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4 Reasons It’s Okay To Let People Down

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One of the biggest struggles of everyday life is the fear of letting people down. We all want to impress our friends, colleagues or boss’s and be able to meet their every request – the reality is you can’t. That’s why you need to change your thinking about how you deal with all the requests you get.

Success is not about keeping everyone happy it’s about focusing your time and energy on the things that make you happy and that you are passionate about. The tasks that you do say yes to should be directly aligned with your purpose and everything else should be secondary.

To achieve any significant success, you need to be disciplined and not get distracted. If you don’t start getting used to letting people down, then you are going to experience what I am going through right now. In my own life, I have said yes to lots of tasks and very few of them align with my purpose.

After listening to Derek Sivers being interviewed by Tim Ferriss, I have decided only to say yes to things that make me say “Hell Yes.” If the request doesn’t meet this criteria or I have to think about it too long then from now on I am saying no and you should do.

Below are my four reasons why it’s okay to let people down.

 

1. There are times when you stuff up

Part of accepting that you are going to let people down is acknowledging that you will stuff up. What I mean by this is that you will agree to do something and then completely mess it up. Now I have a great example of this to share with you.

Recently I interviewed a well-known entrepreneur and the interview went pretty well. A few days later I went to listen back to the interview and discovered that due to an update with my Apple software, the auto-record button was not selected and so nothing got recorded.

I mean I studied sound engineering for four years and I stuffed up the most basic rule of recording. Yes, I am an idiot and yes I was overloaded at the time. I had a decision to make so I went back to the interviewee and told them the honest truth and gave them three possible solutions to fix it. The option they chose was for me to write an article off another interview they did.

So, one weekend, I gave it a crack and discovered that it just wasn’t working and I had to do the interview again (quality is important and it’s not worth compromising). Needless to say, the interviewee who was previously very responsive, stopped replying to me via all communication channels.

So the lesson here is quite simple; as much as you can be an expert in something there are times when you are going to stuff up. It happens to all of us and if you upset someone because of it, then that’s a problem on their side, not yours. It’s okay and there is always a lesson to be learnt.

 

2. You can’t satisfy every request

Between working with fast-moving tech companies, my own person interests, blogging, etc. I don’t physically have the time to say yes to everyone. This also goes for you too! I am now starting to use more of a gut feeling and if I find a decision about saying yes is taking too long, then I now say no.

This is because I have noticed that when we overthink something, it’s usually because it doesn’t directly align with our purpose or because we don’t want to let someone down. Lately, I have been getting lots of requests via social media to do articles, interviews, events and so on.

One recent request I had was to do an interview for another website. I like to give every request a look into and be respectful of the other person for taking the time to contact me. When I researched the website, I saw that it was covered in spelling errors and that the subject of choice was not something I was an expert on. For these reasons I declined.

The other person was quite upset with me but I realised that even though you want to keep all of your fans happy you just can’t. I have said yes to a few social media requests recently and that’s because they were aligned with my passion and what I want to be known for.

In your personal life or business, you should look at saying no and letting people down in a similar way.

“Ask yourself, is this request something that will help fulfil me and bring me a step closer to my vision?”

 

3. Other people say no all the time

Don’t feel guilty about letting people down as other people do it all the time. In fact, they probably do it more than you. This doesn’t mean that you should always let people down and not care, but it does mean that on those few rare occasions when you do, it’s okay.

One attribute that I have seen and respected with a lot of successful people is their ability to say no and not be apologetic about it. You have to start to believe that your time is just as important as a worldwide celebrities time.

With this belief, you also have to come to grips with the fact that perfection in whatever you are trying to achieve will never happen. Other people are not perfect and neither are you. Other people say no and it’s okay for you to do the same in a respectful way (don’t be rude about it ever).

 

4. The other person may not be committed

Commitment is something that you should consider before you let someone down. Ask yourself, is the other person really committed to the task you are being asked to do? Without overdoing the stories I have about my interview escapades, recently another interview for Addicted2Success fell over.

I was 100% committed to it and did all my preparation. The first time I dialled into Skype and the other person did not show up. I waited for twenty minutes and then disconnected the call and sent a polite email. This same scenario then happened two more times in a matter of weeks.

I then had to make a decision, do I keep trying to do the interview or do I not proceed any further? When looking at the situation, I realised that clearly the person was not that interested in doing the interview as each time they just forgot and there wasn’t a good reason.

When commitment is lacking it’s okay to let people down and walk away. You are doing them a favour and they just don’t have the heart to tell you that they don’t want to work together with you.

What are some things you have decided to say no to? Share them in the comment section below or on my Facebook and Twitter.

Tim is best known as a long-time contributor on Addicted2Success. Tim's content has been shared millions of times and he has written multiple viral posts all around personal development and entrepreneurship.You can connect with Tim through his website www.timdenning.net

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8 Comments

8 Comments

  1. Silvia

    Feb 4, 2016 at 6:42 pm

    This is a great article and to the point. I completely agree with what you wrote. If someone gets upset because you don’t do what they want you to do, it is their problem, not your. We need to live the way we desire not according to others needs. If something like this happen and someone tells me NO, I am trying to get over it very quickly and find the new person or solution as soon as possible. Tim, thank you for sharing this article with us! Love it!

    • Tim Denning

      Feb 6, 2016 at 5:25 am

      Silvia thanks for taking the time to read through the points. I love what you said about moving on to the enxt person as a quick as possible. I do something very similar.

  2. Toño

    Jan 14, 2016 at 5:04 am

    I was loyal to people, events and different tasks for a good part of my life, far too many times it was actually needed. I accepted many things just because I considered myself a good person and did not want to be the one who upset, but help people. The result was my life collapsed in a huge way with a following mental disaster. I’ve lost everything. Loyalty is a good thing but don’t you ever mess it up with the idea of pleasing everyone.

    That is the great topic to think of and yet again I can relate to it. Funny thing, just a few days ago I did upset a colleague at work and was quite upset with thi myself. We are good friends (at least that’s how I see us) and I made a decision she wasn’t agree with. Things a re going well again now, but I realized you have to be conscious about what you do or what you say, you have to be fully aware, from brushing your teeth to hiring/firing person or travelling down the river. You have to knw why you do what you do and you have to enjoy it. And if this will let someone down so be it. You don’t have to be mean but again, quite often, if you like to follow your way, you will inevitably find out not everyone will support and agree with you.

    It will be even harder, if you are the person who loves attention and appreciation. I still experince such feelings from time to time.

    I love the way you explained the idea of stuffing up. I fully agree here as this is in aligment with one of previous article on struggles, when people may dislike you, but if they do, it is nothing to do with you, rather with their own perspective. Exactly the same here, if you messed up, such things happens, everyone makes a mistake, and if this a cause of upset for someone, it is their vision, not yours.

    Your time is valuable, so don’t waste it. You should value and appreciate yourself first, then you can do it wtih other people. It’s awesome feeling when you can help and save the world and be a hero of the day, but should learn to let go, learn to focus on things that matters. Otherwise you will be an eternal prisoner of society. Find your way and be authentic, patient and conscious.

    Enjoyed this article, Tim, thank you so much for it! I still thinking of finding the right balance though as I do not want to scare all people around me. I think we should help when we can, bring passion and humanity, but again, just feel when we do it because of our honest intentions and sense of purpose or just in elusive attempt to please someone.

    • Tim Denning

      Jan 15, 2016 at 8:20 am

      Toño thanks for the in-depth insight you have provided. A lot of your points resonate with me also. The need for appreciation from others is always a hard want to overcome. It becomes an addictive sense of validation. The only person that should validate you; is you. Chat soon.

      • Toño

        Jan 16, 2016 at 3:18 am

        ‘The only person that should validate you; is you.’ Wise words, Tim. Yesterday I’ve got the opportunity to learn this exact lesson! I was very upset at first but then realization has come: people may never understand my actions, do not accept me or even judge me as that’s their choice, but my decisions should not be based on their apporoval and if I don’t fit into society expectations, I should not worry about it.

        Thank you Tim for your feedback, have a great day and will talk soon!

        • Tim Denning

          Jan 16, 2016 at 4:45 am

          No problem Toño. Stay on the path you are on, I can see you starting to get the results you have always wanted!

  3. Stephen Osoko

    Jan 12, 2016 at 3:08 pm

    Great Post!

    • Tim Denning

      Jan 13, 2016 at 4:04 am

      Thanks so much Stephen.

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Life

How Stress Can Actually Improve the Quality of Your Life

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Naturally, those of us who experience less stress in our lives are more likely to succeed. So, it’s important that you learn how to reduce your daily level of stress, right? Maybe not. Recent research has shown the common wisdom about stress might be dangerously inaccurate. Psychologists tracked the health of 30,000 adults in the United States over an 8-year period. Participants were asked two important questions:

1.    “How much stress have you experienced in the last year?”
2.    “Do you believe stress is harmful to your health?” (more…)

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Life

The Truth About the Law of Attraction

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When we want something, we generally imagine the form it will take when it manifests. If we’re not careful, however, we can find ourselves attached more to the imagined form than the actual desired outcome. This is like placing an online order and expecting it to come in a blue box shipped by UPS. If we then receive a red box delivered by FedEx, we might not realize that it’s what we ordered, and never even open it!

For example, most of us say that we want money, but when money comes in the form of a free coffee or a gift or a discount, we don’t see it for what it is. We overlook it, and maybe we even say “No, thanks” and decline the gift which is, in one way or another, still money. In doing so, we fail to appreciate the value of the discount, the gift, or the freebie. If it isn’t cash being handed to us, we don’t see it as a manifestation of our desire.

The law of attraction is a funny thing.

It is much more complex and much more intricate than what it seems to be and yet, at the same time, it’s so very simple: We always get what we want. We always receive more of the energy at which we vibrate. Always.

However, if we’re acting from the energy of “I don’t deserve it” or “I don’t think I’m worthy,” then whatever it is that we receive will be negated and essentially unseen. On the other hand, if we are open, observant, and maintaining an abundance mindset, we will receive our request on numerous levels and from plentiful sources!

“Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” – Napoleon Hill

This is because we “place our order” not only through our words, but through our actions, our beliefs, and our thoughts.

Last month, I was open to receiving a new client. I didn’t know how it would happen, but I’d set my intention: I was going to get a new client. That night, out of nowhere, I got a message from an old student of mine. She was looking to hire me again as her coach for the upcoming college entrance exams in the U.S. But wait! I didn’t want an entrance exam client.

What I actually wanted was to get life and business coaching clients. This student was my “red box from Fed Ex.” I wanted to decline at first, but as I was about to reply, something made me stop. I asked myself, “Why am I rejecting this?”

This student is an amazing client. She pays on time. She’s not needy. She does her part. Best of all? She doesn’t short-change me. So I said yes, because I realized that the Universe was simply responding to the essence of my desire.

You see, my “Big Why” in everything I do has always been to facilitate an accelerated personal and business growth for my clients, and this student fit the bill in every way. She wanted the personal growth, she was ready to go all in and she reached out to me.

It didn’t look like the package I was expecting so I didn’t recognize it at first—and I nearly turned it away—but she was the perfect answer to my request.

Serving people like her has always been a driving force in my life.

The Universe knows that. It also knew that I wanted a client asap so that I could re-invest the money into my business, so it responded in the most ideal way… but in an unexpected form. And I came so close to missing it!

How many times have I missed other opportunities like this? How many times have I dismissed a “red box” because it wasn’t “blue?” I’ll never know. But I do know that, had I not stopped myself from sending a “No, thanks,” I would have felt as though the Universe wasn’t listening.

That’s the thing: the Universe is always listening.

The more open we are in receiving, the more we thrive. The more open our energy is, the greater the possibilities. Don’t just return that red box to the post office and keep waiting on a blue one. Ask yourself, first and foremost, if what you’re receiving at the moment matches up with your underlying desire.

See yourself living in abundance and you will attract it.” – Rhonda Byrne

The key is to be willing to receive anything and everything. How? Keep on reading1

1. Get clear on your “underlying desire.”

Identify exactly what it is that you really want—in my case, it was an ideal client (underlying) as opposed to a coaching client (surface)—and focus on that. Clear out all the mental noise and static that clouds your awareness.

2. Be flexible

Keep your eyes and mind open for anything that fits the description. When you ask for money, recognize that free coffee for what it is: $3 you were going to spend anyway, that can now remain in your pocket. Every penny on the ground, every coupon, it’s all money.

3. Keep an attitude of gratitude.

The more you appreciate what you have, the more that comes your way. Your grateful mindset opens the energetic door for more to flow your way, because “where attention goes, energy flows.” The more you focus on the things you want, the more you will draw them into your experience.

Remember, that the Universe responds to our requests in whatever way fits best within the big picture.

It’s a picture so big that we couldn’t possibly begin to see how it comes together. Trust it. Know that when you ask, you will receive. It may not come in the form you anticipate, but always in a form that responds to your underlying desire. You just have to be ready to see it.

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7 Simple Ways to Master Your Emotions When Making Decisions

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A lot of people have big regrets when lying on their deathbed. These regrets are often related to bad decisions or decisions not taken. Thus, as it turns out, decision-making is dependent on great self-confidence. A person who has confidence in their decisions has an easier time making them.

Emotions also play a big role in all of this. This is a debate that has confronted two great thinkers. According to Descartes, “decisions are the product of the rational mind.” In other words, decision-making is essentially based on facts and mathematics.

But this thesis was refuted and proven to be wrong by Antonio Damasio in one of his works called “The Error of Descartes”. This was partly based on the story of Elliott, a kid that was very smart, who had above average rational capabilities, but incapable of making a decision, after a surgery to remove a brain tumor on the surface of his frontal lobes. After all his work in that matter, he concludes that a person who is incapable of emotion is incapable of making the most rational decisions.

The management of emotions is therefore completely inherent to good decision making, especially when making the most important decisions. To this end, here are 7 tips to put into practice to really master your emotions thus making the best decisions possible and never regreting them.

1. Take a step back

You must learn to take the time to identify and understand your emotions. Since physical reactions are emotionally related, also take the time to detect the reactions you have to some of your emotions. To be able to take the distance necessary to make decisions, it’s important to refer to your prefrontal cortex. This is the area of ​​the brain responsible for reasoning. To do so you need to put yourself in a stress-free environment for a few minutes.

“Your life changes the moment you make a new, congruent and committed decision.” – Tony Robbins

2. Breathe

The best way to do this is to learn to breathe deeply. This will allow activating your prefrontal cortex again, therefore, to have better control of your emotions so you do not react to them, let alone to the event that causes these emotions. Do this exercise for at least 15 minutes. It’s amazing how you can train yourself never to react, no matter what the situation. Ideally, let at least 24 hours go by before responding to a situation that would normally cause tension.

3. Pay attention

Once you are in the prefrontal cortex, put one hand on your abdomen, at the level of your intestines, and the other hand on your heart, and take the time to listen. These two parts of the body are the two major centers of vibrations and emotions. This is why it’s important to listen and pay attention to them.

The purpose of this exercise is to become aware of your gut and heart. What you need to remember is that the only person you need to trust is yourself. By practicing this exercise, one thing will become very clear: what the emotion you feel seeks to convey to you about the decision you have to make.

Since everything is energy, first make sure that the vibration of the decision you are about to make and that of your heart and gut are in sync. You will then know whether to go ahead with your decision or reject it based on whether you feel serenity or heaviness.

4. Discern untruths

It is important to know whether your nervousness is the result of an untruth you’ve told yourself. These can corrupt the vibrations that should help you make the right decision. You have to throw out all of these untruths and come to the decision-making without any filter. Stop thinking that you’re unlucky, that you’re in a bad situation, that your life is a failure, or that you are a victim.

5. Become aware of your emotions instead of avoiding them

To become aware of your emotions, you must learn to coach yourself. Ask yourself questions: How did you feel the last time you had to ask these types of questions? What did you get in return? Rename what you felt and the result you obtained from what you decided to do. You will thus be much better at assimilating, understanding, and welcoming your emotions.

6. Be as present as possible

There is no point in focusing on the big events surrounding the decision you want to make. Concentrate instead on the present moment, without analyzing the events. Judge based on emotions rather than the event. By being more present, you will be better able to listen to your emotions and feel them.

Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.” – John C. Maxwell

7. Make your emotions your allies

Each of your emotions speaks to you through the physical and physiological reactions that they generate in you. Look to the weight of their impact on you as an indicator. Only by listening to them, using them, and managing them can you manage your emotions.

Habit comes with practice. With time, these 7 points will become much more natural and will become automatic. You will make better decisions for yourself.  This is one of the best ways to not end up with one of the big regrets.

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Life

How to Keep Your Mind Away From Distractions in This Tech-Loaded World

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Social media notifications, push notifications, email notifications, and messages from chatting apps, keep peeping from the notification area of our smartphones and invite us into a world of a never-ending loop. Perhaps, even if it is ending, it is not until we have wasted 15-20 minutes of our productive time in just checking different apps and emails that we realize the need to get back to what’s important. No wonder many organizations insist employees on keeping their mobile phones in lockers prior to proceeding to their desk!

Technology is so enslaving that we don’t realize what an endless loop we are stuck in when we are constantly replying to our friends and relatives on social media or checking that limitless newsfeed on our timelines. If all the time of the day is put together, we can observe that we spend almost 4-5 hours on social media with the total output zero and sometimes negative.

Of course, keeping smart phone on airplane mode or switching it to Do Not Disturb mode, or somewhere away from us is the first line of defense against distractions, there are other steps preceding it to really spend your day productively.

Adopt a Proactive Approach

This implies that prior to beginning the day, you must take-charge of it. Instead of letting the day rule you, it should be vice-versa. You must adopt a zealous approach by planning your day and if possible, hours. You should have the determination to pay no heed to distractions in place of just letting them ruin your day by reacting to your impulses.

Instead of acceding to the fact that distractions are surely going to come your way and take up the major portion of your productive time, think about the ways in which you can tackle them.

You need to ponder on the need to focus and be determined to remain so during the day. You need to take the following steps for it:

  1. Plan how you are going to spend the hours of your day and deadline for completing tasks.
  2. Consider your to-do list as a choice rather than a chore to be completed.
  3. Remind yourself of the consequences of surrendering to distractions instead of completing your work. For instance, getting a reprimand from the manager for consistently low productivity and quality or having to rush to complete the work at the end of the day.
  4. Visualize the benefits of the time you gained by winking at notifications. Perhaps, you can spend more quality time with your kids or researching your new business idea.
  5. Note down hourly productivity – How many tasks did you accomplish in the last one hour?

“An addiction to distraction is the end of your creative production.” – Robin Sharma

Enhance Your Concentration Power

What keeps your mind stick to a task until it is sufficiently completed, is your ability to concentrate. If your concentration power is stronger, distractions will not bother you. You have to sharpen your power to focus by consistent practice. Meditation is a great way to improve your ability to work on a single task for a long time. If possible make meditation a part of your daily routine. It will keep your mind silent and give it the power to resist distractions.

If you cannot find time to meditate at the start of the day, it is advisable to do a one minute meditation every hour or every time you get that urge to check social media or chat with a friend. This will bring back your attention to what you have to do instead of what you want to do.

Here is the best way to improve concentration power: Take Regular, Refreshing Breaks.

One of the major keys to staying charged up for work is to take regular breaks. Continuously working for hours is only going to make you feel more tired. Instead, take planned breaks and do what you like the most during those breaks.

Of course, you should check your phone to be aware of any urgent messages or calls; remember to take refreshing breaks rather than just keep scrolling through that never-ending newsfeed. Rejuvenate your senses by reading some motivational stuff, watching an inspiring video, taking a walk in the lobby or having a non-work related chat with a colleague, to recharge your batteries and get back to work with even more focus and passion.

One technique utilized and propagated by productivity gurus is the Pomodoro Technique. It is the practice of working in chunks of 25 minutes and then taking a break of 5 minutes. After 4 such sessions, you can elongate the break time to 15-20 minutes.

Have an Organized Mindset

Adopt an organized mindset towards all aspects of your life. Keep clearing irrelevant mails, adding e-mail addresses to spam, organizing all your photos and videos on one drive, keeping all your documents accessible from one place, etc. Keeping your life clutter free and organized right from your shoe-rack to your locker, empowers your ability to spend your time in a disciplined way.

Even when it comes to online browsing, keep it limited to certain topics rather than just browsing and then jumping from that topic to all the related topics. Note down the ideas you would like to research on a specific day instead of randomly browsing through a plethora of topics.

Also, jot down the points which you found useful. Set aside an hour or 30 minutes of time for this. If you feel the need to read that lengthy but useful article, then save it under bookmarks, instead of swaying and spending more than the planned  time on it.

These seemingly little, yet practical things, help you adopt the same approach towards your day and work.

“By prevailing over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination.” – Christopher Columbus

It is a fact that technology has taken up major share of our life, however, it would be a misjudgment to regard it as bad. If maneuvered the right way, it can help us live a more disciplined life. It is a boon but if we let it rule us instead of us ruling on it then it may eat up most of our focus and productive time of our day.

What distractions do you feel take most of your time? What steps you have taken up to put the brakes on them, apart from just whining about them? Ponder over it, take a proactive approach, and share your action plan with us by commenting in the section below.

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