Maybe you’ve heard the saying by Jim Rohn that goes: “You are the sum of your five closest friends.” Your close friends influence you and ultimately help shape who you are and who you become.
So, what do you do if you make big goals and your friends just don’t have that same motivation? In my experience, if your goals are larger than that of those in your community – success will be that much harder to attain. So, naturally, the question arises, “What should I do if my friends don’t have the kind of goals I do?”
One option is to dump those friends. Which isn’t always a good choice. They are your friends after all, and having good friends is invaluable.
Here are 3 options to ensure that the ‘sum of your success’ isn’t so deeply affected by the lack of motivation of your close friends:
1. Make New Friends
In my experience and that of just about every successful person I’ve met, the key to success is surrounding yourself with successful people. We are like the people we spend time around. We learn through association, rubbing elbows with, and being in the vicinity of others who are driven.
When you make new friends, you set yourself up to change and transform. Start spending time with a person who loves running – pretty soon you’re likely to start running. Hang out with a group of entrepreneurs, and soon enough you’re going to be filled with ideas to make money and will set off to make your first million.
As one spiritual teacher put it to me, ‘if you are kindling and you surround yourself with others who are on fire’ – surely you will light up too.
“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” – Tennessee Williams
2. Move Away For A Little While
Not quite like dumping your friends – but just close to help create that distance you need. When you move, you change the environment, the influence and the world you lived in disappears meaning you get to create a new one. A short move away will help you stop waiting for your friends to change so you can make your shifts. Move away so you can start to make your transformation today, no more waiting for them.
If you don’t want to move entirely – try taking a little Airbnb time away. Get a place far enough out that it’s not easy for you to return to the old stomping grounds or habits. For example, I tried staying on a small island several hours away from all my friends. During that time my focus shifted. My desire got a reset, my circle was gone, and I was able to create a new vision without the hindrances of old influences.
The changes that come with a little temporary move will surprise you. Give it a try and give yourself a reset to reinvigorate you for increased success.
3. Introduce Old Friends To Your New Ones
Our friends influence us immensely. They create a certain environment and standard of living. When you make new friends, make new goals, and return to the old places you’re used to – it can be easy to slide back into old habits.
One way to change your old friends is introducing them to new places and people. If it’s true that environment is stronger than will, then introduce your friends to each other. Change the environment by adding new people and circumstances to it. Change one part of the dynamic and you could very well influence your old friends to the new goals and vision you have.
In my life, one thing I’ve done is invite my old friends to the gym. I invite them to entrepreneur meetups. I bring them into the world that pulls them in and me out of the old habits of bars, movie theaters, and the comforts we’ve enjoyed for decades.
Give this a shot because it could work out better than moving away or dumping friends. Whatever you do though, realize by making any of these changes, you’ll be sure to increase the speed at which you arrive at your goals.
“One friend can change your whole life.” – Wilson Kanadi
How do you stay motivated when the people around you are not lifting you up? Let us know by commenting below!
Image courtesy of Twenty20.com
How to Stay Motivated to Achieve Your Goals
Time is the raw material of our lives. How we choose to spend it, shapes our life accordingly. So having the motivation to spend it on achieving goals is crucial to creating a life we want.
What is Motivation?
The Oxford dictionary defines motivation as the desire or willingness to do something – our drive to take action.
Scientifically, motivation has its roots in the dopamine pathways of our brains. When we do something that feels good, that’s dopamine kicking in. Our actions are driven by the desire for that reward (the good feeling).
Author Steven Pressfield describes motivation more practically. He says we hit a point where the pain of not doing something becomes greater than the pain of doing it. He sees motivation as crossing the threshold where it’s easier to take action than it is to be idle. Like choosing to feel awkward while making sales calls over feeling disappointed about a diminishing bank account.
However you choose to think about it, we all want to harness motivation to achieve our goals.
How to Get Motivated
James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, says that most people misunderstand motivation. They think that motivation is what gets us to take action. In reality, motivation is often the result of action, not the cause of it. Once we start a task, it’s easier to continue making progress. Like Isaac Newton’s first law: objects in motion stay in motion.
This means most of the resistance when working on your goals comes right before we start. Since motivation naturally occurs after we start, we need to focus on making starting easier.
4 Ways to Make Starting Easier
1. Schedule it
One reason people can’t get started on things is that they haven’t planned when to do it.
When things aren’t scheduled it’s easier for them to fall by the wayside. You’ll end up hoping motivation falls in your lap or hoping that you’ll muster enough willpower to get it done.
An article in the Guardian said, “If you waste resources trying to decide when or where to work, you’ll impede your capacity to do the work.”
2. Measure something
It’s easy to feel uninspired when you don’t know if you’re making progress or what you’re even working towards. That’s why you need to make your success measurable in some way. Starting is easy when you know exactly how much closer your current actions will bring you to achieving your goal.
3. Extrinsic motivation
This type of motivation is from external factors. It can be either positive or negative. Positive motivation consists of incentives like money, prizes, and grades. Negative motivation consists of deterrents like being fired, having a fight, or being fined. Extrinsic motivation doesn’t work effectively long-term, but it can work well in the short term to get you started on something.
4. Make it public
Keep yourself accountable by telling friends and family your goals, or even sharing them on social media. This makes it easier to start something because you’re pressured to not let others down.
How to Stay Motivated Long Term
When we say we want to feel motivated to do something, we don’t want to be pushed or guilted into doing a task. We want to be so attracted and drawn to the idea that we can’t resist not taking action. That’s why it’s important to build a foundation that will set you up for consistency.
These are 5 techniques that will help you do just that:
1. Stay in your goldilocks zone
The goldilocks zone is when a task is the perfect level of difficulty—not too hard and not too easy. In this zone, we reach peak motivation and focus.
For example, let’s say you’re playing a serious tennis match against a 4-year-old. On this level of difficulty, you’ll quickly become bored and not want to play. Now let’s say you’re playing a serious tennis match against Serena Williams. On this level of difficulty, you’ll quickly become demotivated because the match is too challenging.
The Goldilocks zone is in the middle of that spectrum. You want to face someone with equal skill as you. That way you have a chance to win, but you have to focus and try for it. Adjusting your workload and goals over time to stay within your Goldilocks zone keeps you engaged and motivated long-term.
2. Pursue intrinsically motivated goals
Being intrinsically motivated to achieve a goal is when you want to achieve it for what it is. There are no external factors like a reward or the risk of being fired. The drive behind your actions is coming from within.
For most intrinsic goals we pursue them because they will enrich our lives or bring us closer to fulfillment. That makes these goals extremely sustainable long-term because they directly affect our quality of life and the things we care about.
3. Use “chunking”
Chunking is the technique of breaking down a goal into smaller short-term targets. By doing this you achieve multiple successes in your pursuit of the main goal. This triggers the brain’s reward system and drives you to keep going.
Traditionally, you may set a goal that you expect to achieve in one year. That’s a long time to commit without seeing any results along the way. By chunking your goals into monthly or quarterly targets, you get the consistent positive reinforcement you need to stay motivated long-term.
For example, instead of trying to lose 50 pounds in one year, try to lose 4 pounds every month for 12 months.
4. Be flexible
We’re all victims of circumstance. Things happen along our journey that we can either adjust to or quit because of. That’s why it’s important to have leeway and flexibility when you’re pursuing a goal. If you expect everything to go perfectly, the inevitable failure can make you disengaged and desireless. When you plan for things to go wrong, you make sure you can keep up for the long haul.
5. Pursue your goals in a sustainable fashion
Don’t lose hope when you’re not an overnight success. Overnight successes are the 1%—for the most part, they don’t exist. What we see as an “overnight success” is actually countless hours of work behind the scenes finally hitting a tipping point. Pursuing goals is a story of patience, persistence, and unseen effort.
Don’t compare yourself to others. Comparison is a recipe for a drop in self-confidence and satisfaction. It also cultivates a mindset where you think you haven’t done enough. As a result, you may raise your expectations and put more pressure on yourself.
This is pointless because things worth achieving take time. So we obviously won’t compare to the things around us when starting.
Mastering motivation is a superpower. With that ability at your fingertips, you can accomplish your goals and shape a life you want to live in.
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