is pointless – they aren’t.

      • Kude

        Jan 15, 2013 at 6:13 pm

        And what about Oprah? Hillary Clinton? Lady Gaga? Angelina Jolie? J.K Rowling?

        If they’re not Alphas, do u think they’ll be where they are today?

        With all the Alpha male’s physical strength, endurance, intelligence, determination to compete with them, do you think that an alpha woman would thrive in this “iron man competition world”

        Just look within your family and who controls everyone? Your mom.

        • r3rnfi

          Apr 8, 2013 at 8:15 pm

          maybe your Mom rules the house
          I have noticed that homes run by the Woman are 99 percent of the time are poorly run homes. Not that homes run by Men are perfect, but the natural order of things is Men run things best. “let us not be drawn into your next response on how men start wars or whatever .”

          • olix

            Sep 10, 2013 at 4:45 pm

            You might think that but statistics says otherwise. Even in developing countries homes where women call the shots are more successful. Women pay more attention to education, health, finances & general well-being. You’d better do some reading on the matter, and not just rely on anecdotal evidence.

      • Ash

        Jan 22, 2013 at 5:11 am

        I think you are mixing up alpha male and alpha female by sizing the alpha female to the alpha male. A man who dominates men is a alpha male and a woman who dominates women is a alpha female. Your saying because a woman is not a male or doesn’t dominate males she isn’t an alpha female. When clearly if you read, an alpha female dominates mainly females, we’re not talking about males.

        • Aaron

          Jun 8, 2013 at 8:10 am

          I don’t think it’s a gender thing at all. Just a personality type. Why try go make it a gender thing? Just because you run a household, doesnt mean you’re alpha. An alpha could run a household and an alpha child may not follow orders and never get along, because they too are alpha. Being alpha doesn’t mean you’re always on control, but you have the need to be. Alphas can become very irritated or depressed when they cannot dominate, influence, and succeed.

  7. Veritas

    Jan 7, 2013 at 11:31 pm

    There is no such thing as an Alpha female. So much for this nonsesne.

  8. Martin

    Jan 5, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    I’m an alpha male and I think this is a stupid article, I don’t know who wrote it but I suspect It was a gay man. Just a hunch.

  9. The Money Man

    Jan 5, 2013 at 2:53 am

    Absolutely love this post, I certainly like to think I’m an Alpha Male haha!!

    Good Job!!!

  10. curtis c

    Jan 3, 2013 at 7:33 pm

    failure is certain if we give up and dont try but sucess is never a certainty in the same manner if we dont so therefor sucsess can only be defined by not failing e.g. never quitting. you can never fail to achieave a dream if your always trailing behind it.

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Success Advice

The Three P’s You Need to Master to Become a Better Leader

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Leadership
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I have been a fan and a student of Steve Jobs, Ray Kroc and Jack Welsh for many years. It is very valuable to find similar traits in these great leaders and aggregate them, basically come up with some common denominators of their leadership success. By doing so, we can then begin to reflect their great skills into our own leadership profile. My goal here is to give you some very quick and applicable tools to modify your behavior for greater leadership skills.

Here are the 3 P’s for you to develop greater leadership skills based upon my findings:

1. Passion

If there is one thing that I found in most leaders, it is passion. They love what they do, they love talking about what they do and they love getting others involved in what they do. Passion has different ways of emoting. Some people move very quickly on stage with arms flaying, voice pitching from a diminuendo to a crescendo with 100 giant television screens behind them.

Remember Steve Jobs when the iPhone was being introduced? I’ve seen other people standing behind the podium speaking from written notes but the emotional intensity in the room grew thick and reaching the level of static discharge. I’ve seen everything in between. There is an old saying that we have a leadership theory and that is, “if you think you’re leading and you turn around and no one is following, you’re just taking a walk!” It is passion that prevents that from happening.

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” – John D. Rockefeller

You may be asking yourself how you can develop more passion in your life and in your leadership repertoire. The answer to that is fairly simple but the application can be somewhat deceptive in its apparent simplicity. If you wait to feel passionate before you act passionate, you’re allowing outside circumstance to control your emotions. However, if you begin to act passionate even if, by chance you don’t feel it, you will begin to. Thus, it is better for us to act our way into a new set of feelings than it is for us to feel our way into a new set of actions.

2. Planning

All leaders are planners; it’s a requirement of the job. By virtue of leading it means that you must be planning for the future. Planning can in fact be learned and is not that difficult of a process. If you want to become a better planner study chess. Notice I did not say play chess, although that will be the natural outcome of your studying. Study chess and notice how the minds of the great masters develop a strategy and implant tactics around that strategy. Chess is an amazing process to develop planning skills.

Another thing you can do is think about how you planned your last vacation, or even a weekend getaway. Think about the steps you took, the research you did based on those steps and their outcomes. Both the study of chess and personal planning will assist you in developing planning for your leadership skills.

3. Persistence

Leaders never give up! If there is something they want, they find a way around, over, or through the obstacle. Too many people never develop their full leadership birthright because of the mental script running through their minds saying, “It’s too tough for me. I Should just go home and get a good nights sleep.” Leaders know that the only possibility of failure is in giving up. If you fall down 10 times but get up on the 11th, you have not failed 10 times – you have succeeded. Period!

You may be wondering how to develop that no nonsense, I will not be denied attitude of persistence. The real question is not how do I develop persistence, but how do I develop the courage to go after what I want? Persistence is a by-product of courage! When there is something that should be yours, developing the impassioned desire to obtain that through raw courage will develop sheer persistence.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell

Maybe I should’ve included a 4th P with this article. That of POWER! The best thing I can say about power is that if you want a more powerful leadership dynamic, develop a repertoire that contains passion, planning and persistence. The three of them combined will be a powerful leadership punch that should lead you to getting what you want and assisting others in believing that they should follow you because there is great value in you leading them.

How do you define a leader? Comment below!

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Success Advice

The Secret Power of Storytelling That You Need to Know

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What does the power of storytelling mean to you? Do you visualize your mom or dad telling you a bedtime story, or do you think about an enjoyable summer read? Every single conversation that we have with an individual or group is us sharing a story about the past, present and future. If we have a product or service that we offer to others, we tell a story about it when we do a pitch or a presentation.

The reason why we tell stories is because we know the power of stories. We know how being able to tell a captivating story can affect and change the lives of the people for better or worse. Hitler used stories about the Jews in the 1930’s which caused Germany to rally the youth and the German people to go to war, and in England, the British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, used the power of stories to rally the British in a movement of never surrendering to the Germans.

Not everyone knows how to tell stories

Our abilities to tell captivating stories is one of the greatest assets we possess. However the problem is that not everyone has the skills to be a good storyteller, and the ability to be a good storyteller is critical in our success whether it’s in our personal or business life.

The power of storytelling goes way beyond just our everyday conversations, it goes far beyond simply giving facts and data. Stories emotionalize information. They bring life and depth to otherwise bland material, and they allow people to connect with the message in a deeper, more meaningful way.

Tony Robbins, the world famous motivational speaker and strategist interviewed Peter Guber, the Chairman and CEO of Mandalay Entertainment whose films has earned more than $3 billion and over 50 Academy Awards nomination. Guber stated “emotion combined with information becomes memorable and actionable.  Where were you on 9/11? Chances are that you can remember exactly where you were when you learned about the tragic events that transpired that day. But if you had to think where you were the day before that – that memory is probably hazier. Because information attached to pain or pleasure creates an emotional connection that resonates within you.”

He goes on to also say “Keeping in mind that a story is not a monologue, but a dialogue, helps you to give your audience proprietorship. They become emotional owners of the story you are telling. Then they become advtes –oca of your product, your service, your business, your brand.”

The power of storytelling can transform lives when useful and relevant information is combined with emotions. The next time you speak to another person regardless of the situation, remember you are being a storyteller, because you are in the process of transferring information to that person or group.

“Stories are a communal currency of humanity.” –Tahir Shah

Our most powerful tool

Our ability to communicate effectively is the most powerful tool we have, and when we strategically use our communication skills to transfer bland information into masterful stories we also have the power to transform lives.

If done correctly, our stories will have a massive effect on our listening audience. It will inspire and influence them. It will move them to act. So never underestimate the power of storytelling. Make it relevant–connect emotionally, create a dialogue, and you will see why the power of storytelling is the most powerful tool you have.

Don’t just take my word on for it, Look at some of the greatest leaders throughout history

You will see that they all had the ability to tell stories and bring people together through their words. The greatest motivational speakers in the world use the power of storytelling to emotionalize their audience, because there is no quicker or more effective way to get your audience engaged.

Les Brown who has been one of my mentors and one of the greatest motivational speakers that has ever lived, uses stories masterfully. He shares stories about his upbringing in Miami, and how he and his twin brother were adopted at birth and he is somehow able to transition those stories into whatever relevant topic needs to be heard by his audience, but he first draws them in with his stories.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown

Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, Earl Nightingale, Tony Robbins, the list is endless, but one thing they all have in common is their ability to tell stories masterfully. Some of the greatest philosophers have told us that there is a blueprint for success, and obviously storytelling is part of that blue print.

There is no greater power that we possess than the ability to transform regular words into captivating stories that can take your audience on whatever journey you want to take them on.

Being a great storyteller is like being a puppet master, because when you can draw people in to your stories you will have your audience on a string taking them on any emotional roller coaster. The secret power of storytelling is to be treated with respect, because with great power comes great responsibility, and this power should only be used for good.

Do you enjoy storytelling? If so, do you have any techniques or advice to share? Let us know in the comments below!

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Success Advice

5 Signs You’re on the Right Path to Success

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Every successful person had his own moment(s) of doubt. The road to success is full of obstacles and sweet hardships that will frequently make you stop and ask, ‘Am I on the right track?’ Even legends and billionaires had moments like that. Just imagine how 62 year old Colonel Sanders felt when he was rejected time and time again trying to franchise his famous chicken recipe.

It felt harsh and I bet he stopped, at least for a moment, to question his entire existence, not just the success of his business idea. But I also bet that there were probably some signs that told Sanders —and any other successful person— ‘You`re going to make it, just hang in there.”

Here are the 5 signs that will tell you whether you`re going to be successful or not:

1. You’re good at the consistency game

I don`t like the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare, and I believe that a restless hare would smash them both, but there`s a reason why that slow tortoise crossed the finish line; It`s called consistency.

Success eventually favors the most consistent, and if you`re not disciplined with the things that make you successful, then your chances to succeed are slimmer than Marlon Brando`s chances of winning the lottery (Marlon Brando is dead, and one of every 175 million tickets wins the lotto).  

Systems and routines (i.e., consistency), predict success, so take a look at your habits. Are they positive? Do you practice them regularly? If the answer to both questions is “Yes,” then sooner or later you`re going to be successful.

“The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.” – Colin R. Davis

2. You stopped having a toxic relationship with money

Success is no longer a zero-sum game to you; opportunities are everywhere, and there`s room for everybody to make money, including you. When you check the news, the success of other people no longer makes you envious. A celebrity buying a new mansion or a $150 million contract for a LeBron or Federer-like athlete, doesn`t bother you but instead makes you believe there`s plenty of money out there for ambitious, hard-working people like you. When you switch from worrying about not having enough money to having faith that you will make the money you want, then you know you`re on the way to success.

3. You know the right people

Another sign is having a big social network. I read it somewhere that business owners prefer to hire those they know over those who are skilled. Sounds skewed, I know, but it helps a lot if you combine your technical skills with excellent people skills. To want success is more like wishing to enter a nightclub on a busy Friday night. If you know the bouncers or have enough skills to befriend them, you won`t stay long in the line. The same thing happens in business, the more people you know, the easier it will be to find the right job, get proper funding and save time waiting in the line.

Social skills will help you more than you can ever imagine. There`s a guy I used to work with, he`s not that good looking, but he`s the slickest I`ve ever seen. When that guy hit rock bottom, he dropped out of school, bought a one-way ticket to Dubai, became a real estate agent and made his first million before reaching 30. I`ve also read about Michael Bloomberg who used to come to work at six in the morning to distribute coffee and tea to CEOs who come to work early when others are sleeping. For $.99 each, Bloomberg befriended at least a dozen bigwigs who later helped him launch a billion dollar business after he quit Wall Street.

4. You know what makes you tick

The successful people are better than most people at understanding themselves and overcoming —to a greater extent—the five foundations of poverty: sleep, fear, anger, laziness, and procrastination. They have worked on themselves so deeply and have made so many mistakes that they now know their soft spots as well as what motivates them.

Do you know what makes you sad, angry or excited? Do you know when you`re more likely to cheat on a diet or skip a workout? What are your strengths? Can you motivate yourself at will? And how? Having answers to most or, preferably, all of these questions will help you tap into your full potential and sets you on the path to massive success.

“All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.” – Michael John Bobak

5. You have faith

Faith in the yet to be seen, is a huge sign of success. When you think about the future, there should be a positive energy around you that says “I`m gonna make it.” You may not know exactly when you`re going to succeed, but you`re sure it’s a matter of time. This faith, or certainty, comes from having a solid plan – It`s when you know your goal, how you`ll achieve it, and how you`re going to react if things go south and deciding to believe in the unknown

If you think about it, hard work doesn`t always come as the first cause of success. It`s the faith that you`ll achieve the goal that makes you work hard, and thus, achieve the goal. I was reading a book on Michael Jordan by Roland Lazenby —who also wrote Kobe Bryant`s biography— and it stopped me that part of Jordan`s extraordinary success goes to expectations.

He expected every single ball he shot to go in. Jordan used that mindset over and over and didn`t stop when one of his shots was missed. He merely understood that even though nobody wins all the time, believing you`ll win every single time makes you win most of the time, which is enough to get a career like his. The most prominent success sign is the certainty. To believe, and act, as if you`re going to succeed, and then let that belief lead manifest into actions.

What are some things you do to say on track? Comment below!

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Success Advice

Instead of Always Trying to Be Right, Do This Instead

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A colleague of mine was obnoxious, over eager, and completely out of line. Yet, all of this was overshadowed by the fact he was just plain wrong. If he were to go through with it, it would derail the company by at least 6 months. Yet, arguing with him when he was in this state was of no use. While hitting him over the head with the laptop seemed appealing for a second, it was probably not a great long-term strategy for the business or my laptop.

Galileo once said, “You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it within himself.” This is especially true when it comes to emotionally charged matters and negotiations.

When you are right, you become attached to that idea. It’s so clear, how can they not see it? Yet, your meticulously clear logic might as well be written in braille as your focus intensifies on proving yourself right, instead of reaching an agreement.

Below are 3 ways you can step out of your emotions and help someone find the right answer when money and time are on the line:

1. Separate the Person From the Issue

Imagine if a four-year-old child was adamant about something. You wouldn’t try to reason logically for hours in such a case. When trying to speak through a person’s emotions, often you might have better luck with the four year old.

In order to break this barrier you must stop seeing them as the problem and see the issue at hand. Instead of seeing the other person as stupid or obnoxious, try viewing them as simply lost or misguided. The job now becomes not to prove them wrong, but to guide them to the truth. Adopting this mindset changes your entire approach as you get out of your own emotions and take control of the situation.

“Each of us guard a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside.” – Stephen Covey

2. Show Them A Mirror

Somewhere in between trying to hammer a point, both sides usually forget to listen. No matter the situation, you must make sure that person is never you. Instead, shift the focus from “me vs you” and make it completely about the other person. Really listen and validate their emotions, creating enough trust and safety to begin a real exchange. Make sure they feel heard and slow the conversation down. When you slow the process down, you also calm down.

Remember, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. About 93% of communication is nonverbal, thus maintaining your body language immediately provides an edge. A playful (not childlike or mocking) voice puts someone in a positive frame of mind, where they are more likely to collaborate and problem solve.

Always remember to repeat back the most important three words from their sentence and make them elaborate on whatever they said. The more a person is allowed to speak, the more they feel heard. The more they feel heard, the more open they are to receive new information.

3. Lead With Empathy, Not Sympathy

Taking the time to make sure the other side feels heard and understood does not mean you bend to their will. It does not mean you give up, agree, feel sorry for, or even compromise. Empathy is the ability to recognize another’s perspective and the vocalization of that recognition. This is the difference between empathy and sympathy.

When you can label a person’s emotions in an argument, you seize the chance to discover what is behind those feelings. As you begin to drill down, you gain leverage. This should be done very gracefully. Instead of saying, I think you’re angry and being stubborn, trying saying, It seems like you are feeling frustrated because you really care about this and wish it was moving along quicker.

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.” – Roy T. Bennett

Using labels, you mold their feelings into words, moving information from the emotional part of the brain to the rational. Whatever behavior a person may be presenting, there is always an underlying feeling triggering it. Your job is to make the person aware of that feeling. The faster you do this, the faster you eliminate the risk of a complete breakdown in communication.

After their emotions are labeled, asking how or why calibrated questions allow them to solve their problems for you. In order to do this effectively you don’t need to study every type of calibrated question there is, but rather adopt a specific mindset. You are not their opponent, but a guide, leading the lost to the truth. Your truth.

In my case, the presenting behavior of my colleague was an obnoxious know-it-all attitude. However, the underlying emotion was fear of falling behind. Once I was able to stop asking the question, “Why is he doing this to me?” and focus on looking deeper, the conversation took a turn. The conversation was no longer about my ideas versus his, but about him and his fear.

Instead of arguing with me, he spent the rest of the time, essentially, arguing with himself. After helping him dissect his fear in the rational part of the brain, he realized that many of the worst case scenarios were highly improbable and acting hasty might exacerbate things. Most importantly, at the end of the conversation, he said, “I think I made the right choice.”

He believed that the decision was entirely his. He never acknowledged the fact that I was right and announced to everyone the sudden spark of genius that hit him. Yet, at the end of the day you need to ask yourself what is more important to you; being right or doing whatever it takes to win.  

How do you handle conflict? Let us know your tips and advice in the comments below!

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Motivation

7 Powerful and Inspiring Words of Encouragement to Help Lift You Up

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When you’re going through tough times, all you need is sympathy. You just need someone to tell you how strong you are and how you can cope with the situation. Essentially, you’re waiting for a soothing voice that can calm your inner storm and genuinely help with your troubles. (more…)

I am Eliana Jags, Co-Founder & Author at beinginsightful.com. I'm passionate about writing motivational and inspirational articles. Before I became a full-time blogger, I was a Software Engineer but left the job to fulfill my dream of becoming a writer and thus I've committed myself completely to my passion of writing. You can connect with me on my Facebook page here.

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17 Comments

17 Comments

  1. Legendary Kitten

    Mar 7, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    People who run around calling themselves ‘alpha male’ or ‘alpha female’ are in fact, very far from it.

  2. santhosh paul

    Jul 29, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    very useful to develop my alpha level….

  3. rosarian65Ana

    Jul 10, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    My Mom is an Alpha female. She is 80 years old today. Due to the times, lack of education and social situation, all she could do was be a super Mom and wife.. She ran a house of 8 children and a husband like a pro. She was always on top of things, from bills, cleaning, cooking, checking homework, settling arguments. She just always had a go get it attitude. And she also worked and all this while always looking awesome even to this day. She never wore anything that wasn’t ironed first. Her house and her garden was the nicest in the neighborhood just because. I always said that if she had been born under different circumstances, she would had been a CEO or something big. On the other hand, I have a masters degree, and I am kind of lame in so many ways. Sigh. I always wished I had inherited her personality type.

  4. Loriot

    Jul 1, 2013 at 12:23 am

    There are many alpha females throughout history. Cleopatra, Catherine the Great, Margaret Thatcher, to name just a few. To think that alphas have to be male because males are physically stronger is ignorant and shallow. More than that, people of this opinion clearly don’t understand what the expression alpha means. Even a physically weak person is perfectly able to lead.

    • olix

      Sep 10, 2013 at 4:47 pm

      Exactly. The level of shallowness demonstrated in some of the comments is too high. The only explanation I can think of is people who don’t have enough life experience or haven’t been particularly curious about the world & its history.

  5. Kayumochi

    Mar 6, 2013 at 5:35 pm

    Eleanor Roosevelt was included in the quotes section. She certainly was not *alpha* in any sense of the word. Instead, she was an introvert who used her innate traits to make change in the world. One doesn’t have to be *alpha* or an *extrovert* to be *successful.* What a shallow article.

  6. Dan

    Jan 9, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    There certainly are Alpha Females. Largely due to the decline of the Alpha Male. I am an Alpha male and I see it all the time. Alpha women seem increasingly abundant. I love the article and the site thanks.

    • Veritas

      Jan 11, 2013 at 4:51 am

      You clearly don’t grasp the concept of an alpha personality. It is one who will dominate those around him without requiring law or structured society. An alpha personality will rise to the top in a condition of total anarchy. No female, not even a three hundred pound butch Lesbian will be capable of such a thing. It requires physical strength, endurance, intelligence, determination. When woman can compete on an equally basic in something like an iron man competition you might find an alpha female.

      Many woman are strong, intelligent, capable. I admire such women, but to call them alpha females is pointless – they aren’t.

      • Kude

        Jan 15, 2013 at 6:13 pm

        And what about Oprah? Hillary Clinton? Lady Gaga? Angelina Jolie? J.K Rowling?

        If they’re not Alphas, do u think they’ll be where they are today?

        With all the Alpha male’s physical strength, endurance, intelligence, determination to compete with them, do you think that an alpha woman would thrive in this “iron man competition world”

        Just look within your family and who controls everyone? Your mom.

        • r3rnfi

          Apr 8, 2013 at 8:15 pm

          maybe your Mom rules the house
          I have noticed that homes run by the Woman are 99 percent of the time are poorly run homes. Not that homes run by Men are perfect, but the natural order of things is Men run things best. “let us not be drawn into your next response on how men start wars or whatever .”

          • olix

            Sep 10, 2013 at 4:45 pm

            You might think that but statistics says otherwise. Even in developing countries homes where women call the shots are more successful. Women pay more attention to education, health, finances & general well-being. You’d better do some reading on the matter, and not just rely on anecdotal evidence.

      • Ash

        Jan 22, 2013 at 5:11 am

        I think you are mixing up alpha male and alpha female by sizing the alpha female to the alpha male. A man who dominates men is a alpha male and a woman who dominates women is a alpha female. Your saying because a woman is not a male or doesn’t dominate males she isn’t an alpha female. When clearly if you read, an alpha female dominates mainly females, we’re not talking about males.

        • Aaron

          Jun 8, 2013 at 8:10 am

          I don’t think it’s a gender thing at all. Just a personality type. Why try go make it a gender thing? Just because you run a household, doesnt mean you’re alpha. An alpha could run a household and an alpha child may not follow orders and never get along, because they too are alpha. Being alpha doesn’t mean you’re always on control, but you have the need to be. Alphas can become very irritated or depressed when they cannot dominate, influence, and succeed.

  7. Veritas

    Jan 7, 2013 at 11:31 pm

    There is no such thing as an Alpha female. So much for this nonsesne.

  8. Martin

    Jan 5, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    I’m an alpha male and I think this is a stupid article, I don’t know who wrote it but I suspect It was a gay man. Just a hunch.

  9. The Money Man

    Jan 5, 2013 at 2:53 am

    Absolutely love this post, I certainly like to think I’m an Alpha Male haha!!

    Good Job!!!

  10. curtis c

    Jan 3, 2013 at 7:33 pm

    failure is certain if we give up and dont try but sucess is never a certainty in the same manner if we dont so therefor sucsess can only be defined by not failing e.g. never quitting. you can never fail to achieave a dream if your always trailing behind it.

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Success Advice

The Three P’s You Need to Master to Become a Better Leader

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Leadership
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I have been a fan and a student of Steve Jobs, Ray Kroc and Jack Welsh for many years. It is very valuable to find similar traits in these great leaders and aggregate them, basically come up with some common denominators of their leadership success. By doing so, we can then begin to reflect their great skills into our own leadership profile. My goal here is to give you some very quick and applicable tools to modify your behavior for greater leadership skills.

Here are the 3 P’s for you to develop greater leadership skills based upon my findings:

1. Passion

If there is one thing that I found in most leaders, it is passion. They love what they do, they love talking about what they do and they love getting others involved in what they do. Passion has different ways of emoting. Some people move very quickly on stage with arms flaying, voice pitching from a diminuendo to a crescendo with 100 giant television screens behind them.

Remember Steve Jobs when the iPhone was being introduced? I’ve seen other people standing behind the podium speaking from written notes but the emotional intensity in the room grew thick and reaching the level of static discharge. I’ve seen everything in between. There is an old saying that we have a leadership theory and that is, “if you think you’re leading and you turn around and no one is following, you’re just taking a walk!” It is passion that prevents that from happening.

“Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” – John D. Rockefeller

You may be asking yourself how you can develop more passion in your life and in your leadership repertoire. The answer to that is fairly simple but the application can be somewhat deceptive in its apparent simplicity. If you wait to feel passionate before you act passionate, you’re allowing outside circumstance to control your emotions. However, if you begin to act passionate even if, by chance you don’t feel it, you will begin to. Thus, it is better for us to act our way into a new set of feelings than it is for us to feel our way into a new set of actions.

2. Planning

All leaders are planners; it’s a requirement of the job. By virtue of leading it means that you must be planning for the future. Planning can in fact be learned and is not that difficult of a process. If you want to become a better planner study chess. Notice I did not say play chess, although that will be the natural outcome of your studying. Study chess and notice how the minds of the great masters develop a strategy and implant tactics around that strategy. Chess is an amazing process to develop planning skills.

Another thing you can do is think about how you planned your last vacation, or even a weekend getaway. Think about the steps you took, the research you did based on those steps and their outcomes. Both the study of chess and personal planning will assist you in developing planning for your leadership skills.

3. Persistence

Leaders never give up! If there is something they want, they find a way around, over, or through the obstacle. Too many people never develop their full leadership birthright because of the mental script running through their minds saying, “It’s too tough for me. I Should just go home and get a good nights sleep.” Leaders know that the only possibility of failure is in giving up. If you fall down 10 times but get up on the 11th, you have not failed 10 times – you have succeeded. Period!

You may be wondering how to develop that no nonsense, I will not be denied attitude of persistence. The real question is not how do I develop persistence, but how do I develop the courage to go after what I want? Persistence is a by-product of courage! When there is something that should be yours, developing the impassioned desire to obtain that through raw courage will develop sheer persistence.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” – Colin Powell

Maybe I should’ve included a 4th P with this article. That of POWER! The best thing I can say about power is that if you want a more powerful leadership dynamic, develop a repertoire that contains passion, planning and persistence. The three of them combined will be a powerful leadership punch that should lead you to getting what you want and assisting others in believing that they should follow you because there is great value in you leading them.

How do you define a leader? Comment below!

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Success Advice

The Secret Power of Storytelling That You Need to Know

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What does the power of storytelling mean to you? Do you visualize your mom or dad telling you a bedtime story, or do you think about an enjoyable summer read? Every single conversation that we have with an individual or group is us sharing a story about the past, present and future. If we have a product or service that we offer to others, we tell a story about it when we do a pitch or a presentation.

The reason why we tell stories is because we know the power of stories. We know how being able to tell a captivating story can affect and change the lives of the people for better or worse. Hitler used stories about the Jews in the 1930’s which caused Germany to rally the youth and the German people to go to war, and in England, the British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, used the power of stories to rally the British in a movement of never surrendering to the Germans.

Not everyone knows how to tell stories

Our abilities to tell captivating stories is one of the greatest assets we possess. However the problem is that not everyone has the skills to be a good storyteller, and the ability to be a good storyteller is critical in our success whether it’s in our personal or business life.

The power of storytelling goes way beyond just our everyday conversations, it goes far beyond simply giving facts and data. Stories emotionalize information. They bring life and depth to otherwise bland material, and they allow people to connect with the message in a deeper, more meaningful way.

Tony Robbins, the world famous motivational speaker and strategist interviewed Peter Guber, the Chairman and CEO of Mandalay Entertainment whose films has earned more than $3 billion and over 50 Academy Awards nomination. Guber stated “emotion combined with information becomes memorable and actionable.  Where were you on 9/11? Chances are that you can remember exactly where you were when you learned about the tragic events that transpired that day. But if you had to think where you were the day before that – that memory is probably hazier. Because information attached to pain or pleasure creates an emotional connection that resonates within you.”

He goes on to also say “Keeping in mind that a story is not a monologue, but a dialogue, helps you to give your audience proprietorship. They become emotional owners of the story you are telling. Then they become advtes –oca of your product, your service, your business, your brand.”

The power of storytelling can transform lives when useful and relevant information is combined with emotions. The next time you speak to another person regardless of the situation, remember you are being a storyteller, because you are in the process of transferring information to that person or group.

“Stories are a communal currency of humanity.” –Tahir Shah

Our most powerful tool

Our ability to communicate effectively is the most powerful tool we have, and when we strategically use our communication skills to transfer bland information into masterful stories we also have the power to transform lives.

If done correctly, our stories will have a massive effect on our listening audience. It will inspire and influence them. It will move them to act. So never underestimate the power of storytelling. Make it relevant–connect emotionally, create a dialogue, and you will see why the power of storytelling is the most powerful tool you have.

Don’t just take my word on for it, Look at some of the greatest leaders throughout history

You will see that they all had the ability to tell stories and bring people together through their words. The greatest motivational speakers in the world use the power of storytelling to emotionalize their audience, because there is no quicker or more effective way to get your audience engaged.

Les Brown who has been one of my mentors and one of the greatest motivational speakers that has ever lived, uses stories masterfully. He shares stories about his upbringing in Miami, and how he and his twin brother were adopted at birth and he is somehow able to transition those stories into whatever relevant topic needs to be heard by his audience, but he first draws them in with his stories.

“Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.” – Les Brown

Jim Rohn, Zig Ziglar, Earl Nightingale, Tony Robbins, the list is endless, but one thing they all have in common is their ability to tell stories masterfully. Some of the greatest philosophers have told us that there is a blueprint for success, and obviously storytelling is part of that blue print.

There is no greater power that we possess than the ability to transform regular words into captivating stories that can take your audience on whatever journey you want to take them on.

Being a great storyteller is like being a puppet master, because when you can draw people in to your stories you will have your audience on a string taking them on any emotional roller coaster. The secret power of storytelling is to be treated with respect, because with great power comes great responsibility, and this power should only be used for good.

Do you enjoy storytelling? If so, do you have any techniques or advice to share? Let us know in the comments below!

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Success Advice

5 Signs You’re on the Right Path to Success

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Every successful person had his own moment(s) of doubt. The road to success is full of obstacles and sweet hardships that will frequently make you stop and ask, ‘Am I on the right track?’ Even legends and billionaires had moments like that. Just imagine how 62 year old Colonel Sanders felt when he was rejected time and time again trying to franchise his famous chicken recipe.

It felt harsh and I bet he stopped, at least for a moment, to question his entire existence, not just the success of his business idea. But I also bet that there were probably some signs that told Sanders —and any other successful person— ‘You`re going to make it, just hang in there.”

Here are the 5 signs that will tell you whether you`re going to be successful or not:

1. You’re good at the consistency game

I don`t like the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare, and I believe that a restless hare would smash them both, but there`s a reason why that slow tortoise crossed the finish line; It`s called consistency.

Success eventually favors the most consistent, and if you`re not disciplined with the things that make you successful, then your chances to succeed are slimmer than Marlon Brando`s chances of winning the lottery (Marlon Brando is dead, and one of every 175 million tickets wins the lotto).  

Systems and routines (i.e., consistency), predict success, so take a look at your habits. Are they positive? Do you practice them regularly? If the answer to both questions is “Yes,” then sooner or later you`re going to be successful.

“The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.” – Colin R. Davis

2. You stopped having a toxic relationship with money

Success is no longer a zero-sum game to you; opportunities are everywhere, and there`s room for everybody to make money, including you. When you check the news, the success of other people no longer makes you envious. A celebrity buying a new mansion or a $150 million contract for a LeBron or Federer-like athlete, doesn`t bother you but instead makes you believe there`s plenty of money out there for ambitious, hard-working people like you. When you switch from worrying about not having enough money to having faith that you will make the money you want, then you know you`re on the way to success.

3. You know the right people

Another sign is having a big social network. I read it somewhere that business owners prefer to hire those they know over those who are skilled. Sounds skewed, I know, but it helps a lot if you combine your technical skills with excellent people skills. To want success is more like wishing to enter a nightclub on a busy Friday night. If you know the bouncers or have enough skills to befriend them, you won`t stay long in the line. The same thing happens in business, the more people you know, the easier it will be to find the right job, get proper funding and save time waiting in the line.

Social skills will help you more than you can ever imagine. There`s a guy I used to work with, he`s not that good looking, but he`s the slickest I`ve ever seen. When that guy hit rock bottom, he dropped out of school, bought a one-way ticket to Dubai, became a real estate agent and made his first million before reaching 30. I`ve also read about Michael Bloomberg who used to come to work at six in the morning to distribute coffee and tea to CEOs who come to work early when others are sleeping. For $.99 each, Bloomberg befriended at least a dozen bigwigs who later helped him launch a billion dollar business after he quit Wall Street.

4. You know what makes you tick

The successful people are better than most people at understanding themselves and overcoming —to a greater extent—the five foundations of poverty: sleep, fear, anger, laziness, and procrastination. They have worked on themselves so deeply and have made so many mistakes that they now know their soft spots as well as what motivates them.

Do you know what makes you sad, angry or excited? Do you know when you`re more likely to cheat on a diet or skip a workout? What are your strengths? Can you motivate yourself at will? And how? Having answers to most or, preferably, all of these questions will help you tap into your full potential and sets you on the path to massive success.

“All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.” – Michael John Bobak

5. You have faith

Faith in the yet to be seen, is a huge sign of success. When you think about the future, there should be a positive energy around you that says “I`m gonna make it.” You may not know exactly when you`re going to succeed, but you`re sure it’s a matter of time. This faith, or certainty, comes from having a solid plan – It`s when you know your goal, how you`ll achieve it, and how you`re going to react if things go south and deciding to believe in the unknown

If you think about it, hard work doesn`t always come as the first cause of success. It`s the faith that you`ll achieve the goal that makes you work hard, and thus, achieve the goal. I was reading a book on Michael Jordan by Roland Lazenby —who also wrote Kobe Bryant`s biography— and it stopped me that part of Jordan`s extraordinary success goes to expectations.

He expected every single ball he shot to go in. Jordan used that mindset over and over and didn`t stop when one of his shots was missed. He merely understood that even though nobody wins all the time, believing you`ll win every single time makes you win most of the time, which is enough to get a career like his. The most prominent success sign is the certainty. To believe, and act, as if you`re going to succeed, and then let that belief lead manifest into actions.

What are some things you do to say on track? Comment below!

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Success Advice

Instead of Always Trying to Be Right, Do This Instead

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stop trying to be right
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A colleague of mine was obnoxious, over eager, and completely out of line. Yet, all of this was overshadowed by the fact he was just plain wrong. If he were to go through with it, it would derail the company by at least 6 months. Yet, arguing with him when he was in this state was of no use. While hitting him over the head with the laptop seemed appealing for a second, it was probably not a great long-term strategy for the business or my laptop.

Galileo once said, “You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it within himself.” This is especially true when it comes to emotionally charged matters and negotiations.

When you are right, you become attached to that idea. It’s so clear, how can they not see it? Yet, your meticulously clear logic might as well be written in braille as your focus intensifies on proving yourself right, instead of reaching an agreement.

Below are 3 ways you can step out of your emotions and help someone find the right answer when money and time are on the line:

1. Separate the Person From the Issue

Imagine if a four-year-old child was adamant about something. You wouldn’t try to reason logically for hours in such a case. When trying to speak through a person’s emotions, often you might have better luck with the four year old.

In order to break this barrier you must stop seeing them as the problem and see the issue at hand. Instead of seeing the other person as stupid or obnoxious, try viewing them as simply lost or misguided. The job now becomes not to prove them wrong, but to guide them to the truth. Adopting this mindset changes your entire approach as you get out of your own emotions and take control of the situation.

“Each of us guard a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside.” – Stephen Covey

2. Show Them A Mirror

Somewhere in between trying to hammer a point, both sides usually forget to listen. No matter the situation, you must make sure that person is never you. Instead, shift the focus from “me vs you” and make it completely about the other person. Really listen and validate their emotions, creating enough trust and safety to begin a real exchange. Make sure they feel heard and slow the conversation down. When you slow the process down, you also calm down.

Remember, it’s not what you say, but how you say it. About 93% of communication is nonverbal, thus maintaining your body language immediately provides an edge. A playful (not childlike or mocking) voice puts someone in a positive frame of mind, where they are more likely to collaborate and problem solve.

Always remember to repeat back the most important three words from their sentence and make them elaborate on whatever they said. The more a person is allowed to speak, the more they feel heard. The more they feel heard, the more open they are to receive new information.

3. Lead With Empathy, Not Sympathy

Taking the time to make sure the other side feels heard and understood does not mean you bend to their will. It does not mean you give up, agree, feel sorry for, or even compromise. Empathy is the ability to recognize another’s perspective and the vocalization of that recognition. This is the difference between empathy and sympathy.

When you can label a person’s emotions in an argument, you seize the chance to discover what is behind those feelings. As you begin to drill down, you gain leverage. This should be done very gracefully. Instead of saying, I think you’re angry and being stubborn, trying saying, It seems like you are feeling frustrated because you really care about this and wish it was moving along quicker.

“Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.” – Roy T. Bennett

Using labels, you mold their feelings into words, moving information from the emotional part of the brain to the rational. Whatever behavior a person may be presenting, there is always an underlying feeling triggering it. Your job is to make the person aware of that feeling. The faster you do this, the faster you eliminate the risk of a complete breakdown in communication.

After their emotions are labeled, asking how or why calibrated questions allow them to solve their problems for you. In order to do this effectively you don’t need to study every type of calibrated question there is, but rather adopt a specific mindset. You are not their opponent, but a guide, leading the lost to the truth. Your truth.

In my case, the presenting behavior of my colleague was an obnoxious know-it-all attitude. However, the underlying emotion was fear of falling behind. Once I was able to stop asking the question, “Why is he doing this to me?” and focus on looking deeper, the conversation took a turn. The conversation was no longer about my ideas versus his, but about him and his fear.

Instead of arguing with me, he spent the rest of the time, essentially, arguing with himself. After helping him dissect his fear in the rational part of the brain, he realized that many of the worst case scenarios were highly improbable and acting hasty might exacerbate things. Most importantly, at the end of the conversation, he said, “I think I made the right choice.”

He believed that the decision was entirely his. He never acknowledged the fact that I was right and announced to everyone the sudden spark of genius that hit him. Yet, at the end of the day you need to ask yourself what is more important to you; being right or doing whatever it takes to win.  

How do you handle conflict? Let us know your tips and advice in the comments below!

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