I had often wondered how some people just seem to have it all together. These people are good at communicating, energizing and motivating others. It is something we truly cannot define, but some people just have it. It’s called charisma. Natural charisma could lose its impact especially when you add familiarity.
However, some people are remarkably charismatic. They cultivate and maintain great relationships, consistently and positively influencing the people around them; making them feel better about themselves and as such everyone wants to be around them.
Charisma tends to increase your chances of being successful in any area of your life. Science has been fascinated by the concept and found that charisma is a quality everyone can develop; not necessarily an inborn trait.
By examining the traits that charismatic people exhibit, we can certainly grow to become charismatic ourselves.
According to Ronald Riggio PhD, professor of leadership and organizational psychology at Claremont McKenna College, Charisma has three main ingredients:
- Expressiveness – A knack for striking up conversations spontaneously and easily conveying feelings.
- Control – The ability to fine-tune your persona to fit the mood and social makeup of any group.
- Sensitivity – A gift for listening.
Here are 10 typical traits that we know can be found in charismatic people:
There is a certain confidence that charismatic people exude. According to the Harvard Business review, confidence can be so alluring that people are willing to trust anyone who expresses it. Researchers have noted that showing confidence is more dominant in establishing trust than past performance. Charismatic people literally light up a room with confidence when they walk in.
2. They are attentive and listen to others
Charismatic individuals know how to make people feel valued. People like to be around them because of this. This is because they’ve trained themselves to be attentive to people whom they interact with.
Simple habits like asking questions, maintaining eye contact, smiling, responsiveness, verbal or nonverbal cues, are some of the things they do actively. It’s not surprising that studies have found that eye contact heavily influences likability, trustworthiness, and attractiveness. Listening shows that they care a lot more than offering advice.
“Charisma is not just saying hello. It’s dropping what you’re doing to say hello.” – Robert Brault
3. They’re passionate and show it
Charismatic people tend to be quite passionate about what they believe in. This passion motivates people around them to act.
Behavioral Science has shown that strong emotions can be contagious. A prominent researcher in this area, Dr. Elaine Hatfield, has conducted several studies showing how people “grab” the emotions of others.
For example, if you have a friend who is always critical about everyone, you’ll soon find yourself to be critical of other people. Likewise, being around someone who’s passionate and optimistic is likely to inspire you to think and behave that way also.
4. They are approachable
Charismatic people are often seen as warm and approachable. Most people would rather get to trust and get closer to you if they perceive you to be warm.
According to Dr. Robert Zajonic, facial muscles contract to produce a smile that allows for increased blood flows to the brain which lowers the brain temperature and produces feelings of pleasure and happiness.
Studies have also shown that smiling is linked to how approachable and competent someone is. You want to hone your charismatic skills, then smile.
5. No self importance
Charismatic people have no bone of self-importance in their bodies. They are simple, easily relatable, with no airs.
This doesn’t mean they are not knowledgeable. In fact, they know quite a lot, and are kind in dispensing the information that they have. The only people that can be impressed by self- importance are those who are pretentious, and act self-important also.
6. They have a cause
Throughout the 20th century, sociologist Max Weber’s study of charisma says that a charismatic person has a clear vision for the future and boldly advances towards it. They are people who talk about ideas that are bigger than themselves.
An example of this kind of person would be the late Steve Jobs, co-founder of Apple, who on recruiting Pepsi CEO John Sculley, pointedly asked if he wanted to sell sugared water for the rest of his life, or if he wanted a chance to change the world?
7. Genuine interest in others
Confident and charismatic people usually prefer to shine the spotlight on others. They motivate people. Telling others how much of a good job they’ve been doing is essential.
Not only will people who are drawn to you appreciate your praise, but they will also appreciate the fact that you pay attention to what they’re doing. It brings a sense of accomplishment to them. Then they’ll feel a little more accomplished and more important.
In other words, they give credit where credit is due. If they are recognized for a success, they shower the praises on everyone else and empower people without expecting anything in return. Conversely, if anything goes wrong, they aren’t afraid to take the blame.
“There is no better friendship booster than the ability to listen. The ability to show genuine interest in others an admirable quality of a true friend.” – Phil Callaway
8. Belief in themselves
Even though people have doubts about what they are doing and their abilities, charismatic people don’t allow those doubts to influence their interactions with people whom they motivate.
9. They encourage self disclosure
Charismatic people ask insightful questions which make others share things about themselves. Studies from Harvard researchers, prove that sharing information about ourselves impacts our brains.
It’s also confirmed that our brains are literally wired to enjoy sharing information about ourselves. Being charismatic is less about you and more about how you make others feel.
10. They are generous
According to Professor Grant at the Wharton school of business, there are three types of people; the taker, the matcher and the giver. Charismatic people are givers and altruistic. They give without looking for anything in return.
Check out our video below for habits of highly charismatic people! Share this video!
What habits are you going to adopt today to start being more charismatic? Leave your thoughts below!
6 Reasons Why You Should Never Glorify Failure After You’ve Failed
Many people are ashamed of failure. If they so much as smell a whiff of failure, they quit instantly because the public notices it quickly. But you shouldn’t be ashamed of failure. A lot of people have failed. I’ve failed over and over again in my career, business, relationships and more. Yet, I keep trying because failure isn’t the final verdict. (more…)
How to Move Forward When All Seems Lost
A few weeks ago, the relationship of my venture with a long-term client turned rocky. Losing them would mean a huge loss for my business, but it appeared like that’s where we were headed. My mind raced with unpleasant thoughts. Maybe the client had figured out that I couldn’t lead my team well. Maybe I was not good enough to be an entrepreneur. Maybe I was not good enough to do anything.
Why was the world so unfair?! Within moments, my anxiety had shot through the roof and my heart was racing faster than an F1 car engine. But I know I’m not the only one who feels like this.
Why Problems Overwhelm Us
As human beings, we’re good at solving problems, so they shouldn’t stress us out. Yet, they do just that. Why?
Consider some of these situations in life. When a relationship is headed for troubled waters, we wonder whether our partner loves us anymore. Our mind unearths memories of when we got dumped or rejected. We blame ourselves for falling for the wrong people and tell ourselves that we’re not worth receiving love.
How do you think the relationship will steer after that? If we cannot stick to a diet, we think of other times when we gave up. We remember what people said about things that we couldn’t do and ask ourselves, “were they right?” We tell ourselves that we don’t have what it takes to succeed at anything.
Do you think we’ll find the grit to stick to the diet after this? So here we are… thinking we’re not good enough to be entrepreneurs, to be loved, to get promoted, or to achieve our personal goals. Notice a pattern yet? We move in the wrong direction. The destination is to achieve the goal. And unless we stop giving into emotions and start addressing situations, we’ll keep failing to get there.
Negative emotions (and even extremely positive ones) blur our vision. The more we focus on them, the deeper we go into how we feel. We either get angry because things aren’t the way we want them to be, or get paralyzed by the fear of the worst possible outcome. This means we pull away from the one thing we must do to set things right — take action.
“If you can’t sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It’s the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep.” – Dale Carnegie
How to Take Action in the Face of Problems
Most human beings are good at solving problems. Where we get blindsided is at diagnosing the right problem. To diagnose the right problem, we must address the situation instead of emotions. We must see things for what they are, collect facts on what we’re worrying about, and then ask ourselves, “What should I do next?”
In his book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”, Dale Carnegie wrote: “Neither you nor I nor Einstein nor the Supreme Court of the United States is brilliant enough to reach an intelligent decision on any problem without first getting the facts.”
To address the tricky situation with my client, I took the following three steps:
1. First, I acknowledged the feeling
Solving a problem doesn’t mean ignoring emotions. It’s important to acknowledge how you feel because it reveals the path, but domesticating your emotions is more important. I acknowledged how I felt by saying, “I feel anxious because the client might not want to work with us anymore and this will be a financial loss for us.”
Note how I said “I feel anxious” and not “I’m a loser.” If I had given into negative chatter, I wouldn’t have uncovered the direction to move in (the part after “because”). This is why domesticating emotions is crucial.
2. Next, I prepared for the worst
We often run from our worst fears rather than facing them despite knowing that the worst outcome rarely comes true. The result is that we stay stuck in fear instead of pushing beyond it. And we never discover what we’re really capable of, which sucks.
In my case, the worst meant losing the client. It would hurt but it was the truth. However, we could get more clients. Plus we already had other clients who helped us pay the bills. In other words, I wouldn’t have to live on the street.
The moment I accepted this, a huge weight got lifted off my chest. This prepared me for the third and final step.
“Expect the best. Prepare for the worst. Capitalize on what comes.” – Zig Ziglar
3. Lastly, I examined the situation
Examining a situation means setting aside your emotional baggage and focusing on facts. When you trust that you’ll be okay, you become better at diagnosing the real problem. Once I felt lighter, I could see things clearly.
I used the 5 Whys Technique (asking “why” five times) to figure out the real reason for the client’s dissatisfaction. Then I collected data on the issue and on what we had previously delivered.
Finally, I reached out to the CEO of the client and held a detailed and constructive discussion based on my findings. Within four days, the CEO and I were back to the way things were before.
The best way to prepare for tomorrow is to give today your best. I’m not sure whether the issue with the client got resolved for good or whether the client won’t pack up and leave one day. However, I am sure that I’m prepared to handle such cases better today than I was yesterday.
Control your emotions instead of letting them run amok. Accept things for what they are instead of what you want them to be. Be realistic instead of delusional. Address the situation instead of succumbing to emotions.
Don’t preempt what lies ten miles ahead and get paralyzed by fear. Address what lies clearly in front of you and keep moving. One day you’ll be surprised about how close to your destination you are.
How do you move forward when all hope seems to be lost? Share your advice below!
8 Effective Tips to Improve Your Emotional Wellbeing
You know what they say, “Health Is Wealth”. But, more often than not, we only mean it in the context of physical health. There’s no question that being fit is the world’s greatest treasure. Unfortunately, not a lot of us take time out to look after our emotional health and wellbeing.
Let’s not forget – it’s ‘Mind Over Matter’. So, if you are able to take control of your emotions, thoughts, how you feel through the day and how you respond to myriad situations; there’s nothing quite like it. When you become the master of your emotions; health, prosperity, and basically all good things are bound to follow you.
With that said, here are 8 surefire ways that will improve your emotional wellbeing:
1. Practice Mindfulness
Half the time, we don’t even know what we’re thinking or how we’re feeling. That’s because we let our minds operate on autopilot. It’s time to take control of your mind. Be aware of what and how you feel throughout the day. The upside to this practice is that you can detect negative emotions right on the onset and quickly change them and their corresponding feeling.
Feelings of anger, jealousy, hatred; they are not good for the mind, soul, or the body. Paying close attention to the spectrum of emotions you experience throughout the day, will help you detect the negative ones and kick them away before they fester deep enough to take away your happiness and emotional health.
2. Stay Physically Active
As you engage in physical activities, your brain produces a whole bunch of feel-good hormones such as endorphins and dopamine. These hormones are what causes the ‘elated’ or ‘euphoric’ feeling. Being physically active uplifts your mood and your outlook towards life. It readies you to take the challenges more head-on instead of becoming overwhelmed by the littlest of inconvenience.
You are better able to analyze tough situations and take a more proactive rather than a reactive approach. It’s no question physical health is in direct proportion with emotional health. A healthy mind resides in a healthy body and vice versa.
“Caring for the mind is as important and crucial as caring for the body. In fact, one cannot be healthy without the other.” – Sid Garza-Hillman
3. Get Sufficient Sleep
Ever noticed how you feel depressed and cranky, and just out of focus the day you fail to get a good night’s sleep? Well, if you fail to get sufficient sleep for a couple of days, you are bound to feel more depressed, cranky and eventually more prone to a host of negative emotions. Research shows that sleep deprivation sends amygdala – our brain’s emotional response center into overdrive.
Amygdala controls our immediate emotional responses. When it becomes overactive, we become more reactive rather than active. We become more irritable, angry and anxious. A good night’s sleep is vital to improving your emotional wellbeing.
4. Develop a New Hobby
Learn to swim. Try arts and crafts. How about painting? Swimming is a ‘happy’ activity. You get to make new friends and stay fit. Arts and crafts, as we all know, tends to have a relaxing effect on the mind and the nerves.
Just the process of creating something from scratch makes you confident and gets those creative juices flowing. Similarly, painting helps you express yourself. All these factors together create a ‘happy you’. The one who likes to engage in new things instead of resisting change or difficult situations.
5. Eat Healthy
Ever heard of the phrase, “You are what you eat”? Well, it’s true to the last syllable. When you eat foods rich in salt, sodium, fat – you are bound to feel lethargic. It takes longer for the body to digest such foods. That means the body is forced to deprive organs of blood and use it for the digestion purpose.
Result? You become lazy, moody, not ready to take any responsibility which leads to feeling cranky and irritable. On the other hand, eating fibrous vegetables, fruits, salads, and complex sugars keeps you upbeat and healthy.
6. Laugh Your Heart Out
Laughter is the best medicine. That is why they have a dedicated ‘laughter session’ in yoga studios. You don’t even have to mean it. The simple act of spreading your cheeks and pretending to laugh sends a signal to your body that you are happy.
And what happens when you are happy? Your brain releases happy hormones like dopamine, serotonin and what not. In fact, many studies have gone so far as to stipulate that laughter alone is capable of treating all kinds of physical ailments. Why should emotional ailments be any different?
7. Try Relaxation Techniques
‘’Visualization technique’’ where you imagine yourself in a happy place is a surefire way to calm your nerves if you find yourself distressed. You may also try praying to elate yourself. Praying is good for the mind and the soul.
Controlled breathing or ‘biofeedback technique’ are some other relaxation techniques that can tame how you feel and even your bodily functions. Try surrounding yourself with aromatherapy or scented candles because the smell is a big factor in governing how we feel.
“Positive emotional energy is the key to health, happiness and wellbeing. The more positive you are, the better your life will be in every area.” – Brian Tracy
8. Count Your Blessings
We all have so much to be thankful for. It could be a friend who stands by you or a happy family. Good health. Financial freedom. Make a list of all the things that you feel grateful for in your life. If it’s a person, be sure to communicate your feelings and express your gratitude.
You will feel so much happier. Happiness is the diet of a healthy mind and an intelligent emotional response mechanism. You could also try writing a poem or simply expressing your gratitude through the power of prayers.
There are so many ways to become emotionally intelligent and not one of them requires any investment or special skills. Practically anyone and everyone can do it. All you need is the will and the desire.
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The word gratitude has been tossed around, but do you know exactly what it means or how to implement it into your life? Someone has probably told you in your life, “Express more gratitude.” Well, that sounds like a great idea, but if you don’t know what gratitude is, how can you fully express it in your life? It’s a concept that once you grasp, it will change your life. (more…)
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