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3 Secrets to Instant Charisma & Likability

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3 Secrets to Instant Charisma & Likability

Do you have one of those friends who absolutely everyone loves? People love talking to them, confiding in them, and they always seem to get ahead in life even when they may not be as smart as you. These people have charisma.

There’s a common misnomer that charisma is one of those things you either have or you don’t. That’s wrong. The deal is charisma is a skill that can be learned, adjusted and practiced. It’s true! In a controlled lab experiment, researchers proved that they could increase or decrease people’s charisma ratings by training them to speak charismatically.

Today I want to share three ways you can instantly boost your charisma and likability when interacting with other people:

Secret #1: Be present

Do you notice that when you talk to charismatic people you feel like you’re the only person in the room? This is because they’re insanely attentive and they make you feel important.

The difference between them and you is that while your mind is racing about what you should say next or how you’re being perceived, they’re “in the moment.” They are present and engaged and that’s why people describe them by saying something like “oh that person just has a presence about them.”

Well, you can too.

How to be present in conversations

Next time you have a conversation, rather than letting your mind run around about how the other person is judging you or what you’re going to make for dinner, focus on the conversation at hand. Observe your mind the next time you’re in a conversation and figure out if your mind was wandering or if you were listening attentively. I like to call this the “mental double-check” and you can do this every few minutes to make sure you’re staying present.

Observe your mind like a parent watching over a playground. Catch yourself if your mind is not focused on the conversation and the other person. If your mind is wandering, draw your mind back to the conversation. Visualize what the person is saying in your mind to stay present.

Remember, what you think in your mind dictates your verbal and nonverbal cues. By focusing on the words and imagining the story the person is sharing, you’ll find it easier to maintain eye contact and react to the other person, making them feel uber important. Since you’re treating them like they’re the only person in the room, you will seem more charismatic and attentive.

 

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Secret #2: Listen

Our society has become so obsessed with broadcasting our own thoughts and emotions that we forget to acknowledge others’ sentiments. Did you know you spend 60% of your time listening and only retain 25% of what you hear?

One of the easiest ways to make people feel good is to show that you’re listening. People love talking about themselves. Harvard scientists studied the human brain while subjects talked about themselves and learned that “self-disclosure” triggers the pleasure center of the brain, the same areas that are triggered by alcohol, sugar and even sex!

So the next time you want to be charismatic….shut up and listen!

How to listen effectively

Julian Treasure, a sound consultant who studies sounds for a living suggests this acronym for conscious listening: RASA

  • Receive- receive and pay attention to the other person
  • Appreciate- appreciate by using verbal and nonverbal cues like nodding, eye contact or saying “yes”
  • Summarize- you can summarize what the other person is saying by using “so”
  • Ask– ask questions to get a better understanding of the other person

Keep this acronym in mind the next time you’re having a conversation and notice how much the other person enjoys speaking with you. When others are talking about themselves and those pleasure centers are activated, they’ll be thinking you’re the most charismatic person ever.

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” – Bryant H. McGill

Secret #3: Establish trust by getting personal

Conversations are two-way streets. Although it’s great to listen, you can’t solely rely on the other person to hold the entire conversation, that would just be awkward. There are also times where you may want to establish trust or take the conversation to a deeper level. You can achieve all these things by sharing something personal about yourself.

Showing vulnerability can go a long way. In an interesting study by Richard Wiseman, two actresses tried to sell blenders to people at the mall. Actress one had a flawless performance demonstrating the blender, actress two “forgot” to put the lid on before blending getting juice all over herself! Guess who sold more blenders? Actress number two. Her vulnerability humanized her, it made her more relatable and people were drawn to that.

How can you begin to show some vulnerability?

How to get personal

Use the conversation at hand to parlay it into an “I” statement where you share an experience or story. For example you could say something like, “When I started a business a few years ago, I learned XYZ” or “When I went through a tough breakup last month, I also XYZ.”

This is especially effective if you’re sharing something that strongly resonates with your conversation partner, like if you both went through tough break-ups.

To take this principle a step further, you can also preface your “I” statements to show that you’re sharing something really personal. You can use phrases like, “I haven’t told many people this…” or “I usually don’t tell people I just met this, but I feel like I can trust  you…” this helps establish trust and goodwill, which will likely be reciprocated.

Showing vulnerability can make you relatable which in turn will make you likable and charismatic. So the next time you want to take your charisma to the next level, share something to make a more “human” connection.

Conclusion

Just like social skills, charisma is one of those things that can be practiced and perfected. The next time you have a conversation with someone make it a point to be present, to listen effectively and to share something about yourself so you can up your charisma score.

Thank you for reading my article! What other secrets do you think helps build charisma?

Life

A Simple but Effective Technique to Be More Confident

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Many people want to learn how to be confident in different situations, but it’s not always easy. Maybe we’re too addicted to comparing ourselves or maybe social media has brainwashed us to believe that we should all be rich, famous, and in incredible shape. (more…)

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Knowing Your Message vs Delivering Your Message

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Have you ever sent a text message only to have it misinterpreted by the person reading it? Happens all the time. Have you ever given a presentation that you were totally prepared for only to have it fall flat? Happens all the time. Have you ever had someone ask you something like, “Why are you mad?” when you were not at all mad? Happens all the time. (more…)

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The 3 Most Important Things I Learned About Personal Growth

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When you look back on your life, what do you want to think about? Do you plan to reminisce on all of the good things that have happened and how they shaped who you are today? Or would you rather remember all of the bad decisions, challenging experiences, and mistakes made that hurt or wasted a portion of your life?

In my opinion, I think it is important to reflect on both. While it’s important to remember the hardships we’ve been through in our lives – without them we wouldn’t be where we are now. There are 3 very specific areas that I feel have helped me grow in a personal sense more than anything else in my life so far. 

These aren’t simple lessons in a book or a lecture that you can just absorb and apply to your life. These are things that I’ve learned through experience and reflection, and I’m still learning and growing today.

1. We determine how much we’re worth by what we think about ourselves, others, and life in general.

This might seem like a pretty obvious lesson in life but it’s actually one of the most important because we can determine our own worth by how we think about ourselves and the world around us. If you’re looking for success in any kind of business or social setting (dating), then I’ll tell you right now that it doesn’t matter if you have 10 billion dollars or not – people are still going to judge you based on your thoughts and beliefs alone.

What determines our value isn’t necessarily what we do with our lives (which is often based on luck) but whether or not we believe that ‘our work’ is worthy or not in some sort of grand scheme or universe. We may not always be able to control what happens in our lives, but we can always control how we value ourselves and others.

“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” – Maya Angelou

2. You don’t have to change your habits or personality just because someone else doesn’t like it – their opinions are THEIRS alone.

This is another one of those lessons that people tend to pick up on a little bit late in life, but if anything that makes its importance even worse! Basically, there’s going to come a time when you’re going to meet someone who has certain expectations of you as a person…but these expectations might not be realistic due to their motivations and personal beliefs. For example, sometimes parents might expect you to be a lawyer or doctor because that’s what they believe is best for their child.

However, this isn’t the case for everyone and so maybe your passion lies in music or writing novels. In this example, if you were also pressured into becoming a doctor – then there would obviously be some kind of conflict going on within yourself as a person. You should never have to give up something that you want to do just because someone else doesn’t like it! The reason why we’re put onto this Earth is to make our own choices and go after our OWN dreams instead of letting others determine what we can and cannot do with our lives .

3. You can’t change your life until you accept that you need to make a change.

When I was younger, I thought that this lesson would be pretty obvious – but as I got older, it really made me appreciate the fact that there are always different ways of perceiving our lives. For example, if someone wants to become rich and famous one day – their mind might simply overshadow any other possibility in their head because they feel like this is what they NEED to do right now.

However, this isn’t always true within our own lives because we think about things too literally instead of having an open mind. If you want to achieve success in any kind of business or social setting (dating) then you should be willing to try out different things instead of staying in your comfort zone. If you want something, then it’s up to YOU to actually go after it – nobody else is going to give it to you!

The three lessons above are some of the main things I want to pass on to everyone because they’ve come at an important time in my life where I need to start thinking about others instead of only myself. It’s great if we can learn to love ourselves first before anything else, but that doesn’t mean you should neglect everyone around you even though they might be your friends and family members!

If you enjoyed this article on the 3 most important things I learned about personal growth, then please share it with your friends and family! Also, check out my other articles on success & motivation as well as life lessons that could help people who are struggling with their life right now on lifengoal.com. Thanks for reading!

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​​4 Boss Level Growth Strategies That Create an Optimized Life

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Building a business is about more than sales, marketing, and flexing on social media. While those things tend to draw attention, they attract the wrong type of clients and are not how you build a sustainable and freedom-focused business. (more…)

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