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3 Secrets to Getting Along With People You Can’t Stand

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how to get along with others

Whether in your work or personal life, getting along with people you’re surrounded by can be challenging at best. The inability to get along with people you may not like can have a big impact on your future. In your personal life it might be tension with an in-law (or three) that adds undue stress to your marriage or other important relationships.

In business it may be that you aren’t getting along with your boss. At best, this can make your day-to-day work environment unpleasant, but this could also have a negative impact on your career as a whole. Learning to communicate and get along with others is vital to our success.

Getting along with people you don’t like doesn’t imply defeat, giving in or compromise, it’s a way of getting through life without constantly banging your head against the wall and being miserable in situations where you could, at the very least, be at ease.

So whether you’re a work-at-home parent like me or you spend your week surrounded by people in a busy office environment, here are three ways that you can use to get along with people you don’t like:

1. Take a look in the mirror

The first step to getting along with others is knowing that you can’t change anyone but yourself. It doesn’t do any good to try and change someone. In fact, this will most likely make matters worse. And trying to make someone change their behavior is nothing less than manipulation; and who likes being manipulated?

If there’s something that someone does on a regular basis that gets on your last nerve, take a look in the mirror and consider that this behavior just might be something that you engage in and aren’t particularly proud of. We’ve all done things or act in ways that we’re not happy with. And when we see others act similarly this might be cause for us to lash out or contend with this person. It’s been found that one of the main reasons people lash out is to renew a sense of confidence.  

Next time “that person” (you know who they are), does something to tick you off, pause and ask yourself if what they did is really that bad or just something that hits close to home regarding your own patterns.

“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.” – Bob Marley

2. Avoid trigger topics

There’s a good reason that you don’t discuss politics or religion at a dinner party. These are sensitive topics and people tend to have very strong opinions about them. I’ve seen people get into bitter arguments because they sit on opposite sides of the fence politically speaking. Suddenly one’s accusing the other of lacking sensitivity because they voted for someone they didn’t like.

Five minutes earlier they were laughing together and now they’re making comments they can never come back from. Even when someone agrees with 90% it’s the other 10% that can set off an explosive argument.

But it’s not just politics or religion that might set someone off. Anything from how to raise your kids to what you should be eating and anything in between can induce an argument. Especially when tension already exists in a relationship.

We’ve all been guilty of intentionally pushing someone’s buttons and we know what it’s like for someone to push ours. You know exactly what to say to get someone’s goad. It might even seem amusing, but what it’s doing is creating more and more tension in the relationship.

If you want to start getting along with someone you usually can’t stand being around, consider the topics you argue over and avoid them if possible. Start taking note of some common ground you have and focus there instead.

“Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.” – Walter Winchell

3. Stay clear on social media

There are certainly benefits to social media, but social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter can also be breeding grounds for intense debates. I’ve seen people display their worst side on social media. Maybe it’s because they feel insulated since they aren’t engaging in face-to-face conversations. It’s easy to share your political views or lash out at someone because of theirs when you’re sitting behind a computer or mobile device.

If you have someone in your life you’d rather not be around, then why are you following them on social media? It’s simple to block content and “unfollow” someone on any social media platform. Continuing to tweet and comment with or about people you don’t like only adds to your stress.

So, if you’re ready to get along better with people you don’t like then follow these three steps. Not only will you have a better time being around them, you might even find enough common ground to enjoy their company. You can at least start by tolerating them, but it will never happen without effort on your part.

How do you deal with people you can’t stand? Comment below!

I’m Tom Buford. After selling my automotive painting company in 2004 I lost everything as a real estate investor 3 years later. I then ventured into online marketing and developed a 10,000 member online community built around my well-known Charge What You Deserve brand. I learned a lot from my ups and even more from my downs. Since then I've become a husband and father of two amazing boys and the lessons that I learn from my boys are the most valuable yet. I look forward to sharing some of these ideas with others. You can find me on Facebook or TomBuford.net.

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Knowing Your Message vs Delivering Your Message

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Have you ever sent a text message only to have it misinterpreted by the person reading it? Happens all the time. Have you ever given a presentation that you were totally prepared for only to have it fall flat? Happens all the time. Have you ever had someone ask you something like, “Why are you mad?” when you were not at all mad? Happens all the time. (more…)

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The 3 Most Important Things I Learned About Personal Growth

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When you look back on your life, what do you want to think about? Do you plan to reminisce on all of the good things that have happened and how they shaped who you are today? Or would you rather remember all of the bad decisions, challenging experiences, and mistakes made that hurt or wasted a portion of your life?

In my opinion, I think it is important to reflect on both. While it’s important to remember the hardships we’ve been through in our lives – without them we wouldn’t be where we are now. There are 3 very specific areas that I feel have helped me grow in a personal sense more than anything else in my life so far. 

These aren’t simple lessons in a book or a lecture that you can just absorb and apply to your life. These are things that I’ve learned through experience and reflection, and I’m still learning and growing today.

1. We determine how much we’re worth by what we think about ourselves, others, and life in general.

This might seem like a pretty obvious lesson in life but it’s actually one of the most important because we can determine our own worth by how we think about ourselves and the world around us. If you’re looking for success in any kind of business or social setting (dating), then I’ll tell you right now that it doesn’t matter if you have 10 billion dollars or not – people are still going to judge you based on your thoughts and beliefs alone.

What determines our value isn’t necessarily what we do with our lives (which is often based on luck) but whether or not we believe that ‘our work’ is worthy or not in some sort of grand scheme or universe. We may not always be able to control what happens in our lives, but we can always control how we value ourselves and others.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou

2. You don’t have to change your habits or personality just because someone else doesn’t like it – their opinions are THEIRS alone.

This is another one of those lessons that people tend to pick up on a little bit late in life, but if anything that makes its importance even worse! Basically, there’s going to come a time when you’re going to meet someone who has certain expectations of you as a person…but these expectations might not be realistic due to their motivations and personal beliefs. For example, sometimes parents might expect you to be a lawyer or doctor because that’s what they believe is best for their child.

However, this isn’t the case for everyone and so maybe your passion lies in music or writing novels. In this example, if you were also pressured into becoming a doctor – then there would obviously be some kind of conflict going on within yourself as a person. You should never have to give up something that you want to do just because someone else doesn’t like it! The reason why we’re put onto this Earth is to make our own choices and go after our OWN dreams instead of letting others determine what we can and cannot do with our lives .

3. You can’t change your life until you accept that you need to make a change.

When I was younger, I thought that this lesson would be pretty obvious – but as I got older, it really made me appreciate the fact that there are always different ways of perceiving our lives. For example, if someone wants to become rich and famous one day – their mind might simply overshadow any other possibility in their head because they feel like this is what they NEED to do right now.

However, this isn’t always true within our own lives because we think about things too literally instead of having an open mind. If you want to achieve success in any kind of business or social setting (dating) then you should be willing to try out different things instead of staying in your comfort zone. If you want something, then it’s up to YOU to actually go after it – nobody else is going to give it to you!

The three lessons above are some of the main things I want to pass on to everyone because they’ve come at an important time in my life where I need to start thinking about others instead of only myself. It’s great if we can learn to love ourselves first before anything else, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect everyone around you even though they might be your friends and family members!

If you enjoyed this article on the 3 most important things I learned about personal growth, then please share it with your friends and family! Also, check out my other articles on success & motivation as well as life lessons that could help people who are struggling with their life right now on lifengoal.com. Thanks for reading!

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​​4 Boss Level Growth Strategies That Create an Optimized Life

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Building a business is about more than sales, marketing, and flexing on social media. While those things tend to draw attention, they attract the wrong type of clients and are not how you build a sustainable and freedom-focused business. (more…)

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Life

Practicing Self-Devotion: 3 Ways Towards a More Mindful and Compassionate You

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I can still hear the voices of my older relatives and my elementary school teachers telling me “be disciplined”, “keep at it”, to give time and energy towards what we want. As a young, impressionable child, I believed all those things because well, they made sense. They worked. And honestly, I felt like it’s the only way to flourish. (more…)

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