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5 Types of People You Should Limit Your Time With When Chasing Your Dreams

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Everybody has that person that they spend too much time with. That person that stops us from following our dreams or talks us out of taking a risk. Now more than ever, it’s extremely important to consciously choose who we spend time with because ultimately who we hang around with has an influence on the decisions we make in life whether we realize it or not.

One of my favorite quotes is from Jim Rohn, “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. This quote was an eye opener for me. I looked around the people I spent the most time with and realized there were a few that I needed to limit my time with.

Here are 5 types of people you should limit spending your time with:

1. The complainers

The complainers are the people that are always complaining about how bad their life is or how bad their job is. They constantly complain about everything but never do anything about it. Being around the constant complainer can eventually take a toll on you and you will start to join in on the complaints and before you know it you have just adopted the same way of thinking as the negative friend. If you have one of these types of people in your life, make sure you cut back on the time spent around this individual.

2. The entitled

The entitlement mindset has become increasingly common. These are the people that feel as if they are entitled to certain things in life. They feel they do not have to work for anything and feel that the Government or anyone around them owes them something. They will be the ones to try and talk you out of following your dreams.

They will tell you that the Government won’t allow you to be successful and they will take all of your money. This mindset can be deadly to a person trying to be successful. This mindset completely halts your determination and can kill your success in a heartbeat. We are not entitled to anything at all. If we want a good life we have to create a good life.

“Be humble, be hungry and always be the hardest worker in the room.” – Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

3. The conformers

Unfortunately, the conformers are the most popular of all. They are the ones that conform to the limits set on them. They do not have any dreams they are chasing after and they are not doing something that goes against the status quo.

They are simple living like robots; waking up, working 40 hours a week at a job they hate, and going home and sleeping. There are many people who are content with this and that is perfectly fine. But a person that is following their dreams simply cannot conform to the average lifestyle.

I believe, the best way to go about this is, while working that full time job, put in the extra effort on the side to start building towards something that is in line with your dreams. Then eventually you will be able to leave that full time job and pursue your passion.

4. The party animals

The party animal in your group is usually the one that wants to go out drinking every night. Usually these types of people can break your focus on your dreams. I believe that you do have to take some time to relax and clear your head so you can refocus but going bar hopping every single night is not going to get you the life you are after. It is more of a distraction than anything. Limit your time with the person that always wants to go out because if you don’t you will lose focus of everything you are trying to achieve.

5. The doubters

These types of people can be downers. They will listen to your big dreams but they will be the first ones to tell you they don’t think it is a good idea or they will tell you not to get your hopes up. They are the ones that believe you have to be somebody in order to do something extravagant. As somebody who is chasing their dreams, this can be very discouraging.

You don’t want to hear someone that you spend a lot of time with say something that can kill your spirit. It is extremely important to keep people around you that encourage you and lift your spirits when you are losing motivation. Identifying the doubters in the group that you spend the most time with will be beneficial to you and your success in the future.

“Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” – Suzy Kassem

It is vital to your success to surround yourself with people that will encourage you to chase your dreams. They will be your biggest support team through the good and the bad. Surrounding yourself with the right people can ultimately play a huge role in your success.

Check out the video below of the 5 toxic people you should avoid. Share this video!

Which one of these people do you think is most important to stay away from and why? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below!

Image courtesy of Twenty20.com

Tyler Leslie left his father's successful family business in 2015 to chase after his own dreams. Tyler has been featured in some of the most popular online publications such as Entrepreneur, SUCCESS Magazine, The Huffington Post, and many more. Tyler is a Freelance Content Creator/Manager. He is also the Content Manager/Editor for one of the top rated motivational and personal development blogs, Addicted2Success.com. You can connect with him through his Facebook or Twitter.

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8 Comments

8 Comments

  1. ibrahima Yade

    Nov 21, 2017 at 7:57 pm

    Great thoughts very useful for people who want to realize some immortant projects. The complainer is for me the worst of all the five because if he is around you, you will always be exposed to negative waves and your energy will go boiled. The doubter will comme next but we can turn him as a “feedback provider” who points out some risks envolved in one’s project, risks which should be consider not as a source of discouragement but only as a potential risk to manage.

  2. Michael Murphy

    Aug 1, 2017 at 9:13 pm

    Complainers seem to be the ones who are most abundant in our world today. ‘It’s too hot’, ‘it’s too cold’, ‘life is hard’, ‘life isn’t fair’, ‘you know what THEY did (to me)’, ‘I don’t like’, ‘it’s not enough’……….. This is how their stories always start. I agree with each on that you’ve identified, Tyler. I’m not much tempted by ‘the partiers’ because I like feeling good every day, all day. Best to stay away from those who stay out all night and drink themselves into oblivion. It is great to identify each one and certainly be aware of them. Thanks again. Great job!

  3. sai pavithran

    Jun 25, 2017 at 2:56 pm

    firstly the complainers because they change the way we see,by constantly complaining about someone or something…. and secondly the doubters

  4. adel kazem

    Jun 14, 2017 at 1:13 pm

    wow, great article, those exactly the type of people that make an external factors that help preventing the person persuading their dreams & projects. Thank you author.

  5. nyasha munyenyiwa

    Jun 14, 2017 at 1:42 am

    Thank you Tyler for sharing such profound knowledge. To me the most dangerous people to be around with are the doubters, they are the first to shoot you down when you share your dreams with them and that will definitely demotivate you.

  6. Omarejivwie

    Jun 8, 2017 at 5:14 pm

    The complainers and the doubters ain’t worth hanging around with

  7. Jeanette Metz

    Jun 8, 2017 at 3:22 am

    That quote from Jim Rohn was an eye opener for me too. It really makes you look at who you surround yourself with, what they are doing with their time, and how it affects you. We take on a lot from other people without even noticing, and negativity can be especially draining. You are so right about the conformers too!

  8. teslim olatundun

    Jun 4, 2017 at 8:17 am

    Thanks alot for the inspiration,Tyler…
    To me I think the doubters are the most dangerous people to be around…

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Why Do We Have An Unconscious Bias and How Can We Manage It?

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When I hear someone using my name once in a while throughout the conversation we are having, I cannot stop myself thinking “this person must have read Dale Carnegie’s books or must have been influenced by someone who read them…” Have you just recalled a similar moment and it felt nice?

As Dale Carnegie famously said, “Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and the most important sound in any language”. Why did Dale Carnegie highlight the importance of an individual’s name to that person in his “How to Win Friends and Influence People” book published in 1936?

Each and every one of us wants to feel special and unique. I guess he recommends using the person’s name in the conversation because that is one of the easiest ways to grab that person’s attention so that we can enhance the chances of getting our point across. However, I am more interested in this from the other side; hearing our names directly addresses our individuality, our need or desire to feel special and unique.  

Let’s park this one for now and we will come back. 

Categorization is essential to our survival

There is countless scientific research telling us about how our brains recognize similarities and put things into categories, which has been crucial to our survival in evolution and still helps us with a lot of things from learning new things to coping with the continuous influx of massive amounts of information through our senses. 

The continuous influx of information is mostly handled by our subconscious mind rather than conscious. It is estimated that our brains receive about 11 million bits of information every second through our senses, of which only 40-50 bits can be processed by our conscious mind. We process more information than we are aware of. The magic here is the subconscious mind.

An example is when you are at a very loud party where you hear a lot of words flying around without you recognizing each one of them, then suddenly, you immediately catch it when you hear your name. Your subconscious had been processing all of those words, without your awareness, but informed your conscious mind when your name was out there because it was relevant to you.

In order to most effectively process this much information and inform the conscious mind with only the relevant ones, our subconscious employs categorization as one of its strategies.

When our ancestors encountered some deadly predators in the African savanna, their subconscious prompted their conscious mind to immediately fight or flight by categorizing the information gathered through their senses into “predator / life threat / take action”. Most probably we are not descendants of the ones that were frozen rather than fighting or flighting! 

Although it is a completely different situation, the same strategy applied in remembering lists. Let’s look at the below two lists.

  1. lion, eagle, shark, leopard, hawk, whale, panther, falcon and dolphin 
  2. lion, leopard, panther, eagle, hawk, falcon, shark, whale and dolphin

The second list is easy to remember because it is reordered into relevant groups even though the content of the both lists are identical.

Subconsciousness is the magic and categorization is one of its key strategies. It is essential to our survival, learning new skills and processing information as well as bringing back the information we had processed and stored. 

This amazing skill has its drawbacks

As a result of our brains’ categorization strategy, we also categorize people, especially if we don’t know them as well as our closest ones.

Imagine I am sitting at the table next to yours while you are having your favorite coffee and working on your computer or reading your novel at your neighborhood coffee shop. I stand up, very calmly grab your bag, and start walking away. Your reaction might be quite different depending on my outfit. It could be much more vocal and harsh if I have a dirty T-Shirt and a pair of torn jeans on. However, if I have some navy colored, 3-piece suit and well-pressed white button up shirt on, you might even say something like “Excuse me, you might have picked up my bag by mistake”. (There is an experiment done by social psychologists which reported similar results)

Similarly, I would not be surprised to hear that my co-worker’s spouse is very skilled and knowledgeable in English grammar and literature because he is an English teacher. However, I would not expect it from my co-worker herself because she is an outstanding chemical engineer.  

This is defined as unconscious bias or stereotyping, as a result of our subconscious brain’s categorization strategy. The outfit I have at the coffee shop impacts your response to my action, because it puts me into a different category in your mind depending on my outfit. My co-worker’s and her spouse’s backgrounds make me put them into different categories, which might mislead me sometimes.

Just like we categorize things, it is very natural that we categorize people.  

The key question here for me is; how do we truly treat people as individuals so that they feel unique, just like as they would want, while we know that our brains categorize people

We can overcome unconscious bias 

Leonard Mlodinow, in his enlightening book “Subliminal”, suggests that “if we are aware of our bias and motivated to overcome it, we can.” That doesn’t mean that we need to fight our brain’s categorization strategy. We just need to employ our conscious mind more when we are working or dealing with individuals. 

Our unconscious bias might tell us scientists are bunch of technical nerds who cannot understand abstract concepts that marketers are talking about or it might say that marketers are some daydreamers who need to be grounded by scientists to the real world all the time. I am an engineer and I love thinking in abstract terms and I worked with quite a lot of marketers who thought primarily in factual and concrete terms. 

Spending some effort to learn more about individuals will help overcome unconscious bias. Gathering more information and qualities about them will make it easier for us to treat them as individuals rather than a member of the category we put them in our minds. 

The moral of the story here is to recognize the fact that our brains do categorize, and it is essential; but also, to recognize that every individual wants to feel unique. When we appreciate these two and keep reminding them to ourselves, we are one step closer to figuring out our own way to overcome unconscious bias and treat people more like individuals. 

What was the most interesting part of this article for you? Share your thoughts below!

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