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3 Mistakes That Are Killing Your Goals

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3 Mistakes That Are Killing Your Goals

Have you ever wondered what differentiates people who reach most of their goals from those who fail?

A study of Harvard MBA graduates showed that the 3 percent who had clear, written goals were earning, on average, ten times as much as the other 97 percent.

Let’s face it. Life is different as an adult. Back in the days when you were younger, you only had yourself to worry about and free-time actually existed, leaving plenty of opportunities to dream up and accomplish any goal that you wanted. But after life started getting crazy, you may have realized that goal accomplishments are few and far between.

It is not that you have stopped setting goals or stopped trying to achieve great things. Unfortunately, as you start having less and less free-time to focus on goals, you likely have made a few mistakes that have been killing your goals. And perhaps you forgot a few essential components that are required for establishing those goals.

 

1. Setting vague goals

The most obvious mistake that most people make with goals is that they are too vague. The clearest example of how people make this mistake is when they set a goal to reduce debt. This is a great goal for everyone to have but many fail to accomplish it. In fact, they often end up inadvertently increasing debt because of not being specific enough when making the goal.

Reducing debt is great, but most people never specify what debt they want to reduce. They don’t design a plan on how to do it. They never set a timeline and they never give themselves a measureable way to determine success.

“Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal. My strength lies solely in my tenacity.” – Louis Pasteur

Making these mistakes not only kills your goals, but it can kill your wallet. Instead of making these mistakes when you establish your goals, be sure to be more clear about what you plan to do. Specify a plan of attack and prioritize small individual goals rather than one single, large one.

Give yourself a time by which your goal needs to be completed. This will provide a clearly defined approach to meeting whichever goal you desire. In the example of a goal to reduce debt, establishing a specific debt that needs to be paid and being able to measure success by the completion of one outstanding balance at a time allows you to systematically progress until all balances of the final goal have been reached.

In order to be certain that you are not setting goals that are too vague, you should answer the following questions about your goals to be certain you have a plan that can be followed and successfully achieved:

  • What specific component of my overall goal am I trying to achieve next?
  • How am I going to achieve this goal, meaning, what is my plan?
  • When should my goal be achieved?
  • How will I know when my goal has been achieved?

 

2. Not having accountability

Another goal killing mistake that a lot of people make is that they are not holding themselves accountable for their goals. For a lot of people, the goals that are easiest to achieve all have one thing in common – friends and family know about them. As an example, if you plan to return to school to complete a degree, your friends and family members are likely to know about this. Returning to school as an adult can be extremely stressful and may result in frequent thoughts of giving up. But if your friends and family know that you are trying to accomplish something to better yourself, you will likely have extra support to complete that goal successfully.

Going back to the debt reduction example, if this is not something that you are willing to share with your friends and family, you must make sure that you keep yourself accountable. You can do this by maintaining a spreadsheet on your desktop that can track payment progress and serve as daily motivation and a friendly reminder.

Goals

3. Setting unrealistic goals

Another huge goal killing mistake that people make is setting goals that are too ambitious and unrealistic. It’s great to dream big, but unrealistic goals could set you up for failure.

Goals that seem like they will be too difficult often never get started because of lack of enthusiasm or desire. These goals keep getting pushed back until they eventually are forgotten. Nevertheless, goals that are too easy are not the better alternative. These types of goals also remain incomplete because of a lack of enthusiasm to begin. If you know you can do something with ease, there will be no surprise or sense of accomplishment as a reward. Therefore, there is no incentive to begin.

Many times people will set one huge goal and get frustrated that they have not achieved it in the timeline in which they had hoped. In order to avoid getting caught in this goal-making trap, you should make smaller, precise goals rather than one large one that will encompass many components. This allows for more careful planning and more opportunities to track your progress.

As an example, imagine you set a goal to thoroughly clean your entire house and you want to have it done in one weekend. While this is an excellent goal, you should not just leave your goal planning in this stage because you may become very disappointed when you cannot achieve this timeline. Instead, you should set a number of mini goals that you know can be completed in a set amount of time. After careful planning, you may realize that you can only complete 1 or 2 rooms per day. As a result, you may need more than one weekend to accomplish your goal. However, as each weekend passes, you will be able to track your progress toward the completion of the overall goal with each mini accomplishment.

“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” – Tony Robbins

If you have been having trouble accomplishing your goals, be sure to always consider the common mistakes that kill your goals and do your best to avoid making them.

  • Don’t forget to write down your goals.
  • Do not set vague goals. It is always best to be as specific as possible.
  • Do not forget about keeping yourself accountable.
  • Make sure you have friends and family members who will support you in your goals.
  • If you prefer keeping your goals quiet, set up a daily reminder and self-motivation plan.
  • Do not set unrealistic goals. Goals that are too unreasonable will certainly never be met while goals that are too easy are likely to be forgotten.
I hope you are able to find my article useful in your life. Please comment below!

George Meszaros is a serial entrepreneur and the cofounder of Success Harbor, a business hub dedicated to provide advice for small business owners and startups through interviews, original research, and unique content. George Meszaros is also cofounder of Webene, a website design and marketing company.

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5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

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Emotional Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.

Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.

Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.

Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.

However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.

 

Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:

 

1.  Unconscious Sabotage

Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.

This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.

Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.

This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.

 

2. Persistent Pain

 
Chronic pain is a common symptom that can stem from early trauma. Studies have shown a connection between physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, headaches, gastrointestinal issues, insomnia, muscle aches, back pain, chest pain, and chronic fatigue with the aftermath of chronic developmental trauma, particularly physical abuse.
 
Research has found that individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious, avoidant, or disorganized, have a higher incidence of somatic symptoms and a history of physical and emotional abuse in childhood compared to those with a secure attachment style.
 
 

3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma

 
Trauma blocking practises are used to avoid the pain and memories connected with traumatic events.
 
Emotional numbing, avoidance, and escape via briefly pleasurable activities that distract from terrible memories or suffering are common examples. Unfortunately, this escape habit stops people from successfully processing and recovering from their trauma.
 
Furthermore, when the pain resurfaces, more and more diversions are necessary to continue ignoring it. This can be seen in compulsive behaviours such as drug or alcohol addiction, emotional eating, numbing oneself through relationships, workaholism, excessive or dangerous exercise routines, compulsive internet or technology use, or any other compulsive behaviour used to distract yoursef from intrusive thoughts and emotions.
 
These actions have the potential to prolong a cycle of avoidance and repression, preventing persons from healing and progressing.
 

4. A strong need for control

 
It’s understandable that some people may struggle with control issues in their adult lives, especially if they felt helpless or vulnerable during their childhood.
 
This can happen if someone had an overbearing caregiver who didn’t let them make their own choices, expected too much from them, or didn’t take care of them properly. As adults, they might try to control everything in their life to feel more in control and less anxious or scared. This might be because they didn’t feel like they had control over their life when they were a child.
 
It’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are different and it’s okay to seek help if you’re struggling with control issues.
 
 

5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained

 
Individuals with a history of developmental trauma may experience a range of psychological symptoms, including obsessive-compulsive behavior, intense mood swings, irritability, anger, depression, emotional numbing, or severe anxiety.
 
These symptoms can vary in intensity and may occur intermittently throughout the day. People with this type of trauma may attempt to “distract” themselves from these symptoms by denying or rationalizing them, or may resort to substance abuse or behavioral addictions as coping mechanisms. This can be a maladaptive way of trying to numb their symptoms.
 
 

What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?

 
Everyone’s experience of healing from trauma is unique. It’s important to be aware of whether you have experienced childhood developmental trauma and how it may be affecting your relationships as an adult. Sometimes, the effects of trauma can be overwhelming and we may try to push them away or avoid them.
 
If you notice that you’re engaging in these behaviors, it’s important to seek help from a trauma therapist who can support you on your healing journey. Remember, you’re not alone and it’s never too late to start healing.
 

There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:

  1. Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
  2. Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
  3. Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
  4. Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
  5. Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.

It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.

 
 
If you desire to work with me on healing your wounds and unlocking the aspects of you that were never realized so you can achieve more success in your life then head over to awebliss.com and join my weekly LIVE online mentorship calls.
 
 
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