To live life in the fast lane is a common way for humans to exist. People that live life in the fast lane live a lie every day and become trapped. I was one of these trapped souls for many years until the car that was my life, spun out of control and hit a light pole – literally.
When you live life in the fast lane, you only exist to stimulate your senses with excitement and short bursts of pleasure. You become reactive to everything and only focus on yourself. This selfish way of living eventually starts to transcend you and you can begin to resent everyone who lives in the opposite way to you.
In the fast lane, all the things that don’t matter start to matter to you. All the shallow activities that one can participate in become the centre of your own universe. Even if you don’t live your entire life in the fast lane, there is probably a part of you that does.
The five triggers that showed me I was living in the fast lane, and that you should avoid, are:
1. Owning a fast car
When I was living this selfish way of life, I went and bought myself a fast BMW. I thought that somehow my life was incomplete and that a fast car would change this. The first few weeks of driving the car were amazing.
I sped around corners, had all the windows down, played loud music and drove like a moron. Soon, the thrill I got from the car wore off and I was already thinking about an even faster car – a Porsche.
Living in the fast lane made me believe that what others thought of me mattered. Some of the coolest people I have met drive the most ordinary cars. Your car doesn’t define you or make you better than everyone else.
An excellent example of this is Tim Ferriss. He drives a ten-year-old Volkswagen Golf even though he could probably afford a Ferrari. He is one of the most well-respected people globally yet the car he drives has made no difference to his success or the way he is perceived.
In fact, I believe that because he doesn’t live life in the fast lane, this is one of the reasons why he has had such a broad appeal on social media.
You define you, not the possessions you buy.
2. Addiction to spending
A clear way to know you are living life in the fast lane is by your spending habits. When I was living life in the fast lane, I would always spend any money I got on a new toy and never pay myself first. It was only until a friend told me to read “Rich Dad, Poor Dad” that I began putting money into savings or investments first, before spending a single dollar on anything else.
Most people’s spending habits are pretty wild and they are based on what the marketing or people they hang out with tell them to buy. You don’t need a new outfit for every special occasion. One of the richest men in the world Mark Zuckerberg has a very plain closet and that never held him back.
Focus the money you have on following your dream and improving yourself through books, seminars, travelling, taking people out for lunch, healthy food, and purchases that encourage exercise or movement. Lose the mindset of scarcity and avoid stocking up on household items – even if they are cheap.
Your tastes will change over time and so it’s never worth pre-purchasing too much of the same item. Try and go an entire weekend without spending any money. Notice how good it feels and how you don’t have to be addicted to your wallet (including your digital wallet PayPal).
3. The need for flashy clothes
It’s obvious you are living life in the fast lane if you spend more than a few hours a month buying flashy clothes. Those who live in the fast lane are constantly changing their wardrobe to meet someone else’s requirements.
In order to hang out with the wrong people, in the wrong places like nightclubs, I found myself always buying clothes that were very expensive and unnecessary. Add alcohol to the mix, and these new flashing clothes were often ruined after one night anyway.
I’m not saying dress like a bum, but what I am saying is don’t waste your life buying flashy clothes because of what other people think or because you are trying to portray some false image that is not you.
Forget the wannabe players and be you.
4. Too much alcohol
When you wake up every day or even every weekend smelling like booze, urine and vomit, you know you are living in the fast lane. Look at what alcohol makes you do and how it makes you behave. Is that behaviour you? No, it’s not, it’s the booze talking.
In my lowest moments of living in the fast lane, I would drink stupid amounts of alcohol even when I was at home. If I went out with friends, I would then triple my consumption to keep up with everyone else and be the drunkest.
Since when does the amount of alcohol you drink ever determine your success? It doesn’t, it makes you a total deadbeat loser of the highest calibre. Occasionally (thank god it wasn’t all the time), while under the influence of booze, I would drive my fast car home and think I was a cool cat.
This was all fun and games until one afternoon while suffering from a massive hangover; I literally spun my car out of control while trying to go fast round a corner. My car spun in circles and then eventually hit a light pole. That’s what I get for being a loser and living in the fast lane. Nice work Tim!
5. Constant nightclub appearances
The final trait of someone living in the fast lane is the regular appearance at nightclubs. This is a category I topped for a long time. Usually, it would involve multiple nightclubs in the same night because you had to be seen in all the cool places right? Wrong.
I always wondered why I managed to find so many trashy girlfriends and why all the good girls were almost never in these places. I still go now and then, but I just ensure it’s not for twelve hours and it’s because I want too, not because I am trying to be someone I’m not.
The fast lane can be a dangerous one if you spend too much time in nightclubs. While it starts out with alcohol, it can quickly turn into cigarettes, marijuana, and then eventually much harder drugs. In my life, I was very lucky that I never tried any drugs and never seemed to have an interest in them.
In western society drugs is a big problem although it’s not publicised as much as it should be. Nightclubs have become like candy shops where you can literally buy almost any drug you want without knowing anyone in the drug dealing business.
I’ve seen some horrific things happen to people that got addicted to drugs and it’s the one part of living in the fast lane that will not only see you spin out of control, but it will probably see you waste away your life and fail in every sense of the word.
***Cool equals different (i.e. you)***
The reason I stopped living in the fast lane is that I realised through hours of personal development that being cool equals being different. Being different means being uniquely you. Without sounding lie a wanker, I now (for the first time) see myself as cool because I am being me.
Every day people come up to me and want to chat or hang out because I am living in an extremely different way to the majority. I am not afraid to say what I think or to do what I love. I express myself in whatever way I can and live with passion and energy.
See, it turns out that when I was living in the fast lane, it didn’t feel right. I was stressed anxious and depressed all at the same time. I may have had all the money in the world but life really sucked. Just because you can buy anything you want, doesn’t mean that you will live with any sort of passion.
When you start to live with passion and exist for a purpose, living in the fast lane feels like a dumb way to live. It feels like you are trying to escape life rather than embrace life. If you’re stuck in the fast lane, it’s possible to get back in control again but it starts with one idea. It starts with one decision. Maybe this article will be the catalyst for the new you – I hope so.
How have you escaped the fast lane? What’s holding you back? Share your thoughts in the comments section below or on my website timdenning.net and my Facebook.
How to Harness the Power of Your Personal Narrative
Are you “living up” or “living down” to your personal narrative? When you set out to achieve an important goal, you’ll come face-to-face with many obstacles, such as starting a new business and not having your prospects reply to your prospecting emails. Perhaps you’ve had an interview for a new job and learned you didn’t make the final round of applicants.
In those difficult moments, you have to have an internal conversation with yourself, known as self-talk. What do you say? How do you feel? You may find yourself succumbing to negativity or failing to believe in your own self-worth. If so, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We’re all easily overwhelmed by our doubts and fears, because it’s what makes us human.
However, these feelings can not only shape a sense of identity, but also allow our doubt and fear to determine the outcome. When this happens, it’s vital to understand how to have the courage and conviction to move forward despite the obstacles. This includes moving forward in the midst of struggling, even when success seems lightyears away. This may seem daunting, but the answer is right in front of us. It lies in our personal narrative.
“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” – Walt Disney
What is a personal narrative?
A personal narrative is a life-script that is often followed without question or protest. The conversations you have internally, known as self-talk, make up the core component to our personal narrative. Your self talk represents a powerful belief system that’s baked into our day-to-day existence.
Each of us possess a personal narrative that encompasses a belief system that shapes us and what we see as possible in our lives. As a result, we either live up or live down to that personal narrative.
While a personal narrative is the starting place, it’s a powerful one. On one hand, when a negative narrative becomes suffocating, it can be hard to escape. This will lead you to foster the belief that you’re incapable of accomplishing something, ensuring that you’ll be less likely to continue to take the necessary steps in the direction of a dream.
Your narrative may be so powerful that you may just assume the worst, ending any possibility for you to put in the necessary time, effort and perseverance required to achieve a different outcome.
“The inner speech, your thoughts, can cause you to be rich or poor, loved or unloved, happy or unhappy, attractive or unattractive, powerful or weak.” – Ralph Charell
Cultivating positive narratives
On the other hand, what if we possessed personal narratives that were more positive? This is not just positive thinking, because it is the practice of consciously cultivating a narrative that you could live up to instead. Imagine how a more positive narrative could support more preferable outcomes.
In life, this may sound like, “I plan to do well in this interview, so I am going to take every action to support that expectation – like working with a career coach.” Or it may sound like, “Because I am someone who tries hard even when I am overwhelmed or uncomfortable, I am going to ask for help if I feel stuck.” That way, when a challenge arises – as they always do, you will grow to trust in your ability to navigate it.
The more you practice this, the more you will come to realize that your personal narrative really represents the essence of who you are. Your self-talk will evolve into someone who plans to do well during an interview, a business meeting, or a workout class because you become someone who invests in their personal well-being as an extension of your self-concept.
Cultivating positive narratives is not a what-if situation. It is an intentional practice that everyone can benefit from. It provides the framework for who you can become. Most importantly, it’s the key to help us transform into the best version of ourselves, while defending our dreams against a spiral of fear or self-doubt.
So, what does your personal narrative sound like? And how can you live up to it? Share with us below!
5 Reasons It’s Important to Understand What You Want to Do With Your Life
No matter your age or your place in life, it is perfectly normal to not know exactly what your next steps should be. There are many factors that can contribute to this situation but it is always important to remember that everything happens for a reason and that this will help you build a much happier you.
There are many ways for you to understand what you should be doing with your life and there are just as many reasons why you should work towards getting a better understanding of those reasons.
If you wish to turn any situation around and start working towards finding your purpose, here are some of the most important reasons why:
1. You will be able to set long term goals for the future
Setting long term goals is one of the things that will help you feel more secure and certain about your future. Instead of relying on living day by day and trying to figure out what your next steps will be without having a future ultimate goal, you will now be able to plan accordingly so that your every step will bring you a step closer to making that dream come true.
One of the things many people forget though is that every plan, no matter how well-organized and planned out it is, will need to be adapted to every situation the person is experiencing. Knowing what your ultimate goal is will help you handle every change of plans with more confidence and will allow you to manoeuvre every situation and turn your problems into positive outcomes.
2. You will get rid of a lot of anxiety
One of the best things about finally getting a better understanding of what you wish to do with your life is that you will finally start feeling less anxious and unsure about the future. Having a certain plan you can follow and looking forward to making a big goal come true will help rid yourself of negative thoughts and allow you to be able to focus on achieving your dreams.
Anxiety is a very common problem in the time we live in and it can make a lot of people feel less productive and scared to take risks, especially in a professional manner. As a result, they tend to hold themselves back and do fewer things than they are capable of, simply because they are too scared to dare.
Realizing what you wish to do in your life and working towards achieving your goals will help you feel less stressed and even if you do, this type of anxiety could actually help you be much more productive and eager to do your best in order to make your dreams manifest into reality.
3. You will be much happier
Understanding what you wish to do in your life will truly help you finally figure out what you are meant to do in your life. For some people, it can help them find their purpose and give them a new perspective on everything they do in their everyday life.
This will help you feel a lot happier and will put your mind at ease, as you won’t have to continue wondering if the path you have chosen to follow is the right one for you or not. Feeling more certain of your decisions will help you feel a lot more confident and happier since you will feel strong enough to overcome anything that might come your way from now and on.
4. You won’t lose time or energy on smaller goals
Setting shorter goals without knowing what you are meant to do in the long run will cost you a lot of energy and time. This will happen as you will spend a lot of time planning out your every move and it will cause you to feel stressed and worried about every little thing going wrong.
Smaller goals will still be important but you won’t spend much time planning them as you would if you didn’t know what your end goal would be. Saving energy and preparing both mentally and physically for reaching your goal will help you achieve a much healthier outlook on dealing with everyday situations and it will make you more excited to complete your ambitions.
5. You will become an expert in one field
Last but not least, another important reason why you should try and understand exactly what you are meant to do in your life is that you will be able to focus all of your time and energy on learning as much as possible and growing only in one certain field.
The uncertainty of having a set goal for your future can make you feel like you need to know many different things in different fields in order to be able to succeed in life and make a living. While having knowledge in various fields is something that will prove to be useful, you will never fully be able to become an expert in one field and make a name for yourself in that sector.
A long term goal will allow you to either study or work full time on one subject you truly enjoy and are good at. This will help you build your reputation, make connections and allow yourself to enjoy and love the path you have chosen even more. As a result, you will be much happier and content with the end goal you have chosen and you will be able to work even harder to achieve all of your dreams.
Working towards a happier you
You might be at a point in your life where you feel like not a lot of things are truly worth your time but the truth is that every little thing you do will help you find what you are meant to do. This will help you feel happy and content and allow you to tackle every issue you come across with much less anxiety and fear.
You will find a lot of stability and comfort in setting a big and important goal for your future and this will allow you to start being more productive and happy to tackle every problem that might come your way. Your life will always be full of surprises and unplanned events but hard work and dedication on your goals will allow you to become the best version of you and enjoy every step of the way.
3 Ways to Stay Strong and Push Through When Hardships Arise
We all have trials and tribulations, and most times they are out of our control. I believe that’s why it can be so frustrating when trouble arises, because we feel powerless. But this isn’t true! How we perceive these times gives us power, and will ultimately dictate the quality of our lives.
Each event can have many interpretations. You can ask two people about a situation they both went through, and sometimes you’ll get two completely different answers! Most times this isn’t because one was being truthful and the other wasn’t, but because of how they perceived the events that took place.
That’s how powerful perceptions are, so why not use this power to our benefit? Instead of thinking on what was lost, think of what there is to gain. When you think positively, it helps you from not feeling stuck, and helps you look towards the future.
Below are three things to consider whenever a hardship comes your way:
1. This is an opportunity for me to grow
Viewing troubling times as an opportunity to improve and grow will give you a sense of freedom and happiness because you’ve decided to lead your life, as opposed to just accepting your life. Some people just accept the things that happen to them/around them. When you have this mindset, you are telling yourself there is nothing you can do in that situation, and you are giving away your power.
This will affect not only your mood, but also the people around you, especially if you’re a leader. They feed off your energy and body language. When you focus on growth, you can think more clearly on solutions, which is what you want. It’s ok to feel sad, frustrated, or confused. If you want to be successful, you will feel all of these, and quite often. When you do, recognize what your feeling, but don’t feed it. If you do, it will grow.
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn
2. Don’t focus on the problem, find the solution
This sounds pretty simple but how many of us focus more energy on the problem and why it happened or who did it, instead of trying to focus immediately on the solution? I learned this in the military. If something goes wrong, my superiors were less concerned with who did it and more concerned with finding a solution to the problem, and as quickly as possible.
But I was once guilty of this thinking, and sometimes I slip back into that mode of thinking when my emotions are strong. Changing your mindset to focus on solutions will give you a sense of power, which will calm you, because you feel in control. This in turn, will help you think clearly and rationally, as opposed to emotionally. Furthermore, being in a more relaxed state of mind will allow you to absorb information more clearly so you can learn from the incident and become a better you.
3. Determine how the hardship improves your character
What was being tested during your hardship? Patience? Empathy? Communication? Understanding? Endurance? I remember working for a boss I did not like. He seemed to pick on me, and I couldn’t understand it. I went above and beyond what was asked of me, but people were still being promoted quicker than I was.
To give a little depth on my perception at the time, I was born and raised in Brooklyn NY. Not poor, but close to it. So respect is something that is valued greatly in neighborhoods I come from, because we don’t have much else. Respect was your money, and could get you things money couldn’t buy.
Now everyone wants respect, but me, I need it that much more. So when I felt he wasn’t giving me respect, I almost convinced myself to handle these matters. Imagine the people you train, passing you by and you know their work ethic doesn’t match yours. It sucked.
I talked to my dad, who always gives great council, and he told me it wouldn’t be wise. He told me to look for ways to grow, and I did. And let me tell you, during that time I learned things that cannot be taught in classrooms because you can only be learned through experience. My endurance was really challenged, but made me wiser and stronger, which made me better equipped to deal with future troubles I’d have. Because of those lessons, I was able to teach others about my experience and give wise counsel.
“Lead a life of your own design, on your own terms. Not one that others or the environment have scripted for you.” – Tony Robbins
When those times come, ask yourself where you’re weak and what you can you do to improve on that weakness. Finding something you’re not good at should make you happy, because it gives you a chance to improve! If you suck at something, do something about it! Don’t wallow in self-pity. It’s not a fruitful exercise.
When hardships come your way, your perception is a powerful weapon that you must manipulate, don’t let it manipulate you. Ask yourself how can this help you grow, what positive opportunity is hidden in the hardship and focus on the solution, not the problem. Doing these things will put the power back in your court. Give it a shot, it changed my life!
How do you keep your head up high when hardships arise? Share your thoughts and advice down below!
7 Essential Mindset Shifts From Gary Vaynerchuk That’ll Help You Have an Amazing Life
Gary Vaynerchuk is full of little gems to success if you listen with an open mind. His unfiltered way of sharing old school values mixed with modern day approaches is remarkably simple and highly contagious. In this world of instant gratification, everyone is focused on doing things faster in order to produce exponential results.
When our visions don’t become an instant reality, we play the comparison game and judge ourselves. This ultimately leads to a decline in our health and crushes our visions. Many of us want to be an overnight success but need a better psychological framework to endure the ride.
Here are 7 perspectives that Gary Vaynerchuk is currently popularising that can help your mindset game be stronger:
1. Aim for happiness
Gary Vaynerchuk’s definition of happiness is “being able to do what you want at all times.” This does not mean quit because your work doesn’t make you happy right now, especially if it is the stepping stone for your ideal lifestyle.
For a period of time you will need to grind and do tasks that are unenjoyable. If happiness is not within your metrics of success, you will eventually suffer from an irregularity in your mental or physical health, which in turn has a downward ripple effect on your valued relationships.
2. Enjoy paying your dues
Every industry has its own set of rules to work up the chain of command. You need to learn to love each role and responsibility that comes with that. Going in with a curious and enthusiastic energy is bound to shine through and show those around you how serious you are.
Be present and learn from every experience you encounter. This is a journey for bigger and better things but you need to put in the time, work and sacrifice to be rewarded. Life is all about what you put into it. You don’t know how these earlier stages will serve you in years to come, so take pride in the journey and appreciation for the lessons and people you meet along the way.
3. Obsessively love what you do
You should always be doing what you want, especially if you have a clearly defined purpose. Purpose is such an energizing force, regardless of whether you are earning $40,000 or $4,000,000. If you really love what you’re doing and it’s where you want to be then you’re already winning.
Always start with what you love because the only way you’re going to hustle hard enough is if you love it. It’s hard to get going around something you’re not passionate about. When you learn to love the game more than the trophy, the game gives you, and you’re on your way up.
“You have to understand your own personal DNA. Don’t do things because I do them or Steve Jobs or Mark Cuban tried it. You need to know your personal brand and stay true to it.”- Gary Vaynerchuk
4. Don’t be driven by the money
To do extremely well in the game of business without disrupting other pillars in your life, you must wake up each morning pondering what solutions need to be found today. You need to be wildly curious and driven by the game of business on a micro level while seeing the macro outcomes.
When you’re excited to play the game, you become absorbed in mastery over playing with your phone, gossiping with friends and watching mindless content. You relentlessly invest in yourself and your growth, which in turn is remunerated with wealth.
5. Have gratitude
Have you ever thought about the fact that the odds of being a human being are 400 trillion to one? You must create an unbelievably clear perspective of how lucky we are to be human. This in turn makes it a struggle to dwell on things that don’t matter.
Focus your attention on the things that you value and appreciate. Appreciate your good health and family, because you’ll value it more. Appreciate your gifts, friends, work and life. By doing this, your perception begins to shift. You see the blessings of your life, versus the broken parts.
6. Adversity is your superpower
Adversity and humble beginnings is an incredible framework to happiness, especially when you layer positivity and optimism around your difficulty. We all have hardships and various scenarios that throw us off balance along the way.
Our super power is when we use that as fuel to drive us to be less audacious and experience more, instead of being held back. What you think and focus on grows. Shift the perspective in your mind so your adversity doesn’t define you, but instead drives you.
“It’s insane to me to ask anybody to be what they’re not. Know what you know the best, love the most. That’s always going to be the answer to the thing that you have the best shot at winning at.” – Gary Vaynerchuk
7. Be excited everyday because you get to play
Learn how to start your morning well and continue that energy throughout the day. That vigour builds momentum that will allow you to actually make your mark. Be fired up that you have given yourself a clear vision and your making moves to play a strong game. This type of mindset gives you an intrinsic pull to do and be better daily rather than external motivation, which over time dies out.
Mindset is everything and it all falls down to your perspective of things. Don’t judge yourself by what you accomplish daily, instead, judge it yearly. It takes years of great creative work to be recognized. Be patient. In the meantime, look at your daily habits and ask yourself if they are causing you to evolve or revolve. Are you moving forward, or just moving in circles? Take constant action to move forward and be grateful you have the opportunity to play in the game of life.
What’s your favorite Gary Vaynerchuk mindset from the article? Share your thoughts below!
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