Life
3 Secrets to Instant Charisma & Likability

Do you have one of those friends who absolutely everyone loves? People love talking to them, confiding in them, and they always seem to get ahead in life even when they may not be as smart as you. These people have charisma.
There’s a common misnomer that charisma is one of those things you either have or you don’t. That’s wrong. The deal is charisma is a skill that can be learned, adjusted and practiced. It’s true! In a controlled lab experiment, researchers proved that they could increase or decrease people’s charisma ratings by training them to speak charismatically.
Today I want to share three ways you can instantly boost your charisma and likability when interacting with other people:
Secret #1: Be present
Do you notice that when you talk to charismatic people you feel like you’re the only person in the room? This is because they’re insanely attentive and they make you feel important.
The difference between them and you is that while your mind is racing about what you should say next or how you’re being perceived, they’re “in the moment.” They are present and engaged and that’s why people describe them by saying something like “oh that person just has a presence about them.”
Well, you can too.
How to be present in conversations
Next time you have a conversation, rather than letting your mind run around about how the other person is judging you or what you’re going to make for dinner, focus on the conversation at hand. Observe your mind the next time you’re in a conversation and figure out if your mind was wandering or if you were listening attentively. I like to call this the “mental double-check” and you can do this every few minutes to make sure you’re staying present.
Observe your mind like a parent watching over a playground. Catch yourself if your mind is not focused on the conversation and the other person. If your mind is wandering, draw your mind back to the conversation. Visualize what the person is saying in your mind to stay present.
Remember, what you think in your mind dictates your verbal and nonverbal cues. By focusing on the words and imagining the story the person is sharing, you’ll find it easier to maintain eye contact and react to the other person, making them feel uber important. Since you’re treating them like they’re the only person in the room, you will seem more charismatic and attentive.

Secret #2: Listen
Our society has become so obsessed with broadcasting our own thoughts and emotions that we forget to acknowledge others’ sentiments. Did you know you spend 60% of your time listening and only retain 25% of what you hear?
One of the easiest ways to make people feel good is to show that you’re listening. People love talking about themselves. Harvard scientists studied the human brain while subjects talked about themselves and learned that “self-disclosure” triggers the pleasure center of the brain, the same areas that are triggered by alcohol, sugar and even sex!
So the next time you want to be charismatic….shut up and listen!
How to listen effectively
Julian Treasure, a sound consultant who studies sounds for a living suggests this acronym for conscious listening: RASA
- Receive- receive and pay attention to the other person
- Appreciate- appreciate by using verbal and nonverbal cues like nodding, eye contact or saying “yes”
- Summarize- you can summarize what the other person is saying by using “so”
- Ask– ask questions to get a better understanding of the other person
Keep this acronym in mind the next time you’re having a conversation and notice how much the other person enjoys speaking with you. When others are talking about themselves and those pleasure centers are activated, they’ll be thinking you’re the most charismatic person ever.
“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” – Bryant H. McGill
Secret #3: Establish trust by getting personal
Conversations are two-way streets. Although it’s great to listen, you can’t solely rely on the other person to hold the entire conversation, that would just be awkward. There are also times where you may want to establish trust or take the conversation to a deeper level. You can achieve all these things by sharing something personal about yourself.
Showing vulnerability can go a long way. In an interesting study by Richard Wiseman, two actresses tried to sell blenders to people at the mall. Actress one had a flawless performance demonstrating the blender, actress two “forgot” to put the lid on before blending getting juice all over herself! Guess who sold more blenders? Actress number two. Her vulnerability humanized her, it made her more relatable and people were drawn to that.
How can you begin to show some vulnerability?
How to get personal
Use the conversation at hand to parlay it into an “I” statement where you share an experience or story. For example you could say something like, “When I started a business a few years ago, I learned XYZ” or “When I went through a tough breakup last month, I also XYZ.”
This is especially effective if you’re sharing something that strongly resonates with your conversation partner, like if you both went through tough break-ups.
To take this principle a step further, you can also preface your “I” statements to show that you’re sharing something really personal. You can use phrases like, “I haven’t told many people this…” or “I usually don’t tell people I just met this, but I feel like I can trust you…” this helps establish trust and goodwill, which will likely be reciprocated.
Showing vulnerability can make you relatable which in turn will make you likable and charismatic. So the next time you want to take your charisma to the next level, share something to make a more “human” connection.
Conclusion
Just like social skills, charisma is one of those things that can be practiced and perfected. The next time you have a conversation with someone make it a point to be present, to listen effectively and to share something about yourself so you can up your charisma score.
Thank you for reading my article! What other secrets do you think helps build charisma?
Life
The Imbalanced Problem with Work/Life Balance
Balancing is for your checkbook, gymnastics, and nutrition; not for your people’s work/life ratio.

Balance…it requires an equal distribution of value between two or more subjects to maintain steady composure and equitable proportionality. (more…)

It’s 2023, a new year, new you, right? But how do we start over? How do we make the changes in our lives that we crave so much to see? (more…)
Life
Failing is More Important Than Succeeding
Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures.

People often consider failure a stigma. Society often doesn’t respect the people who failed and avoids and criticizes their actions. Failure is an integral part of life as life is incomplete without failures. Not to have endeavored is worse than failing in life as at some stage of your life you regret not having tried in your life. (more…)
Life
5 Indicators of Unresolved Attachment Trauma

Trauma caused during specific stages of a child’s development, known as attachment trauma, can have lasting effects on a person’s sense of safety, security, predictability, and trust. This type of trauma is often the result of abuse, neglect, or inconsistent care from a primary caregiver.
Individuals who have not fully processed attachment trauma may display similar patterns of behavior and physical or psychological symptoms that negatively impact their adult lives, including the choices they make in relationships and business.
Unfortunately, many people may not even be aware that they are struggling with trauma. Research estimates that 6% of the population will experience PTSD in their lifetime, with a majority of males and females having experienced significant trauma.
Unresolved attachment trauma can significantly impair the overall quality of a person’s life, including their ability to form healthy relationships and make positive choices for themselves. One well-known effect of unhealed attachment trauma is the compulsion to repeat past wounds by unconsciously selecting romantic partners who trigger their developmental trauma.
However, there are other less recognized but equally detrimental signs of unprocessed developmental trauma.
Five possible indications of unresolved attachment trauma are:
1. Unconscious Sabotage
Self-sabotage is a common pattern among individuals with unprocessed attachment trauma. This cycle often begins with hurting others, which is then followed by hurting oneself. It is also common for those with attachment trauma to have heightened emotional sensitivity, which can trigger this cycle.
This pattern can manifest in lashing out, shutting down, or impulsive behavior that leads to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-loathing.
Many people with attachment trauma are not aware of their wounds and operate on survival mode, unconsciously testing or challenging the emotional investment of those around them, and pushing them away out of self-preservation and fear of abandonment.
This can lead to a pattern of making poor choices for themselves based on impulsivity.
3. Behaviors That Block Out Trauma
4. A strong need for control
5. Psychological Symptoms That Are Not Explained
What to do next if you’re suffering from emotional attachment trauma?
There are several ways that people can work to overcome emotional attachment trauma:
- Therapy: One of the most effective ways to overcome emotional attachment trauma is through therapy. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the impact of your trauma on your life, and develop coping strategies to manage symptoms.
- Support groups: Joining a support group of people who have had similar experiences can be a great way to find validation, empathy, and a sense of community.
- Mindfulness practices: Mindfulness practices such as meditation, pilates, prayer time with God or journaling can help you become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations, and develop a sense of spiritual connection and self-regulation.
- Trauma-focused cognitive-behavioral therapy (TF-CBT): This is a type of therapy that is specifically designed to help individuals process and recover from traumatic events.
- Building a safety net: Building a support system of people you trust, who are there for you when you need them, can help you feel more secure and safe in your life.
It’s important to remember that healing from emotional attachment trauma is a process and it may take time. It’s also important to find a therapist who is experienced in treating trauma, who you feel comfortable talking with, and who can help you develop a personalized treatment plan.
-
Success Advice4 weeks ago
The Dark Side of Success: How to Identify and Avoid Toxic Leaders
-
Success Advice3 weeks ago
How to Focus Your Mind on Your Goals in 2023 Constructively
-
Success Advice4 weeks ago
How to Fast Track Your Career for Guaranteed Success
-
Life4 weeks ago
Grit: The Key to Your Ultimate Greatness
-
Entrepreneurs4 weeks ago
How to Lose a Team in 10 Days: Are You a True Leader?
-
Success Advice3 weeks ago
How to Develop a Following of Passionate Fans Even Before Launch
-
Success Advice3 weeks ago
How to Think Like a CEO for Your Future Success
-
Life3 weeks ago
3 Simple Steps to Cultivate Courage and Create a Life of Meaning
3 Comments