Emotions, like happiness or joy, have great power to get us from the bottom to the absolute top. But, what about feelings like anger or disappointment? How do these affect us? I am not going to lie to you, there were times when negativity got the best of me because I was hurt and in pain. Going on the defense immediately, without considering the consequences, seemed like the most profound decision ever.
One day it clicked. After too many embarrassing emotional outbursts or moments of fear which prevented me from making reasonable decisions, it was obvious, my own feelings were screwing me up.
As a pain-oriented achiever with a history of repeated mistakes, I was pushed to reconsider my old patterns, find the root of the problem and make changes immediately. That’s when I learned a few simple, yet powerful actions I could focus on which helped me clean up my emotional mess and take control of my decisions and actions.
Here are 3 ways you can manage your negative feelings effectively:
1. Your words and body movement
Imagine your typical day. You wake up in the morning, appreciating the sunshine and the fact that yesterday you conquered 100 push-ups. When you were about to begin working on your daily goals, you received some disappointing news that took you by surprise. The excitement and determination you felt prior is gone within minutes.
The first emotional reaction that follows right after is crucial because it often defines how well you can handle the situation. Let’s say you start cursing or raising your voice, yet by doing that, you are supporting the emotional state you are in. There is a difference between saying “I am very angry” or “I feel a bit annoyed.” Less dramatic words will keep you calmer.
The second thing which controls your feelings is your body movement. If you are moving fast, walking from one corner of the room to another, or feeling pissed off, you are increasing the intensity of your negative emotional state. However, if you slow down and breathe, you will decrease your disempowering emotional state and have more space to simply chill out.
Here is a little exercise which can help you in stressful situations. Find a quiet place, close your eyes and take three deep breaths. Each time you inhale say “in” and when you exhale, say “out.” That’s it. These few seconds of downtime will give you the opportunity to reflect and take better control of the moment.
“When you react, you let others control you. When you respond, you are in control.” – Bohdi Sanders
I bet you already know that experiencing betrayal from someone you love or lacking results in your business may certainly challenge your perspective on life. It makes you trust less, lowers your excitement, and makes you doubt what you wholeheartedly believe in.
It is because of these moments emotionally challenging you that you must simply acknowledge them and change them. You want to nourish the idea that life is great and people are good in their hearts. This perspective shouldn’t change based on someone’s inability to prove it.
Here is the simplest way you can look at it. Bad feelings cause bad vibrations and attract more of what you feel – awful results or people. That’s where the power of questions comes into play.
There was nothing more powerful during my emotional transformation than proper questions. You want to choose logic over angry feelings. These are only blinding you from seeing the situation in a better light.
Here are a few examples of questions I use on a regular basis:
- What can I do, right now, to change this situation?
- What is the very next step I can take today to change the way I feel?
- What thoughts can I choose to think right now in order to create positive feelings?
- What is one simple activity which calms me down in a matter of minutes?
3. Don’t make major decisions
Once you adopt this rule, you will thank yourself for the rest of your life. Here is an affirmation you’ll want to use when you feel that you want to make a decision while in the negative emotional state. “I will never, under any circumstances, make decisions while in a negative or disempowering emotional state no matter how confident I feel about them in a given moment.”
Here is the truth: When you are in pain, you want to do something. You want to act right away because it hurts. However, decisions made under the pressure of negativity aren’t accurate since they are based on helplessness. Find your go-to person, someone you trust and ask for help if you feel that it’s too overwhelming to do it alone.
“Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.” – Brian Tracy
Embracing emotions and listening to them at all costs is the key to transforming your life. Your feelings are real and they matter as much as you do. Nonetheless, learning how to take better control over your actions while feeling pain will make a major difference in your life.
You will feel more in control and more certainty about your decisions and you won’t tolerate poor behaviors of other people. You are always in control and you decide how you face the situation.
By adopting these rules I shared with you, you will be on your way to master the most complex part of your life and that’s how you respond to negativity.